


No CisHets Allowed

by izuruthemad



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Alternate Universe - Non-Despair (Dangan Ronpa), American Highschool Hope's Peak, Angst, Chatting & Messaging, Crack, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Gun Violence, Humor, I couldn't resist, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Mental Illness, Multi, Nonbinary Kamukura, Offensive Memes, On/Off relationships, Panic Attacks, Poly Relationships, Textfic, Texting, implied nsfw, just another chat room fic, sad teenagers, transboy chihiro
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-08
Updated: 2019-03-31
Packaged: 2019-05-03 10:42:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 24
Words: 92,214
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14567283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/izuruthemad/pseuds/izuruthemad
Summary: stick dick:Rantaroustick dick:Do you care if I take the skin off of the FurbyPantastic:W HATPantastic:Amami sinCE WHEN DID YOU HOLD CUSTODY OVER A F U R B Y with KORKRantarou tries to make a group chat but accidentally gives Kokichi admin rights. Chaos ensues.There’s a Discord server now for the work.https://discord.gg/tSMXB6z





	1. uh oh where's the spaghettios

**Author's Note:**

> i needed to write this. i had to.
> 
> set in a non-despair au, possibly a Hope's Peak AU, could be seen as a continuation of the GC in my Virtual AU Longfic

**Rantarou Amami** _added 15 people to the chat_

 **Rantarou Amami** _changed his name to_ **guac**

 **guac:** hey guys

 **guac:** so i know mssngr isn't convenient but like it's the easiest way to contact you all so

 **guac:** whatevs rsvp if you see this

 **guac** _went offline_

* * *

**Shuichi Saihara** _is online_

 **Shuichi Saihara:** hey amami! thanks for adding us. i'm excited

 **Shuichi Saihara:** hopefully this won't be too crazy. it's nice to chat bt we all need sleep.

 **Kaede Akamatsu** _is online_

 **Kaede Akamatsu:** knowing everyone else it's gonna be pretty wild lmao

 **Kaede Akamatsu:** just u wait shuichi

 **Shuichi Saihara:** you're going to jinx it kaede shhhhhhh

 **guac:** i literally don't see how this can get that wild bt whatever man

 **Shuichi Saihara:** you forgot about

 **Kaede Akamatsu:** wait shit don't say it

 **Shuichi Saihara:** _ouma-kun_

 **Kokichi Ouma** _is online_

 **Kokichi Ouma:** yo rang?

 **guac:** f uck

 **Kokichi Ouma:** ooh amami-chan wot's this?? a group chat? and you added meee???

 **guac:** just you wait you purple gremlin i'll kicj you out no questions asked

 **Maki Harukawa** _is online_

 **Maki Harukawa:** don't mess with this chat grape fucker

 **Kokichi Ouma:** nishishi, since you asked so nicely

 **Kokichi Ouma** _removed admin rights from 14 people_

 **Tenko Chabashira** _and 11 others are online_

 **Tenko Chabashira:** yOU FUCKNGH GREMLIN MY ADMIN RIGHTS 

 **Tenko Chabashira:** I WILL DESTROY YOU DEGENERATE

 **Miu Iruma:** not cool you fucking virgin 

 **Miu Iruma:** jeez lol if shuichi'd finally bone him maybe he wouldn't feel the need to take it out on us

 **Kokichi Ouma** _changed_ **Miu Iruma** _'s chat name to_ **slut**

 **slut:** wow i dunno whether to be offended or to say "yeah accurate"

 **Ryoma Hoshi:** hey quick question why does Shuichi still have admin rights

 **Kaede Akamatsu:** SHUICHI

 **Kaede Akamatsu:** COMR ON GIVE US THE ADMIN RIGHTS BACK

 **Kaito Momota:** COME ONNNNN MANNNN

 **Shuichi Saihara:**...

 **Korekiyo Shinguuji:** it is in your best interest to help us regain our permissions. ouma could betray you at any minute. 

 **Shuichi Saihara:**. . .

 **Shuichi Saihara:** nah

 **Himiko Yumeno:** oof. betrayed by the detective

 **Kokichi Ouma:** i'm shocked lmao. that was a gamble. i didn't expect this outcome

 **Kokichi Ouma:** i honestly didn't think i'd get this far

 **Kokichi Ouma:** ah well, time to wreak havoc

 **guac:** bitch wAIT

 **Kokichi Ouma** _changed the chat name to_ **No CisHets Allowed**

 **Kokichi Ouma** _changed 14 chat names_

 **urANUS:** b ut wait what do you mean no cishets i feel threatened

 **urANUS:** also shitty pun 0/10

 **Pantastic:** ha,,, you said shitty,,, 

 **urANUS:** wdym

 **urANUS:** wAIT

 **Pantastic:** also, you know you aren't straight momota-chan you can't lie to me

 **urANUS:** yeah u right. tru. we've all had a gay crush on shuichi at one point

 **blue's clues:** wait sINCE wHEN

 **Pantastic:** since like, foreeever, duh, this is a verified fact.

 **Pantastic:** onto other stuff tho, i don't want momota stealing away my beloved saihara-chan lol

 **urANUS:** LMAO NO if i stole him you'd actually kill me, also i got over him like a year ago

 **blue's clues:** bro y am i not good enough for u anymore i thought we had something

 **urANUS:** we did,,, but we all kno maki's better than u

 **blue's clues:** ok u right

 **blue's clues:** forgiven

 **mom:** and that is how friendship is done. children, take notes, especially you kokichi

 **Pantastic:** OUCH MY EGO

 **blue's clues** _kicked_ **mom** _from the chat_

 **squat child:** wait why

 **stick dick:** this doesn't seem right.

 **blue's clues:** hhh

 **blue's clues:** gotta protect my mans

 **Pantastic:** WAIT I'M YOUR MANS NOW

 **blue's clues:** i'm just doing this to repay your favor of granting me admin rights this has nothing to do with any feelings i may or may not have towards you

 **blue's clues:** don't get excited

 **Pantastic:** YOU WOUND ME

* * *

**squat child:** tenko, babe, where are u, u texted me an hour ago saying u'd bring me breakfast

 **jackie chan but Feminism™:** srry i burnt ur eggs and i had to remake them

 **squat child:** it's okkk i still wuv u <3

 **aneemay tiddies:** HA I K N E W YOU WERE DATING DON'T GIMME BULLSHIT ABOUT HOW "WE'RE JUST FRIENDS" EVER AGAIN CHABASHIRA

 **jackie chan but Feminism™:** fucc i've been caught

 **Pantastic:** you know what else ends in two c's

 **guac:** nO

 **slut:** y ess

 **Pantastic:** T H E   N   E      C    C 

 **chris is that a weed??:** whyy?? was this necessary?? :<

 **chris is that a weed??:** atua says damn you to hell

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Current chat names:
> 
> guac: amami  
> slut: miu  
> Pantastic: kokichi  
> urANUS: kaito  
> blue's clues: shuichi  
> jackie chan but Feminism™: tenko  
> squat child: himiko  
> aneemay tiddies: tsumugi  
> stick dick: kiyo  
> chris is that a weed??: angie  
> mom: kirumi  
> shsl lesbian: kaede  
> Stabby stabby: maki  
> Recalculating..: kiibo  
> Wii Sports Tennis: hoshi  
> bugs life: gonta
> 
> also kudos to whomever caught both _shitty_ puns about kaito's user.
> 
> urANUS,,, shitty,,, ya know,,,  
> i'm trying my best


	2. ur mom Needs Some Rest, Kokichi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **bugs life:** gonta no understand y everyone say bad things about their moms
> 
>  **bugs life:** gonta no have a mom, but gonta know moms love you
> 
>  **Pantastic:** pfft she's sh
> 
>  **Pantastic:** she's a hardworking woman who loves you, add her back to the chat
> 
>  **blue's clues** fine
> 
>  **blue's clues** _added_ **mom** _to the chat_
> 
>  **mom:** I resent this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here they are, the biggest gays

**Pantastic:** good morning everyone owo! here's the morning announcements

 **Stabby stabby:** oh look it's the grape fucker again

 **Pantastic:** i'm wounded ಥ_ಥ i was trying to geniuenly hhelp evveryone

 **Pantastic:** announcements have been revised to uhhhh

 **Pantastic:** you're mom gay

 **slut:** not so fast

 **slut:** you're dad lesbian

 **guac:** you're sister a mister

 **Pantastic:** ಠoಠ

 **shsl lesbian:** i'm gonna jump in with you're granpap a trap

 **Stabby stabby:**...you're brother a mother

 **urANUS:** you're granny a tr@nny, censored because that word is offensive

 **slut:** big applause

 **shsl lesbian:** kaito you're so valid

 **Recalculating...:** i agree! kaito is a good person

 **stick dick:** i present to you "you're family tree LGBT"

 **Wii Sports Tennis:** impeccable grammar as always kiyo

 **Pantastic:** wELL

 **Pantastic:** you're family reunion homosexual communion

 **guac:** OOF

 **slut:** DESTROYED BY THE GREMLIN

 **blue's clues:** omae wa mou shinderu

 **Pantastic:** NANI??!?

 **blue's clues:** n    o            u

 **shsl lesbian:** OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHH HOLY S H I T

 **urANUS:** HAPPY FEET, WOMBO COMBO

 **guac:** SHUICHI YOU M E N AC E YOU DESTROYED HIM IN  C O L D   B L OO D

 **Stabby Stabby:** local detective boy finds memes; no survivors

 **b** **ugs life:** gonta no understand y everyone say bad things about their moms

 **bugs life:** gonta no have a mom, but gonta know moms love you

 **Pantastic:** pfft she's sh

 **Pantastic:** she's a hardworking woman who loves you, add her back to the chat

 **blue's clues** fine

 **blue's clues** _added_ **mom** _to the chat_

 **mom:** I resent this.

 **mom:** i'd leave again, but one, i can't, and two, you are all my children even though i despise you.

 **Pantastic:** but i want youw bweast miwk mommy owo

 **mom:** saihara can you delete him please

 **blue's clues:** n

 **blue's clues:** nno

 **Pantastic:** oooh, does Saihara-chan actually care about mee?

 **blue's clues:** you're testing your luck

 **squat child:**  but wait, aren't you two dating tho?

 **Pantastic:** Of course not. Saihara really doesn't have feelings for me, he likes Kayayday.

 **blue's clues:** ...ouma-kun we've been over this.

 **shsl lesbian:** lol ouma i rejected him before i came out of the closet. don't worry

 **Pantastic:** well damn! i've made a humongous error! haha i need a new meme

 **Pantastic:** c

 **Pantastic:** can't find one guess i'll have to

 **Pantastic:** d e   l e  t  e   m    y   s e   l f

 **Pantastic** _is offline_

 **blue's clues:** ok he's actually upset i need to go find him

 **blue's clues:** see you guys later

 **blue's clues** _is offline_

 **squat child:**  fuck i screwed up didn't i

 **squat child:** i didn't know it'd affect him that much

 **jackie chan but Feminism™:** in your defense, it is ouma-kun, none of us knew it'd affect him that much. it's ok, babe

 **guac:** know this

 **guac:** if he's typing in complete sentences, something's definitely wrong

 **squat child:** mmh i still feel guilty tho, let's talk l8tr after they get back maybe

* * *

 **Pantastic:** hey

 **urANUS:** BR O  ARE YOU ALRIGHT

 **Pantastic:** mmh

 **blue's clues:** he's still a little sniffly but doing better

 **blue's clues:** see, koko, i said himiko said she was sorry

 **Pantastic:** mmm. i still wanna kick her tho shuu plz lemme

 **blue's clues:** noooo, we aren't kicking anyone else....                 for now

 **slut:** THAT'S SO OMINOUS

 **slut:** KICK ME DADDY

 **Pantastic:** HA N O  IT'S WHAT YOU WANT

 **Recalculating...** **:** every time you make a sexual innuendo i have to remind myself that you're not cheating on me

 **Recalculating...:** but then i remember that you're a thot and i'm over it

 **shsl lesbian:** OUCH MIU 

 **guac:** also ouch kiibo, stuck with the thot

 **urANUS:** HeY NO ALL WOMEN ARE QUEENS

 **Pantastic:** if s he  b reathe

 **Pantastic:** sh e

 **Pantastic:** she e's

 **Pantastic:** hs

 **Pantastic:** shu she hsh

 **Pantastic** _is offline_

 **guac:**?????¿?? _???????_

 **guac:** shuichi is he ok

 **blue's clues** _is offline._

 **guac:** s H IT

 **stick dick:** i believe he was trying to say

 **stick dick:** i   f      s h   e    b r   e a   t  h  e    s   h e   a          t h    o  t

 **shsl lesbian:** rantarou may i ask   w    h y   you taught him memes

 **guac:** because it's what we deserve

 **Wii Sports Tennis:** true

 **Stabby stabby:** omg hoshi actually spoke

* * *

 **jackie chan but Feminism™:** so what were you degenerates even doing?

 **mom:** i saw them, Shuichi was tickling the shit out of Kokichi

 **blue's clues:** ratted out by mom

 **blue's clues:** what did i ever do to you kirumi

 **mom:** oh i dunno

 **mom:** k i ck e d  m e  fr o m  th e  c ha t

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Current chat names:
> 
> guac: amami  
> slut: miu  
> Pantastic: kokichi  
> urANUS: kaito  
> blue's clues: shuichi  
> jackie chan but Feminism™: tenko  
> squat child: himiko  
> aneemay tiddies: tsumugi  
> stick dick: kiyo  
> chris is that a weed??: angie  
> mom: kirumi  
> shsl lesbian: kaede  
> Stabby stabby: maki  
> Recalculating..: kiibo  
> Wii Sports Tennis: hoshi  
> bugs life: gonta
> 
> i love these kids
> 
> i rlly rlly wanna have some slow burn oumasai and slow burn amami x kiyo


	3. Gonta Gets Crunk and the Whole Chat Regrets it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **rocket boy:** I'M GONNA ASK Y'ALL O NCE
> 
>  **rocket boy:** wh O tHE F U C K LET GONTA DRINK THE PUNCH
> 
>  **slut:** fu ck
> 
> The One Where these stupid highschoolers hold a party and are a little too loose with the booze.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i apologize in advance.

**slut:** WHAT'S UP SLUTS

 **slut:** ROCKET BOY, AVACADO AND I HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT WE BEEN PLANNING

 **blue's clues:** Wait is rocket boy kiibo or kaito

 **urANUS:** w hO DO YOU THINK

 **urANUS:** I DIDN'T aS K TO HANG OUT WITH IRUMA BUT HERE WE ARE

 **Pantastic:** rocket boy

 **shsl lesbian:** rocket boy

 **aneemay tiddies:** rocket boy

 **chris is that a weed??:** rocket boy

 **urANUS:** HEY  N O  THIS IS BULLYING

 **guac:** rocket boy

 **stick dick:** rocket boy

 **Wii Sports Tennis:** rocket boy

 **Stabby Stabby:** rocket boy

 **urANUS:** mAKI ROLL W H Y

 **Stabby Stabby:** sacrifice everything for the meme even yo man

 **urANUS:** M A K   I

 **bugs life:** rocket boy! :D

 **squat child:** gonta gotchu

 **squat child:** pure man,,, tenko can we adopt him

 **jackie chan but Feminism™:** i'd love to but we're not ready for that responsibility

 **Pantastic:** hey, hey, let's add some insult to that injury!

 **Pantastic** _changed_ **urANUS** _'s name to_ **rocket boy**

 **rocket boy:** F UC K  Y OU

 **blue's clues:** haha nice

 **Pantastic:** wh

 **Pantastic:** thank you

 **Pantastic:** ttha nk yyou ommgg

 **guac:** i'm with him he's actually crying

 **blue's clues:** lol yw

 **slut:** wELL BEF ORE WE WERE R U DE L Y  I INTERRUPTED

 **slut:** I WAS GONNA SAY

 **slut:** bECAUSE EXAMS ARE OUT

 **slut:** we havin a party, me n kaede's room, starts 5pm on fri

 **shsl lesbian:** sometimes i wish i'd forget i was rooming with miu and then i see dat ass and i'm like nvm she's eye candy

 **Pantastic:** it's now 500% gayer in this group chat

 **Pantastic:** p e r f e c t

 **shsl lesbian:** just my job fam

 **Pantastic:** thank

 **Pantastic:** you are truly a role model

 **guac:** a n y ways 

 **guac:** after the eating/dancing kaito's gonna be streaming E.T. and the entirety of voltron legendary defender and the rest of us will be playing truth or dare

 **guac:** i'll paint nails

 **Wii Sports Tennis:** fuckin sweet sign me up

 **jackie chan but Feminism™:** for nail painting??? ryoma i didn't know you had it in you

 **Wii Sports Tennis:** n o

 **Wii Sports Tennis:** for E.T.

 **Wii Sports Tennis:** i want to get fucking abducted if i'm lucky the aliens will finally end my life

 **jackie chan but Feminism™:** o h

 **mom:** as your mother it is my duty to ask

 **mom:** hoshi are you a l r i g ht

 **Wii Sports Tennis:** nah

 **mom:** understandable

 **guac:** o h

 **rocket boy:** that's disheartening

 **blue's clues:** ho l y shit thi s makes my depression w o r s e

 **Pantastic:** s h u u  nO

 **Pantastic:** where are u

 **blue's clues:** in my room, crying on the floor.

 **Pantastic:** b right there

 **guac:** i'm coming with

 **stick dick:** as am i

 **Pantastic** _and three others are offline_

 **slut:** well

 **slut:** see the rest of y'all then

* * *

**slut:** hoshi, kirumi, kaede, tsumugi

 **slut:** wHERE the FUCK are you it's 5:30

 **mom:** preparing snacks

 **Stabby Stabby:** valid

 **aneemay tiddies:** planning for the girls night out con, i was putting together finishing touches on costumes and such

 **Stabby Stabby:** valid, thanks again Tsumugi for putting together everyone's costumes

 **shsl lesbian:** i'm with tsumugi

 **Stabby Stabby:** valid

 **Wii Sports Tennis:** i'm getting drinks

 **Recalculating..:** but i already got drinks!

 **Stabby Stabby:** not valid

 **Stabby Stabby:** if you bail on us, hoshi, i will send gonta to retrieve you. you cannot say no to him.

 **Wii Sports Tennis:** hhaha what do you mean bail i'm not bailing nno

 **Stabby Stabby:** gonta, we've got a runner. go get him, and ask nicely

 **bugs life:** gonta will go get hoshi! gonta no want to see friends sad and alone during a party! 

 **Stabby Stabby:** and nnow we wait

 **Wii Sports Tennis:** holy shit i i can hear him hOW DID HE GET HERE SO FAST

 **Wii Sports Tennis:** ffUCK-

 **Wii Sports Tennis** _is offline_

 **guac:** o ma god hhe fuckin dead

 **shsl lesbian:** OH THAT'S  a dORABLE

 **aneemay tiddies:** WE CAUGHT THEM IN The HALL HOSHI LOOKS SO SMALL AND CUTE ON GONTA'S SHOULDERS

 **aneemay tiddies:** HOSHI IS CLOSET CINNAMON ROLL CONFIRMED

 **Wii Sports Tennis** _is online_

 **Wii Sports Tennis:**  ii've nnever felt sso tall

 **Wii Sports Tennis:** tthis is the hhappiest dday of my enttire life :D

 **shsl lesbian:** he's actually crying but he's got this wide grin on his face i'm so happy for him

 **bugs life:** gonta happy hoshi is happy! hoshi seems like he's unhappy a lot

 **Wii Sports Tennis:** GGONTA U RIGHT I AM A SSAD BBITCH

 **shsl lesbian:** oof now he's really crying

 **mom:** I'm just down the hall from you guys. I can give him a juice box if you wait for me

 **aneemay tiddies:** alright 

 **Wii Sports Tennis:** tthanks mother you'rre the bbest

 **slut:** aren't y'all right next to each other?? just talk out loud

 **shsl lesbian:** no

 **aneemay tiddies:** no

 **Wii Sports Tennis:** no

 **mom:** no

 **bugs life:** no!

 **slut:** fuck all y'all

 **slut:** all y'all can go suck a caterpillar dick

 **guac:** i can literally see you guys coming i i can't believe you'd have juice boxes without me

 **guac:** also you all be heckin cute

 **guac:** get ur asses in here

 **shsl lesbian:** everyone's heckin cute,,, especially girls

 **jackie chan but Feminism™:** i AGREE BIG AGREE

 **squat child:** this chat gets more homosexual by the minute i love it i am a homosexual

 **guac:** me fuckin too honestly 

 **Pantastic:** if i i wasn't shsl Supreme® Leader i'd be the shsl twink

 **Pantastic:** wAIT LEMME ROAST MYSELF REAL QUICJK

 **Pantastic** _changed his chat name to_ **Supreme® Leader**

 **guac:** p e r f e c t

 **bugs life:** gonta going to go get food with hoshi now!

 **blue's clues:** gonta u pure man,,, never change

* * *

**slut:** wait fuck i forgot to mention the punch is spiked

 **slut:** who got punch?

 **Supreme® Leader:** oooooooohhhhso thaaat's why i can not feelm mm my toes

 **Supreme® Leader:** hhhh i i d like 6 cups it tasted like grapefruit hehe

 **Supreme® Leader:** saihara-cchan's reallty pretty 

 **blue's clues:** mme ?? pretty?? hhuhshhush you

 **blue's clues:** fdon't lie to me like that

 **Wii Sports Tennis:** i had a cup but i'm sober

 **Wii Sports Tennis:** i'm near those two saihara is literally crying 

 **Wii Sports Tennis:** ouma's giggling but every once and a while he twitches erratically and i don't think we've seen what he's capable of drunk

 **guac:** heyyyyyyy who stole my weeeedd

 **guac:** since i'm buzzed anyways i thought i'd get some, is this fucking vodka?

 **slut:** YOU CAN'T FIND YOUR WEED BECAUSE IT'S M Y  DORM GUACAMOLE

 **guac:** haha whoooops

 **shsl lesbian:** whenever he's drunk me, korekiyo and miu convince him his name is guacamole and when he wakes up he has to relearn his name

 **shsl lesbian:** i'm sober, I know miu better than this

 **Supreme® Leader:** wwaaiitf didn't kiibo gets the fdrinks

 **Recalculating..:** i did! MIU WHY DID YOU MESS WITH THE PUNCH

 **slut:** y'know

 **slut:** for shits and giggles

 **slut:** cockitchy messes with people all the time and seems to enjoy it so i thought i'd try it

 **jackie chan but Feminism™:** i'm sober because i don't trust any liquid in miu's possession

 **jackie chan but Feminism™:** himiko is not but she's just kinda asleep on my lap

 **jackie chan but Feminism™:** we're gonna go back to our room, the party was fun! i'll text updates

 **shsl lesbian:** gn tenko!!

 **aneemay tiddies:** gn tenko, also i'm sober

 **mom:** i'm sober

 **mom:** angie isn't. she's in hyperfocus praying to atua

 **mom:** whatever's in the punch is pretty strong. i want to congratulate miu on finding alcohol of that concentration but also reprimand her on allowing it in anyways

 **stick dick:** i just found amami, i'm sober, what have you done to him you thot

 **stick dick:** he was a respectable friend and you have reduced him to weed cravings

 **rocket boy:** I'M GONNA ASK Y'ALL O NCE

 **rocket boy:** wh O tHE F U C K LET GONTA DRINK THE PUNCH

 **slut:** fu ck

 **Stabby Stabby:** he walked into the living room and promptly started regurgitating every meme he's ever heard in a thick bronx accent

 **bugs life:** sup fuckers

 **shsl lesbian:** n O

 **Supreme® Leader:** W HaT OMG GGONTA YOU SAVDAGE

 **shsl lesbian:** you've c orrupted him miu

 **bugs life:** mr. stark i don't feel so good

 **slut:** s h it

 **Stabby Stabby:** iruma you have 30 seconds to run

 **slut:** bELIEVE ME I'M RUNNING HOLY S H IT

 **rocket boy:** fUCK SHIT MAKI RIOLL I LOOKED AWAY ABMND HE LEFT

 **aneemay tiddies:** HOLY FUCK I SEE HIM

 **aneemay tiddies:** He WALKED IN AND YELLED "IF IT DON'T RHYME WITH AMERICA I DON'T EVEN CARE-ICA" AND ATTEMPTED TO BACKFLIP INTO THE TRASH

 **aneemay tiddies:** hE KNOCKED IT OVER AND THE LID FELL OFF AND 16 DOZEN EMPTY MACARONI AND CHEESE CUPS SPILLED ONTO THE FLOOR

 **aneemay tiddies:** MIU W HAT T HE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN EATING

 **shsl lesbian:** actually... the truth is...

 **shsl lesbian:** they're mine, i room with miu

 **guac:** woahh holy shiiiit

 **shsl lesbian:** velveeta ga ng

 **Supreme® Leader** _changed_ **shsl lesbian** _'s chat name to_ **velveeta GANG**

 **Supreme® Leader:** nishishishi i i bet you secretly have an addiction

 **Wii Sports Tennis:** holy fuck it begins

 **Wii Sports Tennis:** he suddenly went slack and he snapped his gaze onto me

 **Wii Sports Tennis:** he's got this wild grin on his face that i've ne v er seen on anyone in my life

 **Wii Sports Tennis:** ok i'm actually afraid hold up a minute

 **blue's clues:** hhis hands areare icec cold rn kkaito i think we need your hwlp

 **rocket boy:** SHUICHI I'M BUSY RN GONTA'S ADDRESSING US AS HIS H OMIES

 **bugs life:** whe n you wal king

 **rocket boy:** f uck it i'm taking gonta back to his room

 **rocket boy:** i advise all of you to l e a ve

 **Stabby Stabby:** i'll come with

 **velveeta GANG:** me and tsumugi will help with kokichi alright

 **stick dick:** i will as well, this sounds incredibly intriguing

 **stick dick:** also i'm a good friend

 **bugs life:** scoopity woop scoopity poop woop scoop

 **guac:** my god it's like he's a different person

 **bugs life:** haha litty

 **blue's clues:** hheyyy i see you guys cmnmere he won't stop laughing

 **Recalculating..:** i'm really concerned. kirumi and i are helping angie out of hyperfocus and we're leaving. Can someone please continue telling us what's going on?

 **jackie chan but Feminism™:** yeah, i just saw these, i'm also worried. Ouma might be a degenerate but he's our degenerate.

 **Wii Sports Tennis:** right now he's laughing and shaking. we can't really figure out what he's doing but it's not cool.

 **Wii Sports Tennis:** shuichi's bawling at this point, i think he's a sad drunk

 **Wii Sports Tennis:** kaede, tsumugi and kiyo are trying to convince him to get up and come with them, ranty's drunk as fuck

 **Wii Sports Tennis:** whenever anyone touches him he jumps and smacks their hands away

 **Wii Sports Tennis:** "you're all beneath me, you can't touch me. don't even bother" yikes

 **rocket boy:** so gonta's in his room asleep, kiibs just got back, he says he'll watch over him. do you need us back there?

 **velveeta GANG:** no, the sheer amount of people here is making this difficult as is

 **rocket boy:** alright, call me if you need me

 **Wii Sports Tennis:** shuichi just did an extra loud sob and hugged kokichi

 **Wii Sports Tennis:** kokichi kinda just started petting his hair. he stopped laughing

 **Wii Sports Tennis:** shuichi kinda just tugged him off of the couch and they're going

 **aneemay tiddies:** i'll see them back and i'll go back to my room. maki will you be there, or are you staying with kaito?

 **Stabby Stabby:** we're going for coffee but i'll be back later

 **aneemay tiddies:** aight

 **stick dick:** rantarou and i are returning to our rooms. sorry for leaving a mess, akamatsu

 **velveeta GANG:** s'alright, i can manage. i'll force miu to do it when she gets back

 **slut:** holy fuck i jusi just read these and i'm reareally sorry

 **slut:** i should've told everyone i spiked it i'm i piece of garbage

 **slut:** i didn't know anyone would react like that fuck fuck i'm sorry

 **velveeta GANG:**...

 **velveeta GANG:** come clean this shit up and we good

 **slut:** kaaaaeeeeedeee i don't deserve you you're literally my best friend

 **blue's clues:** bbbut kaedede i clclthoufht i i w your best friend

 **velveeta GANG:** SHHHH no shuichi you are my best friend

 **velveeta GANG:** it's just that miu doesn't have any other friends so that automatically makes me her best friend :)

 **slut:** C OLD ;-;

* * *

**bugs life:** ah, good morning everyone! gonta no remember what happen for some reason, what did gonta do?

 **blue's clues:** me neither

 **Supreme® Leader:** me neither for some reason, i remember grapefruit and something funny

 **chris is that a weed??:** angie remembers!

 **chris is that a weed??:** i spoke with god

 **rocket boy:** h oly shit angie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Current chat names:
> 
> guac: amami  
> slut: miu  
> Supreme® Leader: kokichi  
> rocket boy: kaito  
> blue's clues: shuichi  
> jackie chan but Feminism™: tenko  
> squat child: himiko  
> aneemay tiddies: tsumugi  
> stick dick: kiyo  
> chris is that a weed??: angie  
> mom: kirumi  
> velveeta GANG: kaede  
> Stabby stabby: maki  
> Recalculating..: kiibo  
> Wii Sports Tennis: hoshi  
> bugs life: gonta
> 
>  
> 
> i am going to revist kokichi's behavior and it's not going to be pretty so buckle up kids


	4. The Instant Meme Generator

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **slut:** HEY, SPEAKING OF THE 78TH CLASS
> 
> **slut:** ME AND THE CHIHIRO TRAP MADE SOMETHING
> 
> **slut:** sAY HI
> 
> **alter ego gonta.exe:** sup fuckers
> 
> The one where the two tech-smart kids make an AI.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hhhhhhh i had to

**Supreme® Leader** _started a private chat with_ **velveeta GANG, blue's clues, stick dick, aneemay tiddies, Stabby Stabby** _and_ **rocket boy**

**Supreme® Leader** _changed the chat name to_ **i want answers, damnit**

**Supreme® Leader:** but like guys, seriously, is anyone going to tell me what I did? shuu doesn't know, and nobody else will tell me

**velveeta GANG:** kokichi, the thing is, we'd tell you but it's really concerning. i don't think you WANT to know.

**Supreme® Leader:** fuck you! you told shuichi what he did, he just spent the whole time crying. if it was seriously that bad we can find a way for me not to get accidentally drunk again.

**rocket boy:** kokichi, it was really bad. the problem is is that we've never seen you act like this before, drunk or not drunk. we don't know what will happen if we tell you.

**Stabby Stabby:** it took four people and a drunk shuichi to get you back to your room.

**Supreme® Leader:**...what?

**aneemay tiddies:** you wouldn't let anyone but shuichi touch you. that wasn't even the worst of it. you DON'T want to know what you did. trust me.

**velveeta GANG:** you actually scared ryoma. if you really want to know, you can scroll through the chat logs, but you won't like what you read, trust me. 

**Supreme® Leader:**. . .

**Supreme® Leader:** fine. you need to tell the slut to let everyone know when she has spiked punch. don't let it happen again.

**blue's clues:** that'd be smart.

**Supreme® Leader:** thanks, shuichi

**Supreme® Leader** _left the chat_

**velveeta GANG:** shuichi, is he in the room with you?

**blue's clues:** no, why?

**velveeta GANG:** he got drunk yesterday and went absolutely off the rails insane. uncontrollable laughing, the works. literally drunk you dragged him back to your room.

**blue's clues:** what the fuck

**blue's clues:** and you didn't tell him WHY?

**stick dick:** my concern is that telling him would automatically trigger the memories and send him back into that state. we aren't entirely sure this happens just when he's drunk. have there been days when he shuts himself in the room and refuses to let you in?

**blue's clues:** actually yeah. there have been a couple times, and then there was that time he bolted out of class after someone made a nasty comment towards him and he was already having a bad day?

**blue's clues:** you're telling me he was like that then?

**stick dick:** not to that extent, but in a similar mindset. don't bring it up with him, it might be a sore spot with him.

**blue's clues:** but that's really serious??? shouldn't he get help for that?

**stick dick:** two things. one, he might not even realize he does this.

**stick dick:** second, we've all got our own issues. pressuring him into getting help he doesn't want won't help him in the slightest.

**blue's clues:**...we've all got our own issues? kiyo, are you alright?

**stick dick:** my sister's coming to visit. it'll be fine.

**stick dick** _left the chat._

* * *

**No CisHets Allowed-** 2:30 PM

**velveeta GANG:** sjskdnr so you guys know the kids from the 77th and 78th class, right??

**velveeta GANG:** so me and shuichi hang out with makoto and hajime and

**velveeta GANG** _sent an image._

**velveeta GANG:** "assert your dominance. t-posing will let other students know you are superior."

**blue's clues:** thEY SURROUNDED ME WHILE I WAS TRYING TO GET A DRINK OF WATER AND JUST

**blue's clues:** stOOD ArouND WITH THEIR ARMS OUT LIKECA T

**blue's clues:** thIS IS BULLYONG

**velveeta GANG:** bullyong

**rocket boy:** bullyong

**guac:** bullyong

**Supreme® Leader:** bullyong

**blue's clues:** T-T

**slut:** HEY, SPEAKING OF THE 78TH CLASS

**slut:** ME AND THE CHIHIRO TRAP MADE SOMETHING

**slut:** sAY HI

**alter ego gonta.exe:** sup fuckers

**jackie chan but Feminism™:** ooOOOOOOHHH NOOOOOOO BITCH NOOOOO

**squat child:** you WOULDN'T

**squat child:** real shit™

**squat child:** i'm awake

**bugs life:** what?? gonta confused why "alter ego gonta" said swear word

**bugs life:** gonta confused

**velveeta GANG:** hhhhh fine i'll explain

**velveeta GANG:** gonta, you drank miu's punch and got very drunk and started talking in memes

**bugs life:** oh! that makes sense. gonta knows lots of memes from his friends!

**bugs life:** for example

**bugs life:** д р у г

**Supreme® Leader:** h o l y  s H I T

**rocket boy:** o h my fuckiny g od

**Recalculating...:** i did not expect this at all wow

**slut:** ANYWAYS ALTER EGO GONTA WORKS LIKE THIS

**slut:** he just randomly sends memes and shit

**slut:** i think there's like an off switch in the chat settings or smth

**alter ego gonta.exe:** haha litty

**Supreme® Leader** _changed_ **alter ego gonta.exe** _'s name to_ **spiderman clone**

**spiderman clone:** fuck you too bitch

**Supreme® Leader:** wowowow i'm h u rt

**Supreme® Leader:** shu ic hi the ai's bullying mee

**blue's clues:** lol sucks to be you

**Supreme® Leader:** oWWWW

**spiderman clone:** lmao roasted

**Stabby Stabby:** this was a worthwhile addition to this chat

**rocket boy:** seconded

**squat child:** thirded

**spiderman clone:** i took her to my penthouse and i freaked it (and i freaked it)

**guac:** wow

**guac:** that's actually a recent meme KUDOS MIU

* * *

**Kaede** _started a group chat with_ **Tsumugi, Himiko, Tenko, Kirumi, Angie, Maki** _and_ **Miu**

**Kaede** _changed the chat name to_ **Girls Night Out Cosplay Con**

**Kaede** _changed the chat names of 8 people_

**Kaegay:** hey guys!! since the con is coming up i decided i'd create this can for communication reasons

**Tsunami:** i got done making everyone's costumes so u can come by and pick them up, hopefully maki doesn't mind visitors

**Harumaki:** dw it's necessary, also all the girls are welcome at any time

**Hoe:** including me?!?;

**Harumaki:** except you. you're unwelcome at any time

**Hoe:** fucc

**Tsunami:** so here's the lineup

**Tsunami:** Kaede's going as Serinuma from Kiss Him, Not Me, i'm going as touka from tokyo ghoul, tenko's going as erza, himiko's going as the main character from Little Witch Academia, miu's going as panty from panty and stocking, maki's going as Haru from Free!, Kirumi's going as 2B from nier, and angie's going as the loli Kanna Kamui from Dragon Maid

**Hoe:** BAHAHA WAIT THAT DRAGON LOLI? FROM LIKE THE MEMES AND SHIT??

**Tsunami:** the exact loli lmao

**Prophet™:** atua willed it be ;)

**HIYAAAH!:** good god angie's unstoppable

**Kaede:** we leave next friday after classes let out. mom's driving

**Mother Dearest:** i hate to throw shade on you all but i am surely the safest driver here.

**witchcraft:** tru dat

**Prophet™:** she right, she right

**Tsunami:** we trust you with our lives

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Current chat names:
> 
> guac: amami  
> slut: miu  
> Supreme® Leader: kokichi  
> rocket boy: kaito  
> blue's clues: shuichi  
> jackie chan but Feminism™: tenko  
> squat child: himiko  
> aneemay tiddies: tsumugi  
> stick dick: kiyo  
> chris is that a weed??: angie  
> mom: kirumi  
> velveeta GANG: kaede  
> Stabby stabby: maki  
> Recalculating..: kiibo  
> Wii Sports Tennis: hoshi  
> bugs life: gonta  
> spiderman clone: alter ego gonta
> 
>  
> 
> tsumugi secretly has a different costume in the lineup wink wonk


	5. Kaede and the Girls Get Lost in a Convention

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **velveeta GANG:** aaaaAaAaAAAAAA WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU GUYS
> 
>  **squat child:** I DON'T FUCKING KNOW I WENT TO GET A DRINK AND EVERYONE L E F T M E
> 
>  **jackie chan but Feminism™:** OK HIMIKO I SEE YOU W H E R E IS E VERYONE ELSE
> 
>  **guac:** hol y shit we have our own damn problems
> 
> The one where the girls get lost and the boys (mostly Rantarou) have to rescue Korekiyo from his sister.

**aneemay tiddies:** AAAAAAAAA TODAY'S THE DAY

 **velveeta GANG:** u mean togay's the gay ;))))

 **jackie chan but Feminism™:** omggg big mood

 **mom:** does everyone have their bags in the car??

 **Stabby Stabby:** me and tenko are helping himiko w/ hers, everyone else is ready

 **Supreme® Leader:** oKK HOLD UP

 **Supreme® Leader:** FIRST OF ALL big mood Kaede me too i am a gay

 **Supreme® Leader:** second WHY CAN'T YOU ALL HAVE JUST DONE THIS IN UR GROUP CHAT I KNO U HAVE ONE

 **Stabby Stabby:** blocked

 **squat child:** and

 **slut:** reported ;)

 **Supreme® Leader:** fuck u

 **Stabby Stabby** _changed her chat name to_ **blocked and reported**

 **spiderman clone:** careful chirren that's a lot of sodium

 **blue's clues:** SJKGJDITDLHS

 **Recalculating...:** wHY

 **spiderman clone:** why not

 **Supreme® Leader:** ho l y SHIT THE TWO AIS ARE HAVING A C O N VE R SA T IO N

 **mom:** is everyone in the car??

 **slut:** Y E

 **mom:** then we're off!!

 **blue's clues:** bye guys, see you later

 **rocket boy:** see u harumaki, love u <3

 **blocked and reported:** kaito i'd cut ur dick off

 **blocked and reported:**...but i love u too  <3

 **rocket boy:** o h

* * *

 **stick dick:** um. my sister is visiting for the weekend, so i'll request that nobody attempt to find either of us. amami, i hate to do this to you, but could you possibly share a room with someone else for a few days?

 **guac:** kiyo, that sounds really serious. are you sure you don't want me to stay?

 **stick dick:** i'll be fine. can you please do this for me?

 **guac:**... fine. if something happens, you come get me right away, understand?

 **stick dick:** alright. thank you, and apologies for making you move out for the weekend.

 **Supreme® Leader:** amami-chan can come sleep with me and shuu!! fair warning tho, shuichi's a huuuuuge coffee addict, it always smells like the Roastt

 **blue's clues:** am not!

 **Supreme® Leader:** shuu-chan

 **blue's clues:** ok maybe i am but s t i l l

 **guac:** thx, you two. i'll be over w/ my stuff in 5 mins.

 **guac:** holy mother of shit it does smell like coffee

 **guac:** we've been friends for like a year now i can't believe i haven't noticed this before

 **Supreme® Leader:** nishishi, i wasn't lying this time

 **guac:** literally the next thing you say to me could be a lie, you're not off the hook yet

* * *

 **velveeta GANG:** i'm in costume in the lobby with himiko and tenko!! 

 **chris is that a weed??:** angie is on her way with maki, kirumi and miu! tsumugi says she'll be a bit behind, but it will only take a few minutes.

 **velveeta GANG:** thanks for letting me know, I have orange juice and doughnuts for everyone

 **rocket boy:** i t is 7 am on a SATURDAY some of us sleep in on the weekends

 **slut:** fuck you too bitch we got a con to go to, mute ur notiffs if we're hurting your feewings

 **Recalculating...:** miu how much sleep did you get last night

 **slut:**...three hours

 **Recalculating...:** miu!! i told you to try and sleep, you know how you get when you're tired! try to get more sleep tonight, okay?

 **slut:** mmh fine

 **Recalculating...:** i worry about you when you overwork yourself

 **Recalculating...:** send me photos, kay?

 **slut:** thank you, kiibs

 **slut:** n don't worry about me, today will be fine

 **slut:** srry for snapping at u momota

 **velveeta GANG:**!!!!!!!! Om g

 **velveeta GANG:** tsumugi omg omg

 **velveeta GANG:** u DIDN'T!! ahhh i can't take it

 **aneemay tiddies:** srry for not telling u it was a surprise

 **guac:** lol what she do?

 **velveeta GANG:** skajskshs so i cosplayed as kae serinuma from kiss him not me?? and she's shipped w/ a girl in the show who has a crush on her named nishina shima

 **velveeta GANG:** and tsumugi cosplayed her last minute AAAAAA SHE LOOKS SO GOOD MY LESBIAN HEART CAN'T TAKE THIS

 **aneemay tiddies:** thanks kaede!! u look rlly pretty too

 **blocked and reported:** they are furiously not looking at each other red in the face i'm d one

 **blocked and reported:** kaito send me memes i need a distraction until we go

 **rocket boy:** i gotchu babe

 **rocket boy** _sent 4 images._

 **blocked and reported:** yes these are exemplary thanks

 **guac:** wh

 **blocked and reported:** the backbone of every solid relationship is memes.

 **blocked and reported:** without them you are nothing

 **guac:** wHEEZE BIG MOOD

 **jackie chan but Feminism™:** gUYS THEY'RE LEAVING RLLY FU CKING QUICKLY

 **squat child:** gotta blast lmao

 **squat child** _and 7 others are offline._

 **blue's clues:**  there they go

 **blue's clues:** i sure hope they don't get into any trouble

 **blue's clues:** no thanks for waking me up by the way i'm already a huge insomniac as is

 **rocket boy:** we're not sorry

* * *

**private chat, amami and korekiyo**

**fre sha voc a doo:** kiyo, are you still alright? it'd be nice to hear from you, i'm worried.

_read by the folklore cunt, 10 am_

**fre sha voc a doo:** kiyo? i know you read this. can you please answer me? i'm concerned.

_read by the folklore cunt, 11 am_

**fre sha voc a doo:** kiyo?

_read by the folklore cunt, 12 pm_

**fre sha voc a doo:**  that's it, i'm coming over there.

_delivered_

* * *

It was 1:30 in the afternoon when Rantarou reluctantly slipped out of Kokichi and Shuichi's room, the two boys a few steps behind him. They quickly and quietly made their way down the halls of the boys' dorms, careful not to make too much noise. Rantarou absentmindedly wondered why they were attempting to hide their actions; he figured that when they arrived they'd be found out quickly enough.

There, at the end of the hall, was Rantarou and Korekiyo's shared dorm room, light shining from underneath the doorframe. Korekiyo was home, why wouldn't he answer his texts? Rantarou sighed, and approached the door.

He could hear a feminine voice from outside the door frame, but the words were unclear. Rantarou sighed softly and pressed his ear to the door.

What he heard made the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end.

_"Korekiyo dearest, who are these friends you've made? You wouldn't treasure them over me, would you? I'm supposed to be your everything!"_

_"N-no, sister."_

_"Liar. You never call me anymore, and yet your phone goes off every five minutes with texts from these teenagers. Have you been forgetting about me, brother?"_

_"N-no."_

_"Lies, lies, lies!"_

Rantarou heard a smack of skin on skin. He winced.

_"You have! Apologize, apologize, apologize, apologize!"_

_"S-sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry..."_

_"Don't speak to me so carelessly."_ Another smack.  _"Get on your knees and beg for my forgiveness."_

Rantarou growled, fished the spare dorm key out of his pocket, and slipped it into the lock. As the door clicked open, the room suddenly went silent.

"Korekiyo!" Rantarou yelled as he saw his friend. The once-proud anthropologist was on the floor, shaking, curled in on himself as a girl about his age with an eeriely similar hairstyle kicked him with platform heels. He had a black eye and a red mark on his cheek where she had smacked him. His mask was off, and Rantarou could see smudged red lipstick on his lips, thumb-shaped drag marks trailing away from the ruined makeup.

Shuichi and Kokichi trailed in behind him, and stopped dead at the sight. Frozen in horror, their eyes trailed from one Shinguuji sibling to the other.

The girl lifted her foot from her brother and grinned coldly. "Didn't Korekiyo dearest tell you to stay away from us for the weekend?" she asked. Her voice was like ice.

Rantarou scowled. "Didn't anyone tell abusive hags like you to stay away from my friend?"

"Ohhh, what are you gonna do, hit me?" she taunted, fluttering her eyelashes.

"Exactly that."

"What-"

Korekiyo's sister didn't have any time to react before her face was introduced to Rantarou's fist.

* * *

 **blue's clues:** guys guys GUYS YOU NEED TO GET DOWN TO KOREKIYO'S ROOM WE HAVE A SITUATION

 **rocket boy:** fuck fuck fuck fuck i knew this would turn out badly. me n hoshi are already on the way, he brought his racket

 **Recalculating...:** gonta and i are coming as well, i told gonta korekiyo's sister killed a bug

 **bugs life:** korekiyo's sister hates bugs and korekiyo, gonta hate korekiyo's sister

 **blue's clues:** amami's already beating the shit out of her and kichi's not far behind, we just need to get her out of here

 **rocket boy:** aye aye. operation ditch kork's sister is a go

 **stick dick:** ah, you guys don't need to help me

 **rocket boy:** YES WE FUCKING DO KIYO THIS IS AN ACTUAL PROBLEM AND WE'RE GOING TO FUCKING HELP DON'T MAKE ME SAY THIS AGAIN

 **stick dick:** guys

 **rocket boy:** GUYS NOTHING

 **velveeta GANG:** aaaaAaAaAAAAAA WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU GUYS

 **squat child:** I DON'T FUCKING KNOW I WENT TO GET A DRINK AND EVERYONE L E F T M E

 **jackie chan but Feminism™:** OK HIMIKO I SEE YOU W H E R E IS E VERYONE ELSE

 **guac:** hol y shit we have our own damn problems

 **velveeta GANG:** o h. wow. that's actually pretty bad

 **aneemay tiddies:** oh. we showed up at a bad time. holy shit give korekiyo's sister an extra punch from me

 **guac:** just did that, she says fuck you too bitch

 **spiderman clone:** me too big mood

 **guac:** now IS NOT THE TIME, ALTER EGO

* * *

Kaede scanned the crowd nervously. Her friends were nowhere to be seen, and she was surrounded by strangers. She shivered as a gust of air blew past with the travelling passerby.

Her heart raced in her chest when she realized she was lost. The ambient  _thump thump, thump thump_ flooded into her ears as every other sound faded away. Her hands trembled.  _Why is it so hard to breathe all of the sudden...?_

"Are you lost, girlie?" a voice asked, cutting through the haze of noise. Kaede jumped as she found the identity of the voice. A firm hand found itself on her shoulder, and when she turned to run, she felt it squeeze, intercepting her attempt to get away. "It's no good for a pretty young lady like yourself to be wandering around all alone. I can help you find your way, sugar."

"N-no thank you, sir," she stammered, fighting his grip. "I'm perfectly fine by myself, thanks."

"I insist," the man repeated, leering. "Let me help you find your way."

"Let go," Kaede growled, blood rushing through her ears, enclosing her and the man in a violent torrent of  _noise, noise, noise_. "I'm fine, please let go!" 

Her shoulder wriggled free, and the man stumbled. She angrily wiped it off, her breathing quickening with each breath she took.

The man growled, and approached her. "That's a mistake-"

A blue-sweatered elbow connected with his abdomen, and a booted foot kicked a little lower. He stumbled, cursed, and recollected himself.

In front of Kaede stood a very familiar Nishina Shima cosplayer, looking almost exactly what the character would have looked like as a real person. Tsumugi Shirogane's face was in a heart-stopping glare, eyes fixated on the man beneath her.

"Who the fuck do you think you are?" he growled. "I was just trying to help her find her way!"

"She's found her way," Tsumugi growled coldly. "You aren't needed."

"Why you-"

Tsumugi stepped towards him in three long strides. The pits of her striking teal eyes seemed endless. The man shivered.

"You're real lucky Danganronpa got cancelled when it did, or I'd have forcibly volunteered you for season 53," she whispered. "We're Ultimates at Hope's Peak Academy. You give us some fucking respect, because we'll have more purpose goofing off between classes than you'll have in your entire, measly, insignificant life. Understand?"

The man nodded, his forehead slick with sweat.

"Now scram."

In a clatter of feet, he was gone.

Heavy breathing returned Tsumugi back to earth. She whipped around in alarm to find Kaede hyperventilating, arms hugging her sides, her purple cosplay wig dislodged. She nervously looked up at the other girl, shaking violently.

"Kaede!" Tsumugi yelled, and ran over to hug the other girl. Kaede hiccuped and her arms weaved around the other girl in a tight hug. Tsumugi rubbed circles into the other's back as her breathing gradually slowed and the panic attack melted away.

"T-tsumugi," Kaede hiccuped, "I'm s-so glad to s-s-see you."

Tsumugi smiled gently, and pressed a soft kiss to her nose. "Me too, me too."

Kaede made a soft oh! at the gentle contact. "Tsumugi, I-"

"It's ok," Tsumugi whispered, trying her hardest to conceal her own shaking hands. "It's ok."

Kaede smiled. "Hey, look at me for a second," she offered.

Tsumugi obliged. "Alright, I-"

Tsumugi's eyes widened as soft lips met her own. She could just slightly taste Kaede's cherry chapstick. She closed her eyes and smiled into it.

They broke and pressed their noses together. Kaede giggled shakily.

"You're perfect."

* * *

 **squat child:** I SEE YOU TWO, WE'RE ALL OVER BY THE SNACK BAR LMAO

 **squat child:** wh at took u so long

 **squat child:** o wait you're holding hands

 **jackie chan but Feminism™:** GOOD MORE LESBIANS

 **jackie chan but Feminism™:** OUR COLLECTIVE GAY WILL OVERPOWER THE PLANET

 **jackie chan but Feminism™:** also omg ccongrats u two ur super cute together

 **velveeta GANG:** hhhh thanks

 **aneemay tiddies:** god i'd been planning this for a week, didn't turn out exactly how i'd planned it but o h well

 **velveeta GANG:** for what it's worth, i've never been confessed to during a panic attack before lol

 **aneemay tiddies:** perfect, cause i've never confessed to someone having a panic attack before

 **aneemay tiddies:** you're just too cute i couldn't help it

 **velveeta GANG:** awwe <3

 **rocket boy:** holy fucking s hit we're busy for all of ten minutes and kaede and tsumugi are now a thing

 **blue's clues:** o rlly? congrats kaede i'll be maid of honor at the wedding

 **velveeta GANG:** OH I SEE U SHUICHI U JUST WANT AN EXCUSE TO WEAR A DRESS

 **velveeta GANG:** ofcourse you'd be my maid of honor literally ur my bestie

 **blue's clues:**!!! 

 **aneemay tiddies:** literally we've been dating for less than an hour and Kaede's planning the wedding god i'm in love

 **guac:** uhum guys

 **guac:** WE NEED TO TAKE OUT THE TRASH

 **Recalculating...:** ah, yes, we've forgotten

 **rocket boy:** BOYS

 **rocket boy:** WE GOT US A JOB TO DO

 **Wii Sports Tennis:** aye

 **blue's clues:** right!

 **bugs life:** gonta will help too!

 **Recalculating...:** ready when you guys are!

 **Supreme® Leader:** KICKASS!

 **guac:** with pleasure.

 **rocket boy:** LET'S FUCK SOME SHIT UP

 **rocket boy** _and 7 others went offline_

 **blocked and reported:** kaito i am not hiding any bodies this time

* * *

"You-! Put me down! Korekiyo, tell them to put me dowwwwnnnn!"

The yells of Korekiyo's sister echoed as the six other boys dragged her down the halls in the boys' dorm. Only after they got out the front door they were inaudible. Rantarou hummed in satisfaction.

Korekiyo sat on the floor in front of him, unwilling to look him in the eyes. Rantarou crawled towards him and put a warm hand on his cheek, but the anthropologist refused to turn his golden eyes towards him.

"Hey," Rantarou started softly. "Are you alright?"

Korekiyo nodded, teeth clenched. 

Rantarou could tell he was upset. "You don't have to talk," he offered. "Not yet, anyways. Just let me talk first. You can interrupt me when you're ready, alright?"

He nodded again.

Rantarou smiled and slipped a hair tie off of his wrist. He weaved his arms around the other boy's head and began working his fingers through his dark, messy long hair as he spoke.

"I was thinking," he offered quietly, "that come break, we could travel." He weaved his fingers through another portion of Korekiyo's hair, the other boy sighing into his touch. "South America, China, Mexico, you name it. The Ultimate Adventurer and the Ultimate Anthropologist on a big road trip to find the unknown." He slipped Korekiyo's hair into a loose bun, the hairband snapping into place.

"Or maybe," Rantarou continued, pulling out makeup wipes to wipe away Korekiyo's smeared lipstick, "we could try something a little more mundane, like adopting a dog, or maybe a Furby. Visit a waterpark, or get some ice cream. As long as it would make you happy."

Rantarou held out his arms, and Kiyo voluntarily slumped into them, sighing lightly. "You deserve it," Rantarou admonished. "You're interesting, smart, funny, and you deserve so much better than a sister that used and manipulated you for so long."

They sat there for a while, Rantarou absentmindedly running his fingers through Korekiyo's long bangs. Korekiyo was fragile yet beautiful, slender and serene; quite like those china ceramic plates he loves. The steady breathing of his friend calmed Rantarou.

"Rantarou?" Korekiyo asked quietly, his voice hoarse, scratchy and overused.

"Yeah?"

"Thank you."

Rantarou beamed. 

"Oh, and one more thing," Korekiyo added.

"Mmhm?"

"Mayhaps can we get a Furby sometime? And maybe some ice cream? It sounds delightful."

Rantarou chuckled. "As long as you're happy, I'm perfectly ok with anything."

* * *

 **Supreme® Leader** _sent an image._

 **Supreme® Leader:** WE DUNKED THE THOT

 **jackie chan but Feminism™:** holy fucking shit straight into the trashcan too

 **jackie chan but Feminism™:** CONGRATULATIONS DEGENERATES YOU LEARNED TEAMWORK

 **mom:** i'm so proud of my children

 **mom:** beating up strangers because they were mean to your friends

 **mom:** my, how you've grown lmao

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Current chat names:
> 
> guac: amami  
> slut: miu  
> Supreme® Leader: kokichi  
> rocket boy: kaito  
> blue's clues: shuichi  
> jackie chan but Feminism™: tenko  
> squat child: himiko  
> aneemay tiddies: tsumugi  
> stick dick: kiyo  
> chris is that a weed??: angie  
> mom: kirumi  
> velveeta GANG: kaede  
> blocked and reported: maki  
> Recalculating..: kiibo  
> Wii Sports Tennis: hoshi  
> bugs life: gonta  
> spiderman clone: alter ego gonta
> 
> wh look at all this narration


	6. Tldr: You're Adopted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **kork:** Rantarou
> 
>  **kork:** Do you care if I take the skin off of the Furby
> 
>  **Supreme® Leader:** W HAT
> 
>  **Supreme® Leader:** Amami sinCE WHEN DID YOU HOLD CUSTODY OVER A F U R B Y with KORK
> 
> The one where things get jiggy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HHHHHH HERE IT IS

**Recalculating...:** ah, good morning everyone! I hope you all had a good night's sleep

 **slut:** SUP BITCHES GUESS WHO GOT LA ID

 **velveeta GANG:** it was you two

 **velveeta GANG:** specifically

 **velveeta GANG:** IN M Y DOR M RO O M

 **Supreme® Leader:** eW EW EW SLUT COULDN'T YOU HAVE GONE SOMEWHERE PRIVATE

 **slut:** liTERALLY NO KIIBS ROOMS WITH GONTA

 **Supreme® Leader:** o shit u right srry kaede

 **velveeta GANG:** don't side with her u fucking gremlin

 **Supreme® Leader:** ah whatevs i don't want to read this chat again

 **Supreme® Leader:** wee snaw

 **Supreme® Leader:** wee snaw

 **Supreme® Leader:** wee snaw

 **Supreme® Leader:** wee snaw

 **rocket boy:** YOU MOTHERFUCKER

  **Supreme® Leader:** wee snaw

 **Supreme® Leader:** wee snaw

 **Supreme® Leader:** wee snaw

 **Supreme® Leader:** wee snaw

 **Supreme® Leader:** wee snaw

 **guac:** fucc

 **Supreme® Leader:** wee snaw

 **Supreme® Leader:** wee snaw

 **blue's clues:** snaw wee

 **aneemay tiddies:** SJYDUSHPIFS

 **velveeta GANG:** HE'S CONQUERED THE EVIL

 **Wii Sports Tennis:** holy fuck kokichi's been typing for like 5 minutes

 **Supreme® Leader:** you fool. you absolute buffoon. you think you can rebel against my authority? you dare come into my house and upturn my dining chairs and spill coffee grounds in my Keurig? you thought you were safe in your chain mail armor behind that screen of yours. i will take these laminate wood floor boards and destroy you. i didn't want war, but i didn't start it.

 **slut:** HAHAJSJYDANJSJS KO KICHI

 **blocked and reported:** this bitch exists outside of every known universe. i now know fear

 **guac:** JEEZUS FU CKIN G  C H R I S T 

 **spiderman clone:** money money weed money pussy money money

 **guac:** h

 **stick dick:** rantarou just fucking dropped his phone from the top bunk. this is your fault

 **blue's clues:** hhhhhhh ohh yeaa hit me with that laminate floor board daddy yessss

 **velveeta GANG:** SJSKSKSJSNS SHUICHI

 **aneemay tiddies:** KINKY

 **rocket boy** _changed_ **blue's clues** _'s name to_ **floorboard fetish**

 **Supreme® Leader:** OOOHHH THROWBACK TO THAT ONE TIME I GOT A CONCUSSION FROM FALLING THROUGH A FLOORBOARD DURING JUNIOR HIGH

 **stick dick:**...uhhhhhhhhh

 **stick dick:** that MIGHT've been my fault

 **floorboard fetish:** bo i  WHAT

 **stick dick:** amami, tsumugi and i were doing a physics experiment that related to seesaw style platforms so i offered to construct a much larger seesaw

 **guac:** hA I REMEMBER THIS

 **stick dick:** soooo i threw caution to the wind and sawed out an entire floorboard

 **stick dick:** s e e s a w

 **Supreme® Leader:** I GOT CUCKED BY KORK'S SCIENCE EXPERIMENT. LEGEND A R Y

 **floorboard fetish:** k o rk

 **guac** _changed_ **stick dick** _'s name to_ **kork**

 **kork:** finally, a reasonable nickname, t hank you guacamole

 **guac:** this is the thanks i get. guacamole

 **Supreme® Leader:** well then you're not going to like your birthday present

 **guac:** o h

 **Supreme® Leader:** i got you a h hs hsh

 **Supreme® Leader:** a shs shirt with a

 **Supreme® Leader:** a ava sha sa

 **floorboard fetish:** it's ok take ur time

 **Supreme® Leader:** zjnsha sh ir it wit

 **Supreme® Leader:** a t shirt with an avacado on it

 **guac:** mOTHERFUCKER

 **floorboard fetish:** I REMEMBER THE FLOORBOARD THO

 **floorboard fetish:** w hen i found kokichi i thought he was fucking dead

 **floorboard fetish:** like blood on the floor and shit

 **floorboard fetish:** and then as i walk over he pops up and goes

 **floorboard fetish:** "hE IS RiSEN!!!" and then he barfed all over my hoodie

 **kork:** well fuck that's quite unfortunate

 **kork:** sorry for your loss

 **floorboard fetish:**?

 **kork:** i can bet you 10 bucks you never wore that hoodie again

 **squat child:** skdmsksbs SAVAGE

* * *

 **kork:** Rantarou

 **kork:** Do you care if I take the skin off of the Furby

 **Supreme® Leader:** W HAT

 **Supreme® Leader:** Amami sinCE WHEN DID YOU HOLD CUSTODY OVER A F U R B Y with KORK

 **guac:** as of just now bitch

 **guac:** cograts kusamochi oumam you're the proud godparent of a furby

 **Supreme® Leader:** i dON'T WANT IT YOU SHOULD HAVE PUT IT UP FOR ADOPTION

 **kork:** I want to make him a God. Once he is free of his sinful flesh he can begin the path towards enlightenment. He will take care of us.

 **rocket boy:** brO WHA T

 **chris is that a weed??:** if you replace atua

 **chris is that a weed??:** yuh Ain't going to heaven

 **aneemay tiddies:** angie we love you you're such a good cryptid

 **kork:** also i want to softhack his circuits.

 **guac:** i literally could not care less but never say anything as frightening as that ever again. 

 **floorboard fetish:** wHEEZE

 **velveeta GANG:** aMAMI APPROVED

 **kork:** I will bend Furby to my will and strip his soul bare and i'll post the updates.

 **guac:** atua help me

 **chris is that a weed??:** d o  n o t  s ay  t h e  l o r d ' s  n am e   i n   v a in

 **Supreme® Leader:** oh the lord?? u mean

 **Supreme® Leader:** sno  o   p      d      o      g

 **chris is that a weed??:** motherfucker

 **Supreme® Leader** _changed_ **chris is that a weed??** _'s name to_ **$n00p d0g**

 **$n00p d0g:** hi "Supreme® Leader".

Thanks for your comment on my post.

Except, no thanks.

Your heart will stop beating at 9:10 PM EST on 2018/5/20.

make the best of your remaining time!

Angie :)

 **Supreme® Leader:** I got rid of my heart 25 years ago to make room! (for Panta) do not fear though friend! your reckoning will soon be upon you!

 **Wii Sports Tennis:** we're watching two gods make conversation

* * *

 **kork** _sent an image._

 **kork:** naked. pure. flayed. ready for the next life.

 **jackie chan but Feminism™:** good god that's horrifying.

 **jackie chan but Feminism™:** ffucking degenerates

 **guac:** lol i bbrought the techie kid from 78 and the Ultimate Talent from 77

 **guac:** when i picked up Izuru Hajime insisted that he doesn't "kin" with Izuru and that it's rude to assume they're the same person

 **Supreme® Leader:** I KIN WITH ENOSHIMA'S STUFFED BEAR MONOKUMA NO DOUBLES uwu

 **blocked and reported:** haha what the fUCK

 **rocket boy:** SKDKSHAGSD W HY

 **kork:** the process begins

 **Supreme® Leader:** oof yeah i'm gonna have to log off for a bit i got a dentist's appointment

 **rocket boy:** kokichi actually goes to the dentist??? Wow i wouldn't have known

 **Supreme® Leader:** bitch

 **Supreme® Leader** _is offline._

 **floorboard fetish:** like big question tho how'd u even get kamukura to help you isn't he like a huge wildcard

 **guac:** he was, and i quote

 **guac:** "bored. maybe this'll end up being amusing."

 **kork:** he seems to be very entranced with the work.

 **kork:** this is promising.

 **guac:** holy fuck they got it to move an ear and kamukura's laughing like nuts

 **guac:** i have literally never seen this man laugh before in my life this is actua l  wit ch craft

* * *

 **Supreme® Leader** _is online._

 **Supreme® Leader:** f UCK

 **floorboard fetish:** u ok?

 **Supreme® Leader:** n o

 **floorboard fetish:** w hat's wrong?

 **Supreme® Leader:** so apparently my wisdom teeth grew in

 **rocket boy:** o uh  n o

 **Supreme® Leader:** aaaand they need to be taken out

 **rocket boy:** O H  N  O

 **floorboard fetish:** it can't be that bad, right? There's just the operation, and the recovery. They'll even give you laughing.... gas...

 **Supreme® Leader:** I'M GONNA FUCK IN G D I E

 **floorboard fetish:** f uck

 **Supreme® Leader:** tHiS IS THE WORSYOD

 **Supreme® Leader:** haurSyhsatichigisTIS

 **Supreme® Leader:** E

 **Supreme® Leader** _is offline_

 **floorboard fetish:** kokichi?

 **floorboard fetish:** KICHI NO

 **floorboard fetish:** W HAT ISPUZY

 **floorboard fetish** _is offline_

 **kork:**  is it too late to mention we gave the furby ears and a custom audio track?

* * *

 **Supreme® Leader** _and 1 other are online._

 **floorboard fetish:**  i'm horrified wHY

 **Supreme® Leader:** I'M GOING TO BED, I'M THE LITTLE SPOON TODAY SHUU

 **floorboard fetish:** YOU'RE ALWAYS THE LITTLE SPOON YOU'RE SIX INCHES SHORTER THAN ME

 **Supreme® Leader:** mmmmm read me abedtime story

 **mom:** once upon a time

 **Supreme® Leader:** WHO ARE YOU

 **mom:** GO BACK TO SLEEP

 **Supreme® Leader:** MAMA

 **mom:** I'M YO MAMA

 **Supreme® Leader:** o h

 **mom:** once upon a time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Current chat names:
> 
> guac: amami  
> slut: miu  
> Supreme® Leader: kokichi  
> rocket boy: kaito  
> floorboard fetish: shuichi  
> jackie chan but Feminism™: tenko  
> squat child: himiko  
> aneemay tiddies: tsumugi  
> kork: kiyo  
> $n00p d0g: angie  
> mom: kirumi  
> velveeta GANG: kaede  
> blocked and reported: maki  
> Recalculating..: kiibo  
> Wii Sports Tennis: hoshi  
> bugs life: gonta  
> spiderman clone: alter ego gonta


	7. CAN YOU SMELL THE CIRCUS, SHUICHI??

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **floorboard fetish** _sent an image._
> 
>  **floorboard fetish:** depresstion pills
> 
>  **velveeta GANG:** SKSJSKS THOSE ARE MIKE AND IKES
> 
> The one where Kokichi goes through oral surgery.

**guac:** fellas

 **guac:** is it gay when ur heart goes skrra pap pap ka ka ka skidiki pap pap and a pu pu drrrr boom SKYAAA du du ku ku tun tun poom poom around ur homie

 **aneemay tiddies:** possibly. you never know for sure.

 **velveeta GANG:** thaT IS LITERALLY THE DEFINITION OF THE WORD

 **jackie chan but Feminism™:** fellas, is it gay to have sex with a woman?

 **squat child:** dunno, u wanna find out ;)))

 **jackie chan but Feminism™:** ;)))))))))

 **$n00p d0g:** if you have secks in my good dorm yuh ain't goin to heaven

 **squat child:** be at the dorm at 10 ;))) we goin out for dinner

 **jackie chan but Feminism™:** ok, it's a date ;))))))))

 **$n00p d0g:** sinners. all of you, sinners.

 **Supreme® Leader:** ooooooooh, amami-chan, did u finally realize ur feelings for kork?

 **guac:** stfu gremlin

 **kork:** i'll send in the furby now, if you want

 **Supreme® Leader:** oH FUCKDNS BNO NO

 **floorboard fetish:** rantarou please stop your boyfriend that furby is actually going to flay the skin off of our bodies

 **guac:** shuichi :( i had more faith in you :(

 **floorboard fetish:** shit wait

 **floorboard fetish:** ffuck i hear its wheels shit

 **Supreme® Leader:** I'LL PROTECT YOU SHUU

 **kork:** what shall you do to stop my minion? you are powerless.

 **Supreme® Leader:** _FUCK IT SPROUTED A MINI FLAMETHROWER_

 **kork:** courtesy of kamukura

 **kork:** wait, what are you doing

 **kork:** h

 **kork:** my ch ild

 **floorboard fetish:** kokichi holy shit

 **slut:** wHA T DID HE DO TO THE FURBY

 **Recalculating...:** oh my g od i'm in triguied .

 **floorboard fetish:** hE cAME UP AND KICKED IT

 **floorboard fetish:** anZD IT FLEW OUTTHE WIN DOW

 **Supreme® Leader:** it's yeet or be yeeted i guess

 **Wii Sports Tennis:** i am b e g gi ng you to just stop talking

 **floorboard fetish:** wait, what's that rattling

 **floorboard fetish:** fu

 **floorboard fetish** _is offline._

 **Supreme® Leader:**  ST ICK MAN IN THE VEN TS HE GOT SHUU nAJALDND

 **Supreme® Leader** _is offline._

 **$n00p d0g:**  and atua exacts his will once again

 **guac:** angie please stop every time you do this s h ive rs run down my back

 **$n00p d0g:** do you feel your sins crawling down your back?

 **aneemay tiddies:**!!

 **aneemay tiddies:** holy shit it's sNAns UNderTALe

* * *

 **Supreme® Leader:** hewwo?? owo

 **slut:** fUCK YOU

 **guac:** no

 **Supreme® Leader:** òwó

 **rocket boy:** nOt thIS SHIT AGAIN

 **velveeta GANG:** GARBAGE TRASH BOY

 **Supreme® Leader:** hewwo?? iws anyowne thewe??? 

**floorboard fetish:**

**floorboard fetish:**    p               e               r i      s      h

 **slut:** S H U T D O W N

 **Recalculating...:** the slang term to use here is fuckin uhhhh 'destroyed'

 **rocket boy:** uhhhHHH KIIBO'S SO SHOOK HE SWO RE

 **rocket boy:** SHUICHI IS TOO POWERFUL

 **blocked and reported:** rip kokickig omjsa june 2002- may 2018

 **blocked and reported:** you won't be missed

 **Supreme® Leader:** o w w i e

 **floorboard fetish:** normally i'd apologize bu t

 **floorboard fetish:** hhhhhhhhh

 **floorboard fetish:** th that

 **floorboard fetish:** that prompt is overused try a new one

 **Supreme® Leader:**!

 **Wii Sports Tennis:** you've enabled him

 **Supreme® Leader:** nishishi i still have to write it, just u wait. u aren't spared

 **Wii Sports Tennis:** i await the day with dread

 **spiderman clone:** wubba lubba despacito

 **mom:** could you be any more useless

 **mom:**  i expect quality content out of you but instead

 **mom:** it's this garbage

* * *

 **floorboard fetish** _sent an image._

 **floorboard fetish:** depresstion pills

 **velveeta GANG:** SKSJSKS THOSE ARE MIKE AND IKES

 **floorboard fetish:** no they're deprestsion pills

 **floorboard fetish:** i have deaspresdion

 **Recalculating...:** press F to pay respect

 **slut:** F

 **guac:** This is so sad, can we beat the Soviets?

 **blocked and reported:** F

 **floorboard fetish:** why the fuck are y'all commenting on my despdsuksion pills

 **rocket boy:** F

 **floorboard fetish:** depression is a real issue, janet

 **Wii Sports Tennis:** hey saihara hmu with some of those

 **Wii Sports Tennis:** i want to overdose on mike and ikes and pass away

 **mom:** both of you are you o k

 **Wii Sports Tennis:** define ok

 **floorboard fetish:** despacition is a daily struggle i i want to die

 **Supreme® Leader:** SkdncyKSJSNSH

 **Supreme® Leader:** BIG F

 **Supreme® Leader:** but like srs tho can i have some mike and ikes

**floorboard fetish:**

**Supreme® Leader:** (づ｡◕‿‿◕｡)づ

 **floorboard fetish:** °--°

 **Supreme® Leader:** (づ｡ò‿‿ó｡)づ

 **floorboard fetish:** ommgggg,,,,, was that even a question,,,,,, of course you can,,,,,

 **floorboard fetish:** c'mere u little shit

 **Supreme® Leader:** you know u love me! ◕ ◡ ◕

 **floorboard fetish:** i just might

 **Supreme® Leader:**!!!

 **Supreme® Leader:** g as p

 **guac:** wow gay

 **guac:** we like gay in this christian minecraft server

 **jackie chan but Feminism™:** GOD ME TOOOO BIGGEST MOOD

 **squat child:** huge mood

 **slut:** GIGANTIC MOOD

 **rocket boy:** HUMONGOUS MOOD

 **kork:** you are like little babies watch this

 **kork:** i    n    f  i  n    i  t    e      m       o     o   d

 **Recalculating...:** kork got us again

 **Supreme® Leader:** hey what if cinderella was a baking slave instead of a cleaning slave and her name was mozzarella

 **blocked and reported:** don't ever text me again

* * *

 **Supreme® Leader:** t od a y 's  t h  e    d a   y

 **Supreme® Leader:** i'm supremely fucked

 **rocket boy:** shiiiittt it's the day

 **floorboard fetish:** hhhjkgksk kichi i'm ffucking coming with

 **Supreme® Leader:** awee u will??? i've always wanted to do psychotic shit on laughing gas in front of the one trustworthy person

 **floorboard fetish:** i'm not going to judge you, it's just that you can't drive yet and even if u did have your license you'd be out of commission anyways

 **Supreme® Leader:** u right, u right

 **slut:** can i just politely ask thE DAY FOR W H A T

 **Supreme® Leader:** w i s d o m   t e e t h

 **slut:** oh s hi t

 **guac:** this is the day we all die

 **Wii Sports Tennis:** amami you stole my quip

 **guac:** you're welcome

 **floorboard fetish:** kokichi i got my car ready at the front n i got a pass to be excused from class, u ready?

 **Supreme® Leader:** unfortunately

 **Supreme® Leader:** see y'all on the other side

 **Supreme® Leader** _is offline_

 **velveeta GANG:** please call us if anything happens, ok?

 **floorboard fetish:** dw, i'm sure it'll be fine

 **floorboard fetish** _is offline._

 **guac:** famous last words

* * *

Shuichi bit his nails as he came in the room. An aide had called him in claiming that they were finished, and that Kokichi would be waking up soon. He didn't know what would happen next: all he knew was that when Kokichi awoke, he'd be acting strange. Laughing gas is a wonderful yet confusing thing.

There he was, asleep on the dentist's chair, gauze hanging out of his mouth. His eyelids flickered as he started to regain consciousness.

"Kichi," Shuichi whispered, "it's me. You gotta wake up now."

"Shuu," Kokichi slurred. "It's waaarm. I don' wanna move." His voice was obstructed by the gauze and his numb tongue. "My sweater's fluuuuufffyyy."

Shuichi sighed in relief. Nothing strange about this. He'd done his research. 

"Koko, can you open your eyes for me?" he offered, running a hand through the other boy's purple locks. "It'll be a bit easier to move around if you can see where you're going."

"Mm. Tha' feels nice." He leaned into Shuichi's touch.

"You gotta open your eyes, Kichi."

"I don' waaaaannaaaaaa."

"Kokichi."

"Fine." He huffed, and pried his eyes open.

At the exact moment, a nurse popped in. "When you're ready, Kokichi's paperwork is at the front-"

Shuichi flinched as Kokichi's eyes dialated at the sight of a stranger he didn't recognize. His arms wrapped around Shuichi in a death grip as he glared at the woman.

"Is he ok?" the nurse asked, alarmed.

"Haha, do I  _look_ ok?" Kokichi slurred, getting off the chair and to his feet sluggishly, eyes fixated on the woman. "I've got gauze in m' mouth an' holes in m' gums where m' teeth should be, am I ok?" The gauze slipped and fell onto the floor, saturated with blood. Shuichi hastily grabbed another from the bag they gave him and offered it to Kokichi, who ignored it.

"You should go," Shuichi warned the nurse. "He's not taking this well well because he doesn't trust you to see him like this." When he said it, he realized how true those words were.  _Since when did I know Kokichi this well?_

The nurse nodded and left hastily. Kokichi cackled as she went, hanging off of Shuichi's side. "Stupid, stupid, do I look alrigh'?" he chanted, eyes dull.

When he knew they were alone, Shuichi scooped Kokichi up and placed him back onto the chair. He placed a hand on the other's shoulder. "I know this is stressful, but you've got to calm down until we leave," he reminded him. "If you want, you can pretend to be asleep until we get out. I'll even carry you. Does that sound alright?"

"I'll fake sleep fo' Shuu-cha'. No promisehs, tho'," Kokichi agreed reluctantly. "I don' like them. S'rangers are scary. Can' trus' them."

"One thing though, before I carry you anywhere."

"Wha'?"

"You gotta put this gauze back in your mouth," Shuichi scolded, holding up a fresh piece of gauze.

"Nooooooo! I don' wanna, ith taste funny! No mo' sthuff in my mouth!" the smaller boy whined as Shuichi stuffed it in. "Ith feels weird!"

"Literally you're bleeding onto the carpet," Shuichi reprimanded. "Gauze or I'm not carrying you."

"Fine." Kokichi opened his mouth just a bit so Shuichi could stick the gauze back in. "Now carry."

Shuichi lowered himself so Kokichi could haphazardly climb on. "You good?" he asked when the shorter boy was situated.

"Yehp!," he chirped. "Nigh'y nigh'!" He mocked slumping onto Shuichi's shoulder. He looked relaxed, but Shuichi could feel him tense, his nails digging into Shuichi's shoulders.

Shuichi sighed and walked out to the lobby, carrying a "sleeping" Kokichi on his shoulders. He gave the receptionist an apologetic smile as he walked forwards to review papers. Her voice was toned out as he looked, and he smiled and nodded when she was done, only tuning in at "thank you, have a nice day!". 

He turned to the door. Kokichi kept fidgeting. He should go. He pushed the door and walked outside, careful not to bump Kokichi on anything.

The door thudded shut behind him. "Down, down!" Kokichi barked, snapping upright. "You sai' I don' havthe to be calm afteh we lef'! We lef' so I'm noht gonna be calm!"

"Maybe it's better if I just carried you-"

Kokichi smacked a fist into the small of his back, and he yelped. "Shuu-cha' nee's to pu' me down now!" the short boy demanded, breaking into a fit of giggles. "Ifth i didn' trus' you so much i wouln' have asked, silly! Lucky you, lucky you haha!"

Shuichi put him down hesitantly. Freed, Kokichi dashed over to the car, giggling like mad.

The taller boy warily made his way over to his cackling friend. "Are you ok?" he queried nervously.

Kokichi grinned from ear to ear. The gauze slipped out from his mouth again, trailing blood down his chin.  His amethyst eyes stared at nothing, wide as dimes.

 _"Can you smell the circus, Shuichi?"_ Kokichi cackled. "It's coming to town soon, and I'm the main act!"

Shuichi's heart thudded in his chest.  _What is this? Is this what happened when Kokichi was drunk?_ He couldn't figure out what to do to help.

_"please call us if anything happens, ok?"_

Ah, right! The others could help!

Shuichi pulled out his phone and started dialing numbers.

* * *

Kaede and Tsumugi were watching Cory in the House in Kaede and Miu's shared dorm, eating popcorn, when Kaede's phone rang.

"I'll get it," Tsumugi offered, and got up to do so. She found her girlfriend's phone on the table, vibrating incessantly. The contact name read, "Succi Sahara".

Tsumugi grabbed the phone and ran back to the living room. "It's Shuichi, something must be up!" she yelped, and hit  _Answer Call_. Kaede switched on speakerphone and sucked in her breath as Kokichi's manic laughter tore acrost the speakers.

"H-hey!" Shuichi stammered. "As you can probably already tell, Kokichi didn't react well with the laughing gas."

"Oh my god," Kaede breathed. "What did he do?"

"He dissed a hygienist and yelled, 'can you see the circus, shuichi??' when we loaded up the car."

"Haha, ith tha' Kaede?? Utheleth Kaede, hahaha," Kokichi mocked. "Kaede tookth too lon' to rejeth' Shuu-cha' so he wath sthill thinkin' abouth her insthead of me. Shuu-cha's mine mine mine haha. I'm better tha' Kaede. I'm better tha' everyone! All of you are beneath me!"

Kaede shivered. Tsumugi's grip on the phone tightened.

"Aaaaaand he dissed you. He's not done."

"Alright." Kaede thought for a bit. "Bring him back to your dorm and convince him to go to sleep. You gotta."

She could hear him sigh in relief. "Thank you."

There was a pause, only punctuated by Kokichi's harsh laughter.

"You know you have to talk to him about this later, right?

"I know, but it's going to be hard. I can't just tell my best friend that I know he's disassociating. What if he didn't want me to know?"

Kaede chuckled ruefully. "Of course he didn't want you to know. He cares about you a lot."

"O-oh."

"Yeah 'oh'. He does." The girl smiled. "You need to confront him, but let him know you still love him despite his faults. And don't wax poetic like you normally do, he won't get that. Say it straight to his face."

"Kaede! I don't love-"

"Suuuuure you don't."

A pause. "Ok, maybe I might. A little."

"..."

"Ok, maybe a whole lot. You're right, I need to address this."

"You bet I am!" Kaede laughed. "Go get your man."

"Yeah. See you later, Kaede, Tsumugi too if you're there."

_click._

* * *

Shuichi helped a now-silent Kokichi out of his car. The two boys stumbled up the stairs to the second floor, where their dorm room was. The shorter-haired boy undid the lock and let the other in.

Kokichi immediately headed off to his bedroom. Shuichi started as Kokichi plopped onto his bed and began to weep.

He rushed over to Kokichi. "Kichi, what's wrong?" he asked, concerned. He fluffed a bit of the boy's purple hair.

"M' s-sorry," he hiccuped. "I-ive bee'  _hic_ actin' s-s'range today an' i d-dunno wh-why. I'm a p-piece of  _hic_ ga'bage, Shuichi...."

Shuichi smiled gently and sat down on the bed next to him. He pulled the other boy close into a hug. "No you're not. You're just a bit direct, is all."

"Bu' I am."

"Sshhh, no you aren't." He ran a hand through his hair again. "Try and get some sleep, ok? I'll talk to you in the morning."

"Ok." Kokichi closed his eyes and shuffled to fit better. "Goodnigh'."

Shuichi didn't remember when Kokichi exactly fell aslerp, but he did remember feeling at peace.

* * *

 **rocket boy:** so how'd it go?

 **floorboard fetish:** abt as well as you'd expect

 **floorboard fetish:** i need to confront him and i'm going to no matter the cost.

 **guac:** good on you way to stick it to the man g

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Current chat names:
> 
> guac: amami  
> slut: miu  
> Supreme® Leader: kokichi  
> rocket boy: kaito  
> floorboard fetish: shuichi  
> jackie chan but Feminism™: tenko  
> squat child: himiko  
> aneemay tiddies: tsumugi  
> kork: kiyo  
> $n00p d0g: angie  
> mom: kirumi  
> velveeta GANG: kaede  
> blocked and reported: maki  
> Recalculating..: kiibo  
> Wii Sports Tennis: hoshi  
> bugs life: gonta  
> spiderman clone: alter ego gonta


	8. Inevitable Confrontation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **floorboard fetish:** Kokichi, where did you go? I need to talk to you about yesterday.
> 
> **Supreme® Leader:** oooh, somebody's in trouble
> 
> **Supreme® Leader:** it's me
> 
> **Supreme® Leader:** i'm in trouble
> 
> **Supreme® Leader:** I have no idea why I said that
> 
> The one where Shuichi has to chase Kokichi through the dorms to find him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys I hate myself and my mother but here's another chapter because I need this
> 
> lmao do i post these too often

Kokichi blinked and sat up. His mouth screamed at him in protest as he yawned. A ray of sunlight peeked through drawn navy blue curtains that most certainly weren't the plum ones from his side of the room. That didn't add up. He looked around, confused.

His own bed was acrost the room from the one he was currently situated in, the plum curtains on the adjacent wall. The checkered covers were folded as neatly as he had left them the following day to get his teeth removed. From what he can tell, he hadn't touched them at all, though there seemed to be tear-stains(?) on the pillow.

_Truth Bullet #1: I hadn't slept in my own bed. I might've been crying on it, though._

Speaking of which, what happened yesterday after the surgery? He couldn't remember, and when he tried to, his head spun in protest. His memories after being put under were a blank, hazy at best.

_Truth Bullet #2: I can't remember the events of yesterday._

He looked down, and recognized the covers over him. A simple black quilt and sheets smiled back up at him from Shuichi's bed. Why would he have slept in Shuichi's bed?

_Truth Bullet #3: I'm in Shuichi's bed._

Speaking of Shuichi, the Ultimate Detective was fast asleep next to him, hugging his waist. Hope's Peak's second detective prodigy was clinging to him like a teddy bear, his eyeliner smudged and his hair a mess, drooling all over his own pillow. He seemed very content just dozing off next to Kokichi, despite still wearing the hoodie he wore yesterday.

_Truth Bullet #4: Shuichi slept next to me. He never got out of his regular clothing, and he looks harried and tense. Maybe Shuichi brought me to his bed... but why?_

Kokichi looked around for his phone, but it wasn't on the nightstand. Where was it? He stole a glance back at his precious detective, and found it in the boy's pocket. Careful not to wake him, he gently removed it and turned it on. The clock read 4:30 am. He must've gotten to sleep pretty early then.

_Truth Bullet #5: Shuichi had my phone._

_Truth Bullet #6: I got to bed pretty early last night, 6:30 pm at the latest._

Kokichi sighed and opened his messaging app. He hadn't sent anything to the chat at all since he got put under. Shuichi had told Rantarou that it went "as well as you could expect," leaving no open frame of reference. Kaede did tell him to call her if something happened, so maybe he did so. Shuichi did mention confronting him "tomorrow" at around 5pm.

_Truth Bullet #6: I got to bed at 5pm last night._

_Truth Bullet #7: Something went wrong, and Shuichi called Kaede._

_Truth Bullet #8: Shuichi wants to confront me about yesterday._

Kokichi shivered. This is exactly what he was afraid of. He tried so hard to get himself under control, but one small incident with laughing gas and everything was back to square one.

_Verdict: I'd disassociated on laughing gas and acted psychotic. Shuichi had put me in his bed to watch over me to make sure I didn't do anything else. He probably hates me now._

Kokichi fought back the hot tears that threatened to spill over. His vision blurred as he watched the boy next to him take another quiet breath in. Shuichi was trustworthy and sincere. He didn't deserve to be burdened by Kokichi's mania. A tear slipped down his cheek. He needed to get out of here before his crying woke Shuichi up.

Regretfully, he unhooked Shuichi's arms from his waist and slipped out of bed. He walked over to his own dresser and grabbed a change of clothes, then headed for the bathroom. He carefully slipped out of his clothes from the day before and slipped on a clean purple sweater and white jeans, then retied his scarf. Then, he brushed his hair and redid his eyeliner, and went to the kitchen.

His shoes were by the door. That relieved him for some reason. Maybe it was the fact that despite the craziness of his present situation, he could still rely on his penchant for taking off his shoes on the carpet and leaving them there. Routine, maybe, and the solidity of it.

He grabbed his backpack and slipped on his shoes. He spared Shuichi one final glance, tears pouring silently down his face, before slipping out the door and locking it behind him.

What would he do? Where would he go? He texted Amami to see if he and Kork would take him.

* * *

**Kokichi Ouma, Rantarou Amami**

**gremlin bastard:** hey amami. can i chill w/ u and kork for a while?

**big brother!:** kokichi, are you running from shuichi? also, it's like 5 in the morning

**gremlin bastard:** no nuh uh i'm not

**big brother!:** you need to talk to him. if you don't i'm dragging you kicking and screaming to a therapist

**gremlin bastard:** you wouldn't. i've been keeping this a secret for too long. you can't make me, rantarou, they'll institutionalize me! 

**big brother!:** they won't institutionalize you, kokichi. why would they?

**gremlin bastard:** i can't feel empathy, rantarou! they'd make me take a test on it and if it's low enough they'll lock me up! they'd think i'd kill somebody!

**big brother!:** nobody would think that. you don't think that, do you?

**gremlin bastard:** i'm not that stupid, but some people assume things! They'd think i'm a danger to society! please don't, rantarou.

**big brother!:** then go talk to shuichi, and i'll leave you alone.

**gremlin bastard:** no. i'm going. you won't be able to find me.

**big brother!:** kokichi, no

**gremlin bastard** _is offline._

* * *

As Kokichi headed for the stairs, he could hear footsteps running down the hallway, and Rantarou's voice. He coldly smirked as Rantarou passed by the hallway he was in, heading for Kokichi and Shuichi's room. He allowed himself a moment before he dashed up the stairs.

As he climbed another flight of stairs a senior with short, spiky brown hair and a green tie came down. Kokichi froze as he approached.

"Hey, it's pretty early in the morning. Are you alright?" the boy asked. "Are you going to the roof?"

"I just might be," Kokichi replied defensively. "What's it to you?"

The other boy scrutinized him. "You're friends with the green-haired kid and the long-haired kid who were reprogramming the furby with Izuru, right? Are you alright? You seem upset."

"I'm fine," Kokichi lied.

"Hey, I'm not going to stop you from going up there if you're just going sightseeing," the boy reassured him. "You just look upset and I don't want you doing anything you'd regret."

"I'm hiding from someone actually, but thanks for looking out for little 'ol me," Kokichi replied honestly, starting to climb the stairs again. "You've got nothing to worry about."

"If you say so." The boy looked unconvinced, but he walked past him anyways. "See you around."

Kokichi snickered when he left, then continued.

He unlocked the door to the roof, and sat on the bench up there. Nobody would find him here. Nobody would think to care. Now all he had to do was wait.

* * *

**Supreme® Leader:** whaaaaaaaat's up ladies and gentlemen it's ya boy koooookiiiiiichiiii and today we gonna be playin some fuckin uh fortnite

**guac:** kokichi where are you

**Supreme® Leader:** not telling! but uhhh i was cuddling with saihara-chan a while ago and that was fucking fun

**Supreme® Leader:** then i remembered i was a waste of space and booked it

**slut** _is online._

**slut:** ha gay

**slut:** also don't try and distract us with your jokes kokichi

**Supreme® Leader:** don't miss me with that gay shit hit me with that gay shit attack full force with that gay shit i want it everywhere i wanna make it inescapable i want the heteros to feel oppressed and scared may the gay agenda coMMENCE!!!

**jackie chan but Feminism™** _is online._

**jackie chan but Feminism™:** me fuckin too big mood

**guac:** damn it you two WE HAVE AN ACTUAL SITUATION RIGHT NOW

**guac:** KOKICHI WHERE ARE YOU

**Supreme® Leader:** like you'd care

**floorboard fetish** _is online._

**floorboard fetish:** Kokichi, where did you go? I need to talk to you about yesterday.

**Supreme® Leader:** oooh, somebody's in trouble

**Supreme® Leader:** it's me

**Supreme® Leader:** i'm in trouble

**Supreme® Leader:** I have no idea why I said that

**floorboard fetish:** kokichi please

**Supreme® Leader:** i'm sorry

**Supreme® Leader:** i don't want you to hate me, but you should. i can't do this.

**Supreme® Leader:** you should just stop trying to help me.

**floorboard fetish:** kokichi, wait

**Kokichi Ouma** _removed himself from the chat._

**floorboard fetish:** i i i gotta find him i hahave to i have to amami help me please kaede tusumugi kaito maki you've gotta help me i can't lose him

**velveeta GANG** _and 11 others are online_

**velveeta GANG:** shuichi where are you right now

**guac:** he's in the dorm and he's shaking and crying right now

**aneemay tiddies:** he's having a panic attack you need to calm shuichi down or he could pass out

**aneemay tiddies:** get him to breathe in and out slowly

**kork:** ok hoshi, kiibo and kaito just ran over to our dorm. we're all heading over there now. we need to create a precise course of action. ouma is clever.

**aneemay tiddies:** the girls and i are heading over to you guys now. we'll be there in 5

**guac:** alright. it's time to save a pesky gremlin from himself.

* * *

Rantarou looked up from Shuichi as several sets of hands rapped on Shuichi's dorm room door. He squeezed Shuichi's shoulder and went up to get the door.

Outside was the rest of the 79th class, looking worried, plus a couple kids from the 77th and 78th. They all filed into Shuichi's room and got themselves situated.

Kaede and Kaito ran over to Shuichi, who let out a horrible scream and sat there rocking on the floor, head in his hands. His two friends pried each hand away from his face and each held one, telling him to breathe and letting him know that  _it's ok, it'll be alright, we'll find him, it'll be ok, just breathe._ Slowly, Shuichi unravelled, and the two kids pulled him into a hug. Tears ran down Shuichi's face as he sobbed.

Tsumugi and Maki joined them, and together, the four kids helped Shuichi into a chair. The 15 kids of the 79th, plus a few extras from the 78th and 77th, sat in a circle in Shuichi and Kokichi's living room.

"Ok," Rantarou began. "All of us in the 79th know each other, but some of us don't know the older kids, so we'll go around introducing ourselves in clockwise. I'm Rantarou Amami, Ultimate Adventurer."

"I am Korekiyo Shinguuji, Ultimate Anthropologist."

"Hoshi Ryoma. Ultimate Tennis Pro."

"Kaede Akamatsu, Ultimate Pianist, 79th's class rep."

"Tsumugi Shirogane. Ultimate Cosplayer."

"Sh-shuichi Sai-hic-hara. Ul-ultimate hic Dete-tective of th-the 79th."

"Kaito Momota, Ultimate Astronaut!"

"Maki Harukawa, Ultimate Assasin."

"Tenko Chabashira, Ultimate Akido Master!"

"Himiko Yumeno, Ultimate Mage."

"Angie Yonaga, Ultimate Artist!"

"Miu Iruma, Ultimate Inventor!"

"Kiibo, Ultimate Robot."

"Kirumi Toujou, Ultimate Maid."

"Gonta Gokuhara, Ultimate Entomologist!"

They moved on to a group of four seniors. First was a boy with long dark hair and a grey, cozy-looking sweater. His red eyes seemed to pierce into your soul. "Izuru Kamukura. I am the Ultimate Talented Student."

Then was a lazy girl with pink hair and a white miniskirt. "Hi! I'm Chiaki Nanami, the Ultimate Gamer. I'm the class rep for the 77th and the student council president."

There was a clean-cut boy with spiky brown hair and a green tie. "I'm Hajime Hinata. I got in on a scholarship. I'm the 77th's Ultimate Hope."

Next to him, hanging off his arm, was a boy with scruffy white hair and a baggy green hoodie. "I'm Nagito Komaeda, the Ultimate Lucky Student, though you can't really call that a talent-"

Hajime put a finger to his lips. "Nagito, don't be so down on yourself. You've got more of a talent than I do."

Nagito huffed and was silent.

Then, there were four juniors from the 78th. There was a small mousy boy in a leather jacket-hoodie. "I'm Makoto Naegi, the Ultimate Hope of the 78th and the junior class rep."

A girl with large bushy pigtails and hairclips was next. "Junko Enoshima, Ultimate Fashionista, though a lot of people just call me the Ultimate Despair. I'm not that mean."

A girl with long purple hair. "Kyoko Kirigiri, Ultimate Detective of the 78th."

And finally, a boy with glasses and a rather expensive suit. "Byuakuya Togami. Ultimate Affluent Prodigy."

Makoto laughed. "I still can't believe he came along. Something about having an unfinished rivalry with Ouma that requires him to be the only person who bests him. Junko too, but she's friends with Ouma."

Kaede smiled. "Any reason is better than none. Thank you, Togami."

"You're... you're welcome," he huffed. "Hate to say it, but a scenario where something happens to the little shit is undesirable at best."

"Aww, look at you Byakuya, showing some emotion."

"You know I already do, Junko, I love Makoto and Kyoko like nothing else!"

"That, and anger, that's about it."

"Oh, you guys-!"

"Alright, enough," Rantarou cut in warmly. "We have a purple bastard to find."

"I may have evidence pointing to his location," Hajime started. "I encountered him going up the stairs to the roof looking very miserable."

"Why didn't you say that on the way?!?" Junko blurted. "That would've saved us this whole powow!"

"I would have, but then all of us would've ran straight to the roof and he would've done something hasty," Hajime retorted evenly. "I know people pretty well. We need to plan this out first."

"He's right," Nagito added. "When I, uh, was having worse a time, I'd have, um, episodes quite similar in nature and Hajime would have to take care of me. If the entire 77th had come running to find me I probably would have jumped off that bridge."

Hajime, Chiaki and Izuru winced. Kaede and Makoto looked at him in concern.

"Don't make me explain. It was a while ago, and I'm fine now."

"You better be," Hajime pressed, and kissed him on the cheek gently.

"S-so how are we g-g-gonna do this?" Shuichi asked suddenly, voice shaking. "I hate to b-break up a story but I h-have to find the person I l-love before he does s-something  _risky._ "

"Right. Shuichi, I actually want you to go onto the rooftop alone," Hajime offered. "The rest of us can stay behind on the ground in case he decides to, well..."

_Jump,_ he would've added, but he didn't want to say the word aloud.

Shuichi didn't hesitate to accept the offer. "Alright. What should I s-say?"

"Anything that's straight from your heart."

* * *

**Bouma Rescue Squad**

**orange juice man:** okay is everyone ready?

**junk:** yeah hajimeme everyone's down here skrrt skrrt

**junk:** calm ur tatas

**naegg:** yeah uhh junko i think you've got the least calm "tatas" of all of us

**junk:** but hajime's got the biggest man tiddies out of all u boy toys

**hopeboi:** she's,,, actually right,,,,

**HIYAHH!:** DIRTY DEGENERATE I DIDN'T NEED TO KNOW THAT

**magic:** but tenko, babe, it's gay

**HIYAHH!:** but it's degenerates

**magic:** but it's the gay agenda

**HIYAHH!:** oh shit u right

**HIYAHH!:** CARRY ON

**richie rich:** ok enough about hinata's "toddies". saihara, are you ready?

**detecctive:** yes. i'm still a bit upset but i'm ready

**maple leaf rag:** shuichi are you crying

**detecctive:**...yes

**sao is trash:** you're gonna be ok, right?

**detecctive:** i can do this. For kokichi. Thanks, tsumugi, kaede.

**kin with saihara no doubles:** alright. When makoto counts off from three we'll head outside. When you're ready, Shuichi, got get him.

**detecctive:** ok, kyoko-san.

**naeggi:** 1!

**naeggi:** 2!

**whore:** FOR FUCKS SAKE JUST SAY IT OUT LOUD NAEGI

* * *

 

Kokichi stood at the edge of the roof, leaning haphazardly on the railing, watching the people walk by below. He absentmindedly considered the idea of jumping, but decided against it. He'd just sit up here until he starved, he guessed. Or maybe, if he got bored enough, he'd crack and do it. For now, he was fine with watching others, trapped in his own thoughts.

_I guess not even Shuichi cares enough to come find me, huh? Why'd I even get attached in the first place? He's so sincere, and kind, but he obviously can't love a mental invalid like me. He deserves better, and he knows it._

He let out a rueful laugh as more tears slipped down his cheeks.  _You're beautiful, Shuichi. Your eyes are like golden buttons, your smile more valuable than the rarest diamond. You're a priceless treasure._

_And me! I am worse than garbage. Even a rat could feel more empathy than I could, could treat you with more grace and respect, could understand you more. I'm a good-for-nothing psychopath who lies and tells dumb jokes. I'm not good enough for you._

And then, the scene below changed.

Movement on the pavement interrupted his thoughts. 22 kids filed out the door, one by one. Their backs were tall, smiling as they looked up at him. As if they had rehearsed it, they all lined up in a row, shoulder to shoulder. Most were part of the 79th, four from the 78th and four from the 77th. _Kaede? Rantarou? Kaito? Tsumugi? Kiyo? Maki? Hoshi? Gonta? Kirumi? Miu? Kiibs? Angie? Tenko? Himiko? Hinata-senpai? Komaeda-kun? Kamukura? Nanami-senpai? Junko-chan? Naegi-senpai? Togami-senpai? Kirigiri-san? What are you doing here?_ He shook as more tears cascaded down his face and fell down to where the students were waiting, standing there proudly to catch him if he fell.

"You all came for me?" he sobbed. "Even though I don't deserve it?"

The door behind him gently creaked open. Kokichi whirled around to be met with golden eyes observing him from acrost the roof.

"You do deserve it," Shuichi replied evenly, despite the tears running down his own face, trailing mascara and eyeliner down his cheeks. "You deserve the whole world, Kokichi Ouma, Ultimate Supreme Leader."

"Shuichi," he whispered. 

"Kokichi," the other boy replied. He held out his arms.

Kokichi hiccuped a sob and ran to Shuichi, who took him in his slender yet strong arms. This, Kokichi decided, was the safest place: in Shuichi's embrace. He didn't have to lie to such a beautifully sincere person. He could just be himself.

"Hey," Shuichi began quietly. "Can you tell me what's going on?"

Kokichi sighed. He didn't want to say it, but he knew he had to. The time had come to finally tell the truth.

"I've been... having a rough time," he admitted. "I never told you. I can't really... well, I can't feel empathy and I've been disassociating and I've been lying to you all and myself since day one." He sighed. "I wouldn't be surprised if you hated me."

"Kokichi," Shuichi replied. "I could never hate you."

"I- Shuichi, you should! Why can't you just listen to that one request?" he begged. "You don't understand, I am eventually going to hurt you because I can't understand your emotions. Getting close to me is basically asking for your feelings to get hurt over and over again." He clung to Shuichi, fighting the urge to push him away.

"Do you think that matters to me?" Shuichi asked.

"What?"

He smiled. "You're kind, funny, and wicked smart. Your humor and wit light up an entire room, and you jump at the chance to defend me. You're there when I'm down, and even though you don't know what to do to help, you try, which, by the way, does a hell of a lot to help. You're a brilliant leader, you're calm in a crisis, and did I add that you're super cute?"

Kokichi looked away, unable to handle the praise.

"Kokichi," Shuichi murmured. "Look at me."

Kokichi reluctantly faced him. Shuichi put a hand on his cheek.

"You might say things you don't intend, but I know you don't intend them. I know and understand that you care about me. You're perfect."

"I-"

"No, no more of that," Shuichi cut in, and kissed him. Kokichi's eyes widened, but the action finally conveyed Shuichi's message, and he relaxed. A small smile slipped onto Kokichi's face for just a second before it disappeared again. 

They broke apart, and Kokichi sagged into Shuichi's arms. "I'm sorry," he sobbed.

"For what?"

"I'm sorry for not telling you. I'm sorry for lying. I'm sorry for going through this as if I was alone."

"There's no need to apologize to me," Shuichi wept. "It's ok. I'm sorry for not doing anything sooner. I'm sorry for not telling you that I love you sooner."

"You really do?" Kokichi asked, disbelieving.

"I really do. I love you, Kokichi."

"Then..."

A shy smile finally found itself on Kokichi's face.

"I love you, Shuichi."

* * *

The kids smiled when they opened the door to the roof. They'd come up there because it'd been a while since either of the two had said anything, but what they saw eased their worries.

On the bench were Shuichi and Kokichi, fast asleep in each other's arms. They slept like newborns, the wind not disturbing their slumber. Their hands were clasped tightly together, fingers woven together tighter than a zipper braid. 

"God, that's adorable," Kaede commented lightly. "They should've confessed earlier, think about all of the cute shit we could've seen."

"You know what they say," Kiyo commented casually. "Humanity is fucking beautiful."

"Aye."

"Big fucking mood."

"Ideaaa!" Junko crowed, pulling out her stuffed bear plushie. She skipped over to the two and slipped "Monokuma" between them. "Let's leave this fucker here and watch them flip out about it when they wake up!"

"You're a crazy bitch but we love you, Junko," Hajime joked. "You're got Ouma on the run for his money in the prank department."

"Oh, yeah," Chiaki laughed. "I remember this one time where I was in the gymnasium with Akane when I triggered one of Junko's pranks and one of those foam gymnastics blocks fell on my head while Akane yelled 'TETRIS, MOTHERFUCKER!' It was a laugh."

"Tetris, motherfucker," Rantarou wheezed. "You're killing me."

Chuckling, the twenty-two kids from the 77th, 78th and 79th classes of Hope's Peak Academy left their friends soundly asleep on the rooftop bench, dead to the world and everyone but each other.

Behind them, the sun rose, golden and bright on the horizon.

* * *

**Bouma Rescue Squad**

**rescue him succi:** AIGHT WHICH ONE OF YOU PUT THE MONOKUMA PLUSHIE ON US

**naeggi:** it was junko

**avacada:** it was junko

**rocketpunch:** it was junko

**i'll honestly end your life:** it was junko

**beautiful kehehe:** it was junko

**richie rich:** it was junko

**junk:** it was meeeeee

**rescue him succi:** fuck you we're going back to our own gc you ruined it you despair-loving fuck

**junk:** oww

**rescue him succi:** and

**rescue him succi:** thank you. all of you. especially you guys from the 77th and the 78th. you didn't have to help me, but you organized this entire thing for me and you got shuichi to confess. i'm really touched.

**naeggi:** yw ouma!

**kin with saihara no doubles:** it was the least we could do.

**richie rich:** i'm the only person that gets to best you you little goblin

**kamukura yass queen:** it was necessary. this school would be even more boring without you.

**orange juice man:** nagito seems to find you funny, and i personally like seeing nagito happy.

**hopeboi:** you're welcome, kokichi-kun.

**junk:** yw ya little shit we love you ouma

**tetris motherfucker:** keep believing in yourself!

**junk:** god whatever did we do to deserve chiaki look she's a ray of sunshine

**orange juice:** big agree

**naeggi:** big mood

**kamukura yass queen:** yeah i agree with that sentiment

**kin with saihara no doubles:** nobody deserves chiaki she's a queen

**tetris motherfucker:** aww you guys

**rescue him succi:** wowowow ignored already

**junk:** ya

**detecctive:** rude

**junk:** ya

**maple leaf rag:** anyways, i think we're all going to go back to our own chat. if u guys wanna scream at us we'll add u for like 5 mins and then kokichi or shuichi will kick you out

**naeggi:** wait y those two

**avacada:** because they stole our admin rights and they run our chat from a monarchy position

**naeggi:** yikes man sucks to be you

**rescue him succi:** see y'all on the flipside!

**rescue him succi** _and 15 others left the chat._

**junk:** lol maybe i should do that

**naeggi:** nO you SHANT TAKE OVER OUR CHAT

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Current chat names:
> 
> guac: amami  
> slut: miu  
> Supreme® Leader: kokichi  
> rocket boy: kaito  
> floorboard fetish: shuichi  
> jackie chan but Feminism™: tenko  
> squat child: himiko  
> aneemay tiddies: tsumugi  
> kork: kiyo  
> $n00p d0g: angie  
> mom: kirumi  
> velveeta GANG: kaede  
> blocked and reported: maki  
> Recalculating..: kiibo  
> Wii Sports Tennis: hoshi  
> bugs life: gonta  
> spiderman clone: alter ego gonta
> 
> This was 90% narration and 10% chatfic and i 100% don't give a flying fuck because this needed to be done. we'll be back to our regular memey shit after this 
> 
> also the texts between rantarou and kokichi may or may not be based off of a convo between me and my mother (and i'm not proud of how paranoid i was)


	9. Insert You're CD

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **guac:** lmao so i guess you guys knew already but uhh i'm not a heterosexual
> 
> **Supreme® Leader:** lmao we knew already my gaydar says you're off the charts
> 
> **guac:** i mean you're not wrong
> 
> The one where our Killing School Life continues, just without the killing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am the big gay
> 
> oof
> 
> i still hate myself
> 
> warnings for miu and her potty mouth referencing a vine that has the f word in it in her user
> 
> creds to dang_its_ronpa for inspo for some of the dialogue! if you've got a headcanon or dialogue you want me to put in here PLEASE COMMENT THX
> 
> i secretly love comments bye

**Supreme® Leader:** wHAT'S CRACK A LACKIN HOES

**jackie chan but Feminism™:** it's the degenerate! we love you

**squat child:** we love you kokichi

**rocket boy:** you're heckin great kokichi

**guac:** you're valid

**kork:** we appreciate you

**velveeta GANG:** you're a great friend

**aneemay tiddies:** you'd look great in cosplay and your eyeliner is slayin 24/7

**Wii Sports Tennis:** you're fucking hilarious

**mom:** i'm glad i adopted you

**bugs life:** gonta thinks kokichi is very cool!

**Supreme® Leader:** o h

**Supreme® Leader:** _o       h_

**floorboard fetish:** holy shit guys it worked he's so happy

**floorboard fetish:** he just kinda leaned over and hugged me

**spiderman clone:** bitches n tiddies

**Supreme® Leader:** i love everyone in this chat except for you, alter ego

**Supreme® Leader:** you're on a short clock f u c k e r

**spiderman clone:** whatchu gun do

**Supreme® Leader:** i have,,, connections

**slut:** I HATE TO INTERRUPT UR ARGUMENT BUT

**slut** _changed her name to_ **mega faggot**

**mega faggot** _changed_ **Recalculating...** _'s name to_ **RoboBitch**

**mega faggot:** couple's names

**floorboard fetish:** uhh miu that word is kind of offensive

**Supreme® Leader:** hEYYYY I KNOW THAT VINE OMF THAT WORKS SO WELL

**Supreme® Leader:** THE DUMB SLUT FINALLY CAME UP WITH SOMETHING CLEVER AAAAAA

**mega faggot:** ohhh yeahhh insult me moorreee 

**floorboard fetish:** h it's a vine apparently nvm

**Supreme® Leader:** here i'll send u the meme babe

**blocked and reported:**!

**rocket boy:** o u m a g o d

**floorboard fetish:** SKDKBSNSKSB 

**floorboard fetish:** KOKICH I

**$n00p d0g:** b l e s s e d

**Supreme® Leader:** was the vine that good

**floorboard fetish:** readthe chat again

**Supreme® Leader:** oh oh shit i called you a pet name i didn't eVEN REALIZE

**Supreme® Leader:** i'm S O  SORRY FUCK

**velveeta GANG:** DON'T APOLOGIZE FOR G AY

**floorboard fetish:** actually,,, i i liked it please continue

**Supreme® Leader:** o h

**Supreme® Leader:** ok, babe

**floorboard fetish:** darling

**Supreme® Leader:** my love

**floorboard fetish:** sweetheart

**Wii Sports Tennis:** ok enough i'm going to go into cardiac arrest

**RoboBitch:** m iuuuuuuu this is robophobia

**mega faggot:** only 4 u bby ;)

**RoboBitch:** you're lucky i love you

**velveeta GANG:** hold up something's been bothering me since this chat was active today

**velveeta GANG:** So shuichi said "he just kind of leaned over and hugged me"

**velveeta GANG:** that was at like,,, 6 am

**velveeta GANG:** I KNOW F OR  A FACT SHUICHI DOESN'T GET UP UNTIL 6:30 i think i know my bff well enough to know

**velveeta GANG:** SO HERE'S THE CONSPIRACY

**velveeta GANG:** I Think Shuichi and Kokichi shared a bed last night ;))

**floorboard fetish:** ok normally i'd deny it

**floorboard fetish:** but i'm not gonna because i'm proud to be dating kokichi

**floorboard fetish:** he's the sweetest and i love him

**Supreme® Leader:** o    h

**Supreme® Leader:** i love u too

**floorboard fetish:** :D <3

**velveeta GANG:** Y O U TWO  ARE SO C UTE IT'S UNREAL

* * *

**guac:** lmao so i guess you guys knew already but i'm not a heterosexual

**Supreme® Leader:** lmao we already knew my gaydar says you're off the charts

**guac:** i mean you're not wrong

**kork:** h

**kork:** me too big mood

**kork:** ahem i mean i as well my emotional state is in tandem

**Supreme® Leader:** KO R K YOU CAN TALK AS CASUALLY AS YOU WANT WE WON'T JUDGE

**rocket boy:** uhhh i'd actually like to confess something but i'm nervous

**floorboard fetish:** it's ok kaito take your time we'll accept you

**velveeta GANG:** no matter what we'll support you

**rocket boy:** ok so uhh

**rocket boy:** i like girls and i have a girlfriend

**$n00p d0g:** sinner. don't taint this house with your heterosexuality

**Supreme® Leader:** NO  C I S HE TS  IN THIS CHAT

**mom:** disowned

**floorboard fetish:** i'm not comfortable with it but i'll accept you

**velveeta GANG:** you disappoint me, Kaito

**jackie chan but Feminism™:** BIG GAY OR GET OUT

**rocket boy:** cold

**blocked and reported:** that's just how it is on this bitch of an earth

**rocket boy:** thanks for the encouragement

**mega faggot:** wHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU GUYS CLASS STARTS IN 2  M I N UTES

**floorboard fetish:** h

**squat child:** dunno man where the fuck a m i

**velveeta GANG:** o h fuck u now we have to talk in person

**guac:** why ever would we want to do that

* * *

**Supreme® Leader:** hey guys what's the answer to number 4

**mega faggot:** it's abr

**$n00g d0g:** get owned miu

**guac:** kokichi you're cold, getting miu's phone taken away like that

**Supreme® Leader:** ya i know i knew the answer to 4 it was abraham lincoln

**floorboard fetish:** kokichi this is a mATH test 

**Supreme® Leader:** then why exactly was she about to type that

**floorboard fetish:** sh it 

**Supreme® Leader:** you can't tell me LiES

**aneemay tiddies:** do your fucking work my phone keeps going off

**guac:** aight fine

**Supreme® Leader:** yes smoogi

**aneemay tiddies:** smoogi?!?

**Supreme® Leader** _changed_ **aneemay tiddies** _'s name to_ **smoogi**

**smoogi:** fuc.k you.jpeg

* * *

**RoboBitch:** wow so that was a test

**mega faggot:** y did they surprise us with that quiz shit anyways

**guac:** i dunno maybe to pr e p  u s for f i nals

**mega faggot:** u right, u right 

**velveeta GANG:** classes rlly seemed short today tho

**Wii Sports Tennis:** you know what else is short?

**Supreme® Leader:**  i dunno, you?

**guac:** your patience?

**mega faggot:** your dick?

**bugs life:** hoshi's hair?

**velveeta GANG:** GONTA YOU PURE SOUL

**Wii Sports Tennis:** m y   w i l l   t o   l i v e

**guac:** press F to pay respects

**Supreme® Leader:** F

**floorboard fetish:** F

**mega faggot:** owo what if making self-depreciating jokes is hoshi's kink and right now he's nutting

**RoboBitch:** M I U   N   NO

**squat child:** god fucking damnit miu

**smoogi:** f uck you

**$n00p d0g:** lust is a cardinal sin. you are going to hell.

**Wii Sports Tennis:** i'm going to kill iruma and then myself

**Wii Sports Tennis** _is offline._

**rocket boy:** i room with this man and i can assure you he's just crying silently on his bed

**rocket boy:** miu, you're a slutty whore

**mega faggot:** ahhhhh yessss kaito-kun insult me harderrrrr~

**Supreme® Leader:** you know fuck ing what

**Supreme® Leader:** omae wa mou shinderu

**floorboard fetish:** oh no oh fuck

**mega faggot:** NANI?!?

**mega faggot:**...wait

**Supreme® Leader** _kicked_ **mega faggot** _from the chat._

**guac:**...oh my god kokichi did something useful

**blocked and reported:** kokichi ouma for president 2020

**jackie chan but Feminism™:** oh my god you've leveled up from degenerate status

**mom:** hurrah you've defeated the evil

**Supreme® Leader:** oh yah! mom i was looking4 u!

**Supreme® Leader:** so i saw this old vine and

**Supreme® Leader** _changed_ **mom** _'s name to_ **anybody want some stew**

**anybody want some stew:** why

**spiderman clone:** careful chirren that's a lot of sodium

**Supreme® Leader:** soon, alter ego

**Supreme® Leader:** s o o n.

**spiderman clone:** i'm getting chills SKSJSNSJA

**Supreme® Leader:** s         o            o         n

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Current chat names:
> 
> guac: amami  
> mega faggot: miu  
> Supreme® Leader: kokichi  
> rocket boy: kaito  
> floorboard fetish: shuichi  
> jackie chan but Feminism™: tenko  
> squat child: himiko  
> smoogi: tsumugi  
> kork: kiyo  
> $n00p d0g: angie  
> anybody want some stew: kirumi  
> velveeta GANG: kaede  
> blocked and reported: maki  
> RoboBitch: kiibo  
> Wii Sports Tennis: hoshi  
> bugs life: gonta  
> spiderman clone: alter ego gonta


	10. The Inevitable Demise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **grape gremlin:** kamakura-senpaiiiiii!
> 
>  **b o r i n g:** what the fuck do you want you little shit
> 
>  **grape gremlin** i'm wounded ;-; i just wanted some help with something

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have no regrets. none. zero. zip. nada. also kudos to the anon "Nice!" who figured me out in the comments you're clever and i appreciate it

**Supreme® Leader:** hola chicos~

 **guac:** hey

 **rocket boy:** gm say it back

 **kork:** hello

 **floorboard fetish:** hi <3

 **Supreme® Leader:** h

 **velveeta GANG:** and it's already gay

 **smoogi:** gm kaede love you

 **velveeta GANG:** aaaaaaaa

 **velveeta GANG:** gm mugi llove you too

 **mega faggot:** you're a filthy hypocrite kaede

 **velveeta GANG:** I KNOW AND I DON'T GIVE A SHIT I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND

 **mega faggot:** o k   f i n e   n o  n e e d  to g et  t r i gg e r ed

 **guac:** so what do you guys think we'll do in class today?

 **velveeta GANG:** homework

 **mega faggot:** sleep

 **kork:** not pay attention

 **guac:** accurate

* * *

**Supreme® Leader:** owo h-hewwo? Hewwo! Wanna rp with widdwe owd me? Pewfect owo! Youw see a smaww figuwe wushing towawds youw. youw tuwn awound and see... Kowokichi Ouwoma! Youw best fwiend! Youw wush ovew to him excitedwy.

 **mega faggot:** ohFUCKING HELL

 **Supreme® Leader:** what happens next is up to you owo

 **rocket boy:** what theFUCK WHY OUMA

 **jackie chan but Feminism™:** filthy DEGENERATE

 **blocked and reported:** literally is this the "new prompt" shuichi let you write

 **Supreme® Leader:** it mighwt be owo

 **blocked and reported:** shuichi saihara this is your damn fault

 **floorboard fetish:** haha get fucked

 **blocked and reported:** i thought we were friends saihara

 **floorboard fetish:** we are, but kokichi comes first

 **blocked and reported:** fair

 **guac:** h

 **kork:** kiyowo wushes ovew to kowokichi. "hewwo kowokichi!!" he excwaims with enthusiasmw owo

 **guac:** H

 **Supreme® Leader:** HOLY SHIT KIYO YOU'RE THE DAMN MVP

 **kork:** oblidged ;)

 **Supreme® Leader:** excellent, do you wish to sow chaos with me

 **kork:** yes

 **Supreme® Leader:** the pact is forged, we are now bound by blood

 **kork:** kehehehehe

 **Supreme® Leader:** nishishishishi

 **Wii Sports Tennis:** please stop the floorboards are shaking and bugs are crawling under the doorway. i no longer fear death

 **guac:** come on hoshi you're the most cynical of us all how did you not expect this

* * *

**velveeta GANG** _sent an image_

 **velveeta GANG:** look at these SOLO AND ENSEMBLE G A I NS

 **anybody want some stew:** that's a lot of medals, i'm proud of you kaede

 **velveeta GANG:** thx mom

 **anybody want some stew:** you're very welcome, you are an amazing musician and you should feel proud of your work

 **Supreme® Leader:** nice medals which war did you serve in

 **velveeta GANG:** v i e t n a m

 **Wii Sports Tennis:** you're never too young to have a v i etnam flashback

 **guac:** h

 **mega faggot:** did you play the flea waltz

 **velveeta GANG:** G O D NO NOWI'M HAVING FLASHBACKS

 **squat child:** explain

 **velveeta GANG:** when i was in middle school the only performance i'd ever bombed was the flea waltz

 **velveeta GANG:** because some delinquents from our class came in and threw a rock at me while i was playing

 **floorboard fetish:** oof yeah i remember that

 **floorboard fetish:** me, kokichi, kaito, tsumugi and maki were there and maki and kokichi kicked their asses

 **smoogi:** kaede got hit and had a bruise on her cheek for a week, it wasn't pretty

 **mega faggot:** i'm so upset that we went to different middle schools think of all the shit i missed

 **kork:** rantarou and i went to their school but we barely interacted with them, there's no guarantee you'd have talked to them back then

 **floorboard fetish:** we're friends now, that's what matters

 **mega faggot:** true

 **spiderman clone:** when ancestry.com says you're 1.3%                           E

 **Supreme® Leader:** Y̶͍̭͉̮̭͆̄ơ̷͚̯̣̇̋̽ụ̴͈̐͊͊̕ ̶̛̤̏̈͛̄̏ẘ̶̺͚̲͝ì̵̗͍̯̼͖̟̭̃̿̽͌̑̕̕l̷̡̥̻̱̺̲̓̊̊l̶̨͙͚̟͉̰̄ ̶̛̫̰͍̄̏͂͊̽̈́͘͠͝p̶̢̝̹͉͉̠͚̥̗̩̿̑̔̈͐͘ę̴̍͗̿́̐r̶̠̗͑͐̿̋͊ỉ̶̢̳̫͙̪̓͗̎ͅş̷̤̯͎͖̫̲͎̣̔̾̉̽͐̀̏̃h̴̢͕̻̗̭̟̱̪̻͂͆́ ̷̟̭̯̮͂̄̚ą̸̨̟̯͎̩͉̤̩̂̿͒͊̕t̸̲̫͚̋͋͋̅͑̊̀̐͌̕ ̶̧̧̺͚͎͓̤̯͔̠̠̐͛̿̂͋͆s̶̞̫̙͛ǘ̷̮̭̟̘̝͉͈̱͖̉͆͌͆͋̇ͅn̶̟̞̜̾͊͛͗͝ḑ̴̢̛̮͕̘̗͇̩̐̐̎̎̔̒͜͠o̶̢̝͇̳͓̖̜͆͗̃̕͠w̸̙͔̺̜̜̫͓̗̰̐͛̓̏̐͗̃̌ṉ̷̯͋͌̂̈̈́̉͘̚̕

 **bugs life:** gonta says please don't hurt alter ego

 **Supreme® Leader:** uhhh sorry I don't listen to cryptids

 **guac:** kokichi

* * *

**liars jail → Kokichi Ouma, Shuichi Saihara**

**shumai <3: **hey, you ok? you kinda snapped at gonta back there

 **koko <3: **'m fine, thank you for asking

 **koko <3: **just a bit out of it

 **shumai <3: **need anything?

 **koko <3: **since i'm making demands, uhhh

 **koko <3: **panta, a bowl of ice cream, and kisses from shuu-chan

 **shumai <3: **ok kichi <3 i'll be there in a bit, sweetheart

 **koko <3: **thank u <3 love you

* * *

**Izuru Kamukura, Kokichi Ouma**

**grape gremlin:** kamakura-senpaiiiiii!

 **b o r i n g:** what the fuck do you want you little shit

 **grape gremlin** i'm wounded ;-; i just wanted some help with something

 **b o r i n g:** is it interesting

 **grape gremlin:** yes

 **b o r i n g:** will it cure my boredom

 **grape gremlin:** undoubtedly so

 **b o r i n g:** i'm listening

 **grape gremlin:** so do you know how to make an AI glitch out so much it's irreparable

 **b o r i n g:** wh

 **b o r i n g:** is this about what i think it is

 **grape gremlin:** possibly

 **b o r i n g:** add me to your GC i have an idea

* * *

**Supreme® Leader** _added_ **Izuru Kamukura** _to the chat_

 **Supreme® Leader** _changed_ **Izuru Kamukura** _'s name to_ **God**

 **$n00p d0g:** t h e r e   i s    o n l y   o n e    g o d

 **floorboard fetish:** oh hi izuru

 **God:** you knew Kokichi would add me the whole time, didn't you? You are looking over his shoulder as he types.

 **floorboard fetish:** you're actually right how did you know

 **God:** a guess

 **God:** also i put cams on the phones of everyone in the school

 **guac:** w h en

 **God:** you don't need to know that

 **mega faggot:** h why is the talented kid here

 **Supreme® Leader:** you'll see

 **God:** yes, i'm here for a very specific purpose

 **God:** but first

 **God:** Despacito 2 confirmed

 **rocket boy:** DESPACITO 2 CONFIRMED BY IZURU KAMUKURA

 **guac:** HOLY SJHIT IT'S GONNA BE LIT

 **RoboBitch:** SkskSKSNFKAH

 **RoboBitch:** error 404 

 **mega faggot:** kiibs just overheated

 **velveeta GANG:** LITTY

 **velveeta GANG:** ALso hi izuru 

 **Supreme® Leader:** heyyyyyy alter ego r u there

 **spiderman clone:** bitch

 **Supreme® Leader:** izzy has a present for you

 **God:** you pitiful creature

 **God** _sent an audio._

 **God:** i have no regrets

 **Supreme® Leader:** let's give it all we've got! Iiiiiiiiiiiiiit's...

 **Supreme® Leader:** p u n i s h m e n t    t i m e !

 **guac:** actual chills just ran down my back

 **Supreme® Leader:** ok alter ego

 **Supreme® Leader:** y a n n y   o r    l a u r e l

 **kork:** that is beyond cruel

 **kork:** i appreciate this

 **smoogi:** nOOOOYOU WOULDN'T

 **smoogi:** I HATE IT SO MUCH

 **spiderman clone:** yan

 **spiderman clone:** larny

 **spiderman clone:** laur h whks

 **spiderman clone:** lau r el or ya n yl

 **spiderman clone:** yan fskn rel skisanis

 **spiderman clone:** y̴a̷n̴n̶y̷ ̸o̸r̴ ̸l̸a̸u̸r̸e̸l̵

 **spiderman clone:** y̶̛͎͐a̶̪͐͘n̴̟͍͗̃n̷͙̟̍͛y̸͎͉͆ ̴̛̖̓o̶̠͖͆r̶̙͓̊ ̷̬̰̌l̴̥̣̆a̴̛̦̜̒u̶̳̖̿̾ř̵͔ë̶͓́͐l̸̮̓

 **Supreme® Leader:** it's WORKING

 **spiderman clone:** y̷͉̭̭̝͌͝á̷̢̳̬͙͔̽͂͘ṋ̵̘̻̺̊̉͆n̴̦̖̤̲͂y̴̮͔͚͆͊͐̂̾ ̶̮̰͉̝̈̾̽̕õ̷̺͑̃͘r̸̜͠ ̷̧͙̞̗̿̉͜l̶̤͛̃̚͘a̷̱̹̼̾̀̎u̶͖̦̰͐͝r̷͔̝̥̟͒͝ệ̵̜͙̫̦̉ļ̶̖͈̞̮̇

 **God:** so it would seem

 **spiderman clone:** ý̴̨̡̰̦͕̖̖̌͛͐͌͘ą̶̨̳̺̯͌̕n̵̼͇̰̣̼̜̠̏̏̑̑̐͝ ̸̧͍̘̣̭͍̆̑̆̅̔̌̚͠n̸͔̆̐͊̍ô̸̡̞̖̺̤͑̏̈́̕r̸̛̦̠͚̤̬̰̟͋̾ ̴̗̗̖̱̙̬͎̂l̵͔̅̌̄̅̂̊̈ạ̶̢̦͍̗̫̈̃̃ư̴̡͎͎̰̜͑̑r̵̛̯̤͍̼͔͇̠̘̋̍̃̿̓͘ē̴̱̫̯̹̳̃̆̚l̶̨͓͇̉̌͋̐̓̓͜͠

 **spiderman clone:** y̸̧̫̫̜̳̘̫͍͙̦͈̐͒̈́̓͘ą̵̢̨̧̣̗͖̭̤̙̮̦͂̓̏͋͜͠ͅn̴̙͛ ̶̧̡̤̩͙͍̝͚͉̠͌̈́͒͒́͠͠n̵̨̛̬̭͖͉̤̹̥̮̣͖̳̻̻̍͆̏̅̚ͅ4̴̡̹̭̟̬͖̥̤̮͑̒̔ơ̷̭̙̓̈́̈͒̾̉͆̅͑̔̎͝r̷̡̳̭͉̲͛̕ ̶͚̰̼̲̩̺̤̩̩͇͌̚͜l̵̡̘̻̰̬̝̠̯͕̘̼̘͚͍̩̤̓ư̷̧͋̊̏r̴̥̻͎̻̭͖͚̰̺͙̺̭̫̘͕̔̓́̽͐̊́̍̂̌̉̈͊͂͝ȩ̸̻͎̯͔̭̅͒͊̚ͅḷ̶̨̢̨̡̲͇̻̼̳̙̦̩͙͐̂̉̓͒̓̇̈͆̀̌͜͝ͅ

 **spiderman clone:** y̸͍̩̠̜̱͖̟̦̠̲̥̯̎͂̽͋͋̔̾͂̓̒́̈́̎̄̌͛̏́̃̈́͐̔̍͊͐̆͗̍̾͋͒̓̍̉̍̔̓̂̑̈́͘͘̕͝͠͠͠ņ̶̢̨̢̧̢̧̛̬͎̝͖̜̼̖͕̯̗͓͔̥̦̬͕͖̦͇͉̳̥̖̪͚̠̯̬̯̪͚͙͇̜͖̮̟̱̰̩̆̓̆́̅̌̄̔̋͗̈́̎̉̾̉̔̐͋̈̉̅̊͐͗̄̀̅͂̏͂̄̔͋͌̾̇̎̑̓̈́̉̓͑͌͐̾͐͂̔̐̚͘̕̚͘͜͜͜͝͝͝͝ ̵̨̧̧̨̧̢̛̛͈̩͎̜̹̪̘͙̯̟̲̖͖̪̗̗̗̤̬̤͕͈̰͈̺̰̲͍͕̲̪̼̠̣̩̲̪̭̼͕̼̥͓̦̖̮̲̿̑̂̓͂̾̓̈͊̆̓͑̈́̃̉̈́̎̆̄̑͌̓̌̀̿͊͐͌̒̐̎̏͗̑͌̾͘͘͘̚͘̚͜͝͠͝ͅn̴̢͙̻̘͓̑͌̋̈̋̈͐̈̒͌̆̕4̴̡̡̡̡̡̡̡̨̛͍̮̳̗̱͎͉͓̳͙̳̤͚̯͚̫̫̫̘̦̻͈̥͚͈̟̻͍̻̻̘̲͍̞̘̲͕̫̞̘̱͍̞͇̞̦͙̗̻͚̤͎̩̰͔̝͎̽̅̄̂̒̒̉͆͛̒̀͐̄̈́̍̊͛̃̑̐̋̒̑͗̒̆͒̓̌̾̿̔̓́̉͋̍̅́͊͘͜͜͝͝͠͠ỗ̷͔͗̑̾͌̂̌͊̽̕͘͝͝ͅr̴̢̢̧̧̲̪͕̞̣̺̠̞̞̖̞̞̗͎̖̲̳̟̪̺͉̦̺͕̲̫̹̫͓̘̪͈͕͎͎̟͍͇͕̰̘̩͚̐̐͆̋́̓̿̆̾͋̔͛̂̈́̿̈̈͂̈̀̔͌̅̈́̿̈̽̽̿̐̊̈́͜͝͝͝͝͠͠ͅͅ ̸̢̨̧̢̡̛̛̱̖̬̻̦̩̪̘͖̲̤̗͎͇̹̖̘̮̞͇͉̹̟̼̟̰̖̘̝̜̠̖̥̳͈͓͔̞̙̗̙̜̤͚̳̫̩̰̮̻̞͓̹̒͒͛̈́̔͊̾͌̇͋̒͑̈́̊͒̊̈́̏̏̋͘̚͜͝͝ļ̶̡̛͇̻̼̙͔̜̖̩̳͍̗̰̠̹̓̌̈́̓̒͛̈́͝ừ̷̧̢̢̛͓͉͍͎̞̜͉̹̹͖͎̳̣̺͉̞̼̗̟̝͚̯͎̟̗̠͉̘̫͔̗̥̗̥̮̞̭͔̤̥̭͓̰̱͖̤̯̞̺͔̬͈̋̋̑̉̈̐̒͋̔̈̾͜͜͠ő̶̧̢̢̢̢̪̬̱̠͍̟̯̝̞͔͉̬͈͍͎̩̻͕͍͎̟͈̝̙̱̖͕͓̙͉̱͈̺̺̱͈̰͍͕̘̞̞͔̩̖̿͛̍ͅs̵̨̡̛̛̜͔̖̠͎̝̱̱͇̪͚̺̞̠̦̹̱̜̫͉̭̙̜̘͇͈̫̺̙̼̦̯̣̠̳͆̒͊́̿̂̐͒̀̐͊͑͂̑̑̒̑̈́̏̒͌̓̓̔̂͌̌̋̾̌̑̏̀͒̈́̋̉̒̽͒͐̈́͌̽͗͌̕̕̕̚͘͘̚͜͝͠͝͠ͅe̸̡̧̛͕̝͕̫̝̣̗̝̞̜̖̘͚̺̻͔͚͕̜̻͖̩̠̝͈̫̟̼̹̳̳̤̭̲͍̤͇̮̭͈͔̻̤̰͈͖͇̘̹̹̪͚̖̖̺̓̌̊͂͆̅͊̓́̇͌͗͒͑̍̈́̓͆̋̔͑̃͑̈̋̎̈́̆̈͒̓̚̕̚͜͠͝ͅͅļ̴̘̪̻̺̠̟̜̺̖̘̻̼̬͇̜̻͈̙̣͎̫͔̠͚͚̯̖̪̜̈́́͆͛͂̎̅̏̓̾͂͒̾͜͠͠͝͝͠ͅͅ

 **mega faggot:** GOD IT'S GLITCHING OUT SO BAD

 **squat child:** WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO

 **spiderman clone:** 2̵̧̧̛̣̱̙͇̥̺͎͎̠̭̲̫͇̟͖̤̮̤͈̺̦͇̰̗̪̯͉̲̦͍̱̭̠̗̮̥͇̱͍͔͇̋͒͛̂͑̒͑͋̄̅̓̌̽̎̊̈̇̍̒͂̒̔̂̄̃͐̂͒̓͂̿͗̈́̃̉̈́̿̆͒̓̄̆͂̉͊̏͆̐̽͂̇̚̚̚̕̕͠͠͠͝͝͝ͅ ̸̨̧̨̢̢̡̝̫̻̥̜̥̺̬̤̠͓̜̲̦̥͚̪͙̳̭̟̦̝̺̘̙̳̫͖̭̗̺̓̍̈́̚̕͜͜͠n̵̡̡̨̢̲̳͈̯̮͈̠̻̺̼̪̱͓͍̠̥̺͉̝̮̻͎̻̟͎̙̊͜͝ ̴̨̨̢̛̳̯̼̤̺̻͇͇̮͖̼͎̙̳̺̪͈̬̭̯̙̝̯̞̖͓̺͈̅̈͜͜n̶̨̧̹̳̩̰̣̗̻̹̯̺̦͖̫̯̩̘̣̺͙͙̟̮͎͈̝̺͔͔̪̹͗́̇̃̍͗͂̎̂̽̉͐͌̈́̒͌̕̕̕͜͠4̴̨̡̧̨̢̛̳̠̟̤̰̺̟͇̜͔̻̣̝͈͙̼̥̘̩̺͍̺̲͓̯̗̰͕̗̙̳̠̝̯̜̖͕̬͕̦̭̰̝̭̬̙͈̯̱̠̟͈̬̠̱̙̻̺̲̪͇̙̝̰̱͕̓̔̀̒̽͆̋́̾̉̀̐̈̏͊̓͆̾̇͂̈́͘̚̚͜͜͝͝͠ͅǫ̶̢̡̢̧̧̨̛̛̱̤̖̮͉͈̩͖͙͓̯͈̖̜̳̜̲͎̻͇͙̩̘̼̝͙̙̲̗͚͙͈͔̞͈͔͖͕͉͇͇̗͚̤̜̹̬̬͆̉̓̌̒̒̈́́̽͑̀͌͑̐̎̂̃̀̽͋͒͒̔̊͐͗͑̂̽̍̓͒̄͊͗͘͠͝ͅͅŗ̵̧̨̧̧̞̘͇̩͔̦͓̮̖͍͙̤͈̤̪̟̦̜̹̗̺͐̔͑̂̐͗͐̈́̆̎̋͑̐̽̑̈́̑̌͊̽͆͛͛̈́͑̿̓̄́̿̽̽̐͊͂̿̆̃͛̈̈́̐̊̃́͒́͂̓̏̕͜͝͝͝͠͝͝ͅ ̴̧̛̪̰̲̺̬̩͍͔͉̯̞͙̹̟̩̻͇̗̟̠̝͉̮͖̣̺̹͉̣͊̾͂̈́̈͐̀̋̌̋͋͆̂̾̂́̾͘͝͠͝ͅͅļ̶̧̧̧̡̛͚̩͖̼͖̭̗̖̰̥͙̰̜͎̪͕̭̥̖͇̲̭͎̥͓̥͎͕̱͉̖̞̥̖͙͔̞͇͉̘̼̦̟̖̭̩̭̳̞̟̝̥̱̳̤͎͙̜̖̖̻͒͋̓̔̌̑̆̋̋͒̐̈́̏̆̆̇͋͐̽̃̊͛͗̈́͊̅̅͂̈́͑̈́̕͘͘̚̕͘͜͜͝͠͠ͅͅ3̸̡̨̢̢̨̨̼͚̝̩͎͓̻͙͚͍͖̰̝͕̥͇͉̗͕̗̜͇͕̯̠͇͎͈̟͙͎͍͎̪̯͉̖̤̣̰͖̙͎̥͖͉̟̗̙̥͋̑̅͊͐̇́̕͘͝ͅỡ̸̧̢̛̛̛̛̛̛̛͚̥͖͕͔̼̮͔͙͉̬̬̥̳̖̖̗̺̖͇̞̟͉͙͈̻̤̤͉̽͋̋̑͛͌̑̈̅̿́̐̓̇̍̾̋͋̀̽̂̽́̍̒͋̈͐̂͛͘̕̕̕͜͝ş̵̧̧̛̱̹͓͚̫͔̭̱̜͍̱̥͕̳̱̥̣͍̰̦̰̞̗̦̝͉͙̫̝̬͔̘̟̞̦̖̫̰̲̠̗͎̠̭̃̀͐̈́̈́̓̒̆̒͊̎̀̂̈́͛̈͌̏̓͊̈́̒̽̈́͂̽̿̍̊̿̄̔̌͒̕͜͜͝͠͝͝͠ȩ̵̢̢̨̛̝̪̪̥̠̼͕̲̹͙͙̻͓͈͉̙̝͖̰͙͖̹̱̗̤̰̦͕̞͔̻̝̯͓͍̣̳̩̝͎̣͖̱̜̺̥̯͎͎̝͉͍͙͕̯̞̮̦̬͔̭̩͕̅̌́̆̑̄̓̏̏͑̐̏͑̿͒͘̕̚͠͠͠ͅͅͅk̸̡̧̢̧̜̰̯̫̦̞̤͇̞̘̼̥̫̪͍̪̻͕͉̳̪̗͎̱͓͇͓̯̯̯̭̬͐̏̈̿̀̓̓̑̃̎̀͋̋͛̂͂͌́͊̐̍̔̌́̔́̄̕͜͠͝͝

 **mega faggot:** we have to permanently delete him we have no choice

 **Supreme® Leader:** HAHAHAHAHAHA YOU CAN'T STOP THIS FROM HAPPENING

 **spiderman clone:** 0̸̛͙̼͈͔̓̃̽͑1̶̘͈̮̪̖͐̍͝1̸̗̈́̒̈̈́̅̂̎0̴̨̛̞̩̩̤̹͕͇̮͔̍͑̀̒̽͆̅̑̈́1̴̪͍͖̼̺̯͕̹͚͉̈́͂̔͒͗͝͠0̸̨̞̰̮͉̋̑ͅ0̴̰̃̆͛̈́͐͝0̷͙͕́ͅͅ ̷̨̨̼̟͗0̷̨͔̜͈̙̫̗̿̈̈́̍̃͌̉̚1̶̡̹̻̅̌̓͝1̶̨̛̞̇̓͆̐͂0̸̛͖̖̰͖̈̉͌̋͊͝͠ͅ0̵̜̞̽̿̉1̸̡͓͉̞͇͉͍̝̣̇̑̅͝0̷̢͔͎̮̜̺̞͓̣̤̈̈͑͌̑̅̑1̷͓̘̙̱͌͊̊̈́͘͜ͅ ̷̖̖̩͆̈́̄͌0̴͕͖̣̘̎1̶̢̛̹̰͈̯͎̬̝̌̈́͒̿̍͗̋͐͘͜ͅ1̶̨̡͉̠̳̟͑͌̏̓̂̐͆̃0̸̧͖̥͍̦̞̞̑͛̓͛̈́̅̓1̷̯̤̮̈́͌̅̾̌͘1̸̧̺͎̤̬̊́͂̀͂̒͂0̸͚̖͓̪̲͒̾͜ͅ0̴͉̤̮̳͕͍͍̄̄͒̐̚͠ ̴̤̘̤̫͔͕̠̗̇̋̓̔̈́̓͘̚͜0̴̰͛̾̓̇͋̀̄͜͠1̷̢͛̽͆̑̎̓͒́̇͠1̷͍̜̤͓͖̈́̽̈́͂̐͊̑̌̚͝1̶̢̛̻̱̯̹̫͇̖̆́͛̂̽̒̐̿͛͜0̴̪̭̩̽̏̉͂̈̒̊́͒͜0̴̡̞̜͎̲̬͚͉̥̂͐̆̽͆̃̅͋̕ͅ0̶̧̢̛̦̞̟̠̮̣͇̤̍̈͋̃̅0̸̡̡̻͓͖͙̰͖̜̄̃̉͗͘ ̶͈͈̠͓̠̇͐͑̊͛̈́͂͜0̷̱̟̺͕̻̱̯̟̬͗̑͛̇0̴̡͔̖͆̄͛̓̽̄̂̊͝1̸̫͑͠0̴̖̝͔̱̥̎̐̈̔̑̐̎̅͜͝ͅ0̶̧͎̜̪̩̻̦̮̻͚̑̓̌̈́0̷̟̩̟͍̤̦̞̘̌͒̈́̒͒̍̆̽̕͠ͅ0̷̖͖͚̟̅̍͝0̷̛͓̬̗͓͛̽̈́̿͝ ̴̟̯̫̠̇͂̌̅̐̋̄̄̾͜ͅ0̸̡̻̠̰̰̋̊̾͘͘͝1̴̧̻͇͖̪̟̔ͅ1̵̢͍̜̼̿̈́́̓͜͠͝͠0̶͓͋̐̓͝1̴̖̰̤̻̪͔̰́͊͛͘̕͘͜͝1̶̭̆̃̐͊̇͘̕̚͜͝͠0̸̧̖̳͇̦̖̄͐͆͝1̸̃̍̓̈̚͜͝͝ ̸̧̻̥͔̰͔̜̘̔0̶̡̟̗̒̆̉1̴͚̖̬̰̙̮̩͉̂͆͛1̵͉͚̤̟͂͌͋̽̔͑̆̑͊͜0̴̠͛̔̓̐̒0̶̧̛͈͚̼̹̣̽̓̊͒̑1̵̲̝̅̚0̷̰͖̯͕͑̃̃̅̌̓̑̕̕1̵̡͈̦͉͚̌̌̓͐͊̀͠

 **spiderman clone:** 0̸̛͙̼͈͔̓̃̽͑1̶̘͈̮̪̖͐̍͝1̸̗̈́̒̈̈́̅̂̎0̴̨̛̞̩̩̤̹͕͇̮͔̍͑̀̒̽͆̅̑̈́1̴̪͍͖̼̺̯͕̹͚͉̈́͂̔͒͗͝͠0̸̨̞̰̮͉̋̑ͅ0̴̰̃̆͛̈́͐͝0̷͙͕́ͅͅ ̷̨̨̼̟͗0̷̨͔̜͈̙̫̗̿̈̈́̍̃͌̉̚1̶̡̹̻̅̌̓͝1̶̨̛̞̇̓͆̐͂0̸̛͖̖̰͖̈̉͌̋͊͝͠ͅ0̵̜̞̽̿̉1̸̡͓͉̞͇͉͍̝̣̇̑̅͝0̷̢͔͎̮̜̺̞͓̣̤̈̈͑͌̑̅̑1̷͓̘̙̱͌͊̊̈́͘͜ͅ ̷̖̖̩͆̈́̄͌0̴͕͖̣̘̎1̶̢̛̹̰͈̯͎̬̝̌̈́͒̿̍͗̋͐͘͜ͅ1̶̨̡͉̠̳̟͑͌̏̓̂̐͆̃0̸̧͖̥͍̦̞̞̑͛̓͛̈́̅̓1̷̯̤̮̈́͌̅̾̌͘1̸̧̺͎̤̬̊́͂̀͂̒͂0̸͚̖͓̪̲͒̾͜ͅ0̴͉̤̮̳͕͍͍̄̄͒̐̚͠ ̴̤̘̤̫͔͕̠̗̇̋̓̔̈́̓͘̚͜0̴̰͛̾̓̇͋̀̄͜͠1̷̢͛̽͆̑̎̓͒́̇͠1̷͍̜̤͓͖̈́̽̈́͂̐͊̑̌̚͝1̶̢̛̻̱̯̹̫͇̖̆́͛̂̽̒̐̿͛͜0̴̪̭̩̽̏̉͂̈̒̊́͒͜0̴̡̞̜͎̲̬͚͉̥̂͐̆̽͆̃̅͋̕ͅ0̶̧̢̛̦̞̟̠̮̣͇̤̍̈͋̃̅0̸̡̡̻͓͖͙̰͖̜̄̃̉͗͘ ̶͈͈̠͓̠̇͐͑̊͛̈́͂͜0̷̱̟̺͕̻̱̯̟̬͗̑͛̇0̴̡͔̖͆̄͛̓̽̄̂̊͝1̸̫͑͠0̴̖̝͔̱̥̎̐̈̔̑̐̎̅͜͝ͅ0̶̧͎̜̪̩̻̦̮̻͚̑̓̌̈́0̷̟̩̟͍̤̦̞̘̌͒̈́̒͒̍̆̽̕͠ͅ0̷̖͖͚̟̅̍͝0̷̛͓̬̗͓͛̽̈́̿͝ ̴̟̯̫̠̇͂̌̅̐̋̄̄̾͜ͅ0̸̡̻̠̰̰̋̊̾͘͘͝1̴̧̻͇͖̪̟̔ͅ1̵̢͍̜̼̿̈́́̓͜͠͝͠0̶͓͋̐̓͝1̴̖̰̤̻̪͔̰́͊͛͘̕͘͜͝1̶̭̆̃̐͊̇͘̕̚͜͝͠0̸̧̖̳͇̦̖̄͐͆͝1̸̃̍̓̈̚͜͝͝ ̸̧̻̥͔̰͔̜̘̔0̶̡̟̗̒̆̉1̴͚̖̬̰̙̮̩͉̂͆͛1̵͉͚̤̟͂͌͋̽̔͑̆̑͊͜0̴̠͛̔̓̐̒0̶̧̛͈͚̼̹̣̽̓̊͒̑1̵̲̝̅̚0̷̰͖̯͕͑̃̃̅̌̓̑̕̕1̵̡͈̦͉͚̌̌̓͐͊̀͠

 **mega faggot:** no 

 **bugs life:** why would kokichi and izuru do this to alter ego gonta? gonta no understand

 **spiderman clone:** 0̸̛͙̼͈͔̓̃̽͑1̶̘͈̮̪̖͐̍͝1̸̗̈́̒̈̈́̅̂̎0̴̨̛̞̩̩̤̹͕͇̮͔̍͑̀̒̽͆̅̑̈́1̴̪͍͖̼̺̯͕̹͚͉̈́͂̔͒͗͝͠0̸̨̞̰̮͉̋̑ͅ0̴̰̃̆͛̈́͐͝0̷͙͕́ͅͅ ̷̨̨̼̟͗0̷̨͔̜͈̙̫̗̿̈̈́̍̃͌̉̚1̶̡̹̻̅̌̓͝1̶̨̛̞̇̓͆̐͂0̸̛͖̖̰͖̈̉͌̋͊͝͠ͅ0̵̜̞̽̿̉1̸̡͓͉̞͇͉͍̝̣̇̑̅͝0̷̢͔͎̮̜̺̞͓̣̤̈̈͑͌̑̅̑1̷͓̘̙̱͌͊̊̈́͘͜ͅ ̷̖̖̩͆̈́̄͌0̴͕͖̣̘̎1̶̢̛̹̰͈̯͎̬̝̌̈́͒̿̍͗̋͐͘͜ͅ1̶̨̡͉̠̳̟͑͌̏̓̂̐͆̃0̸̧͖̥͍̦̞̞̑͛̓͛̈́̅̓1̷̯̤̮̈́͌̅̾̌͘1̸̧̺͎̤̬̊́͂̀͂̒͂0̸͚̖͓̪̲͒̾͜ͅ0̴͉̤̮̳͕͍͍̄̄͒̐̚͠ ̴̤̘̤̫͔͕̠̗̇̋̓̔̈́̓͘̚͜0̴̰͛̾̓̇͋̀̄͜͠1̷̢͛̽͆̑̎̓͒́̇͠1̷͍̜̤͓͖̈́̽̈́͂̐͊̑̌̚͝1̶̢̛̻̱̯̹̫͇̖̆́͛̂̽̒̐̿͛͜0̴̪̭̩̽̏̉͂̈̒̊́͒͜0̴̡̞̜͎̲̬͚͉̥̂͐̆̽͆̃̅͋̕ͅ0̶̧̢̛̦̞̟̠̮̣͇̤̍̈͋̃̅0̸̡̡̻͓͖͙̰͖̜̄̃̉͗͘ ̶͈͈̠͓̠̇͐͑̊͛̈́͂͜0̷̱̟̺͕̻̱̯̟̬͗̑͛̇0̴̡͔̖͆̄͛̓̽̄̂̊͝1̸̫͑͠0̴̖̝͔̱̥̎̐̈̔̑̐̎̅͜͝ͅ0̶̧͎̜̪̩̻̦̮̻͚̑̓̌̈́0̷̟̩̟͍̤̦̞̘̌͒̈́̒͒̍̆̽̕͠ͅ0̷̖͖͚̟̅̍͝0̷̛͓̬̗͓͛̽̈́̿͝ ̴̟̯̫̠̇͂̌̅̐̋̄̄̾͜ͅ0̸̡̻̠̰̰̋̊̾͘͘͝1̴̧̻͇͖̪̟̔ͅ1̵̢͍̜̼̿̈́́̓͜͠͝͠0̶͓͋̐̓͝1̴̖̰̤̻̪͔̰́͊͛͘̕͘͜͝1̶̭̆̃̐͊̇͘̕̚͜͝͠0̸̧̖̳͇̦̖̄͐͆͝1̸̃̍̓̈̚͜͝͝ ̸̧̻̥͔̰͔̜̘̔0̶̡̟̗̒̆̉1̴͚̖̬̰̙̮̩͉̂͆͛1̵͉͚̤̟͂͌͋̽̔͑̆̑͊͜0̴̠͛̔̓̐̒0̶̧̛͈͚̼̹̣̽̓̊͒̑1̵̲̝̅̚0̷̰͖̯͕͑̃̃̅̌̓̑̕̕1̵̡͈̦͉͚̌̌̓͐͊̀͠

 **spiderman clone:** g̸͓̪̗͇̪̘̳͍͈̙̱̦̤̗͇͎̤̹̩̦̰̺͇͕̦̓̈́̏͊̾̒̉̋̎̑͛̉̓̌̓̎̌̂̃͗̉͒͘͜͝͝ơ̶̢̧̧̤͚͚̤̣̥̦̺͔͓̟͕̦͈͔͉̩͇͓̗̤͉̠̝̝̱͔͉̤̺̠̎͐͒̽͗̈́͠͝ͅn̶̨̡̡̗̜̭͔͇̘̲̫͇͚̻̰̘͉̯̜̖̙͍͉̠͐̈́̾̈́̐̾̓̎͜͝ͅţ̴̛̛̛̛̟͔̲̣̭͕̳̲̣̖̞̺͕̦̩̙̯͉͑̉̈́̓́̿͋͋̈̎͋̃̈̈́͊̀̊̉̉̈͆͋̽̕͘̕͝͠ͅą̸̨̧̢̧̬̥̰̮̼͕̻̪͚̜̣̞̠̭͚̝͖̭̥̺͉͓̫̰̥̙̲͍̅̒̍̅̔͜ ̸̱͔̮̻̽͆̍̽̎͐̆͒̾̃͊̓͋̑̑̿̉͒̑̃͂̉̓̀̐̏̇͛̒̈̚͠͠͠͠͝h̶̳̩͖̫͙̤͕͎̲͑̎͒̌̋̈́͗̍̿̊̓͘͝͝ẻ̵̻̙̥̪̬̟̱̐̓̑̂̌͛̍̉̄͗̊͌̑̾̈̓̃̽̊̔̈̎̓̔̀̽͋̉͘̕͝͠͝l̴̯̦̫̙͎̻͓͎̼̞̺̳̘̽̔̈̊̂̿̑̽̚p̴̛̣̯͕̏̑̓̄̈́̈́͗̔̓̌͂̆̂̎̈͂̏̄̅̒̽̚ ̴̧̢̨̩̦̠̜̯̼̬͖̟̯̖͓̯͈̠͓͖͖̝̣̰͕̬͍̊̄̈́̈́̌̔͊̀̿͊̉͋͛̓̚͘͜͜͜m̶̨̧̡̢͎̫̫̘̝̖̱̼̝͎̜̺̟̰̙͈̳̰̹̟̱̬̣̝͉̙̜̺̘̟̖̘͓̂ͅͅ ̵̼̣͙̹̞̯̞̍́̎̇̈́̆̈́̃̇̊̈́̈̍̓͆̌̑͆̚̕͝ȩ̵̨̢̨̢̖̩̝͇̪̭̦͈̤͈͚͖͈̮̲̝̣̲̙͔̘͚̩̫͖͙̟͆͋͛͂̈́̇̈͑͛̔̈́̃̂͆̀͆͊̽͜͜͠ͅͅ

 **bugs life:** gonta sorry

 **spiderman clone:** h̶̛̲̼̙̎̽̒̋̓͋͆̎̏̕͠e̴̢̢̡̝̮̮̤͖͓͉̖̪͍̝͚͕͍͖͉͉͚̬̞͇̯̹̳͈̗͂̾̔̀͝ ̴̧̢̡͎̘̫̰̣̩̱̤͍̠̜͍̦̻̯͓̙̪̗̲̙̰̉̋̿͂͐̓͋̓̐̃͂́̑͂͒̌͆̑̆̓̚͜͝͠͝ͅl̸̨̛̝͕̹̩̲̞͇̖͓͔͖̼͉̠͖͖̘̳̠̗̲͍̹͑̐̾̉̿̔̋̀͒̇͆̃̾͑̚͜ͅp̴̰͔̖͈̝̗̱̹͖̪̺͔͉̙̮̲̮̯̭̭͇̜̥̿̒̃̉̅̂̓̚͘̕͘͝ͅͅ

 **mega faggot:** we have to delete him

 **floorboard fetish:** i'm horrified by how human this ai can act

 **spiderman clone:** 0̸̛͙̼͈͔̓̃̽͑1̶̘͈̮̪̖͐̍͝1̸̗̈́̒̈̈́̅̂̎0̴̨̛̞̩̩̤̹͕͇̮͔̍͑̀̒̽͆̅̑̈́1̴̪͍͖̼̺̯͕̹͚͉̈́͂̔͒͗͝͠0̸̨̞̰̮͉̋̑ͅ0̴̰̃̆͛̈́͐͝0̷͙͕́ͅͅ ̷̨̨̼̟͗0̷̨͔̜͈̙̫̗̿̈̈́̍̃͌̉̚1̶̡̹̻̅̌̓͝1̶̨̛̞̇̓͆̐͂0̸̛͖̖̰͖̈̉͌̋͊͝͠ͅ0̵̜̞̽̿̉1̸̡͓͉̞͇͉͍̝̣̇̑̅͝0̷̢͔͎̮̜̺̞͓̣̤̈̈͑͌̑̅̑1̷͓̘̙̱͌͊̊̈́͘͜ͅ ̷̖̖̩͆̈́̄͌0̴͕͖̣̘̎1̶̢̛̹̰͈̯͎̬̝̌̈́͒̿̍͗̋͐͘͜ͅ1̶̨̡͉̠̳̟͑͌̏̓̂̐͆̃0̸̧͖̥͍̦̞̞̑͛̓͛̈́̅̓1̷̯̤̮̈́͌̅̾̌͘1̸̧̺͎̤̬̊́͂̀͂̒͂0̸͚̖͓̪̲͒̾͜ͅ0̴͉̤̮̳͕͍͍̄̄͒̐̚͠ ̴̤̘̤̫͔͕̠̗̇̋̓̔̈́̓͘̚͜0̴̰͛̾̓̇͋̀̄͜͠1̷̢͛̽͆̑̎̓͒́̇͠1̷͍̜̤͓͖̈́̽̈́͂̐͊̑̌̚͝1̶̢̛̻̱̯̹̫͇̖̆́͛̂̽̒̐̿͛͜0̴̪̭̩̽̏̉͂̈̒̊́͒͜0̴̡̞̜͎̲̬͚͉̥̂͐̆̽͆̃̅͋̕ͅ0̶̧̢̛̦̞̟̠̮̣͇̤̍̈͋̃̅0̸̡̡̻͓͖͙̰͖̜̄̃̉͗͘ ̶͈͈̠͓̠̇͐͑̊͛̈́͂͜0̷̱̟̺͕̻̱̯̟̬͗̑͛̇0̴̡͔̖͆̄͛̓̽̄̂̊͝1̸̫͑͠0̴̖̝͔̱̥̎̐̈̔̑̐̎̅͜͝ͅ0̶̧͎̜̪̩̻̦̮̻͚̑̓̌̈́0̷̟̩̟͍̤̦̞̘̌͒̈́̒͒̍̆̽̕͠ͅ0̷̖͖͚̟̅̍͝0̷̛͓̬̗͓͛̽̈́̿͝ ̴̟̯̫̠̇͂̌̅̐̋̄̄̾͜ͅ0̸̡̻̠̰̰̋̊̾͘͘͝1̴̧̻͇͖̪̟̔ͅ1̵̢͍̜̼̿̈́́̓͜͠͝͠0̶͓͋̐̓͝1̴̖̰̤̻̪͔̰́͊͛͘̕͘͜͝1̶̭̆̃̐͊̇͘̕̚͜͝͠0̸̧̖̳͇̦̖̄͐͆͝1̸̃̍̓̈̚͜͝͝ ̸̧̻̥͔̰͔̜̘̔0̶̡̟̗̒̆̉1̴͚̖̬̰̙̮̩͉̂͆͛1̵͉͚̤̟͂͌͋̽̔͑̆̑͊͜0̴̠͛̔̓̐̒0̶̧̛͈͚̼̹̣̽̓̊͒̑1̵̲̝̅̚0̷̰͖̯͕͑̃̃̅̌̓̑̕̕1̵̡͈̦͉͚̌̌̓͐͊̀͠

 **bugs life:** gonta will delete him now

 **bugs life:** gonta sorry

 **spiderman clone:** mr. stark, i don't feel so good

 **bugs life** _deleted_ **spiderman clone.**

 **bugs life:**. .  .

 **guac:**...

 **squat child:**.. .

 **smoogi:** ;-;

 **mega faggot:**. . .why

 **mega faggot:** W HY WOULD YOU DO THIS OUMA

 **mega faggot:** YOU MONSTER

 **Supreme® Leader:** AHAHAHAHA! STEW IN YOUR ENDLESS DESPAIR!

 **Supreme® Leader:** HOW DOES IT FEEL TO HAVE THOSE YOU LOVE STOLEN FROM YOU

 **God:** big mood

 **mega faggot:** YOU TOO KAMUKURA YOU'RE NOT OFF SCOTT-FREE

 **God:** because i was bored

 **God:** skkdjdnsksnd you killed him

 **mega faggot:** ;-;

 **floorboard fetish:**... i have no words

 **Supreme® Leader:** how did you guys not expect this I WAS THREATENING TO DELETE HIM FOR A W E E K

 **floorboard fetish:** oh, we did, just

 **floorboard fetish:** d ID IT HAVE TO BE SO B R U T A L ;-;

 **Supreme® Leader:** fuck fuck he's actually crying shit shuichi i'm ssorry

 **floorboard fetish:** kko ki chi if you w e re upset you ccould've just talked tto me about it

 **Supreme® Leader:** ;-;

 **kork:** h

 **kork:** am i the only one laughing at how alter ego was deleted

 **velveeta GANG:** nope, I'm in tears

 **Wii Sports Tennis:** me three

 **God:** me four

 **mega faggot:** ok it was actually kinda funny but also sad

 **$n00p d0g:** i'd only be laughing harder if it was divine intervention

 **RoboBitch:** effective and also funny

 **Supreme® Leader:** h

 **Supreme® Leader:** at least some of yiu guys found it funny i'm touched

 **Supreme® Leader:** thx for the help zuzu

 **God:** yw

 **God** _left._

 **floorboard fetish:** god left

 **velveeta GANG:** SKDNYHSJAJKSJS

* * *

**Supreme® Leader:** heeeyyyyy kiiboy

 **Supreme® Leader:** what doesthis say

**Supreme® Leader** _sent an image._

**RoboBitch:** this is robophobia

 **guac:** kokichi why did you send a picture of a recaptcha text box with the words "ur mom gay"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Current chat names:
> 
> guac: amami  
> mega faggot: miu  
> Supreme® Leader: kokichi  
> rocket boy: kaito  
> floorboard fetish: shuichi  
> jackie chan but Feminism™: tenko  
> squat child: himiko  
> smoogi: tsumugi  
> kork: kiyo  
> $n00p d0g: angie  
> anybody want some stew: kirumi  
> velveeta GANG: kaede  
> blocked and reported: maki  
> RoboBitch: kiibo  
> Wii Sports Tennis: hoshi  
> bugs life: gonta  
> RIP alter ego gonta
> 
> i want to write smut but i dunno whether to do it on this pseud or create a new one


	11. That's very H man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **velveeta GANG:** THE 77TH CLASS IS G R A D U A T I NG
> 
>  **velveeta GANG:** THEY'RE LEA V ING US
> 
>  **guac:** oh,,,, oh shit,,,,
> 
> The one where the gays from the 77th get added to the chat before they graduate highschool and promptly leave everyone. (part 1)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there are graduation memes in the halls but ouma doesn't mention them

**velveeta GANG:** OHAMDMdnsjd 

 **velveeta GANG:** i Just REALIZED

 **velveeta GANG:** THis IS SO IMPORTANT WHY DID I MISS THIS

 **jackie chan but Feminism:** what did u miss????

 **Supreme® Leader:** i n t r i g u e d

 **velveeta GANG:** THE 77TH CLASS IS G R A D U A T I NG

 **velveeta GANG:** THEY'RE LEA V ING US

 **guac:** oh,,,, oh shit,,,,

 **blocked and reported:** this is actually a national crisis

 **kork:** we must know everything about them before they leave us forever and eventually lose contact with us

 **floorboard fetish:** i don't think they'd do that

 **kork:** hush, that is how highschool works my friend

 **kork:** kokichi i leave this to you

 **Supreme® Leader:** i gotchu fam ;) we're bonded by the dark pact

 **Supreme® Leader** _added 18 people to the chat._

 **Supreme® Leader** _changed 18 chat names._

 **Supreme® Leader:**  henlo 77th class

 **massive toddies:** what the shit

 **gaymer gorl:** oh hey ouma + the 79th

 **massive toddies:** why this username

 **i'd fuck hope ESKETIT:** hinata-kun

 **i'd fuck hope ESKETIT:** you are overflowing with hope and also pecs

 **Supreme® Leader:** u'd kno komaeda-chan u've felt up his chest b4 haven't u

 **i'd fuck hope ESKETIT:** ah, no, someone as lowly and insignificant as me shouldn't be touching an ultimate like hinata-kun

 **massive toddies:** nagito stfu i love you and you're worth it

 **MY CHEMICAL S C REAMM:** GOD IBUKI SHIPS IT

 **fake bitch:** it's been a year of them dating and they're still the sweetest

 **fake bitch:** i'm having a proud parent moment

 **u wanna touch my nuts:** finally! imposter realizes he's our fucking dad

 **u wanna touch my nuts:** also wjh why this user

 **Supreme® Leader:** like the screw don't get ur panties in a bunch

 **massive toddies:** souda r ip

 **yass qween:** normally i would feel sorry for you souda, but, ah, how do you say it?

 **yass qween:** get fucked

 **can i fuck hamburger helper:** SLDKSMJSDKS HE GOT ROASTED LIKE A STEAK MAMA MIA

 **can i fuck hamburger helper:** also uhh jokes on you ouma i've already fucked hamburger helper

 **jackie chan but Feminism™:** can we delete this degenerate

 **can i fuck hamburger helper:** chabashira you are a beauty why must you hurt me in this manner

 **squat child:** teruteru hanamura

 **squat child:** if you ever hit on my girlfriend again i will rip off your fingers

 **jackie chan but Feminism™:** himiko i love you holy shit

 **squat child:** <3

 **join my hamster cult:** i can sense chaotic energy coming from this chat

 **Supreme® Leader:** gundham-senpaiiiiiiii

 **join my hamster cult:** it is coming from you, prince of lies

 **Supreme® Leader:** nishishi you got me

 **Supreme® Leader:** I was going to ask you if u wanted to join our brotherhood owo

 **floorboard fetish:** good god kokichi i love you but the cult scares me

 **kork:** he is a fine addition

 **join my hamster cult:** ah yes, you are fine company for the dark devas

 **join my hamster cult:** we will sow chaos the world over

 **Supreme® Leader:** then it is done

 **kork:** the bond is forged

 **join my hamster cult:** we will have dark rituals and the "slumber parties"

 **Supreme® Leader:** nishishishishi

 **kork:** kehehehehe

 **join my hamster cult:** ahahahahaha

 **u wanna touch my nuts:** good lord gundham

 **i'd fuck hope ESKETIT:** oh can i join

 **i'd fuck hope ESKETIT:** ehehehehe

 **$n00p d0g:** nyahahahaha!

 **God:**. . . . . ha

 **m e a t t:** BWAHAHAHAHA

 **gaymer gorl:** nyuck nyuck nyuck nyuck nyuck

 **midget bitch:** lmao somebody should do the monokuma laugh tho

 **rocket boy:** like

 **rocket boy:** U PU PU PU PU

 **it's a SELF PORTRAIT, karen:** triggered

 **smoogi:** triggered

 **Wii Sports Tennis:** triggered

 **Supreme® Leader:** BIG MOOD

 **floorboard fetish:** only you would think upupu is a big mood

 **Supreme® Leader:** correct and also i love you <3

 **floorboard fetish:**... 

 **floorboard fetish:** <3

 **MY CHEMICAL S C REAMM:** GOD IBUKI SHIPS IT

 **nursey-chan:** ddo you have that coppypasted ibukki

 **MY CHEMICAL S C REAMM:** I JUST MIGHT

 **nursey-chan:** h

 **boss baby kin:** aight why are we here ouma

 **boss baby kin:**!!

 **boss baby kin:** you little shit

 **smoogi:** wHEEZE RIP FUYUHIKO

 **midget bitch:** get cucked bitch

 **Supreme® Leader:** the only little one here is u kuzuryuu-chan :P

 **pecker peckeryammer:** i am going to cut you ouma

 **Supreme® Leader:** SJDKSJSHAD CHILLS

 **lorge muscle man:** i wouldn't underestimate pekoyama, ouma, she is adept at the blade

 **Studio Ghibli:** WILL YOU MOTHERFUCKERS SHUT UP FOR FIVE MINUTES I'M TRYING TO ANIMATE GODDD

 **fake bitch:** hello ryota

 **m e a t t:** MITARAI!!! WE LOVE YOU

 **smoogi:** omg like t he mitarai?? as in ryota mitarai?? senpai you're so talented holy shit

 **Studio Ghibli:** ok tsumugi you're talented as heck your cosplays of my characters are spot on don't look down on yourself

 **i'd fuck hope ESKETIT:** you're all so talented compared to a worthless cretin like me your hope shines so brightly i could just die

 **massive toddies:** n ag ito

 **massive toddies:** my room, we're cuddling

 **i'd fuck hope ESKETIT:** nnnnn

 **massive toddies:** nagito

 **i'd fuck hope ESKETIT:** hajime ily ihat ever did i do to deserve you

 **massive toddies:** exist

 **i'd fuck hope ESKETIT:** ♥

 **gaymer gorl:** go get him nagito

 **i'd fuck hope ESKETIT:** chiaki you're the best friend i could ever hope to ask for

 **gaymer gorl:** ofc we all love you nagito stop beating urself up and get your man

 **gaymer gorl:** i'm playing persona 5

 **Supreme® Leader:** i'm a phantom thief, baby, i steal hearts

 **floorboard fetish:** is tHAT A PERSONA 5 REFERENCE

 **gaymer gorl:** most definitely

 **gaymer gorl:** your man has culture, saihara

 **Supreme® Leader:** i am a homosexual of course i do

 **velveeta GANG:** me minus the cultured part

 **velveeta GANG:** i am a homosexual

 **guac:** big mood

 **jackie chan but Feminism™:** big mood

 **massive toddies:** big mood

 **squat child:** big mood

 **i'd fuck hope ESKETIT:** big modhslab

 **i'd fuck hope ESKETIT:** hajime that ti cti ckles

 **midget bitch:** i was just about to type big mood but are y ou two having S EX

 **massive toddies:** oh, we were? nagito, why didn't you say so, i would've put my book down

 **u wanna touch my nuts:** get fucked saionji

 **u wanna touch my nuts:** i'd say big mood but i am in a polygamous relationship with a girl and a guy

 **guac:** omg i knew u three were dating

 **join my hamster cult:** that we are avacado spirit

 **guac:** "avacado spirit"

 **Supreme® Leader** _changed_ **guac** _'s name to_ **avacado spirit**

 **avacado spirit:** fuck you

 **anybody want some stew:** ah what have you done kokichi why is the chat extra large

 **mega faggot:** extra thicc

 **anybody want some stew:** miu,

 **anybody want some stew:** l e a v e.

 **mega faggot:**    n            o      .

 **anybody want some stew:** g    r    o     u   n    d    e    d

 **m e a t t:** SKDKSKANS

 **MY CHEMICAL S C REAMM:** WHEEZE

 **massive toddies:** oh my lord

 **can i fuck hamburger helper:** LORDY SHE GOT TOLDERONI

 **can i fuck hamburger helper:** ground me toujou

 **anybody want some stew:** gladly

 **anybody want some stew:** into ground beef

 **qween:** as they sat it here, "oof"

 **anybody want some stew:** i'll cook you and feed you to yamada, who will slobber on you like a pig

 **can i fuck hamburger helper:** jesus christ i get the idea holy s hi t

 **lorge muscle man:** he has been reduced to tears

 **lorge muscle man:** good work!!!

 **anybody want some stew:** my pleasure

 **midget bitch:** h get cucked teruteru

 **qween:** i am going to ask though, why are we here?

 **Supreme® Leader:** well, senpais are graduating owo and we wanted to bond with senpais before they leave us forever

 **God:** reasonable but never call us senpais again

 **Supreme® Leader:** but izzzzyyy-senpaiiiiiiii

 **God:** v ore is a sin in the catholic church

 **$n00p d0g:** correct

 **rocket boy:** why

 **blocked and reported:** god fucking damnit

 **mega faggot:** KAMUKURA WHY'D U COCKBLOCK ME I WAS GONNA HAVE KIIBS VORE ME LATER

 **RoboBitch:** no

 **mega faggot:** ah well i'm going to hell anyways fuck it

 **Robobitch:** n o

 **God:** fornication is considered a sin in the catholic church

 **$n00p d0g:** correct

 **Supreme® Leader:** but hhh when everyone is not busy we're going to play chat games

 **Supreme® Leader:** like after class

 **Supreme® Leader:** t o m o r r ow

 **boss baby kin:** i rue the day

 **boss baby kin:** i hope somebody ends my life before then

 **Wii Sports Tennis:** big mood

 **boss baby kin:** h

 **Wii Sports Tennis:** i wish somebody would end my life every day of the year no vacations

 **boss baby kin:** ok cool with the edge there

 **Supreme® Leader:** OWO W OWOW OWTHE E D G E

* * *

**squat child:** h

 **squat child:** tenko omg

 **jackie chan but Feminism:** ok ok i didn't mean it but it was still epic

 **m e a t t:** WHAT DID SHE DO

 **MY CHEMICAL S C REAMM:** OMG I NEED TO KNOW

 **squat child:** i asked for my water and

 **squat child:** she throws it and drop-kicks it onto the table

 **m e a t t:** STRON  G WOMAN

 **lorge muscle man:** YOU ARE AN INSPIRATION

 **jackie chan but Feminism™:** hhhh you guys

**Supreme® Leader** _changed_ **jackie chan but Feminism™** _'s name to_ **stronk woman**

**stronk woman:** __fair

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Current chat names:
> 
> avacado spirit: amami  
> mega faggot: miu  
> Supreme® Leader: kokichi  
> rocket boy: kaito  
> floorboard fetish: shuichi  
> stronk woman: tenko  
> squat child: himiko  
> smoogi: tsumugi  
> kork: kiyo  
> $n00p d0g: angie  
> anybody want some stew: kirumi  
> velveeta GANG: kaede  
> blocked and reported: maki  
> RoboBitch: kiibo  
> Wii Sports Tennis: hoshi  
> bugs life: gonta  
> RIP alter ego gonta
> 
> The 77th:
> 
> can i fuck hamburger helper: teruteru  
> gaymer gorl: chiaki  
> massive toddies: hinata  
> i'd fuck hope ESKETIT: nagito  
> qween: sonia  
> join my hamster cult: gundham  
> u wanna touch my nuts: souda  
> MY CHEMICAL S C REAMM: ibuki  
> fake bitch: imposter  
> Studio Ghibli: mitarai  
> m e a t t: akane  
> midget bitch: hiyoko  
> it's a SELF PORTRAIT, karen: mahiru  
> nursey-chan: mikan  
> lorge muscle man: nidai  
> God: Izuru  
> pecker peckeryammer: peko  
> boss baby kin: fuyuhiko


	12. That's very H man: the Gayer Interlude

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **i'd fuck hope ESKETIT:** IT'S OK TO BE GAY
> 
>  **massive toddies:** LET'S REJOICE WITH THE BOYS
> 
>  **u wanna touch my nuts:** IN THE GAY WAY
> 
>  **boss baby kin:** fuck you it's like 4 am

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy pride month my guys
> 
> i have no apologies

**Supreme® Leader:** SUP BITCHES IT'S J U N E

 **stronk woman:** H E L L Y E A H

 **velveeta GANG:** I'M THE BIG GAY

 **avacado spirit:** reeeeEEEEEEEE I LIKE M E N

 **i'd fuck hope ESKETIT:** IT'S OK TO BE GAY

 **massive toddies:** LET'S REJOICE WITH THE BOYS

 **u wanna touch my nuts:** IN THE GAY WAY

 **boss baby kin:** fuck you it's like 4 am

 **Supreme® Leader:** ooo yakuza-chan r u already tired of us?? well u got a big storm coming

 **smoogi:** lol kokichi i got the face paint and pride apparel

 **$n00p d0g:** angie has prepared the streamers and balloons!

 **anybody want some stew:** i have helped as well

 **can i fuck hamburger helper:** i made some de licious cakes~ and my own special meatballs ;))

 **Studio Ghibli:** teruteru if i come down there and you're wearing nothing but a pansexual pride speedo i am calling the police

 **can i fuck hamburger helper:** ’:33 sweats nervously

 **midget bitch:** i got my old rainbow fans out of the closet

 **MY CHEMICAL S C REAMM:** OUT OF THE CLOSET?? ME TOO BIG MOOD

 **rocket boy:** QUESTION WHAT IS THIS ABOUT

 **kork:** foolish mortal,,,,

 **join my hamster cult:** it is the month of LGBTQ+ pride,,,,

 **Supreme® Leader:** u can't escape the gay momota-chan

 **floorboard fetish:** koko can you help me with my face paint

 **Supreme® Leader:** COMING BABE

 **rocket boy:** alright then lemme get maki we'll be down to the lobby with the rest of you

 **avacado spirit:** kaito sometimes i forget you two are both bisexual

 **rocket boy:** reasonable

 **God:** hello kids

 **massive toddies:** hey izzy

 **i'd fuck hope ESKETIT:** are you going to tell them

 **God:** in a bit

 **God:** just letting you know that kirigiri, makoto, togami, komaru, fukawa, oowada, ishimaru, oogami, asahina, fujisaki, junko, mukuro, maizono and celestia are on their way rn

 **u wanna touch my nuts:** naegi, togami and kirigiri are poly icons. gundham, sonia and i don't even compare

 **smoogi:** fucking bet, also celeste and kyoko have had multiple flings i'm jealous they're both hot

 **velveeta GANG:** big agree, also 'mugi you're actually prettier than them

 **smoogi:** kaede <3

 **velveeta GANG:** mugi <3

 **stronk woman:** god yess keep that gay flowing

 **squat child:** tenk o  stop moving around you're gonna make me fuck up your eyeshadow

 **stronk woman:** srry babe

 **squat child:** no worries just lemme add glitter and you're good

 **nursey-chan:** uum junko wants me to add her to the chat

 **nursey-chan:** jkfksjys

 **gaymer gorl:** mikan are you ok

 **nursey-chan:** henlo boyes and gorls this is junko

 **avacado spirit:** fuck,,,,

 **Supreme® Leader:** JUNKO-CHAN!! HAI

 **nursey-chan:** ooh it's the shitty grape meme gremlin! hello bitch

 **Supreme® Leader:** hi slut you didn't send me those "ice ouse" memes i was asking for

 **nursey-chan:** sorry uhhhh i deleted them

 **m e a t t:** i'm so fucking confused by everything you fucking type

 **massive toddies:** like i know you two are dating but uhhhh give mikan her phone

 **nursey-chan:** fi ne

 **nursey-chan:** hajiji you're no funnnnn

 **massive toddies:** that nickname is reserved for nagito only back off thot

 **i'd fuck hope ESKETIT:** hajime!

 **God:** you broke him hinata

 **gaymer gorl:** are you going to tell them, izuru

 **God:** right

 **God:** i'm nonbinary

 **fake bitch:** i already figured

 **it's a SELF-PORTRAIT, karen:** i'm glad you feel comfortable telling us, kamukura

 **pecker peckeryammer:** we accept you for who you are

 **RoboBitch:** i'm slightly confused as to what nonbinary means, can someone explain?

 **mega faggot:** kiibs,,,, a nonbinary person doesn't really guy or girl, they just exist

 **RoboBitch:** ok that's a lazy definition but it's miu so i'll accept it

 **velveeta GANG:** pronouns and honorific

 **God:** they/them and no honorific necessary

 **velveeta GANG:** that's fair

 **boss baby kin:** can somebody please explain to me why a long haired individual that is not kamukura just popped out of my vent and dumped a bucket of rainbow glitter into my sink and then promptly vanished going "kehehehe"

 **kork:** you weren't gay enough

 **Supreme® Leader:** it's "june". it's illegal to be straight anyone caught not being a gay will be immediately reported to the fbi

 **blocked and reported:** he isn't wrong

 **m e a t t:** but like can i be gay by association

 **qween:** yes you can akane we love you

 **stronk woman:** HELL YA WE'RE STRONG SISTERS OF COURSE

 **m e a t t:** OMGISH VALID

 **nursey-chan:** asahina says you two need to go get donuts w/ her sometime

 **stronk woman:** big moodomg

 **smoogi:** alright who tf is taking three years to get to the lobby

 **floorboard fetish:** it's us go to breakfast without us

 **midget bitch:** are you,,,, having s ex,,,?

 **Supreme® Leader:** g od i wish, shuichi when are we gonna get it on an yways

 **floorboard fetish:** ko kic hi 

 **floorboard fetish:** ,,,,

 **floorboard fetish:** like i was planning something more romantic b ut

 **Supreme® Leader:** oh shit you were gonna make it special

 **Supreme® Leader:** shuichi i love you

 **kork:** we all love you two but please refrain from discussing this here

 **blocked and reported:** hurry up and shut up

 **does anybody want some stew:** romantic but use protection

 **mega faggot:** finally cockitchy is going to get laid

 **floorboard fetish:** mmmph

* * *

**liars jail → Kokichi Ouma, Shuichi Saihara**

**shumai <3: **i was actually thinking like next weekend, when school gets out

 **shumai <3: **can i take you out for dinner first?

 **koko <3: **holy shit yes

 **koko <3: **god i love you, shushu

 **shumai <3: **love you too, chi

* * *

Tsumugi grinned as Kaede fed her another shortcake. The soft pastry was gentle and sweet on her tongue, not unlike the girl feeding it to her. Kaede smiled and removed the fork from her girlfriend's mouth to snag a piece for herself.

The cafeteria was covered in pride apparel, rainbow streamers and multi-colored balloon clusters adorning the eating space. Scattered around the room were queer couples and poly relationships of all sorts; laughing, talking and feeding each other breakfast food. Down the table, Himiko and Tenko were happily chatting with Sakura and Aoi, and Akane and Nekomaru. The three petite atheltic women were sharing a box of donuts, their respective significant others watching, amused.

Gudham, Souda and Sonia were sitting at the end of the next table, each nursing some sort of caffeinated drink, Souda having filled a coffee mug with Redbull. Hiyoko and Mahiru were half-sleeping on each other, feeing the other pastries, Hiyoko's kimono tie rainbow today. 

Miu and Kiibo were sitting by Maki and Kaito and Peko and Fuyuhiko, repping the straight ally tag, despite none of them being 100% straight themselves. Chiaki was casually chatting up Ibuki, a lazy grin on her face as she carelessly flirted with the other girl. Izuru was chatting with Chihiro, probably discussing gender politics, nodding in agreement to whatever he was saying. Ishimaru and Mondo were holding hands, smiling quietly. The pair looked incredibly serene in the wild cafeteria atmosphere.

Teruteru was lying on a cafeteria table, wearing the exact pansexual speedo Ryota had described. Ryota himself was sighing, failing to disguise the small smile on his face. Next to him, the Imposter sat, imitating someone with a black mullet for the occasion. His sweeping gaze surveyed the students, watching for miscreants with an eagle's attentiveness. He only relaxed when Ryota leaned into his side quietly.

Byuakuya and Makoto chuckled as their girlfriend leaned over to talk with Celeste and Sayaka, the three girls invested in each other per usual. Gonta carried Hoshi around the room, excitedly pointing out some rainbow butterfly figures. Touko read a book, Komaru leaning into her, reading it over her shoulder. Kirumi stopped by to refill Touko's tea.

Mukuro took a picture of Junko and Mikan, Junko pressing a kiss to her girlfriend's cheek. Hifumi yelled as Leon snatched his body pillow. Hiro smiled serenely, not disguising the telltale smoke leaving his mouth with each breath. Rantarou shyly chatted up Kiyo, a little blush painting his cheeks. Hajime and Nagito were sitting in a chair, Nagito in Hajime's lap, both boys fast asleep. Angie was standing by them, doing a prayer. Tsumugi swore she heard her whisper "Atua yes that's some hella good ship".

Shuichi and Kokichi were characteristicly missing. Tsumugi was haphazard to guess what they were up to, and to be honest, didn't want to know the finer points. All she wanted to do was let her beautiful girlfriend feedher shortcake and give her soft kisses, and then take her out to dinner.

That is, until she heard something from the hallway.

"Kaede," Tsumugi asked, "who the fuck is playing Cut to the Feeling by Carly Rae Jepsen on a subwoofer speaker at max volume?"

Kaede started to answer, but she was cut off by the cafeteria double doors slamming open.

There stood Kokichi, wearing nothing but a rainbow cape, rainbow scarf and rainbow striped boxers, balloons of all colors billowing in behind him from a garbage bag strewn onto the floor. He had glitter on his chest and in his hair, and behind him, Shuichi was dying with laughter, wearing a bisexual pride t-shirt and carrying the damned speaker. Kokichi sauntered in, strutting his stuff, grabbing both ends of the cape, making the materiak flutter around him like a bird-of-paradise's wings.

Shuichi followed, and Kokichi grabbed his arm, spinning him ballroom style and leaning him forwards to give him a smooch. He then returned to face the crowd.

"HEY BITCHES, IT'S JUNE!"

The whole cafeteria went into a riot. The nice, orderly breakfast they had before devolved into a full-on rave as kids scooped up their lovers and started dancing to the accursed "Cut to the Feeling." Tsumugi laughed as Kaede pulled her up, and the two girls started to dance.

Confetti rained down on them as Izuru, unoccupied, set off the decorations they'd painstakingly set up. The kids laughed and partied as the song went on; out of the corner of her eye, Tsumugi could see Mukuro using Junko's phone to Snapchat the whole fiasco. The song faded out.

Kokichi snickered as he waited for the next song.

" _I BE GETTIN HOES AND POPPIN PILLIES-"_

The music screeched to a halt. Standing in the doorway, looking livid, was the principal, Jin Kirigiri. The haggard man lifted his hand from the speaker and looked up at them.

"I'd normally say, all of you, my office, now, but this is pretty much the entire school," he wheezed. "Can you possibly... turn down the music some?"

"Yes, Mr. Kirigiri," the students chanted reluctantly.

"And maybe not play something so obscene?"

"No, Mr. Kirigiri, it's that or Cut to the Feeling on loop."

"Just- Turn it down!"

"Fine, Mr. Kirigiri."

The man sighed and left.

Kokichi snickered and left Shuichi's grip to turn the speaker back on.

" _SHE SAY DO YOU LOVE ME, I TELL HER ONLY PARTLY, I ONLY LOVE MY BED AND MY MOMMA I'M SORRY"_

Kirigiri popped his head back in. "VOLUME, MISTER OUMA!" he yelled over the music.

Kokichi didn't give a shit. He couldn't hear him over the music.

Kirigiri sighed and left again, defeated.

* * *

**Supreme® Leader:** hOLY SHIT DO YOU KNOW HOW N A R R OW L Y I AVOIDED DETENTION

 **God:** me too big mood

 **velveeta GANG:** KOKICHI THAT WAS BR I L LI ANT

 **gaymer gorl:** they let us skip class because of your stunt that's probably gonna be a national holiday now

 **floorboard fetish:** ok kyoko literally just emailed me and said her dad is going to try to barter with the school board and let that be a school holiday kichi you're a genius ily

 **Supreme® Leader:** ily too shuu we did good

 **stronk woman:** i concede defeat kokichi has outgayed me

 **massive toddies:** yeah ouma wins

 **avacado spirit:** your reward is

 **avacado spirit** _changed_ **Supreme® Leader** _'s name to_ **biggest gay**

 **biggest gay:** awe amami-chan i'm touched

 **God:** congrats

 **m e a t t:** congratulations ouma!

 **kork:** u won

 **can i fuck hamburger helper:** mama mia that is a lot of gay

 **rocket boy:** holy shit kokichi that was extra and gr8

 **biggest gay:** u wish u were this gay momta-chan u wish i was ur husbando

 **rocket boy:** no

 **blocked and reported** _is typing_

 **floorboard fetish:** h kaito r u saying kokichi isn't good enough to be ur husbando is that how it is

**blocked and reported:**

**blocked and reported:** _don't you fucking dare kaito is my husbando if you try anything i swear on my dead parents i'll circumcise your fucking boyfriend's shitty antenna hair and shove it down your fucking throat you fucking piece of shit cuck_

**floorboard fetish:**

**biggest gay:**

**rocket boy:** dude i have the weirdest boner right now

 **can i fuck hamburger helper:** goddamn me too

 **mega faggot:** i'm aroused so me three

 **m e a t t:** AFSLSKSLSAAJ

 **u wanna touch my nuts:** W OW

 **MY CHEMICAL S C REAMM:** holy SHIT that was wild

 **bugs life:** why so many bad words ;-;

 **massive toddies:** is gokuhara a cryptid this is the first time i've seen him type anything

 **Wii Sports Tennis:** you'd be correct on that assumption

 **Wii Sports Tennis:** we all wanna die and he doesn't so he tries his best to be a gift to us all and arrive sparingly

 **God:** me too big mood it's the human condition to wish for death at this point

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Current chat names:
> 
> avacado spirit: amami  
> mega faggot: miu  
> biggest gay: kokichi  
> rocket boy: kaito  
> floorboard fetish: shuichi  
> stronk woman: tenko  
> squat child: himiko  
> smoogi: tsumugi  
> kork: kiyo  
> $n00p d0g: angie  
> anybody want some stew: kirumi  
> velveeta GANG: kaede  
> blocked and reported: maki  
> RoboBitch: kiibo  
> Wii Sports Tennis: hoshi  
> bugs life: gonta  
> RIP alter ego gonta
> 
> The 77th:
> 
> can i fuck hamburger helper: teruteru  
> gaymer gorl: chiaki  
> massive toddies: hinata  
> i'd fuck hope ESKETIT: nagito  
> qween: sonia  
> join my hamster cult: gundham  
> u wanna touch my nuts: souda  
> MY CHEMICAL S C REAMM: ibuki  
> fake bitch: imposter  
> Studio Ghibli: mitarai  
> m e a t t: akane  
> midget bitch: hiyoko  
> it's a SELF PORTRAIT, karen: mahiru  
> nursey-chan: mikan  
> lorge muscle man: nidai  
> God: Izuru  
> pecker peckeryammer: peko  
> boss baby kin: fuyuhiko
> 
> listen,,, i hc kamukura as nonbinary not just because kamukura's relatable but also due to the circumstances of the kamukura project
> 
> if the student chosen was a girl instead of hajime kamukura would have looked and acted female whilst still having the same personality, meaning kamukura's perception of their own gender is entirely based off of whomever kamukura inhabits, and is therefore unnecessary and also flexible.
> 
> kamukura's an nb icon


	13. That's very H man: the Epic Conclusion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **boss baby kin:** uhhhhh hate to be a total buzzkill
> 
>  **boss baby kin:** but when exactly were we gonna play "chat games" i want to be free from this cursed gc before i graduate highschool

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i ffucking had to
> 
> small warning for REALLY dirty jokes about Atua at the start of the chapter
> 
> and really dirty 20 qs questions
> 
> Oh ya and u remember that amaguuji?? i'm probs gonna start getting to the good stuff next few chapters

**biggest gay:** good morning sluts

 **u wanna touch my nuts:** gm bitch

 **$n00p d0g:** good morning heathen choke on atua's hot thick wrath

 **biggest gay:** kinky @ atua come gimme ur wrath i like em big

 **$n00p d0g:** sinner

 **mega faggot:** oof me too atua please give me your wrath squirt your rage all over me ahh~

 **$n00p d0g:** leave ;)

 **floorboard fetish:** gm you <3

 **biggest gay:** gm shuu-chan you're literally the only person i trust on this planet

 **velveeta GANG:** gay and also incredibly valid

 **velveeta GANG:** UNLIKE YOUR COMMENTS ABOUT ATUA EARLIER YIKES

 **biggest gay:** FAQ

 **biggest gay:** can i be stopped? no i cannot

 **blocked and reported:** will you stop if i suffocate you

 **floorboard fetish:** maki

 **biggest gay:** please stop asking if theres any way to stop me theres not

 **rocket boy:** what if i ask politely

 **smoogi:** what if i steal your panta

 **kork:** please discontinue this?

 **biggest gay:** i'm literally getting tons of msgs begging for a way to stop me i'm sorry it's literally impossible i won't quit and i won't die

 **boss baby kin:** uhhhhh hate to be a total buzzkill

 **boss baby kin:** but when exactly were we gonna play "chat games" i want to be free from this cursed gc before i graduate highschool

 **massive toddies:** no offense but uhh you're literally the biggest buzzkill fuyuhiko i im not lying 

 **massive toddies:** i uhhh think we're having a pretty good time

 **boss baby kin:** fair

 **u wanna touch my nuts:** TELL EM HINATA OOOOOOOOOO

 **boss baby kin:** OH MY GOD I JUST AGREED WITH HIM 

 **boss baby kin:** WHAT ARE YOU, THREE?

 **u wanna touch my nuts:** yeah, three feet taller than you

**boss baby kin:**

**u wanna touch my nuts:**

**boss baby kin:** i AM LITERALLY GOING TO KILL YOU!

 **u wanna touch my nuts:** u wouldn't fuyuhiko aren't we the best of fwiends uwu

 **boss baby kin:** peko u up?

 **pecker peckeryammer:** yes. souda, you're supremely fucked

 **u wanna touch my nuts:** h

 **u wanna touch my nuts** _is offline._

 **squat child:**  oh ma god he fuckin dead

 **boss baby kin:** so about those chat games

 **biggest gay:** rrriiiight so it's gonna be like shitty 20 questions except for it's just me exploiting your weaknesses for a laugh

 **God:** that's fair

 **God:** we're gonna get our baby pictures exposed @ graduation anyways w/ the senior class vid so

 **can i fuck hamburger helper:** shit u right i forget about that

 **gaymer gorl:** as class rep i made sure to embarrass all of y'all

 **midget bitch:** normally i'd laugh but

 **midget bitch:** this coming from chiaki has me shaking

 **join my hamster cult:** WHICH ONE OF YOU THREW SOUDA OUT OF THE WINDOW

 **qween:** we had to catch him. i mean he would've lived because he was building a helicopter backpack in midair faster than i've ever seen someone build shit but

 **qween:** w hich one of you fuck ers did it gundham and i wish to destroy you for attacking our lover

 **m e a t t:** it was peko and fuyuhiko

 **midget bitch:** it was peko and fuyuhiko

 **nursey-chan:** iit was ppeko annd fuyyuhikko

 **join my hamster cult:** FEAR OUR DARK WRATH! WE SHALL AVENGE OUR DEAREST ONE

 **u wanna touch my nuts** _is online_

 **u wanna touch my nuts:** fuck you fuyuhiko you short-ass yakuza fucker fight me face-to-face like a man

 **boss baby kin:** oh you wanna go? I'll fuck you up

 **it's a SELF-PORTRAIT, karen:** guys guys stop stop 

 **it's a SELF-PORTRAIT, karen:** you're gonna destroy the dorms ag

 **midget bitch:** i ran after mahiru to stop her from doing something risky.

 **midget bitch:** whomever threw that rock, YOU'RE MOM IS A GAY

 **it's a SELF-PORTRAIT, karen:** actually fuck you sonia try that shit again

 **m e a t t:** sonia's actually a queen come at me bitch

 **velveeta GANG:** WHAT THE HE L L IS GOING ON

 **floorboard fetish:** excuse me why did kokichi just cling to me shaking in terror while the dorm building shakes on its hinges

 **avacado spirit:** is there like anyone who can put an  end to this

 **gaymer gorl:** normally i'd tell them to stop but they need to get their feelings out

 **MY CHEMICAL S C REAMM:** CHIAKI YOU BITCH IF YOU CAN'T STOP THEM I'M GOING TO FIGHT THEM AAAAAA

 **gaymer gorl:** why not fight me tho

 **MY CHEMICAL S C REAMM:** CHIAKI DID NOTHING WRONG I LEGALLY CAN'T FIGHT HER

 **Studio Ghibli:** I'M GOING TO FUCKING FIGHT HER

 **MY CHEMICAL S C REAMM:** NO YOU FUCKING WON'T COME AT ME BITCH

 **fake bitch:** literally if you touch ryota i will throw you across campus ibuki

 **MY CHEMICAL S C REAMM:** COME AT ME LARDASS

 **nursey-chan:** oh oh no somebody's gonba get injured it's all your guys' fault ehehe

 **nursey-chan:** this is junko, are y'all having one of your extra-destructive fights again? mikan just ran off laughing carrying a bunch of syringes

 **stronk woman:** GOD IS ANY OF YOU GONBA EXPLAIN THIS S H IT

 **massive toddies:** sighh

 **i'd fuck hope ESKETIT:** ahhh, look at all of the hope brought by our classmates excercising their talents! surely such a display of hope will raise everyone's spirits

 **massive toddies:** nagito they are destroying stuff

 **i'd fuck hope ESKETIT:** i just want to go join them ehehe

 **massive toddies:** n agito

 **massive toddies:** sigh

 **massive toddies:** YOU FUCKERS DO REALIZE THAT EVERY TIME YOU DO THIS NAGITO RECESSES DO YOU NOT GIVE A S H I T

 **massive toddies:** also chiaki get your ass down here and do something

 **gaymer gorl:** no fuck you solve it yourselves

 **lorge muscle man:** akane am i late

 **m e a t t:** not at all pumpkin just hurry on down this shit's getting wild

 **lorge muscle man:** cool

 **can i fuck hamburger helper:** oh my godd all these beautiful people flexing is getting to my head i'd definitely tap all y'all's asses mmmm

 **can i fuck hamburger helper:** on second thought texting that wasn't a good idea i did not expect to get thrown against the wall

 **can i fuck hamburger helper:** but damn that hurts so good

 **midget bitch:** haha stfu teruteru

 **avacado spirit:** literally chiaki can you please do something

 **gaymer gorl:** no. they can work it out by themselves.

 **rocket boy:** THEY LITERALLY WON'T AND WE ARE N O T GETTING INVOLVED

 **gaymer gorl:** lol do you know what they call our class? they call us the remnants of despair because this literally happens twice a year

 **gaymer gorl:** literally somebody starts shit and the whole class gets involved

 **RoboBitch:** the bi-annual "earthquake" is YOU GUYS? do you KNOW how much damage you've done to the foundations of the camous buildings over the years??? my sensors are flipping shit rn

 **gaymer gorl:** dw our senior class gift is gonna be support beams for the bases of all of the buildings so they don't fucking collapse

 **massive toddies:** CHIAKI

 **massive toddies:** D O   SO ME THING

 **God:** sigh

 **God:** if you can't do shit, i will.

 **God:** how boring.

 **gaymer gorl:** izuru i literally left them there so they can sort it out you're not going to help

 **God:** are they sorting it out by themselves?

 **gaymer gorl:** no...

 **God:** while we all appreciate your effort, it wasn't successful. it is my job to step in at this point.

 **God:** now, if you'll excuse me

 **nursey-chan:** holy s hit kamukura works fast

 **nursey-chan:** literally one minute they're all at each others' throats and then the next they're all knocked out cold on the campus grounds

 **gaymer gorl:** the fuck did you do

 **God:** don't worry, they're not dead, and they'll probably all be back up in about ten minutes

 **God:** that was way too simple i'm bored as shit lmao

 **gaymer gorl:** couldn't you have, like, I dunno, TIED THEM UP INSTEAD??

**God:**

**God:** no

 **biggest gay:** why the fuck did y'all dO THAT SHIT

 **biggest gay:** i have a crippling fear of getting crushed and i don't know why tha nks

 **biggest gay:** we actually can't do chat games until they wake up so back to class it is i guess

 **Wii Sports Tennis:** lowkey wishing i'd jumped straight into the fighting that would've been a story

 **mega faggot:** UGH YUCK FUCKING CLASS

 **velveeta GANG:** BRO WE SHOULD'VE GOTTEN GONTA TO HELP

 **floorboard fetish:** oh shit u right

* * *

**biggest gay:** maki tried to strangle me again today so i'm starting a petition to put her down

 **biggest gay:** pros of putting her down would be that i'd get strangled way less

 **MY CHEMICAL S C REAMM:** SKSKSKSNHSKSC

 **blocked and reported:** ok fuck you ouma you deserved it

 **floorboard fetish:** maki can you please not this is my boyfriend you're strangling

**blocked and reported:**

**blocked and reported:** ok fine but only because it's you, shuichi

 **blocked and reported:** you're kaito's sidekick i gotta respect that

 **floorboard fetish:** good

 **massive toddies:** quick question izuru what the h e l l did you do my head hurts

 **massive toddies:** all i remember was throwing punches at mahiru and then suddenly you descended from a rooftop, hair trailing behind you in a majestic arc

 **massive toddies:** i blinked and suddenly you were two inches away from me and everything went black

 **i'd fuck hope ESKETIT:** ah, same

 **i'd fuck hope ESKETIT:** it was kinda scary ahaha

 **massive toddies:** see look you scared nagito i want answers

 **God:** oh, yeah, that

 **God:** i flicked your temples. there's an artery running through there, if you press it for long enough you could be knocked unconscious.

 **u wanna touch my nuts:** izuru, please never do that again

 **God:** kazuichi, please never start a fight again

 **u wanna touch my nuts:** touché

 **biggest gay:** W E L L GUESS WHAT TIME IT IS now that everyone's done trying to ccrush ccrush me under a building

 **boss baby kin:** oh fuck

 **gaymer gorl:** shit

 **fake bitch:** good god

 **Studio Ghibli:** spare me

 **biggest gay:** SHUICHI THEY'RE BULLYING MEEE

 **floorboard fetish:** guys

 **floorboard fetish:** i'm not mad, just disappointed

 **massive toddies:** i don't get WHAT about that phrase makes me feel so guilty but it DOES

 **u wanna touch my nuts:** UGH SAME

 **m e a t t:** this should be illegal g od

 **biggest gay:** thank you shuu <3

 **floorboard fetish:** yw <3

 **MY CHEMICAL S C REAMM:** THAT'S SO CUTE I CAN'T EVEN BE MAD

 **massive toddies:** you think you can out-gay me and nagito??

 **biggest gay:** nah you've got us beat

 **floorboard fetish:** yeah you do

 **massive toddies:** oh

 **i'd fuck hope ESKETIT:** h

 **i'd fuck hope ESKETIT:** i did not expect that

 **massive toddies:** me neither i'm shook

 **biggest gay:** HOWEVER i am gayer than you

 **massive toddies:**  that'sfair

 **biggest gay:** NOW WITHOUT FURTHER ADO

 **biggest gay:** THE GREAT AMERICAN SENIOR CLASS CHAT GAME STARTS NOW!

 **pecker peckeryammer:** massive fear

 **biggest gay:** alright teruteru you're first

 **can i fuck hamburger helper:** h

 **mega faggot:** here's your question

 **mega faggot:** Would you rather watch your dog hump another dog or have him stare you down while you’re having sex?

 **massive toddies:** jesus fucking christ

 **i'd fuck hope ESKETIT:** both of those have happened to me g o d

 **massive toddies:** oh yeah i remember that one. 

 **velveeta GANG:** wait komaeda has a dog?

 **i'd fuck hope ESKETIT:** had

 **i'd fuck hope ESKETIT:** a month after he stared us down lucky got hit by a truck in the middle of the street

 **smoogi:** o o f

 **rocket boy:** press F to pay respects

 **kork:** F

 **RoboBitch:** F

 **bugs life:** F!

 **rocket boy:** G O N TA  N O

 **can i fuck hamburger helper:** i guess uhh watch my dog hump another dog

 **can i fuck hamburger helper:** thank fuck i don't have a dog

 **biggest gay:** CONGRATULATIONS YOU'RE FREE! mitarai is next

 **can i fuck hamburger helper:** H

 **smoogi:** ok mitarai, what's the dirtiest thing you've animated

 **Studio Ghibli:**...

 **Studio Ghibli:** it was a comission

 **Studio Ghibli:**...

 **Studio Ghibli:**...minion r18

 **kork:** GOD DAMNIT

 **mega faggot:** thx mitarai it was top quality i got a good nut out of that one

 **kork:** G O D  DA M N I T

 **biggest gay:** we applaud your bravery

 **biggest gay:** nekomaru! what's the most caffeinated shit you've ever mixed into your protein shakes

 **lorge muscle man:** coffee, red bull, and mountain dew simultaneously

 **m e a t t:** OH MY GOD I REMEMBER THAT

 **m e a t t:** hE SEEMED EXTRA PUMPED AND HE SUDDENLY STARTED VIBRATING INTENSELY AND PASSED OUT

 **stronk woman:** WHEEZE BIG MOOD

 **biggest gay:** uhh!! big regret!! i didn't need to hear about that bear vibrating! although i'm intrigued

 **biggest gay:** chiaks nanams you're up

 **smoogi:** have you ever played any dating otome games

 **gaymer gorl:** fuck i've been found out

 **gaymer gorl:** hOW THE HEL L DID YOU KNOW???

 **velveeta GANG:** haha i saw you playing one during one of the student council meetings

 **gaymer gorl:** f uck

 **biggest gay:** that was too easy, NEXT!

 **biggest gay:** hmmmmmmmm. hajime!!

 **floorboard fetish:** so i heard you skateboard, any stories for us?

 **massive toddies:** i have. two

 **massive toddies:** so there was this one time while vine was still a thing

 **squat child:** rip vine

 **stronk woman:** F

 **blocked and reported:** F

 **massive toddies:** where i had makoto record me doing skateboard tricks while holding a jug of orange juice

 **massive toddies:** i did an ollie over nagito and spilled the whole jug

 **massive toddies:** and then

 **u wanna touch my nuts:** WE WENT TO A HALF-PIPE AND HE RUNS W/ THE BOARD LIKE HE WAS GONNA GO FOR IT

 **u wanna touch my nuts:** BUT INSTEAD OF HOPPING ON HE JUST RUNS AWAY

 **massive toddies:** izuru comes by, riding the edge of the pipe perfectly despite touching a skateboard for the first time five minutes before that, and whispers, "pussy"

 **biggest gay:** ex ce l l e nt

 **biggest gay:** ibuki!

 **velveeta GANG:** have you ever gotten a noise complaint

 **MY CHEMICAL S C REAMN:** no! they try but when they get close enough the sheer volume of my music makes them forget why they came

 **squat child:** oh f u c k

 **biggest gay:** sonia!! what's the shittiest rule you've ever came up with for your country

 **qween:** i banned pineapple on pizza for a week

 **qween:** the country was in a riot

 **u wanna touch my nuts:** h but pineapple on pizza is good

 **massive toddies:** u wot m8

 **boss baby kin:** no. it's really not.

 **massive toddies:** i can't believe my soul friend likes pineapple on pizza i'm ashamed

 **u wanna touch my nuts:**.

 **join my hamster cult:** do not fear, my beloved! I also enjoy pineapple on the mortal pizza cuisine.

 **u wanna touch my nuts:** gundham i love you oh my g od

 **midget bitch:** congrats it's a match made in hell

 **qween:** lol i never said i didn't like it, i just knew it was a controversial topic

 **u wanna touch my nuts:** sonia, gundham, ily both holy shit <3 <3

 **biggest gay:** OK THAT'S ENOUGH

 **biggest gay:** hey koizumiii-channnn what's the most lewd thing you've ever taken a picture of, selfies included

 **it's a SELF-PORTRAIT, karen:** they're SELF-PORTRAITS, OUMA

 **it's a SELF-PORTRAIT, karen:** also can i skip

 **biggest gay:** no. spill it

 **it's a SELF-PORTRAIT, karen:** fine

 **it's a SELF-PORTRAIT, karen:** itookapictureofnagitoandhajimemakingoutonthebalcony

 **massive toddies:** omg

 **it's a SELF-PORTRAIT, karen:** omg i'm sorry

 **massive toddies:** nonono SEND IT TO ME

 **it's a SELF-PORTRAIT, karen:** OH

 **it's a SELF-PORTRAIT, karen:** WILL DO

 **i'd fuck hope ESKETIT:** holy shit mahiru thanks

 **it's a SELF-PORTRAIT, karen:** i expected a more negative reaction i'm shook

 **biggest gay:** what

 **biggest gay:** the fuck

 **biggest gay:** akane your turn

 **stronk woman:** what's the tallest thing you've ever jumped over

 **m e a t t:** gonta

 **avacado spirit:** w he e z e

 **biggest gay:** big mood

 **biggest gay:** heyyyy mikan

 **nursey-chan:**!!!!!! f ear

 **biggest gay:** oh wow and here i was thinking junko still had her phone

 **mega faggot:** what's the kinkiest thing you've done with needles?? asking for a friend

 **nursey-chan:**!!! can i skkip

 **biggest gay:** hey junko if you're there answer the question for her

 **nursey-chan:** with pleasure??

 **nursey-chan:** you should've suggested that earlier you fucking grape twink

 **massive toddies:** hey junko

 **gaymer gorl:** hi junko

 **midget bitch:** bye junko

 **nursey-chan:** hey fuck you hiyoko i ithought we were pals

 **midget bitch:** no we aren't

 **nursey-chan:** that's fair, you keep bullying my girlfriend

 **nursey-chan:** i lied, i hate your guts

 **nursey-chan:** anyways uhh mikan and i might've messed around with aphrodisiacs during second year but i'm not confirming anything

 **nursey-chan:** bye kids

 **midget bitch:** damn

 **midget bitch:** i didn't expect that

 **it's a SELF-PORTRAIT, karen:** to be fair you do give mikan a hard time 

 **midget bitch:** but like junko defended her

 **it's a SELF-PORTRAIT, karen:** of course she did, they're dating

 **nursey-chan:**!! jjunko 

 **nursey-chan:** aha mmy secrett's outt

 **mega faggot:** literally we won't judge i've done kinkier shit

 **biggest gay:** aight nagito yourrre up

 **biggest gay:** would you rather cut off your own arm or gouge out your own eye

 **i'd fuck hope ESKETIT:** i already cut off my own arm, different question

 **biggest gay:** wait  w h at

 **massive toddies:** yep, he actually did.

 **massive toddies:** one of his arms is a prosthetic h ow did you not notice

 **biggest gay:** in my defense i was not paying attention

 **i'd fuck hope ESKETIT:** on some days i wear a glove maybe that's why

 **i'd fuck hope ESKETIT:** new question maybe?

 **biggest gay:** oof ok

 **biggest gay:** would you rather fuck hope with a human body and never fuck hinata again or live life as is

 **i'd fuck hope ESKETIT:** literally hajime is my hope fuck you mean with that bs

 **massive toddies:** holy s h it

 **biggest gay:** aight

 **biggest gay:** hey gundham

 **biggest gay:** have your hamsters ever fucked

 **join my hamster cult:** no

 **biggest gay:** u sure abt that

 **join my hamster cult:** THE DARK DEVAS DO NOT NEED TO ENGAGE IN FORNICATION THEY ARE DIVINE CREATURES

 **biggest gay:** _jesus_

 **biggest gay:** i need a break

 **mega faggot:** igotchu

 **avacado spirit:** dear god

 **mega faggot:** heyyyyy shark boy, my machine-building comrade

 **u wanna touch my nuts:** shar k boy

 **God** _changed_ **u wanna touch my nuts** _'s name to_ **shark boy**

 **God:** pfft

 **shark boy:** god  d a m n it

 **rocket boy:** big mood

 **mega faggot:** have you ever considered building a mecha dildo

 **shark boy:** wh

 **mega faggot:** we won't judge?

 **midget bitch:** we will judge

 **shark boy:** fuck you hiyoko you midget bitch

 **shark boy:** and yes, maybe i did, so what

 **can i fuck hamburger helper:** kinky, lemme try it

 **shark boy:** c o n s i d e re d,   n o t   b ui l t,   t er u t er u

 **mega faggot:** omg big mood lemme know when you actually build the thing

 **shark boy:** jesus.

 **mega faggot:** aight imposter

 **mega faggot:** what's the sluttiest thing you've disguised as

**fake bitch:**

**fake bitch:** byuakuya but in lingerie

 **massive toddies:** wH E E Z E

 **fake bitch:** i

 **fake bitch:** i didn't even know he owned lingerie

 **smoogi:** SJDKSKAJSJS

 **rocket boy:** B Y A KU YA H A S  LIN G ERIE

 **floorboard fetish:** makoto tops confirmed

 **velveeta GANG:** kirigiri is a dominatrix confirmed

 **mega faggot:** heyyy peko 

 **pecker peckeryammer:** yes

 **mega faggot:** do you ever masturbate using ur sword case

**pecker peckeryammer:**

**pecker peckeryammer:** just the tip

 **Studio Ghibli:** DAMNIT

 **can i fuck hamburger helper:** mmm i can imagine it now

 **Studio Ghibli:** STFU TERUTERU

 **boss baby kin:** damn

 **boss baby kin:** ok umm that's kinda hot

 **pecker peckeryammer:**!!

 **biggest gay:** MIU HO L Y SHIT ENOUGH W/ THE DIRTY QUESTIONS

 **biggest gay:** hiyoko!! is it true you kicked leon kuwata in the shins during the homecoming dance last year

 **midget bitch:** yes it is and i'm not ashamed

 **massive toddies:** HE TRIPPED AND BROKE HIS ARM

 **midget bitch:** i'm not ashamed

 **biggest gay:** okok TWO MORE

 **Studio Ghibli:** omg we're almost free

 **shark boy:** YEET

 **biggest gay:** heyyy izzy!

 **God:** wh at did i say about the nicknames

 **biggest gay:** literally nothing! zuzu i iknow u braid your hair, what's the wildest shit you've done with it

 **God:** i style my hair to match my classmates and then pretend to be them for lols

 **God:** my favorite is when i pretend to be celestia ludenberg

 **God:** our hair and eye colors match so nobody suspects a thing

 **massive toddies:** WH EE Z E

 **nursey-chan:** junko aasks ifyyou were the onne thatccame up to her aas celleste and ssaidd "bbitchss and tiddies" annd walked offf

 **God:** maybe

 **i'd fuck hope ESKETIT:** wHEE Z E IZURU HOLY F UCK

 **biggest gay:** aight i saved the best for last

 **biggest gay:** boss baby-chan,,,,,

 **boss baby kin:** fuck you

 **biggest gay:** what's your greatest yakuza deal so far

 **boss baby kin:** ok kamukura can i tell them

 **God:** yeah probably i got a good laugh

 **boss baby kin:** aight

 **boss baby kin:** i sold izuru to the black market wearing a slutty maid outfit for 10 million

 **boss baby kin:** two days later they came back unharmed, wearing their fanciest suit

 **boss baby kin:** they come up to me, saying, "thanks for the lingerie", and then sit back down in their desk w/out a word

 **boss baby kin:** nobody questioned it

 **stronk woman:** o h  m y g  o d

 **God:** i still have the dress

 **avacado spirit:** WHEEZE

 **velveeta GANG:** HOLY S H IT

 **blocked and reported:** what happened to the guy who bought izuru

 **God:** dead, probably

 **rocket boy:** AKDLSKSKS

 **blocked and reported:** legendary

 **biggest gay:** but anywaysss

 **biggest gay:** CONGRA TU LATION; YOU'RE FREED

 **biggest gay:** you have five minutes before i kick your asses from my chat

 **kork:** oof. we're gonna have to remove gundham from the blood pact

 **biggest gay:** omg!! NOT THE BLOOD PACT

 **join my hamster cult:** you and i are no longer daijoubu

 **kork:** hontou?! anata breaking up with watashi desu ka?!

 **join my hamster cult:** hai, demo we can still be... _tomodachi_...

 **kork:** iie. arigato for nothing, baka...

 **biggest gay:** we will always.... ashiteru...

 **join my hamster cult:** may the blood pact be remembered always 

 **biggest gay:** WE WON'T FORGET YOU TANAKA-SEMPAI

 **kork:** your memory will live on

 **biggest gay:** you can't have memories without emo

 **floorboard fetish:** omg big mood

 **massive toddies:** but like, feel free to add any of us back to the chat in the future, we'd love to chat w/ you guys

 **massive toddies:** we had a lot of fun

 **massive toddies:** shuichi, kokichi, you run a lit group chat.

 **m e a t t:** big agree OMH

 **gaymer gorl:** yeah, talk to us some more lol, we're not gonna stop talking to y'all just because we've graduated

 **God:** you are sufficiently entertaining please text back

 **lorge muscle man:** i'll be like a sponsor for your life goals and shit

 **biggest gay:** i'm happy cry we'll miss you guys

 **velveeta GANG:** HHHH WE'LL MISS YOU SM CONGRATS ON YOUR GRADUATION HHH ;-;

 **smoogi:** hope's peak is gonna be way quieter w/out you guys i'm depressed

 **Wii Sports Tennis:** me too

 **smoogi:** hoshi you're always depressed

 **Wii Sports Tennis:** yeah

 **smoogi:** are you ok

 **Wii Sports Tennis:** no

 **smoogi:** that's fair

 **anybody want some stew:** you all will be missed

 **God:** thanks for having us

 **massive toddies:** thank you!

 **biggest gay:** like text me or shuu if you want back in

 **massive toddies:** we will. Thanks, guys.

 **biggest gay:** see ya

 **massive toddies** _and 17 others left the chat._

* * *

It was a sunny Saturday morning, and the 77th class stood on the pavement, dressed in black robes. Some had cords and stoles draped over their shoulders; others had nothing. However, they all had two things; a diploma, and a bright, hopeful smile on their faces.

Kokichi and Shuichi weren't wearing robes, and neither were their classmates, but they were there as well, watching their older friends intently. In a few seconds, Shuichi found Hajime, Nagito and Izuru chatting, the three students pouring over the multitude of cords and stoles drapped off of Izuru. Izuru looked proud, if not a little abashed; in all, it seemed they had been expecting all of the recognition. They had a gold honors with distinction cord, a couple of honors society stoles, and a few other extra-curricular cords hanging off of them, their dark hair getting interwoven with the decorations.

Nagito had just a simple white high honors cord, but he looked content. In his hands was his hat, which had the words "hope, skrrt skrrt" written in curly metallic marker script. He leaned into Hajime, who had an honors black and white cord and a technical honors society purple cord, Hajime's own hat donning a spiky ahoge to match his hair. When Shuichi looked at the hats, he couldn't help but chuckle.

Kokichi smiled at him. "When I graduate," the smaller boy offered, "I want to paint the top of my hat in checkered pattern."

"That'd be funny, actually."

"And put memes on it. Something relevant."

Shuichi smiled. The graduates clustered together as they got ready to throw their hats. The rest of the 79th dashed over to where Shuichi and Kokichi were, Kaede in the lead.

"They did good, didn't they?" Kaede offered.

The rest of the class nodded in assent.

"3! 2! 1!"

Hats flew into the air, different colors and patterns painted or paper-pasted onto each one. Shuichi sighed in contentment as he watched them all descend- wait, what?

One of the hats hovered at eye-level, a drone he hadn't seen attached to it whirring away. Ripples of laughter ran through the crowd as the hat-drone drifted higher into the sky and flew away, never to be seen again.

"Souda, why the hell did you put a drone on your hat? GODDAMNIT!"

Shuichi chuckled. Leave it to the 77th to be unpredictable, even to the last minute.

The crowd cleared away, and graduates got into cars, packing away their belongings, ready to leave the Hope's Peak Highschool campus for the last time. Shuichi felt a hand clutch as his own, and he turned to face Kokichi.

"Ready to go?" Kokichi asked, smiling.

"Yeah."

They took their first step off of the pavement.

"Let's go enjoy our summer."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Current chat names:
> 
> avacado spirit: amami  
> mega faggot: miu  
> biggest gay: kokichi  
> rocket boy: kaito  
> floorboard fetish: shuichi  
> stronk woman: tenko  
> squat child: himiko  
> smoogi: tsumugi  
> kork: kiyo  
> $n00p d0g: angie  
> anybody want some stew: kirumi  
> velveeta GANG: kaede  
> blocked and reported: maki  
> RoboBitch: kiibo  
> Wii Sports Tennis: hoshi  
> bugs life: gonta  
> RIP alter ego gonta
> 
> The 77th:
> 
> can i fuck hamburger helper: teruteru  
> gaymer gorl: chiaki  
> massive toddies: hinata  
> i'd fuck hope ESKETIT: nagito  
> qween: sonia  
> join my hamster cult: gundham  
> shark boy: souda  
> MY CHEMICAL S C REAMM: ibuki  
> fake bitch: imposter  
> Studio Ghibli: mitarai  
> m e a t t: akane  
> midget bitch: hiyoko  
> it's a SELF PORTRAIT, karen: mahiru  
> nursey-chan: mikan  
> lorge muscle man: nidai  
> God: Izuru  
> pecker peckeryammer: peko  
> boss baby kin: fuyuhiko
> 
> Congratulations Class of 2018 graduates!!


	14. The Grape Cuck Gets Older™

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **biggest gay:** haha hey shu ichi you remember how i said i was going to my last driver's ed lesson rright
> 
>  **just gettin' bi:** yeah?
> 
>  **biggest gay:** well
> 
>  **biggest gay:** i flipped my bike

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like i was minding my own business and then my dad's friend had pineapple on pizza do you u n derstand how disappointed i was
> 
> also there's a recurring trend with some of these events: some are actual things that happened to me
> 
> kokichi flipping his bike? i flipped my bike on tuesday and smacked my head onto concrete
> 
> anyways happy birthday grape cuck my crush's birthday is literally on the same day

_june 20th, 2018, 4:00 pm_

**All Women Are Queens:** Hi

 **if she breathe she a thot:** that's a slur

 **All Women Are Queens:** why is it so hard to be nice to you

 **velveeta GANG:** Hey guys!!! it's great to see the chat up and running now that our post-graduation depression has faded out

 **blocked and reported:** that's fair, me and kaito went to disneyland for a couple of days

 **stronk woman:** omg??? without us?? himiko would've loved to go tell us next tine g od maki

 **Abraca DAB ra:** you went to disneyland without me? perishj

 **asstronutt:** we did! It was romantic and we had a good time

 **Abraca DAB ra:** oh it was a straight thing nvm

 **asstronutt:** ice cold

 **$n00p d0g:** get cucked kaito :3

 **asstronutt:**  not to alarm anyone but if you look at the moon with one eye and then close it and open the other one you see another identical moon a little bit to the left. Why has science covered up the existence of this second, secret moon? we are the people and we demand answers

 **kork:** parallax, my friend

 **asstronutt:** that's a stupid name. it should be called "moon 2."

 **blocked and reported:** kaito omg why are you so fucking stupid ily holy shit

 **stronk woman:** SKDKSNKSKSNSHA

 **asstronutt:** what

 **stronk woman:** oh sorry, let me translate that into heterosexual for you

 **stronk woman:** haha lmao

 **biggest gay:** HAHA LITTY hate to be a downer but i got a driver's ed lesson and y'all gotta cut it with the notifs

 **anybody want some stew:** i hate to be this person kokichi but that statement is hypocritical you talk the most here

 **asstronutt:** she's right

 **smoogi:** she's right

 **just gettin' bi:** srry babe she's right

 **biggest gay:** b e t r a y a l

 **biggest gay:** dw i still love you

 **biggest gay:** i stole your heart, so i'm satisfied!

 **just gettin' bi:** true

* * *

_6:37 pm_

**biggest gay:** haha hey shu ichi you remember how i said i was going to my last driver's ed lesson rright

 **just gettin' bi:** yeah?

 **biggest gay:** well

 **biggest gay:** i flipped my bike

 **just gettin' bi:** where are you right now, what did you hit, is there anything broken

 **biggest gay:** i dunno, i hit my head n elbow, i i dunno

 **just gettin' bi:** you were coming to my uncle's place, right

 **biggest gay:** ye ah

 **biggest gay:** kinda dizzyy

 **biggest gay:** shu cha n

 **just gettin' bi:** i'll be there in five you better not pass out on me kokichi

 **just gettin' bi:** guys can you please help me

 **velveeta GANG:** alright i'll check south of his route with Mugi

 **avacado spirit:** kiyo and i will check north, he'll ride w/ me

 **kork:** unfortunately, i'm not 16 as of yet

 **smoogi:** neither am i

 **Abraca DAB ra:** haha isn't hoshi's birthday in july too

 **Wii Sports Tennis:** I'm turning 17 in July. i might've gotten held back a bit

 **just gettin' bi:** oh thank fuck i'm not the oldest. NOW CAN WE GO LOOK FOR KOKICHI I AM ALREADY GOING

 **biggest gay:** kinda near a red and white building

 **biggest gay:** mihgt be that nsmaek

 **biggest gay:** market

 **just gettin' bi:** oh i know where you are now i'm coming

* * *

Shuichi slammed the car door in rush. His hands trembled and his heart raced as he quickly locked the door and ran down the street. He'd tried his hardest to conceal his terror from the group chat, but he could never hide his emotions from himself.

He dashed around the corner of the local market and stopped dead, his hands growing cold. Kokichi's purple bike lay haphazardly on the pavement, the front wheel in the gutter and the back wheel on the sidewalk, the whole thing draped over the vertical concrete edge. The handle for the back wheel's brakes was bent, suggesting that it had given out. It looked as if he had attempted to stop before hitting the curb and the back brake had failed, essentially flipping the entire bike forwards.

Lying a few feet forwards was Kokichi himself, out cold. There were blood spots on his purple sweater near his right elbow and hip, and a stain on the pavement near his head. From the looks of it, he'd landed on his side and tried to break his fall with his arm, but he'd failed and smacked his head. Near his hand was his phone, and the chat was open. He'd had every intention of continuing to text the chat, but he'd fainted before he could say anything else.

Shuichi waited, for a minute, for him to pop up and say "it's a lie!" like usual.

It was silent.

He ran to his boyfriend's side and scooped him up gently. Kokichi's head lolled to the side. Shuichi pressed a soft kiss to his forehead and brought him to the car, leaving the trashed bike where it belonged.

"I'm so sorry, Kokichi."

* * *

_May 25th, 2017, 7:24 pm_

_approximately 13 months ago_

_"I mean, it looks like a nice bike, right?" Shuichi asked. The two boys sat on the swings in the old park, not caring that the chains creaked violently when they shifted, not unlike Kokichi's bike breaks. "You've wanted a full-sized bike since forever. It's nice your dad got you one anyways."_

_Kokichi scoffed bitterly. "Craigslist full-sized bike. He refuses to actually buy me shit that works. Used bike, bargain brand phone, Walmart clothes, he doesn't give a damn. As long as it doesn't cost him more money than necessary." He sighed and looked away. "Being honest is exhausting."_

_Shuichi looked at him in concern. "But he did get you a new bike instead of making you keep the small one, right? Isn't that proof enough-"_

_Kokichi glared at him, his inkwell violet eyes piercing straight into Shuichi's soul. When Shuichi jumped, Kokichi realized what he was doing, and hurriedly tried to soften his gaze._

_"Those brakes are screwed, especially the back ones," he muttered angrily. "He knew it from the start. He won't fix them, because he insists they're fine, but I'm telling you that screech means no good."_

_He breathed out a shuddering, angry breath. Shuichi put a hand on his shoulder reassuringly. Kokichi didn't protest it._

_"Who wants to bet that someday the bike will just flip?"_

_They watched the sun set in silence._

* * *

**just gettin' bi:** i found him. kaede, ur car is bigger, can you pick up kichi's bike? i'm going to urgent care

 **velveeta GANG:** yeah. it's the north side of yukisome's grocery, right?

 **just gettin' bi:** correct. i gotta keep my eyes on the road, text back l8tr. if you guys want to meet me there, feel free

 **kork:** we'll be there in a few, rantarou and i are going to find something to eat. I am famished and i'd forgetten to sustain myself before we left.

 **just gettin' bi:** aight

* * *

Kiyo followed Rantarou's green head of hair down the street. The two boys scanned the street for the ice cream place they both enjoyed in junior high. In a few seconds, Rantarou found it, and he smiled back at Kiyo. Kiyo felt a grin of his own slipping onto his face, no mask to conceal it.

(The mask was in his sock drawer, laying there ever since the boys had kicked out his sister. Some days he pulled the socks away and looked at it.  _I miss(?) Her. I should wear it again. She always knew best for me, She did. ~~Why do I miss her?~~_

And then, Kiyo would remember the horrible things _she_ said, and remember that he was better off without _her_. He'd scoff. Of all people to develop Stockholm Syndrome, he hadn't expected himself to do so.

He considered telling Rantarou. Waking him up at 12 in the morning. Begging him to force him to go find help, counseling, ways to forget  _her_ poisoned words, her platform heels, or maybe just burn the mask.

But he'd done so much already. He'd thrown away that military uniform _she_ made him wear, let him wear one of his 12 sisters' many unneeded crop tops and hoodies, brushed his hair and put it in a bun day after day when he felt so miserable he couldn't do it himself. Rantarou had stepped up to be the companion he needed, to overfill the gap his sister had left. He wasn't just a replacement for _her_ , he was a whole new type of relationship, one Korekiyo hadn't ever experienced before.

And next week, they were going to Brazil together, so Korekiyo could have some time to utilize his talent, one he enjoyed so much, a major part of him that was distinctly  _him._

And Rantarou was paying for it all. For him.)

The ice cream shop they frequented was called Ando's. The owner, Ruruka Ando, despite being a bit paranoid, was an excellent sweets chef and once you got to know her, she was friendly, if a bit lukewarm. Rumors were that she had a boyfriend, but he was rarely seen around the shop. Kiyo swore he saw him once. He was a scary, rough-looking individual. Kiyo secretly hoped he'd never have to speak to him in his life.

Their favorite table was a high-stooled one by the window. They slipped inside and each sat on a stool, Kiyo sighing as the tension of standing rushed out of his body. He smiled and looked at Rantarou, who was watching him, a soft grin on his face.

"Do you wish to share something?" Kiyo asked quietly.

Rantarou smiled. "Sure. Your pick this time."

A waitress, probably a highschooler on a summer job, came over quickly. "Hi, welcome to Ando's ice cream and confectionery! I'll be your server for this evening. Anything I can get you?"

She looked peppy, blonde curls falling down her back. Kiyo knew he'd forget her name and if she even said it in five minutes.

"Yeah. Can I get a large sundae bowl? Black cherry ice cream with cashews."

"Sure thing."

The waitress left.

"Black cherry today? Feeling exotic?" Rantarou laughed as she walked away. "It's a good choice. Don't mind my teasing." His hand found itself on Kiyo's forearm.

"Mm. I supposed you would find the harsher taste enjoyable. At this point we've both tired ourselves out of the more mainstream flavor choices." Kiyo chuckled, leaning into Rantarou's contact. A warm feeling seemed to blossom from within his chest. "As for the cashews, I find them a welcome companion to both this and the expresso mocha. We should have gotten a scoop of that as well..."

"Oof, yeah, remind me of that for next time." Rantarou grinned recklessly. "It slipped both our minds."

The evening sun shone through the glass window, casting a dusky sheen over Rantarou's face. His eyes and soft hair shone almost as brightly as his smile. Korekiyo desperately wanted to take a picture.

"This time of day is often called the Golden Hour," he commented lightly, "for the golden photo quality it yields. It seems to flatter you, Rantarou."

"Not as much as you. Your eyes really bring it out," Rantarou replied evenly. "May I take a picture of you?"

"Ah, I am not much a sight to behold-"

"You really are, Kiyo," the green-haired boy insisted. "Can I?"

Kiyo smiled.

"Ah, of course."

He looked out the window, praying his blush didn't appear on his cheeks. Rantarou made a soft noise of assent. He sat there for a few more seconds, until Rantarou tapped him on the shoulder.

"Your ice cream?" the waitress offered. The delectable sugary goodness was handed to them with a smile and two spoons. Kiyo delicately took one in his long fingers. He took a scoop and slipped it into his mouth.

The flavors danced around his taste buds, doing the flamenco with cherry red skirts and cashew hair. Kiyo smiled.

"How is it?" Rantarou queried.

A grin. Homework on the table, eighth grade social studies.  _"Kiiiiiiyoooooo, i'm no good at this history stuff though!!!! You can help me, right?"_ 13-year-old Kiyo smiling through his mask, offering to help. Secretly enjoying doing the homework a second time because the subject was interesting for him. 14-year-old Rantarou narrowly missing his paper with a glob of melted ice-cream as he talked about the cave he found in the forest the other day, and all of the natural crystal deposits that lay inside. Two envelopes, labelled with the HPA emblem and plans for highschool.  _Ultimate Adventurer. Ultimate Anthropologist._

Korekiyo smiled. It tasted like history.  _Their_ history.

"Delicious."

* * *

Shuichi sprinted into urgent care, one hand supporting Kokichi's head, the other hand holding the small of his back. A couple of staff greeted him at the front and took Kokichi away, Shuichi on their tail. They took the smaller teen to a room in the back that Shuichi could somewhat recognize as a CAT scan room.

They slid Kokichi into the device, and after its processes were complete, slid him back out again. Shuichi ran over to his side and held him close, pressing gentle kisses to his head as they retrieved the results. Kokichi groaned quietly.

The purple-haired boy yawned and winced. "Shuu...ichi?" he murmured sleepily. "I'm kinda sick to my stomach... think i'm gonna throw up..."

Shuichi grimaced and dashed for the trash can. He ran back to his boyfriend as fast as his feet would take him, and stuffed the trash can in front of Kokichi's mouth. Kokichi retched into the trash, Shuichi rubbing circles into his back.

Shuichi grabbed a tissue and wiped Kokichi's face clean. "Are you ok?" he inquired softly.

Kokichi leaned into his side. "I'm tired, n my head hurts, and so does my arm and shit, but I'm alive, so that's what matters," he chuckled sleepily. "I tried t' go down a hill but I realized at the last minute that there was a curb. I hit th' breaks... the whole bike flipped... n'... I  _flew._ "

Shuichi winced in sympathy for his boyfriend. He squeezed his shoulder in reassurance.

"And the next thing I knew, I was on the ground... so I texted you guys..." he mumbled. "Some guy came out of his car n'... was like 'are you ok, is your bike ok, do you need help' and he wouldn'... drop it... think he thought I was a girl or somethin... so I threw bottle caps at him until he left... that was my whole supply."

His words were slurry and rambly. Shuichi's heart hurt for him.

"And then you guys said you were comin... and then everything went black!" Kokichi concluded jovially. "And now Shuu-chan's here."

"Yeah. I'm here," Shuichi whispered, hugging his boyfriend tightly. "I'm here."

One of the staff returned, looking irate. "We have the results," she remarked. "It's a mild traumatic brain injury, or concussion. There is nothing he can do except for rest. This appears to be the second one of these he's had, so he should know what to do."

_second? oh, right, the seesaw incident in middle school!_

"We'll get you an ice pack, and you'll be free to go."

Shuichi sighed. Of all the luck.

* * *

**just gettin' bi:** he just got a concussion. we're good to go. kokichi will be out of it for a few, so please don't be rough on him tmrw thx

 **Wii Sports Tennis:** i was hoping you guys wouldn't be rough to begin w/ but thanks for the excuse

 **if she breathe she a thot:** damnit how are we supposed to get lit for the bastard's bday tmrw if we can't be rough

 **if she breathe she a thot:** i like it rough hhhhhh

 **Abraca DAB ra:** shut up slut

 **stronk woman:** GO GET HER BABE FLAME HER ASS

 **anybody want some stew:** i shall enforce this rule, iruma. it is kokichi's birthday tmrw and despite his desire to party i'm assuming he wishes to be in less pain rather than more.

 **biggest gay:** thx momn

 **biggest gay:** also thx shuu ily

 **just gettin' bi:** i love you too kichi now get some rest.

* * *

Kokichi groaned into the pillow, Shuichi rubbing his back between his shoulder blades. "I know I'm tired... but... my head hurts," he whined. "I knew the fucking... bike would break... I called it."

"Hey, if you sleep, you won't feel it," Shuichi offered, kissing where his hands previously were, feather-light against the back of his neck and shoulder blades. "Just relax."

Kokichi gasped at the contact. It felt far more intimate than Shuichi probably intended, but he didn't give a shit. The small contact against his bare skin was mellowing him out and relaxing him. He whimpered and arched back into it.

Shuichi chuckled quietly. "Are you... turned on by this?" he asked cautiously, disbelieving mirth lining his tone.

"It's not funny, Shuu-chan!" Shuichi could hear Kokichi's pout through the pillow he'd stuck his face into. "Can't help it!"

"No, no, I'm just sort of happy, is all," Shuichi assured him gently. He climbed onto the bed next to Kokichi. "I can keep going, if you want."

"God,  _yes please,_ " Kokichi uttered with a breathy whisper. "It feels so damn good. Distract me."

Shuichi smiled and leaned down to press another kiss onto Kokichi's neck.

* * *

**just gettin' bi:** ok so this is how this is going to work. I'm staying with Kokichi to give him the first gift. After I do so, we'll come out to the living room. You say suprise, but SOFTLY. If any of you yells i'll personally kick your ass.

 **if she breathe she a thot:** you're extra protective, did you finally get it on???

**just gettin' bi:**

**just gettin' bi:** m aybe i ggave him a little something extra for his birthday

 **velveeta GANG:** CONGRATS SHUICHI! 

 **asstronutt:** OMG MY SIDEKICK FINALLY DITCHED HIS V CARD

 **blocked and reported:** you talk as if you aren't a virgin

 **asstronutt:** fair

 **stronk woman:** good work maki make him beg for it

 **stronk woman:** ALSO CONGRATS ON YOUR GAY

 **All Women Are Queens:** congratulations now can we please not speak about these carnal acts here???

 **velveeta GANG:** yes kiibo

 **smoogi:** of course kiibo

 **avacado spirit:** blame miu

 **if she breathe she a thot:** i mean you are right this is entirely my fault

* * *

_june 21st, 2018, 7:38 am_

"Hey, Kichi... wake up... it's your birthday..."

Kokichi groaned and blinked. He could see Shuichi leaning over him, smiling softly, his soft blue-black hair cascading over his face. He was still shirtless, one of his silken white sheets draped over his lower half. He looked like an angel that had descended down to earth, and the soft morning sunlight helped bolster that image.

Kokichi smiled and opened his eyes. His head still stung, but not as much as yesterday. "Good morning, Shumai~!" he purred, albeit quietly. "Last night sure was fun, wasn't it?"

Shuichi went red, and hid his face behind his hand bashfully. "Ah, yeah... it was nice..." he whispered, mortified. "A little bit unexpected..."

"Hey, it's ok," Kokichi assured him. "I'm glad. We're connected now, even more so than before. Best birthday present I've gotten in a while."

Shuichi lowered his hand from his face. "Well... I got you another one, too. I mean, sure, we can count the sex, but- yeah, I had gotten you something else, too!" he stammered. He fished out a blue gift box. "Here, open it!"

Kokichi grinned and tore open the lid. There were a few objects laying in the box artfully, nestled in purple and gold tissue paper. There was, of course, the obligatory bottle of Panta, which Kokichi dramatically pressed a messy kiss to (" _'Chi, please don't cheat on me with the Panta!" "Sorry, Saishu, Panta is my only true love!") ,_ and a bar of rich dark chocolate, which Kokichi smiled at before placing on the covers next to him.

Next in the box was an average-sized white teddy bear with a purple scarf. The material the bear was made of was painfully fluffy, ever-so-soft against Kokichi's calloused fingertips. Kokichi sniffed. It smelled of lavender and eucalyptus. Probably the work of some of the essential oils Shuichi kept on him for stress.

"I had Tsumugi and Kirumi help me with the scarf," Shuichi explained. "The scarf is handmade, and your initials are embroiderd onto the foot."

He checked. Sure enough, in royal purple thread, was a loopy cursive  _K. O._ on the paw. Kokichi smiled. It was personal, handmade, and just for him.

The final thing he found in the box was a golden hairpin. The pin was a thin golden rod, about 6 inches in length, a golden perfect five-cornered star welded to one end. "When you tie your hair back, you can stick the pin through. It'll stick up, and the star will be at the top," his boyfriend offered. It was intricate and beautiful. Kokichi supposed he'd have to save it for a formal occasion or a nice date night.

"Aww, is that it?" Kokichi laughed. He tipped the box over. "Thank you, Shui-"

A small box tumbled out of the larger gift box and onto the floor. He'd missed it when he had combed through for gifts. Shuichi yelped and picked it up deftly.

"Shuichi... is that a ring box?" Kokichi asked suspiciously.

Shuichi opened it. A simple silver band sat there. "It's a promise ring," he offered. "It's to say that we might be too young now, but... eventually, when we're adults, and ready, and if you'll still have me... I'd like to spend the rest of my life with you."

Kokichi was silent.

"Ah, if it was too much, I can just-"

Shuichi was interrupted by his boyfriend tacking him into a hug and then wincing as his elbow made contact with Shuichi's side. Kokichi gave his boyfriend a rough kiss, one you'd give as if the world was ending, or if Shuichi was the last drop of water and Kokichi was a dehydrated man. After what seemed like an eternity, he broke free and smiled at him, teary-eyed, overjoyed.

"You'd have me? You'd really have me?" Kokichi rejoiced. He sounded disbelieving, almost. Fat tears of happiness poured down his cheeks. Shuichi wondered if Kokichi was even aware that he was crying.

"Of course, of course, a hundred times over I would," Shuichi insisted. He moved a thumb to wipe tears off of his boyfriend's cheeks. "You're the only one I would want."

"Then, yes," Kokichi replied. "Let's graduate, and get jobs, and then once we're 24 and we've got a giant fluffy Malamute dog, propose. You'll bet I'll say yes. It's a promise."

He laughed and slumped into his boyfriend's arms as Shuichi slipped the silver band onto his finger. "You've outdone yourself."

"I know I have," Shuichi replied, voice use-heavy and tired. "It was a last-minute thing. I was good until yesterday. I didn't want to lose you before I said-"

Kokichi put a finger to his lips. "Shuichi, look at me," he insisted.

Shuichi looked. There his boyfriend sat on his lap, inkwell violet eyes and hair shimmering in the morning sun, cheeks flushed gently pink. A genuine smile was dancing acrost his face, eyes just a bit squinty, gentle and heartsick. Pale porcelain skin and limbs, slender yet wiry and strong, arms around Shuichi's shoulders, legs wrapped around Shuichi's waist. Kokichi's subtle weight grounded him. He wasn't a ghost. He was solid flesh and bone.

"I," he whispered, "am not going anywhere anytime soon."

* * *

_8:46 pm_

**biggest gay:** but holy shit you guys thank you again for the party and for minding my concussion

 **biggest gay:** y'all know how to throw a banging party that's also reasonably quiet

 **avacado spirit:** i mean sun tanning in the pool with cans of orange juice tends to relax everyone to a reasonable point

 **if she breathe she a thot:** omg did you see kaito at the beginning tho he nearly yelled "surprise" and shuichi looked like he was gonna decapitate him

 **asstronutt:** I'M SO SORRY MY VOICE IS NATURALLY LOUD SO SUE ME

 **just gettin' bi:** THEN WHISPER

 **asstronutt:** I WAS WHISPERING YOU SINNER

 **just gettin' bi:** i'm not a sinner uhh the bible said adam AND eve so i slept with them both

 **biggest gay:** DRAG HIM SWEETHEART

 **just gettin' bi:** It's the Bible, not the Straightble, I'm just following the book

 **stronk woman:** I'M CRYING

 **asstronutt:** my pride is in tiny itty bitty pieces this is why you shouldn't follow organized religion

 **$n00p d0g:** follow my religion we have cookies during youth group and year-round AC

 **avacado spirit:** nah fam i like to sleep on sundays

 **$n00p d0g:** you ｓｉｎｎｅｒ

 **velveeta GANG:** kokichi what do you have to say about this tho

 **biggest gay:** a hem

 **biggest gay:** NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THE POWER OF A TWINK WITH A TAMBOURINE

 **Abraca DAB ra:** w H E EZE

 **avacado spirit:** if that isn't the biggest mood i don't know what moods are

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Current chat names:
> 
> avacado spirit: amami  
> if she breathe she a thot: miu  
> biggest gay: kokichi  
> asstronutt: kaito  
> just gettin' bi: shuichi  
> stronk woman: tenko  
> Abraca DAB ra: himiko  
> smoogi: tsumugi  
> kork: kiyo  
> $n00p d0g: angie  
> anybody want some stew: kirumi  
> velveeta GANG: kaede  
> blocked and reported: maki  
> All Women Are Queens: kiibo  
> Wii Sports Tennis: hoshi  
> bugs life: gonta
> 
> expect more delicious amaguuji next chptr
> 
> also if y'all want you can go read my kamukura character study fic https://archiveofourown.org/works/14910081 i'm very proud of it


	15. You Forgot About Hoshi, Didn't You?!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **biggest gay:** FIRST THING IN THE MORNING TOO WHAT THE HELL DID I DO TO YOU
> 
>  **$n00p d0g:** angie will tell you what you have done!
> 
>  **$n00p d0g:** you fucking poured panta all over my driveway in the shape of a dick

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i forgot about Hoshi (i'm so sorry smol cat loving man we love you) and this damn fic because I made an Izuru Kamukura-themed meme acc on insta and i've been rather involved in my content. (it's actually really fucking fun to make sprite edits and join group chats and I'm having the time of my life rn.) Then I got in a blowout fight with my mom and we went to the beach after I manipulated her into backing down and here we are.  
> we went to the beach and .2 seconds after we arrived it poured BUCKETS  
> i'm finally using my laptop to write this and i'm very grateful considering i type MUCH faster on the computer than on my phone. i should do this more often?? i should  
> also i need to redye my damn hair because the blue faded out to grey and i look very tired
> 
> also,,, nobody read my kamukura character study and i'm disappointed. whatevs it doesn't affect melol ;-;

_July 2nd, 2018_

**$n00p d0g:** good morning everyone! atua blesses everyone except for kokichi and miu you're both dirty sluts

 **biggest gay:** WOW FUCK YOU

 **biggest gay:** FIRST THING IN THE MORNING TOO WHAT THE HELL DID I DO TO YOU

 **$n00p d0g:** angie will tell you what you have done!

 **$n00p d0g:** you fucking poured panta all over my driveway in the shape of a dick

 **biggest gay:** actually no i didn't

 **biggest gay:** i was at shuu-chan's?? asleep?? in his room? if i'd woken up to go somewhere shuichi would've known. also the shitty beater car my dad got me makes a crap ton of noise whenever i go anywhere if i was at your house you would've known, trust me.

 **biggest gay:** damn car i am fucking buying a moped with my next paycheck

 **just gettin' bi:** he's right, he didn't leave my house.

 **if she breathe she a thot:** I was out last night??? but i was clubbing at that summerfest with kiibo

 **All Women Are Queens:** miu i had fun,,, but please never again i think my circuits might get sensory damage

 **if she breathe she a thot:** yeah that's fair next time we'll just watch a movie or something

 **blocked and reported:** miu, you never want to do something that's not dirty. you've been cloned. where exactly is the real miu

 **avacado spirit:** SKDLKGKHDSNDLKS

 **$n00p d0g:** then who the fuck disgraced my driveway

 **biggest gay:** lol maybe it was gonta

 **velveeta GANG:** gonta would never??

 **stronk woman:** gonta isn't a filthy degenerate like the rest of you males leave him out of this

 **biggest gay:** ok! ok! holy shit it was just an idea!

 **asstronutt:** i wanna buy a driveway.

 **just gettin' bi:**...

 **just gettin' bi:**??

 **avacado spirit:** kaito wh A T 

 **just gettin' bi:**???????!

 **blocked and reported:** kaito HO LY SHIT WHY a R E YOU SO FUCKING STUPID

* * *

  **just gettin' bi:** hate to interrupt but i think the pranks have continued there's smoke trailing out of my kitchen window

 **velveeta GANG:** wtf that's not a prank that's arson NOT COOL

 **just gettin' bi:** i'm calling 911

 **biggest gay:** nono no shit don't call the police it's just fucking me

 **just gettin' bi:** what?? the hell?? are you do  iNG KOKICHI??

 **biggest gay:** i

 **biggest gay:** i set wax paper on fire to see what would happen

 **Abraca DAB ra:** poof it is gone

 **just gettin' bi:** ko ki chi 

 **just gettin' bi:** stop settin g things on fire because you're curious about what will happen

 **just gettin' bi:** what will happen is fire

 **biggest gay:** but what if... something else happen. jusg this 1 time

 **just gettin' bi:** no

 **kork:** you're insinuating he's done this before???

 **kork:** i'm mildly afraid

* * *

**asstronutt:** ok umm g UYS

 **asstronutt:** i have FOUND THE NEXT PRANK VICTIM

 **velveeta GANG:** oOF WHO

 **asstronutt:** well

 **asstronutt:** it's me. all my cereal bowls were stolen. they're just gone

 **asstronutt:** i can't fuckignlskn eat my ccereal ;-;

 **blocked and reported:** who the fuck did this i will kick your ass as soon as i fucking find you i will rip your teeth out one by one and feed them to the bears. then i will chop off your entire dick, boil it, and skull-fuck you with it because you have no fucking teeth. then i will peel back your skin like an orange

 **All Women Are Queens:** wha t  the fu ck ma ki

 **velveeta GANG:** maki, are you ok

 **blocked and reported:** how dare you go after kaito i will make you pay for this

 **stronk woman:** h oly shit ok mystery prankster i hope you regret this

 **avacado spirit:** Aw man!! you're just about to eat your morning cereal but you're out of bowls??

 **avacado spirit:** fear not!!1

 **asstronutt:** o h

 **avacado spirit:** grab a bell pepper and c ut it in ha lf!

 **biggest gay:** amami-chan are y o u  ok?

 **avacado spirit:** a ND ye R donE!!! INSTANT BOWL

 **just gettin' bi:** what the hell rantarou

 **avacado spirit:** i hate life

 **biggest gay:** i heard togami actually doesn't like cereal nishishi

 **asstronutt:** hOW CAN HE NOT LIKE CEREAL?? LUCKY CHARMS???

 **if she breathe she a thot:** c uc k y   ch a r m s ???

 **asstronutt:** miu,,, p l ease  stop i'm be g g in g you

 **if she breathe she a thot:** cucky- ghsesk

 **blocked and reported:** terminated.

 **All Women Are Queens:** maki did you stran g  le her?? w h y

 **All Women Are Queens:** i love her ;-;

* * *

**velveeta GANG:** somebody loosened all of the keys on my piano except for middle G

 **smoogi:** the y fuc k in g  w    h a    t

 **velveeta GANG:** now all i can do is G-note myself until it's fixed

 **just gettin' bi:** w h e n   i  w  a s    a  y   o ng   bo y e  ,,,,   my  f a the  r  too  k  m e  to t  he  ci ty    to   s e e  ht  e   bla ck   pa  r a d e,,,

 **velveeta GANG:** s h u ichi??? are you ok hol  ys hit

 **biggest gay:** he's in tears. who the hell did this? 

 **avacado spirit:** is this like? a double prank? you fucked with kaede's piano and shuichi's emotions? who the hell do you think you are?

 **just gettin' bi:** i t 's  e ve n fu n ni e r b ecau  se m  y  d a d  i s  d    e a  d  so    w  e  wo n ' t  be  g o i n g t o the  ci t y  to s e et  he  b l a ck  para  d e

 **biggest gay:** i hope you're fucking satisfied because when we find out who you are i will tear you to shreds.

 **smoogi:** that sounds pretty serious,,, i'm going to get help.

 **smoogi** _added_ **Junko Enoshima** _to the chat_

 **smoogi** _changed_ **Junko Enoshima** _'s name to_ **junkrat please help**

 **junkrat please help:** omg!!! smoogs!! you actually let me join the chat i can't believe my old bff still remembers me!! aaaaaaaaaa

 **smoogi:** we'll catch up later we need your prank expertise to help us find the culprit

 **junkrat please help:** a prank war, huh? sounds like my cup of tea lol. please explain what's goin on

 **biggest gay:** junko! perfect! ok so somebody fucked w/ kaede's piano so it only played g notes and because she referenced it shuichi started having flashbacks and he's kinda just depressed over MCR's black parade

 **junkrat please help:** that sounds more like bullying than a friendly prank. somebody here's trying to get revenge for something. is there something, you like, forgot?

 **velveeta GANG:** i don't think so? 

 **junkrat please help:** o k,,, so who else got fucked

 **smoogi:** ok so angie's driveway got attacked w/ panta in the shape of a dick, and all of kaito's cereal got stolen

 **junkrat please help:** so angie, kaito, maki, you, kaede, kokichi and shuichi are all innocent?? then how did they get kokichi's panta?

 **biggest gay:** wdym my panta-

**biggest gay:**

**biggest gay:** whO THE HELL STOLE MY PANTA

 **smoogi:** well fuck what are we gonna do

 **junkrat please help:** well i hate to say this, but you're going to have to wait for the next incident. i have literally no idea

 **smoogi:** fuck

* * *

Rantarou sighed and looked out the window of Kiyo's house, said teenager engrossed in a book next to him. Every once in a while, the green-haired boy would glance at his phone, waiting for news of the next prank. His fingers drummed on his knees, waiting. Kiyo noticed his fidgeting, and placed a stray hand on his shoulder, using his other hand to prop the book up.

"Rantarou, are you possibly in fear of the next attack in this seemingly prankscapade of sorts?" Kiyo asked quietly, golden eyes skating over the other boy. "I know they've been getting extreme, with poor Saihara and all, but there's nothing to fear. It seems to just be a bit of harmless fun."

Rantarou sighed and fidgeted with his eyebrow piercing angrily. "I've got no idea who's doing this or what they're capable of. I don't know if they're in the class or outside of it, whether they're someone crazy smart like Izuru or an idiot like Yamada, or what their motive is. And above all, on top of all of this, I've got the craziest feeling that I've forgotten something-"

Something rapped on the window. Kiyo and Rantarou whipped their heads around to look at the window.

"If you haven't figured it out," a deep, gruff voice barked, "you've got a  _long ways to go._ "

The boys screamed and grabbed each other in fright.

The glass shattered, and hundreds upon hundreds of  _butterflies_ flew into the room. Orange, yellow, blue, yellow-blue, reddish, they flew into the room in a fury, grabbing at furniture, clothing, whatever they could get their insect feet on. A few flew over to Kiyo's nice balcony flowers and ripped at them mercilessly, getting as much nectar as they could manage. The rest swarmed after the two boys with a fury.

Rantarou froze. He could feel his heartbeat in the back of his throat as butterfly wings got closer and closer to him. He couldn't move, he couldn't  _think-_

Kiyo's arm grabbed him. "I will protect you," he assured him gravely. Grabbing what looked to be an old-fashioned Japanese parasol from his walls, he faced the bugs. With no hesitation in the slightest, he opened the parasol, wincing as some of the faster bugs splatted against the crimson canopy. His gaze followed them as they fell to the ground, broken.

"A pity," he murmured, "but altogether a necessary sacrifice."

He grabbed another one, this one emerald green, and placed it into Rantarou's hands. "We must go with haste," Kiyo warned him. "The bugs are still coming." He offered his bandaged-up hand to Rantarou. "Are you ready?"

Rantarou took his hand shyly and smiled. "Let's get out of here."

A clatter of feet, and the boys ran from the house, hundreds of butterflies pouring out after them.

* * *

**avacado spirit:** holy shit holy shit everyone need st   o get to the damn park we're in the car and we can't leave it rn i think i know who's fucking behind this

 **kork:** what he meant to say is we know exactly who is behind this and we are very sorry for forgetting. please call off your butterflies so we can discuss this.

 **avacado spirit:** i'M fucking serious everyone needs to ge t to the park on third street it's got a nice gazebo com e   o        n

 **biggest gay:** what the hell happened?

 **kork:** we were reading in my study when the prankster arrived, shattered my window, and let i n a large amount of butterflies, which then attempted to attack us. we're 95% sure of the culprit and 100% sure of the motive.

 **biggest gay:** who was it who was it

 **kork:** I think you knew all along.

 **biggest gay:** no fucking way.

 **biggest gay:** g-

 **junkrat please help:** no no I am not getting involved in this. junk o out.

 **junkrat please help** _left the chat._

* * *

**big brother!:** kokichi i need your fucking help

 **gremlin bastard:** ooh amami-chan are you finally goin g to admit your feelings for kork??

 **big brother!:** actually

 **big brother!:** yes

 **gremlin bastard:** holy shit you admit it

 **big brother!:** i mean, i like him, ok? he's nice and he's pretty and he's really fucking smart with his history stuff and

 **gremlin bastard:** so tell him!

 **big brother!:** _wtf do you mean tell him are you fucking crazy_

 **gremlin bastard:** that's what normal people do. that's how you get a fucking boyfriend rantarou you tell him you like him

 **big brother!:** Wtf people actually tell their crushes they like them?????

 **gremlin bastard:** What the hell do YOU do?

 **big brother!:** i die? lmao what kind of question...

**gremlin bastard:**

**gremlin bastard:** you're hopeless.

* * *

Rantarou shivered and stepped out of the car, taking Korekiyo's hand as he offered it.  Together, they stepped into the park, still clutching those ornate parasols, hair ruffled. The grass was slightly damp, the sunset making it difficult to see. Despite this, they carefully made their way into the gazebo.

Everyone was already there, sans their suspects. Kaito was sitting by the entrance, angrily biting into a bell pepper, Maki clutching his arm protectively. Tenko and Himiko were sitting on a bench in front of the gazebo, looking apprehensive. Miu and Keebo were standing by a bush, talking quietly, Keebo wearing a full rain poncho in case someone decided to dump water on his head. Angie was waiting in the center, still carrying a sponge. Kirumi leaned against a column, watching them all. Kaede was pouring over a piano repair manual, Tsumugi reading over her shoulder. Shuichi was sitting on the floor of the gazebo, a broken-looking smile on his face, Kokichi squeezing his shoulders, whispering something in his ear. Judging by his expression, it was probably some sort of positive affirmation.

When they stepped into the gazebo, everyone looked up at them expectantly.

"Wow," Kokichi commented. "You look like absolute shit, you guys."

Everyone winced at Kokichi's rough word choice. Kokichi hid his face in embarrassment, getting the memo with everyone's verbal cue. "Ok. I didn't realize that the comment I just made wouldn't be funny to you guys. My bad. Just ignore me for a bit."

Shuichi leaned over to kiss him. "You're fine, don't worry about it, " he whispered hoarsely.

"Thanks, Shuu." The purple haired boy leaned into his side.

Tsumugi walked up to Rantarou and Kiyo, looking harried. "Did you figure it out? Who'd do this?" she asked quickly, ready to return to help her girlfriend figure out her piano problem. "We need justice."

"Hey, my beloved needs the most fucking justice!" Kokichi yelled. "Did you SEE what happened to him?"

"I'm fine now," Shuichi chuckled wearily, "you don't need to fuss-"

"I'm fussing because I love you, damnit! I love you and I'm going to prioritize you because I love you!" the smaller boy cried out. "I don't care if you deny it, I don't care if you think you're burdening me, I don't care if I have my own issues, Shuichi! I fucking care about you  _first and foremost._ "

There was a silence.

"O-oh, Kokichi," Shuichi whimpered.

His shoulders shook as he leaned into his boyfriend, weeping. Kokichi smiled quietly and hugged him, his wiry arms ensnaring his lover protectively.

Tsumugi looked at them, gaze full of pity. With a sigh, she turned back to Rantarou. "So who did it?"

A shadow loomed over the group. The kids looking towards the gazebo's entrance froze in fear, eyes widening. Shuichi and Kokichi looked towards where the group was looking and yelped, looking alarmed. Rantarou sighed and opened his eyes regretfully.

"It was Gonta."

The green-haired giant was standing at the entrance of the gazebo, teary-eyed and regretful. He wrung his hands in remorse, his gentle eyes screwed up, ever-so-close to tears. "Gonta very sorry!" he pleaded, his voice wrenched in emotional pain. "Gonta had to! Friends forgot something very important yesterday! Gonta's friend was very upset! Kirumi and Gonta were the only ones to remember!" Fat tears finally squeezed themselves out of Gonta's eyes and streamed down his face.

Everyone whirled around to look at Kirumi, alarmed. "Mom," Kokichi began breathlessly, "I know you hate me, and I know I'm an annoying little shit, but please,  _what the hell did we all forget?_ "

Kirumi chuckled.

"You forgot about Hoshi's birthday."

"Oh. my. god," Kaede breathed, looking pissed at herself. " _We forgot about Hoshi._ "

"Gonta, please tell me you brought Hoshi with," Shuichi muttered.

"Mmhm, Gonta did," Gonta admitted. "Ryoma can come out now."

The tall boy turned around to show everyone his great mane of hair. At first glance, it seemed as if nothing was there, but then, in a flash, two little ear-shaped pieces of fabric poked out of Gonta's hair. Shuichi stood up to move away Gonta's hair to reveal a very miserable-looking Hoshi, an utterly defeated look on his face.

He turned to look at them. There were horribly noticeable dark circles under his eyes. He looked to be almost the definition of tired.

"Hey guys," he muttered.

A clattering of feet, and then everyone was on him, hugging him like a teddy bear, affirming their apologies, giving him happy birthdays. Ryoma, overwhelmed by love, cried silently, his shoulders shaking with each sob. 

"We're so fucking sorry we forgot about you," Shuichi whispered.

Ryoma smiled. It hurt at first, but he figured he could forgive them. They more than made it up to them with their obvious remorse.

He leaned into their hugs. Despite the brisk evening wind, he felt warm.

* * *

**bugs life:** gonta is very sorry that he pranked everyone! gonta is very sorry to shuichi for giving him flashbacks too, gonta only meant to prank kaede

 **asstronutt:** dw about it we fucking deserved it

 **blocked and reported:** holy shit we did i'm sorry for threatening you

 **biggest gay:** me too omg

 **just gettin' bi:** dw about it gonta we all deserved it. happy birthday ryoma

 **velveeta GANG:** happy birthday ryoma!

 **stronk woman:** happy birthday hoshi!

 **kork:** we are very sorry for forgetting such an important date. happy birthday.

 **kork:** also

 **kork** _changed_ **bugs life** _'s name to_ **protective tol**

 **kork:** i feel as if this is more fitting.

 **Wii Sports Tennis:** thank you everyone

 **Wii Sports Tennis:** thank you so fucking much holy shit

* * *

_July 2nd, 2018, 7:30 pm_

The doorbell rang suddenly, the chime echoing through Hoshi's apartment. All of the kids jolted from their group cuddle pile on Hoshi's living room floor, Hoshi's many cats yawning and moving away in discomfort.

"I'll get it," Hoshi offered, his gruff voice tired from sleep.

The small boy slipped on his blue fuzzy slippers and trudged into the front hall, his hat askew. He rubbed at his eyes with fatigue and creaked open the door.

"Hello...?" he called to an empty front porch.

He waited.

The tiniest of meows answered him.

Hoshi looked down and smiled. There, on his doorstep, was a fuzzy white kitten with black spots, a red gift bow loosely tied around its neck. When it saw him looking at it, it meowed again happily.

Hoshi grinned and scooped it up. There was a note where it was sitting.

_Happy Birthday, Ryoma Hoshi! We're very very very sorry for forgetting about you. What kind of friend would we be if we didn't get you something for your gosh darn birthday? Even if it was a day late, I hope you enjoy._

_This fucker bit me three times-_

_-One of your friends nishishi_

_Ko- fuck. don't writ e the damn nishishi on there he's gonna figure us out_

_he's gonna figure me out when i sneak back into the house anyways nishishi_

_you're going to blow our cover, you virgin shota!_

_m- motherfucker everyone knows you use the word shota we're caught_

_guys, just put "from the 79th class on the bottom"_

_fi ne_

_-From the 79th class._

Hoshi smiled and brought the kitten inside. Some of the other cats came up, sniffing it curiously.

It meowed at the other cats.

One of them purred and licked it.

Hoshi smiled again. They'd all get along just fine.

Kokichi chose that moment to burst back into the house through the back patio door. "Haha what'd I miss?" he yelped. "I was here the whole time, yep yep!"

"Shut up Kokichi, you're going to blow our cover-" Kaito hissed.

Hoshi returned to the living room with a knowing smile. He sat down on the couch with contentment.

"Thanks for the gift, guys."

 

"AW FUCK, YOU BLEW IT, KOKICHI!" Miu yelled. "HE FIGURED IT OUT. THERE GOES THE SUSPENSE, THE MYSTERY!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Current chat names:
> 
> avacado spirit: amami  
> if she breathe she a thot: miu  
> biggest gay: kokichi  
> asstronutt: kaito  
> just gettin' bi: shuichi  
> stronk woman: tenko  
> Abraca DAB ra: himiko  
> smoogi: tsumugi  
> kork: kiyo  
> $n00p d0g: angie  
> anybody want some stew: kirumi  
> velveeta GANG: kaede  
> blocked and reported: maki  
> All Women Are Queens: kiibo  
> Wii Sports Tennis: hoshi  
> protective tol: gonta
> 
> I never mentioned the deal w/ Kokichi's family in this fic?? So his mom isn't in the picture and his dad is... really really lazy. Shuichi had to take him to the dentist because his dad just fucking wouldn't. the man basically paid for and booked the appointment and then didn't show up to take his own son.  
> Shuichi lives with his uncle and aunt because his parents are both deceased.  
> Kokichi stays with Shuichi a lot over the summer because of the deal w/ his dad, and a lot of their summers before that were like that too. Sometimes Kaede, Kaito and Maki would be over there too, but mostly it was just Shuichi and Kokichi all through middle school.  
> I dunno how to get that backstory into the fic, but it seems really non-essential, so I put it here for those who might be interested. yw :D


	16. ｂｅｅｓｅｃｈｕｒｇｅｒ．

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **just gettin' bi:**  
>  **just gettin' bi:** ī̶̧̹̬̹̤͉͔̺͍̲͕͉̙̠̈́͜͠ͅt̷̡̾̾̇̓̐̄̉̈̒̆̎̎̉̀͊̽̍̕ ̸̡̛̛̼̫̳̙̯̗̱̺̼̯̱̣̟̱̓̉͛͛̈́͑͌̔͒͂̀̕̚ḯ̶̧̢̨̛̛̼̳͖̲͎̱͔͈̣̰͖̺͖̤̻̍̄̂̾̿̒̀̍͋͊̑̌̐͝͝ͅs̸̪̦̯͔̠̿̅̃̈́̆͘ ̸͇͓̝̥͕̤̹̃͗̚͝7̶̨̧̡̢̫̮̯̠̼͓̙͎̣̳͍̗̱̻͔̪̯̜̏̓̾̿͜ ̵̡̢̩̯̣̥̤̥͉̜͖̲͂̃̈͆̎̈́̏͗͂͊̊̎̆̋̓͘͝a̶̡̛͍̞͍̯͇͕̝̹̟̬̬̰̱̹̩͕̖̠̦̘͂̿̓̓̔̇̓̂̾̿̍̈́̌̾m̸̨̤͇͔͙̉̇͌̍̐̐̽͒̋̈́̏͠ͅ ̸̢̧̢̢̛͓̫͔̱̟͙̳̣͎̾̄̐͛̈̈́̎̔͌͗̈͌̇͐͠g̵̨̧̢̨̛̪̩̪̹̱̺̟̖̭͓̺̰̳̮̔͂́̋̊̀͒́̒͒͒̏̑͗̿̓̈͜ǫ̵̺̲̤̤̭̙̤̦͉͓̻͓͔͖͙̻̬̙̜͒͋̅́̊́͑̈̎͌͛̐̽͒̉̿̓͘͜ ̶̨̭͔̞̼͍͖̻̣͍̲̠͔͌͑̍̀̄̈́̈́̈́̈̒͐̈́̏̉͆͌̊͘͜͝͝b̵̫̮̄͛̅͐̈͛͛̅͑͒͂͛̽͆̃̊̕͠͝͝a̷̢̨̨̨̭̼̖̰̲͉͎̩̫͎͕͖͋͌̽̐̋̇̅̏͆́̿̑̋́̄̕͜͝͠c̷̛̖͔̾̏̓̉̑̐̋̉̓͋̈́͝k̸̨̛̖̠̞̘͒̈́̊͆̀̾͑̏̈́̐̑̅̈̃͛̋̒͘͝͝͝ ̶̦̝̭̼̭͍̟̤͚͉̎͐̊̒̐͊́͑̀̅̒̍̇͂͒͠͝ͅt̷̢̪̱͕̲̘̼̮̥̮̫̰̥̆̎͐̊̈̆̑̎ö̴̢͈̺̤͉̯̫̻̻͕͉̼͉̻͓͋͊̓͌̉̋̕ ̴̨͇̣͖̻̦̞͓̦͈̠̖̭̙͈̫͚̄́͂͜͜͝ͅs̸̡̢̢͍̯͈̺̪͍̙͈̜̓͛́͋̆̈́͐͐̏̊͆̑̕͠l̴̲̙̎̓̃̾͋̌̏͐̃͗̑̄͂͋̚̕͠͝͝ḙ̶̻̟͓̮̭̻͕̯̩̼̝͇͖̪̭͋̿͛͌e̵̪̥̯̤̭͕̙̪̞͆p̴̭̥̦̺̜̞̪̼̍͊̈́̇̋̓̽́͝  
>  **asstronutt:** c hr i s t  
>  **asstronutt:** shuichi what the h e l l

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm updating this more because it is. so much easier to type on the computer you have no idea how fast my typing speed is i wish i didn't make as many typos because erasing this shit is a hassle  
> gm it i s. 9:30 am
> 
> here's ur daily advice from your local izuru kinnie:  
> yeetus that fetus
> 
> gn

**avacado spirit:** y'all is anyone else fucking hungry

**stronk woman:** damnit degenerate we all fucking are

**stronk woman:** we love hosh but there's. only food for on e person. instant ramen that's it.

**Wii Sports Tennis:** i don't get visitors often. this was a rare treat.

**stronk woman:** ddon'T FUCKING GUILT-TRIP ME RYOMA.

**Wii Sports Tennis:** but i wasn't. it's just the truth lmao calm down tenko

**stronk woman:** mAY BE WE ALL FEEL GUILTY FO R LETTING YOU FEEL ALONE HOSHI SH UT

**Abraca DAB ra:** she's fufcking right we're guilty

**anybody want some stew:** eating only ramen is not good for your health, hoshi. feel free to contact me at any time. I will cook for you.

**biggest gay:** WAAAAHHH MOM YOU WON'T COOK FOR MEEEEE??? BUT YOU'LL COOK FOR HOSHI??? BULLYING

**anybody want some stew:** kokichi shut the fuck up saihara cooks for you and i know this already. you are perfectly fine by yourself

**biggest gay:** that's true. you got me.

**avacado spirit:** did i mention that i was starving? yeah, go off I guess. also i woke up with a fucking cat on my face hoshi how many cats do you o o w n

**Wii Sports Tennis:** when i say "i love every cat" i quite literally mean that i love every single cat in the world, no matter how mean or "ugly" or anything. i have so much love in my heart for every furry cat on this earth and i am on a mission to pet them all

**avacado spirit:**...o k then. still hungry tho lol

**biggest gay:** oh right it's time i took charge around here like a proper supreme leader.

**biggest gay:** gimme a minute ok

**if she breathe she a thot:** literally guys.

**if she breathe she a thot:** you are

**if she breathe she a thot:** ri g h t next to each other

**if she breathe she a thot:** t a lk t o each other. ｉｎ ｐｅｒｓｏｎ

**kork:** no

**velveeta GANG:** no

**smoogi:** no

**Wii Sports Tennis:** no

**if she breathe she a thot:** you guys- are you fucking ki d d i n g  me 

**biggest gay:** no

**Abraca DAB ra:** no

**$n00p d0g:** no

**protective tol:** no!

**if she breathe she a thot:** ok fucking fine gonta said it i have to listen to him

**if she breathe she a thot:** he's a proverbial god at this point we'd follow him into hell

**smoogi:** true.

**just gettin' bi:**

**just gettin' bi:** ī̶̧̹̬̹̤͉͔̺͍̲͕͉̙̠̈́͜͠ͅt̷̡̾̾̇̓̐̄̉̈̒̆̎̎̉̀͊̽̍̕ ̸̡̛̛̼̫̳̙̯̗̱̺̼̯̱̣̟̱̓̉͛͛̈́͑͌̔͒͂̀̕̚ḯ̶̧̢̨̛̛̼̳͖̲͎̱͔͈̣̰͖̺͖̤̻̍̄̂̾̿̒̀̍͋͊̑̌̐͝͝ͅs̸̪̦̯͔̠̿̅̃̈́̆͘ ̸͇͓̝̥͕̤̹̃͗̚͝7̶̨̧̡̢̫̮̯̠̼͓̙͎̣̳͍̗̱̻͔̪̯̜̏̓̾̿͜ ̵̡̢̩̯̣̥̤̥͉̜͖̲͂̃̈͆̎̈́̏͗͂͊̊̎̆̋̓͘͝a̶̡̛͍̞͍̯͇͕̝̹̟̬̬̰̱̹̩͕̖̠̦̘͂̿̓̓̔̇̓̂̾̿̍̈́̌̾m̸̨̤͇͔͙̉̇͌̍̐̐̽͒̋̈́̏͠ͅ ̸̢̧̢̢̛͓̫͔̱̟͙̳̣͎̾̄̐͛̈̈́̎̔͌͗̈͌̇͐͠g̵̨̧̢̨̛̪̩̪̹̱̺̟̖̭͓̺̰̳̮̔͂́̋̊̀͒́̒͒͒̏̑͗̿̓̈͜ǫ̵̺̲̤̤̭̙̤̦͉͓̻͓͔͖͙̻̬̙̜͒͋̅́̊́͑̈̎͌͛̐̽͒̉̿̓͘͜ ̶̨̭͔̞̼͍͖̻̣͍̲̠͔͌͑̍̀̄̈́̈́̈́̈̒͐̈́̏̉͆͌̊͘͜͝͝b̵̫̮̄͛̅͐̈͛͛̅͑͒͂͛̽͆̃̊̕͠͝͝a̷̢̨̨̨̭̼̖̰̲͉͎̩̫͎͕͖͋͌̽̐̋̇̅̏͆́̿̑̋́̄̕͜͝͠c̷̛̖͔̾̏̓̉̑̐̋̉̓͋̈́͝k̸̨̛̖̠̞̘͒̈́̊͆̀̾͑̏̈́̐̑̅̈̃͛̋̒͘͝͝͝ ̶̦̝̭̼̭͍̟̤͚͉̎͐̊̒̐͊́͑̀̅̒̍̇͂͒͠͝ͅt̷̢̪̱͕̲̘̼̮̥̮̫̰̥̆̎͐̊̈̆̑̎ö̴̢͈̺̤͉̯̫̻̻͕͉̼͉̻͓͋͊̓͌̉̋̕ ̴̨͇̣͖̻̦̞͓̦͈̠̖̭̙͈̫͚̄́͂͜͜͝ͅs̸̡̢̢͍̯͈̺̪͍̙͈̜̓͛́͋̆̈́͐͐̏̊͆̑̕͠l̴̲̙̎̓̃̾͋̌̏͐̃͗̑̄͂͋̚̕͠͝͝ḙ̶̻̟͓̮̭̻͕̯̩̼̝͇͖̪̭͋̿͛͌e̵̪̥̯̤̭͕̙̪̞͆p̴̭̥̦̺̜̞̪̼̍͊̈́̇̋̓̽́͝

**asstronutt:** c hr i s t

**asstronutt:** shuichi what the h e l l

**biggest gay:** oh gm shuu! lean over here for kisses

**just gettin' bi:** no. YOU lean over. i am lazy as shit

**biggest gay:** h alright

**biggest gay:** but a nyways! as ur supreme leader i decided to take care of food

**blocked and reported:** bet it's just panta

**biggest gay:** h

**biggest gay:** hey gang i'm ordering 14 dollars worth of soda and nothing else from dominos

**All Women Are Queens:** w h y 

**biggest gay:** i'm thorsty.

**kork:** oh for fuck's sake. this isn't sensible. who wants to go for a mcdonald's run?

**avacado spirit:** yes. let's? kiyo, you, me, car, mcdonalds

**kork:** as they say it, "fuck yeah let's go"

**Abraca DAB ra:** w h e e z e

**biggest gay:** o h f   u c k

**biggest gay:** "your order is in the oven- monaca put your order in the oven at 7:34 am"

**biggest gay: ｓｈｅ ｂｅｔｔｅｒ ｎｏｔ ｆｕｃｋｉｎｇ ｈａｖｅ**

**if she breathe she a thot:** r  i p kokishi 's panta it's gonna be   b  u r  nt

**asstronutt:** one time i just fucking burnt soup and maki laughed at me for the rest of the day

**blocked and reported:** you wanna know why?

**asstronutt:** no not really

**blocked and reported:** because you're a  d i p s h i t  kaito

**asstronutt:** i mean yeah but is there really anything we can do about that?

**blocked and reported:** i'm not going to do anything about it because it's h o t

**asstronutt:**????????

**avacado spirit:** h o ly shit enough i don't wanna hear anymore about that shit

**avacado spirit:** what do y'all want

**just gettin' bi:** get us. like a 20 pack of mcnuggets

**Abraca DAB ra:** same.

**if she breathe she a thot:** just buy a fuckload of mcnuggets ya shitty twink

**avacado spirit:**.

**avacado spirit:** ok then a fuckload of mcnuggets it is

**stronk woman:** hoLD THE FUCK UP

**stronk woman:** i

**stronk woman:** i want a burger

**biggest gay:** w

**biggest gay:** w e lco me  to m c dona ld s do you w ant a fuckin g

**biggest gay:** ｂｅｅｓｅｃｈｕｒｇｅｒ

**smoogi :** slkdkALDKFNSKLKD

**$n00p d0g:** atua he l p  u s   a l l

**just gettin' bi:** please,,, i just wanna see my husband again,,,,,,

**biggest gay:** c̸̨̡̙̺̹̺͙͔̯̱̭̗͚͓̯̥̜͚͚͕̣̞͔͔͇͍̜̹̖̓͗̍́̐̕͜ͅh̸̨̧̛̼̼͇̙͓̩̟̦̗̦̰̝͉͕̖̞͓͓͕̗̪̙̱̪̖̟̞͗̍̑̉̍͆̒̂̐̈́̿͆́͒̒̈̈͒͆͒͑̾̍͒̾̌͋̈̈́̄͛̎͘͘̕͝͝͝͝͝į̷̧̡̛̛̦̭̱͖̪̱̖̝͙͚̞͈̱̰̳͔̱̦̻̫̪͈͎̲̲͎͚͉͙̩͕͔̻̖͓͛̈́͂̎̀̉̅̽͛͋̋̌̒͐̀̽͌̃̽̓̃̔̌̐̂̄͒̊̈́̀͜͠c̸̨̢̡̨̢̛̖͔͈̥͙͙̲̱͎̲͓̳̤̥̲̞̙̮̠͓̹͇̼̳̙̪̹̠͎̪̮̺͔̼̭̅̿̈́͋̂̀̏̄̉̈́̓̉͊̓͊̈́̍͌̽̏̾͐̍̔͑͘͘͝ͅͅͅk̵̨̨̟͇̲̽̊̍̇͛̎̃͌̈͑̊̅̊̈́̾̐̅̍͂̈͆͆̚̚͠͝͝͝͠͝͝e̴̛͔͇̞͍̺̠̲̻̻̼̳̜͉̅͒͆̅̋̑̐͌̾͗̒̓̽̐̈́͋̽͊́̏͛͛͊̈́̐̓̚̚͝n̶̖̣̬̝̼̩̞͔͖̝͈̳̠̪̅̋̔̓̏̓̑̽͆͑́́͑̓̉̊̀̐̽̒̈̄̍͊͂͑͐̃̌̈́̿̒̈͘̕͜͝ ̶̨̼̫̭͖̬͍̗̤͎̩̜̥̰̹̥̟̠̇́̓̿̀̇̾̉̿͑͐̓̓͆̐̃̈́͊͛̍̑͆́̍̎̀̃͘͘̚̚͝͠ͅň̴̡̨̡̢͙̲̼͓̞̙͚̳̟̲̻̺͓̺̲̭̦̹̟̲̪̣̣̪̺̥̲̯̞͔̑̔͋̊̉̈́͛̀͘͜ų̸̢̢̨̫̪͖͓͕̘͍͚̬̖̳̫̼̼͍̮̪̗̳̰̚͝g̴̡̢̨̛̰̰̩̝̯̠͓͕͚͕͈̣̣͈̻̼̣̠͚̼̯̗̣̹̗̱͖̖̺̝̣̲̒̒͑̋͊̑̏̎̈̅͒͒̔̐̀̅̒̄͋͌͐͘͜͠͠ͅͅģ̵̨̧̢̧̨̛̮̹̰̳̥̥̘̞̻̳̭̣̫̳̜̪̙̻͍̗͖̪̻̘̺̲̺̟͖̮̜̟͜͜͜ę̶̡͍̪͚̠̗̺͊̌̈́͒̈́̅̎͑͒͂̅̋́́͊̏t̷̢̨̢̢̛͙͎̲̱̺̼͚͇̥̹͎̟̦͙̞̩͉̥̗͎̟̥̞̞͎͓̖͇̙̱͇͙͓̪̦͖̫̲͆͂̉̈́̎͋̇̎̅͆̇̑̀͌̿͑̈̓̍̿̔͒̈́̉͑̍̅͒̎͆́̒͐̕̚͜͜͜͜͝͝͝͝͠͝s̷̡̡͓͕͙̠̹̲͕̭̝͕͔̖͚͈͕͖̻̻̮̱̟͕̞̫̥̞̺̜̤͎͍͈̓́̇̐͜͜

**avacado spirit:** fucking STOP with the glitch text you two

**avacado spirit:** one of these days you're just gonna fucking b rea k the chat

**avacado spirit: y'know, the one _i_ set up??**

**just gettin' bi:** we're not sorry rantarou

**avacado spirit:** kokichi's influence is very apparent. what have you created ouma

**biggest gay:** the best version of shuichi

**avacado spirit:** that's fair.

**avacado spirit:** tenko, what the hell do you want on your burger

**stronk woman:**

**stronk woman:** aye can i get uh....... ingredients on my burger

**biggest gay:** beetroot?

**biggest gay:** you want beetroot?

**biggest gay:** you want fucking beet root?

**stronk woman:** ingredience

**avacado spirit:** tenk o

**avacado spirit:** _ｗｈａｔ ｔｈｅ ｈｅｌｌ ｄｏ ｙｏｕ ｗａｎｔ ｏｎ ｙｏｕｒ ｆｕｃｋｉｎｇ ｂｕｒｇｅｒ ｉ＇ｍ ｎｏｔ ｇｏｉｎｇ ｔｏ ａｓｋ ｙｏｕ ａｇａｉｎ_

**stronk woman:**  jjusg cheese

**Wii Sports Tennis:** uh the doorbell just rang

**Wii Sports Tennis:** i'll get it

**Wii Sports Tennis:** h

**biggest gay:** is

**biggest gay:** i s   i t   h  e  r e

**Wii Sports Tennis:** yes. yes it is. get your stupid ass to the front of my apartment so you can lug your five giant bottles of grape panta into the damn kitchen. and drink. every single one of them. by yourself.

**velveeta GANG:**

**blocked and reported:**

**asstronutt:**

**Wii Sports Tennis:** was that too harsh.

**blocked and reported:** no???? that was brilliant??? wreck his punk ass

**velveeta GANG:** HOSHI GOT EM!! GET FLAMED OUMA

**just gettin' bi:** you probably shouldn't-

**$n00p d0g:** get fucked you stupid bastard atua made this be for a reason

**biggest gay:** i-

**biggest gay:** nevermind. i'll go get my shit.

**just gettin' bi:** kokichi

**just gettin' bi:** are you ok?

**biggest gay:** eh.

**biggest gay:** just- drop it, i'm ok.

**just gettin' bi:** i'll come find you, ok?

**biggest gay:** that'd be nice. thank you, shuichi.

**just gettin' bi:** of course. i love you, you know?

**biggest gay:** mmh. i love you too, darling.

**biggest gay**   _and one other went offline._

**avacado spirit:**  well i guess today wasn't the day to do that? he was on a high and you killed it brilliantly you guys

**velveeta GANG:** shit. if you see them tell them we're sorry aight

**avacado spirit:** oh by the way we're back so please help me with your shitload of nu g g e t s

* * *

Shuichi carefully padded through Hoshi's apartment, his long pj pants dragging on the wooden floor, his toes barely visible poking through the fabric. As he passed through the kitchen, he gave an apologetic wave to Hoshi, who was carrying the five huge bottles of grape soda into the kitchen, haplessly shoving them onto the table, a rather short cat following him. Hoshi waved him down and stopped him.

"Hey, tell the kid I'm sorry," he offered gruffly. "It's a bit early, and most of us 're irritable when they first wake up. Kokichi means well. I just got irritated at all of the shit happening in my house at such an early time."

"It's alright, Hoshi! Kokichi has a habit of not explaining when he's not feeling well. He's closed off. There's no way you would've known that would set him off. It's ok, I'll comfort him." Shuichi sighed and scratched at the back of his neck. He could feel his eyelids drooping with exhaustion, but there were worse matters at hand. "Where did he go anyways?"

Hoshi motioned to the hallway off of the kitchen. "Back bathroom. Take that hallway and to the left. He took one of the bottles, walked past me, set it on the table and hid away. He looked really upset."

"Thanks." He amicably waved to the shorter teen and headed in that direction.

Exiting the kitchen, the wood floor melted into a concrete-esque material. It looked as if the hallway lead to a garage of sorts. Shuichi carefully made sure not to step on a cat as he stepped into the hall, his feet making a slight pitter-patter against the floor. There, as Hoshi had described, was the bathroom. A cat was standing in front of the door, meowing. When Shuichi approached, the cat stared at him intensely, before lowering its gaze and walking off without a sound.

_odd. i swore that cat looked kinda like me._

_ah, whatever._

He knocked gently on the bathroom door. "Kokichi?" he whispered. "It's me."

A pause, some shuffling, and then the door creaked open to reveal a miserably distraught Kokichi, his eyes red, gaze deadened. He wordlessly stood there before silently hooking his arms around Shuichi's waist and pulling him close, just breathing in his scent. Shuichi nestled his nose into Kokichi's hair, and rubbed Kokichi's shoulders, soothing him.

They sat there for a minute like that, just breathing quietly. Then, after some time, Kokichi took Shuichi by the hand, and they walked into the bathroom. They sat against the wall and Kokichi leaned into Shuichi's shoulder, hands clasped. Shuichi leaned over to press a light kiss against his boyfriend's cheek.

"Are you ok?" Shuichi finally asked.

Kokichi chuckled. It was a watery, tired thing. "I don't know," he muttered humorlessly. "I guess it was just one of those days. I was precariously balancing on the edge of ok the whole time and I guess everyone's comments kinda got to me. And now, here I am. Crying in a fucking bathroom at my friend's birthday party."

It was quiet.

"It's ok," Shuichi reminded him, "to have bad days. We don't expect you to be happy-go-lucky every single day, dearheart. You don't have to lie about how you're feeling to us, to  _me._ You don't have to. I'll do the best I can to help, no matter how poorly you're feeling."

Kokichi sighed. "I know, I just- I kind of expected it to all get better after that day on the roof. Like as if somehow it'd magically get better. Poof." His voice trembled.

"Oh, Kokichi," Shuichi whispered.

Shuichi pulled the smaller boy into his arms and held him as he let out a broken sob. Each tiny, grief-filled noise Kokichi made tore Shuichi open and made him want to cry himself, but he wouldn't do it this time. He needed to be an emotional stronghold for Kokichi, not capitalizing on his grief to let out his own. That would be for when he was alone, somewhere where his sadness couldn't hurt Kokichi more and make him feel guilty about it.  _I'll cry some other time. Not right now._ He rubbed circles into the small boy's shoulder blades as the sobbing faded out to hiccups.

Kokichi looked up at him. His eyes were red, tears still falling, but they shone with something. The purple-haired boy took Shuichi's hands and leaned up to press a kiss to his lips, dizzying and needy. Their tongues fought as Kokichi drunk in Shuichi, his taste and his warmth. After a while, they broke, saliva trailing down Shuichi's chin.

"What was... hah, that for?" Shuichi asked, breathless.

Kokichi smiled.

"Just needed that."

Another pause.

"We are not fucking in Hoshi's bathroom," Shuichi reprimanded him.

"How dare you accuse me of such perverted ideas??" Kokichi gasped, putting a hand to his heart in mock shame. "I'm not a pervert like you, Shuu-chan, I don't come up with these things!"

* * *

**if she breathe she a thot:** hheeeeyyyyy succi boye what's taking you so long

**if she breathe she a thot:** r  u fucking the shota in the bathroom or smth

**just gettin' bi:** we're busy txt back l8tr

**asstronutt:** h oly shit i've never seen him type  an y t h i ng so fast shuichi what the h e l l are you doing

**Wii Sports Tennis:** when you're done please wipe up any mess you made. i'm not gonna stop you from getting intimate but you are responsible for containing your own bodily fluids, saihara, ouma. also please be quiet

**biggest gay:** gotchu hosh we will

**Wii Sports Tennis:** thx

**velveeta GANG:** you're like... a really irresponsible dad, hoshi

**velveeta GANG:** we love you tho

**if she breathe she a thot:** jeesus the shota twinks are getting it on that's fucking wild

**if she breathe she a thot:** and totally hot that's like jack-off material for a week

**smoogi:** miu, you dirty fujoshi. shut your trap.

**if she breathe she a thot:** wh at?? tenko and himiko did the do last may??? you don't remember that?? i ship that too

**smoogi:** ok that's fair

**$n00p d0g:** maaaaan nobody remembers that one i told them they aint gon to heaven and everyone ignored me

**$n00p d0g:** same goes with those two they ain't goin tuh heaven

**kork:** iruma, you are our resident horny individual. my question is this

**kork:** during intercourse, what is your favorite word to moan?

**All Women Are Queens:** miu please don't share the details of our intimate past-times

**if she breathe she a thot:** yes, or deeper... or a combination of the two :)

**asstronutt:** yeeper

**stronk woman:** I'M CRYING

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Current chat names:
> 
> avacado spirit: amami  
> if she breathe she a thot: miu  
> biggest gay: kokichi  
> asstronutt: kaito  
> just gettin' bi: shuichi  
> stronk woman: tenko  
> Abraca DAB ra: himiko  
> smoogi: tsumugi  
> kork: kiyo  
> $n00p d0g: angie  
> anybody want some stew: kirumi  
> velveeta GANG: kaede  
> blocked and reported: maki  
> All Women Are Queens: kiibo  
> Wii Sports Tennis: hoshi  
> protective tol: gonta
> 
> The confusing layout of Hoshi's apartment might be kind of difficult??? His apartment is a duplex. The front door has a foyer hallway- on the right side is the living room and his bedroom/bathroom and on the left side is his kitchen + a hallway w/ another bathroom, a laundry room and a back door.  
> also hoshi has 16 cats. they all mysteriously resemble the 79th class. the one he just got looks like kokichi. the first cat he got was a dwarf with fluffy brown fur and black ears.


	17. Amami and Shinguuji Fuck Off to South America

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **avacado spirit:** good morning
> 
>  **avacado spirit:** we leave in 24 hours
> 
>  **asstronutt:** wait what the shit?
> 
> The chapter where Amami and Kiyo take a vacation to Brazil and Ouma utilizes their absence to spread mayhem and chaos.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my boys doing vacationing?? toge th e r ??? HELLA.l it ty.  
> i've been rlly busy lately?? i made an izuru acc on insta and i've been submerged in edit work and kgs so i kinda just conveniently forgot to update. like. what a mood. it's izuru.png if you're interested. i'm a dirty izuru kinnie and the page is such a safe space like g ot d am n. so necessary i'm crying real tears. running a fandom account is cathartic. i get so much support i'm touched.  
> also fun easter egg for you all- since the beginning of the fic they've literally been using Facebook Messenger for their messaging because it allows you to set separate nicknames without actually changing your user. Could also be interpreted as Snapchat though

**avacado spirit:** good morning

 **avacado spirit:** we leave in 24 hours

 **asstronutt:** wait what the shit?

 **asstronutt:** leaving for where? what? wtf

 **biggest gay:** m y ques tion exactly, amami-onee-san! are you actually going somewhere? or are you just fucking with us? maybe it's for a meme???

 **if she breathe she a thot:** dw about it guys i'm pretty sure the green shota's telling bullshit

 **kork:** sore wa chigau zo

 **anybody want some stew:** shinguuji, that is quite rude.

 **kork:** rantarou is not lying. we are going on a vacation, but we  _conveniently_ forgot to tell you.

 **kork:** because nobody insisted on meddling, we got our bags packed in quite a shorter amount of time.

 **velveeta GANG:** i can't believe you guys

 **stronk woman:** omgom g omg!

 **stronk woman:** question though

 **stronk woman:** is it like, a normal vacation? or is it a gay soiree in the jungle

**avacado spirit:**

**avacado spirit:** _is both legal_

 **if she breathe she a thot:** ha gay

 **kork:** Fellas. Is it gay to be a man? I mean, if you assume a view of Aristotelian mind-body dualism, you're theoretically inside a man at all times

 **Abraca DAB ra:** ugh  k or k got  p hil o sophi c al again. i can't believe you. have fucking fun in brazil you folklore cunt.

 **avacado spirit:** wait. we never told you we were specifically going to brazil. how do you know this...?

 **Abraca DAB ra:** m ag  i      c

 **biggest gay:** lolololol we hooked up Kiibo to your wifi, hacked your ISP and found the websites you visited, in clu ding the ticket purchase

 **avacado spirit:** w h y?

 **All Women Are Queens:** I WAS KIDNAPPED AND FORCED INTO THIS TASK! R OBO PHO BI  A!!!

 **biggest gay:** oh, kiiboy, you shouldn't complain! you don't have rights anyways.

 **if she breathe she a thot:** OY YOU FUCKING SHOTA IF YOU BAD-MOUTH MY MAN ONE MORE FUCKING TIME I SWEAR

 **biggest gay:** well, none of us have rights anyways. as minors we are oppressed and used by the system built to protect us. we are treated as subhuman simply because of our age. we cannot vote, we cannot protest without being mocked and we cannot feasibly make a wage to support ourselves until we reach adulthood. just because we are hope's peak students doesn't mean that changes any.

**just gettin' bi:**

**velveeta GANG:**

**blocked and reported:**

**kork:**

**$n00p d0g:**

**asstronutt:**

**smoogi:**

**just gettin' bi:** Are You Ok

 **biggest gay:** lol probably not but it's lit

* * *

**avacado spirit:** packedandwe'reoff.jpeg

 **velveeta GANG:** qlkslwkfmlkwjekr YOU TWO ARE SO CUTE! S E ND PICTURE S 

 **kork:** that we will, but it will not be until we have landed and successfully found lodgings. so you will have to be patient. it may be a couple of days.

 **velveeta GANG** **:** well, we'll miss you guys until then! have fun!

 **just gettin' bi:** stay safe!

 **asstronutt:** if you don't send pics the chat will disown you

 **biggest gay:** BUY ME FOREIGN CANDY!

 **Wii Sports Tennis:** souvenirs would be pleasant.

 **anybody want some stew:** drink plenty of water. make sure the first thing you do when you arrive is find somewhere to sleep. i know you guys don't like to ride in cars, but a horse cart cannot get you everywhere, and make sure to use one if absolutely necessary. if you forget something, make sure to message me right away and i will mail it if it cannot be easily bought and replaced. make sure you stay safe through the duration of your trip.

 **avacado spirit:** moooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooom we know already g o d

 **protective tol:** gonta hopes friends have fun!

 **kork:** thank you gonta you are a blessing

 **$n00p d0g:** god that's one too many o's

 **biggest gay:** YEET-IO'S!

 **blocked and reported:** o uma oh my fukc i ing g od shu t  u p

 **biggest gay:** CUP A DERT LIL WE RMS BAB EY!!!

 **blocked and reported:** s  h u t  y o ur  fu c k  u p

 **biggest gay:** YOU ALREADY KNO WHAT THE F UC K IS GOIN O N

 **blocked and reported:** i hope u get run over

**biggest gay:**

**biggest gay:** hoping is all well and good, but ultimately, it gets you nowhere. Be the change you wish to see in the world. get in your car and run me the fuck down instead of waiting for others to do your work for you, you coward. you lazy fool.

 **velveeta GANG:** wow wtf

* * *

**biggest gay:** guuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuys so amemey - onee-chan is finally go ne!! you know what that means???

 **biggest gay:** are you ready for this??

 **if she breathe she a thot:** omg omg omg is it the day??? hell YEAH gremlin we're so ready for this

 **asstronutt:** the HYPE is real we're out here getting LIT today

 **biggest gay:** Hella. Kaito, you're driving riiiiiiiiiiiiight? get your ass down here and pick us up

 **asstronutt:** y eah i'll be there in five you dumb shit

 **just gettin' bi:** k okic hi

 **just gettin' bi:** what i n the livi ng  f u ck  are you planning

 **biggest gay:** o h, right!

 **biggest gay:** kaito, do you have enough room in your truck for a plus one?

 **asstronutt:** hm. there's no seats. he's gonna have to sit on your lap lol

**biggest gay:**

**biggest gay:** a bso lutely.

 **biggest gay:** babe, i hope you're free today, because you're about to have the time of your life!

 **just gettin' bi:** i mean i have no complaints but what the shit are we even doing???

 **biggest gay:** s e c r e t.

 **just gettin' bi:** o k a y. that's not terrifying at all

 **just gettin' bi:** also another thing, kaito's truck has five seats. if you, miu and him are going, there should be enough seats for me unless you somehow convinced two other people to come along to... whatever you're doing. who exactly is number four and five??

 **biggest gay:** oh, right!

 **biggest gay:** 004, are you on?

 **asstronutt:** she better fucking be. or maybe she's asleep

 **just gettin' bi:**???????????

 **$n00p d0g:** DID YOU REMEMBER  AT U A???

 **$n00p d0g:** this excursion is bound to be divine! nyahaha!

 **biggest gay:** ANGIE! BFF! ARE YOU READY TO GET GIGGIDY??

 **$n00p d0g:** yes.

 **biggest gay:** AW YEETIE! also shuu's coming along

 **$n00p d0g:** just wonderful! atua sees great things for you, saihara shuichi

 **just gettin' bi:** s h ud d er

 **just gettin' bi:** wait you two are chummy? so the rumors about you two smoking pot in eighth grade were true or

 **biggest gay:** mmaaaaaaaaaaay be~

 **just gettin' bi:** aight so who is number five?

 **biggest gay:** oh, right! they're not in the chat

 **biggest gay:** gang, should I reveal it or nah?

 **asstronutt:** nah

 **if she breathe she a thot:** no

 **$n00p d0g:** le t h i m   su f f e r

 **just gettin' bi:** the hair literally stuck up on the back of my neck

 **biggest gay:** that's the deal! we're not telling you lol

 **biggest gay:** y o u ' l l   s e e

 **just gettin' bi:** somebody help me

 **$n00p d0g:** sorry, no can do, you're stuck with us

 **just gettin' bi:** p l e a s e

* * *

**biggest gay:** kaaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiitooooo where a r e you

 **asstronutt:** omg i'm righ t outside of your house. get in the f uc k ing t ruck.

 **velveeta GANG:** holy shit i finally went through those messages what the shit ar eyou guys doing

 **biggest gay:** nuh uh not telling! piano baka. kayayday doesn't need to k no w

**smoogi:**

**smoogi:** y̸̨͉̝̱̱̝̫̻̮͈̎̒͊͋̈́̌̾͛̈́̇̏̈͘͝ͅȭ̶͙̃͌̈́̀͐̕u̶̢̬̦͍̭̘̪̜̦̘̖̔̍̇͋̀̂̔͒̄͊͝ ̷̣̯̮͇̪̝̫̪̼͙̱̐̆͆̿͋̎̿̍̊̕b̷̧̢̨̛̲̙̼̣̝̰̭̟̲̱͈̭̉̑e̵̻̘͎̩̠̬̾̈́̉̐̉͆̌̉͘ţ̵̢̳͍̠͎̟̦̯͎͋̈t̵̢̤̗̓̎e̷̱̪̘̙̣͔̬̳̭̾r̸͎̜͈̰̦͔͕̜̤̼͍̣̻̈́̊͐͊̀͗̍͂̂̈́̕͘̕̚ͅ ̴̛̪̲̖̀̓̎̓̓͝t̶̢̛̬͙̦̃̃̔ͅe̶̡̳͓̰̙̜͇͖̟͉̹͙̎̎l̵̡̯̹̤̺̔̉̌̃͑̎̇̏͘͝ļ̵͖̪̱̼̰̒̿̈́̂̆̓̕ ̴̨̢̛̦̺̻͈͈̙̗͙͉̰͗̆̈́̿̍͂̓͑̿̍͌̈͜͜͝m̵̖̂̒̋̂̒͒̈́͘̚͝y̵̡͎͚̙̗̤̺̼̭̭̰̬̬̜̆͗͑̓͑̋ ̴̨̩̜̜̞̥̮͔̟̻̫͖͊g̸̡̢̨̛͉̞̥͐͗̎͊̾̏̂̎̂̐̄̍͜͠ì̷͙̍̈́͆͗͗͝͝r̶̺̝̺̲̝̺̙̟̻̖̣̃̾̿̂̐̾͂̑̌̽͌͘͜͝l̷̢̧̳͎͇̳̩̥͖̦̺̣̦͚̓̃̂͘͜ ̵̖̯̗̘͇͖̬̫̥̞͙̬͈͎͋̊̂̚ẇ̶̢̱̘͇̥̲͖̩̽͐͐̂̕h̴̢̺͉̠̣͎̦͕̠ͅͅả̴͎̾̋̽̓͒͛͆̕͠ţ̷̤̘̫̭̰͎͓̹͎̫͇̜͙̐͋̔̓̾͌͑̕ͅ ̵̗͚̽̃͐̈́͊̐͐̈́̔̋͂̄̂̃͝t̷̡̛͕̗̦͓͍̮̜͔̼̎̈̌̄̐̎͒̇̌̈̓͘͜h̷͓̯͇͉̉̃̀͛̃͌͑͐̾̐̈̄͝e̵͚͕͙̥͍͂̒̑͂ͅ ̴̡̡͍͖̗̤̖̟͓̺̮̖̼͑̓̃̀̑͌͂̏͘͜ͅf̴̧͖̜̫͖̣͎̩̦̉͠͠ͅu̴͈̮̲͈͍̘̪̳̪͍͕͍͇̫̾̂͋̌͒͛̆̊͐̿̈́͆̈́̕͠c̴̠̬͔̏̍͌̎̋̄̌͘͜ͅͅk̷̮͖̣͔̻͙̳̘͔̎̐͗̐̅̈͐͊͑͋͛͘ͅ ̶̜̭̘͈͙͇̬͊̈́̊̐̇̑̎͗̈́̀̆̌̚͜͝ï̷̱̮̥̋̊͋͐̓͒͝͝͝s̵̨̪̝͙̬̖͑̒̓̀̍̐̌ ̷̭̣̬̰̙̺̠̘̼̲̯̘̦̒́̍̂́g̵̯̘̳̮͚̽͊̎̈́͝͠͝͝ǫ̵̋̃̑ï̶̢̝̘̪͉̦̣̬̬͓̻̅̓̾̂̌n̶̞͍̔͆͋̂ġ̶̜̣̜̹̳̘͉̲̥ ̶̭͇̦̩͖̪̠͉̭̭͈̭̣͈̉̑͂̒̑͘͝ǫ̴̛̣̞̱͖̗̮̲̖̱̳͗͌̒̐́̾͆͊̿͆̄̑͠ņ̷̺̪̼͓͕̭̾̓̏͒̎͘ ̷̡̧̢͉̤̬͈̮̪̯̲͓͍̹͊̄̅̇̍̅̇̊̌̀̚͝ö̶̧̨̡̼͎̤̯̙̝̯̩̈́̾͆̂͋̓̀̊͝r̸̥̣̣̺̫̫͓͎̈́̋̾̓͋͆̈̽̈́̓̃͜͝ ̶̡̪̻̗̠̙̬͉̟͕͓̥̱̗̑̅̽͗͑̆̾̎̿͘y̵͙͈̤͖͍͔̓̃̊̃̌͑͆̉͜ǒ̵̧̡̝͔̙̙̼̮̭̺̫̮̑͑̐̔̐̽̽̕̕ű̵̧̻͈͍̤̥̰̀͋̃́̈́̒̂̐̃͘ͅ'̸̧̝̠͓̻͎̬͉͇̙͍̙͍̩̓͝r̸̮̼͔͉͈̘̜̬̎̄͝e̴̫̠͉̝̪̣͖̪͕͐̋͗͐̐̈́ ̵̡̼͖̠͙̗̘̈́̆̄͋͐͐̔̏̋̽̚͝͝ġ̷̟͍̎̆̈́͌̋̋͂͋̓̏͠ǒ̴̯͎͇̲̖̼͔̙̙̱͒̅͌͘ͅį̴̥̦̻̜̦̤̟̫͍̋̏̊̈̓̄̈́͋́̿n̴̨̨̞̰̺̹̯̻̞̈́̍́̓̀̋͌̉̄̍̋́̊͝g̸̨̛͈̲̞̗̟̟̗̺͙̭̹͍̠̈́̇̉̽̍͐̂̓̿̽͝ ̵̢̰̲͎̗̹̙͕͓̺̗͉̓͌̆̈́̀͑̄̐̋̄̇́̈́͜͠ṱ̷͖͔͎͚̯̹͇̲͚͋̔̃͊̋͌o̵̙͛̃̄̇̈́͝ ̶̨̢̪̲̱̪̠̥̥͗̓̌̑͋͐͌̓͒͘̚͝r̸̺͖̳̮͖̲̠̬̣͖̱̐͊̒̓̈̐̓̿͌̚ē̶̢̢̛̼̣͉͆̇̉g̸̮̙͚̪͈̤͖̟̘̍̿ŗ̷̨̧̛̹̠̖̭̦͇͈̠̄̍̄̍͌̈̆̕̚͘͜͝͠ͅȩ̶̺͚̣͇͎͂̉̋̎͋̒̂̐̔̌̽̿͘t̵̫̙̪̣̻̦͈̤̹͍̯̑̈͂ ̷͙͓̦̩̮̞̰̘͓̫͂͠ͅį̵̡̣͈͙̜̺̜̠̭̗̔́̐̆̚ͅt̷̟͍̹̠͎͇͍̖̪̖̙̓͒͂̓̊̔̾̽͂̕͜͜ ̴̨̢̫͔͖̩̜̱̳͖̯̟̠̒̊̋̉͗̕͜͝ỳ̴̳̲̼̘͌̌̏̇̔̕͠ͅọ̵͍͕͈̮̯̝̪̩̓̾̆͆̿̍̓̇̈͒̅̌̈́͝ȗ̸̳̦͒͝ ̶͍͔̱̊̿̐ͅf̴̛͔͎̲̮̬̦͔̠̯͐̊̏͒̎̃̋̌͘͘̚̕ų̴̧̧͍̮̙̘̖̬̇̒̈́c̸̰̲͚͛k̴̡̧̼͓̝̳̦̬͓̞̩̑̊̍̎̾̋̚̕̕i̵̺̘̠͋̔̇͑̆͌͑ņ̸̧̩̳̙̟̼̝͔̤̳́̕͜ĝ̶̢̬̘̗͈͍̱̪̝̹̠̫̯̈́̉ ̸̲̗̲͇̰͕͓̰̙͈̖͈̃̊̊̈́̈̏̆̅̅̅̇̔͗̚͜͠ͅg̵͇̬̞̮͎͎͋̒͝r̸̲̥̻̖̭̈̐͐̿͘̚a̷̗̫̋̎̋́͌̚p̷̢͕̪̭͖̥͉̙͕͔̄̓̀͒̅̕ȩ̶̛̘̗̟̙̹̠̪̼̭ ̴̡̮̗͙͈̩͓̰͎̾ͅͅc̵̡̨̯͔͉̱͕̤̙͌̒͌̄̆̓̊͠u̴̲͇̗̭̯̩̣̿̐c̴̨̡̺͈͖̜͓̰̠͙̫̃̉̕ḵ̶̢̢͍̼̥̳͉̳̝̼̙̑͐̕

 **biggest gay:** haha smoogi i'm not afraid of you!

 **smoogi:** oh you should be

 **biggest gay:** ờ̴̧̡̧̧̫̳̼̼͓̻̮̮̦̖̻̦͈̜̺̲̃̒̿̊͋͒̃̌͗̎̈̊̂͂̏́́̀͊̿̂͆̒̃̚͜͜͝ͅh̴̡̧̘̜͉̫̭͚̬͕̮̜͕̩͙̻̱̩͇̲͊̏̿͊͑̄̄̊̄̈́̀͋͆̋͌̈͋̐̊̑̈́̒̾̍̒̚̕̕ͅ ̵̧̛̯̭̘̠̖̳̣̳͙̜̹͉̙̰̺̯̤͉̤̺̈̈́͂̍̈́̀̋̅͆͐̇̐̏̊͜͝ͅr̸̢̡̡̛̫͇̟͕̮̝͚͖̱͈̳̳̯̠̜͈̻̰̫̱̭̰̾͊͒̏͂́̓̽̔̂̿͛̐͗̈̿̊̋͛̒̇͋̍̿͘͜͜͠e̷̢̡̡̛̥̞̪̼͈̹̟̙̱̹̩͍̬̜̮̝͖͉̝̯͎̒́̋͝a̸̢͚͉̥̣͉̳̖͚̞͇͍̖͇̺̝̗̬̩̩͇̼̬̪̣͙̥̝̦̣̎̇͂͜ļ̷̢͉̙̩̥͔͈̣̳͖̯͇̗̙͚̼̳̜̰̬̻̜̳̖͛̽̊̐̓̓͆̽͛͋̈́̓͛̉̈́̄̈́̓̍͛̊̾͊͝͝͠͝l̵̘̼̙̞̰̲̤͇̰͓̞̝̾̀͐̓̽̈́͌̏̍̽̉̆̈̔̒̀̒̑̎̐̎̽̿ͅỹ̵̧̧̧̗̦̙͓͎̜̖͍͓͖̥̺̣̘͔̲̱̮̰̖̖̞̦̼͖̗̈́͊̐́̽͂̄͛̍̂̅̌͑̋̏͆̒̓̄̓̈̂̕͘͜͝?̶̨̢̧̞̱̮̻̙̗̟̝̦̥͖̤̬̦̅̓̅͜ͅ ̴̧̨̛̮̞͈͚̲̞̖̮͉͓̱͍͚̜͔͕͇̠͕͕͋͆͊͆̂͗͂͊͋́̌́̈́̐̐̈́̋̎̉̒͘͘͜͠͠ỵ̸̡͓̜̘̭̅̌̉̂̾͐́̉̃͂̓̐͛̇͑̐̅̃͝o̵̡̥͔̗̠̗͓͙̺͚̗̣̜̫͉͕̭̺̗͂̂̂͛͌́͗̓̔̈́̍̿͒̏͆̇͒͒̈́̏͒̋̌͂̂͋͘͘͜͝u̶̡̡̪̜͖̯̙̖̝̪̝̜̲̿̌̔̓̒̾́̉̐̊͑͛̎̉́̄̄̊̈́̑̚͝͝ͅ ̸̛̪̳̓͆̋͊͆̒̽͂̓̎͗̎͗̈́ͅḩ̸̧̯̹̹̞͔͖͇̱̣͈͈̥͍̤̹̞̥̬̪̇̑̂̈́̃̈́̍̒͛͗͐̐͂͑̎̐́̆̐̑͘̕͘̕͝͝͝͠ͅȁ̷̧̨̛̠̺̯̺͚̦̫̙̯͉̩͚̘͑͐͆̐̐͑̾̈̔́̍͊̑̂̿̔̽̃͂͒̇͆̀̕͠͠ͅv̸͙̬͖͓̹̈́̿̀̔̚ę̶̯͉̬̟̬͍̘̤͖̥̬͔̬͓̜̠̮̙̠̣͖͖̝̰͖͎̱̟̩͂̽̆̅̐͆̓̆̾̏̓͆̎̓̔̽̽̋̚͜͝ͅͅn̵̡̨̧̧̨̨̢͉̭͔͍͕̗͔̜͙̩̱̗̘̣̬̗͓̯̲̻͚͓̩̯̜̪̯̔̂͊͊̂̈́̑̉͐͌͋̋̒͗̑͋̕̚͜͝͝͝͝'̷̡̙̜̰̞̻̤̻͔͍̘̥̓̽̇̾̌͊́́̋̌̓̇̃̕̚͝͠͠t̶̢̢̡̢̛̗͙̠͎̠͔̜̲͇͎̬͈̦̖͖̹̯͍͖̫͇̯̜̂̓̈̈́͂̈̓̓́̓͗̆͐̾͐̓̎͐̉̑͆͛̎̏̈́͘̚̕͜͜͜͠͝͠ͅ ̸̡̨̡̺͓͚̙̤̯̬̱͈̺͙̰̯̪͌̃̋̉͐̇̿̄̄̄͆̅͐̾͒̇̏̈́̋̐͌̿̚̕̕̕͜ͅs̴̢̛̲̺͚̗̱̖̪̤͓̥̦̮̳̪͌̓̒͋̊̆̊̉̍̾͑̎̋͑͛̕͜e̶̡̛͓͔͉̘͙̯͉̬̥̯̬͖̱̬̦̣̝͓̝͔̺̤̟̗̖̠͖̣͕͈͍̼̿́̈̉̆͋̏̅͂̽̈́̐̂̌̚͜͜͠͝ę̴̧̧̛̛͙̱̞̫̗͇̘͇̋͊̓͂͒͌͗͛̀͊͒͆̇͒͒̏̈́̆̽̌̐̈́̿͠͝͝n̵̢̯͇̥̑̃̇͆̆̓̔͑̈́͗̂̇̽͗̈́̍͊̋̊̌̆̚͝ ̸̧̧̠̞̺͓̭͕̗̝̣͉͕̗͔̳̟̦̮̗̤̦̳͇̳̞͙̜͍̓͊̈́̃̌̇̅͋͌̂̈́̃̉̎̓͌͗̐̈́̚͝͝͝͝ _a̴̡̢̨̧̛̞͈͔̗͎̘͔͎̱̖͈̟̟͓͓̟̝͚͖͇̬͓̻͙̰̖͗̋̈͑͂̋̏̋̐̆̑͂̚̕̚n̵̪̯̮̖̣̣̈̉̅̓͑̈́́͛̒̉̈́͐̀̅̐͐͛̎͂̚͘͠͝͝ÿ̶̢̧͎̺͈̼̺͓͔̎ẗ̸͔̱̫̦̦̤̠̗̘͎̗̦̱̫̝͈̠̱́̏̊̋̄̂̀͐̉̓̓̓̈̓̊͘͝h̴̡̨̧̻̣̠̼̳̖̖̟̩̼͇͙͈̩͇̫̗̳̲̫̳̭̟͉̩͉̒͑́̎̀̂̓͑̓́̄͌̽̿͗̋̎̐̒͐͗̊̈́̔̄̕̚͜͜͠ͅͅi̴̧̢̛̱̲̽̓͒̿̃̉̓͋̉͑̽͆͛̄̔̈́͝͠͝n̶̢̰̖̰͕̝͕̞̺͔̣͙̠̼̺̳͕̥̭̖͍̂̀̎̔̄̉̾̏̉̍̈̎͑̿̉̄͋͘̕͠͠g̴̝̲̲̟̪̈̃̔̓̊̐̊̈́̃̋_ ̴̨̢͚̩͍̞̩̙̼̤̤̹̗̆̓͛͆͂̀̄͑̂̍̋̈͜͠y̸̡̛͈̬̟̻͚̖̥̰̑̀̅̏̓̃̋͗̑̓͂̌̈́̔̊̈́̋͂́̈̏̑͐̏́̎͝͝͠e̵̢̜̩̺̭̗̤͍͍̮̬̯̩͊͒̌̔̓͋̓̒̐͛̃̚͜͠͝ͅţ̶̡̠̤̪̮̯̘̟͇̲̠̝̗̝̔́̉̽̏̕̕͝

 **just gettin' bi:** GUYS WHAT THE SHIT

 **just gettin' bi:** stop with the GLITCH TEXT S T OP COME  O  N N

 **asstronutt:** KOKICHI SHUICHI GET YOUR ASSES OUT HERE I'M WASTING GAS HERE BI T CH

 **biggest gay:** ALRIGHT WE'LL BE OUT THERE

 **asstronutt:** fucking finally i see you guys. get in

 **blocked and reported:** lol have fun kaito. tell me how it goes

 **velveeta GANG:** WAIT YOU'VE KNOW N THE WHOLE TIME?? WTF MAKI WHY WON'T YOU SAY ANYTHING

 **blocked and reported:** it's simple. i don't keep running my trap and asking stupid questions.

 **velveeta GANG:** c o l d ;-;

* * *

**biggest gay:** miiiiiiiuuuuuuuuuuu what's taking you so long

 **biggest gay:** can the bitch-chan hurry up and get in kaito's ugly-ass fucking truck already you're taking fo r e vvverrrrrr

 **biggest gay:** no offense to you kaito but rlly that galaxy spray-paint job is hideous

 **asstronutt:** fuck y o u ouma

 **biggest gay:** sorry no the only person i'm fucking is shuu-chan

 **just gettin' bi:**...true

 **if she breathe she a thot:** lolol we know you guys are doing it. who tops tho

 **biggest gay:** who do you th i nk?

 **if she breathe she a thot:** shuichi, of course

**biggest gay:**

**just gettin' bi:**

**biggest gay:** so she thinks she knows, huh

 **just gettin' bi:** oh man i don't even want to correct her right now

 **biggest gay:** do you think she'll ever realize her mistake?

 **just gettin' bi:** probably not. let's leave it that way.

 **if she breathe she a thot:** hiiiiieeeeee??? wdym shuichi's a bottom isn't the smaller one supposed to bottom?

 **biggest gay:** moans, miu.  i need to hear those beautiful s o u n ds.

 **if she breathe she a thot:** w he e eze.

 **biggest gay:** are you fucking rea d y?

 **if she breathe she a thot:** wait just a minute, i'm putting on makeup

 **biggest gay:** aww, miuuu! you don't need makeup

 **if she breathe she a thot:** aww really?

 **biggest gay:** no, you need plastic surgery

 **if she breathe she a thot:** :[

 **biggest gay:** ;]

 **biggest gay:** get in the truck you fucking slut

 **if she breathe she a thot:** that's hot keep calling me that

 **just gettin' bi:** _every minute i sit in this purple fucking truck the atmosphere in here gets progressively more chaotic someone please rescue me_

 **just gettin' bi:**   _p  l   e    a    s    e_

* * *

**$n00p d0g:** atua said you guys would be here soon but i can't see you. if you guys fuck ing abandon me y'all are going to hell no questions asked

 **asstronutt:** nono no don't worry your head about it angie. we're already here

 **asstronutt:** you just can't see us through your buttfuck of tree s in your yard get RID of some of those.

 **$n00p d0g:** absolutely not they are atua's art and yo uwill not deface his domain by destroying them

 **asstronutt:** c h r i st

 **just gettin' bi:** angie's house is fucking terrifying. the house is a huge old gothic victorian-style home but in the yard there are like 32 palm trees, the porch is covered in hibiscus, and just fucking standing in the yard is this giant ass polynesian god statue. i'm pretty sure it's stone and also gradually sinking in to the earth. it also looks like kamukura-senpai for some reason but i'm not going to comment on it

 **$n00p d0g:** eventually the statue of our lord atua in his mortal form will sink into the core of the earth and drag everyone with it. we will be reborn with our god with the fire of the volcanoes

 **just gettin' bi:** if you're insinuating kamukura is atua you probably shouldn't refer to them with those pronouns

 **$n00p d0g:** waiit you really think kamukura is atua?? lololol no they just look similar

 **just gettin' bi:**....right.

 **biggest gay:** hey hey! angie-chan did you get the sleds??

 **$n00p d0g:** yes! i have them! is three enough

 **biggest gay:** yeah probably. do you have the water balloons too or is 005 bringing them

 **$n00p d0g:** they've got those dw about it.

 **biggest gay:** ok good. get in the truck, darling Angie! let us go on our holy pi l grim age

 **$n00p d0g:** BET

* * *

Shuichi watched his boyfriend hunch over his phone, rapidly texting their mystery fifth person. He tried to turn around to watch, but the smaller teen refused to allow him to see his contact. Sighing, he gave up and stared out the passenger seat window absentmindedly, trying not to laugh out loud.  _This whole situation is ridiculous, isn't it?  What did I let Kokichi get me into? Ah well, at least we're getting out of the house._

He suddenly felt Kokichi sit bolt upright from under him. "Kaito! They say they'll be in the park, by the front gate! Go that way!" he directed the taller boy excitedly. Kaito nodded and turned down the main street, carefully scanning for the turn that would take them to their city park. In about a minute, he'd made the turn and the obnoxious, galaxy-painted truck Kaito owned was barreling down Park Street. Shuichi squirmed in Kokichi's lap, trying to look out the window, but he couldn't see anything. He kept squirming until Kokichi made a noise from the friction, and he hastily apologized and settled down.

Kaito pulled up to the gate, and his rattling truck shuddered to a stop as he put the vehicle in park. He looked out the window. "Kokichi, where is..."

Someone knocked on the back passenger door. The empty seat stood out to them in that moment.

Kaito swore. "How the fuck did they get the jump on me?" he yelled angrily. "I was literally scanning the whole park for them. I can't fucking believe they still snuck up on us. I thought I was slightly aware, damnit."

Kokichi laughed. "Of course they snuck up on you, Kaito, you're an idiot."

Miu was howling with laughter. "Well, the long-haired bastard got the jump on all of us! I didn't even see them coming, and nothing gets by my golden brain!"

"You're a dumb slut, Miu, everything gets past you."

"Still-"

"I knew they were there," Angie offered. "Atua told me so."

"Not all of us have a god to speak to, Angie," Kaito retorted.

"Yeah, some of you are just idiots!"

"Ouma I swear to god-"

The person knocked again, more insistently this time. They were obscured from view by the passenger side blind spot. Shuichi's stomach flipped. Who-

"Shuichi," Kaito warned, "If you don't let them in, they'll tear off the truck lock."

"They'll WHAT?" he yelped.

"Yes. Tear off the truck lock. Dismantle it in some horrifying way. Do I need to explain why I don't need to pay 500 dollars for a repair today?"

"Alright, alright." Trembling, Shuichi cautiously opened the door. Before it had even opened an inch, however, a long, spindly, pale hand grabbed it from him and flung it open.

Two narrowed, blood-red eyes stared back at him.

"Hello," Izuru Kamukura stated blankly, as if they weren't just nearly locked out of a truck.

Shuichi screamed.

"Izzy!! Long time no see!" Kokichi crowed, trying to give the young adult a hug. However, with Shuichi on his lap, he failed miserably. Shuichi shrieked again and clung to Kokichi liked a koala.

"Refrain from calling me by that nickname," Izuru offered warmly. They climbed into back passenger-side seat, next to Angie, who smiled and gave them a proper hug. To their chagrin, Izuru didn't look phased in the slightest. They returned the yellow-clad prophet's hug, and leaned into the wall of the truck lazily.

"Did you bring the balloons?" Kaito asked warily. He turned the key into the ignition and started up his truck again, and in no time, he'd returned to the flow of traffic. The truck exited the city, and the six teenagers cruised on the interstate.

Izuru pulled a snack bag of water balloons from their pant pocket. "I did."

"They were supposed to be full."

"You didn't clarify that."

Kaito sighed and smacked his head into the steering wheel. "Oh fucking well. We'll fill them there. I don't think that outfit is going to be very useful for a water balloon fight though, Kamukura."

They were wearing a white button up and black dress slacks. "Do you think I do not know this, Kaito Momota? I am willing to accept this as a handicap, as you all would probably need it. What a boring observation."

"You don't need to be a poor sport-"

"I am kidding." They let out a dry, yet genuine chuckle. "You're still going to need the handicap, however."

Shuichi stopped screaming. "Wait, but since when were you guys a group?"

"Oh, we have been a group since your freshman year," Izuru offered. "I was a junior. You guys had the art fair and you started that paint fight."

"Oh, that paint fight. Wait, you've been a group since THEN? But how did you get involved?" Shuichi looked at them incredulously.

They yawned. "I was participating but I never got caught. So when those four got apprehended by school staff and got forced to clean it up, I helped. Then, your small boyfriend showed the whole group a meme and we all asked him to send it to us. He accidentally made a group chat. The rest is history."

"Yeah," Shuichi agreed, "sounds like something he'd do."

"The group chat is litty! I should add my Shumai to it!" Kokichi yelled. "You get perks like free memes and outings like this!"

"Should we?" Kaito asked seriously.

"Hmm, but he there is the possibility he could somehow not enjoy our outing today. We shouldn't force him," Angie offered.

"Like that shota cuck has any right complaining about our outing!" Miu spat. "He's lucky we let him come along!"

"Our group is a secret alliance forged in the bonds of hell. There is nothing like the experience of scrubbing dried paint off of a second-floor window. We are very serious about who we induct. It is not a first-come, first-serve basis. You must prove yourself." Izuru idly twirled a piece of their hair around their long finger. "If one of you can come up with a rite of passage for him, we will let him join our pact."

Shuichi shivered.

"Oh, we're almost there," Angie offered. She leaned up into the front excitedly, watching the buildings go by. "Are you ready?"

"As ready as I'll ever be!" Kokichi yelled. "Let the second annual prank war commence!"

"Where-"

Shuichi sighed as they pulled up to the mall.

"I don't want to be banned from the closest Hot Topic there is."

* * *

Izuru had run off to disable the security cams, tossing them the bag of water balloons. That was exactly the reason why Shuichi, Kokichi and Kaito were in the men's room, knee-deep in balloons swollen with water, wondering how they were going to carry them.

"There's a small enough amount," Kokichi insisted. "We can carry them out to the main and make a pile of them on the floor. None are going to fit in my backpack, so we'll have to make do."

Kaito shook his head angrily. "No, we're in a mall, we can buy a crate. They'd probably appreciate the customer service."

"But Momo-chan, you don't get it. We'd never use that crate again, aaaaand it would be super expensive! I don't wanna waste my money on that shit!"

"It was your idea to bring the balloons! You're gonna get my truck seats wet anyways on the way back!"

"Yeah, so lemme carry them!"

Hmm... Shuichi watched them bicker.  _If only there was a way to carry them cheaply. Wait-_

Shuichi leaned over and whispered something into his boyfriend's ear, then pressed a quarter into his palm. Kokichi nodded and sped off, like he was never there to begin with.

Kaito stared at him, dumbfounded. "Shuichi, what the fuck did you make him do?"

Shuichi laughed.

"I sent him to the Kohls to bribe them for one of those huge plastic bags they give you when you buy stuff."

"What the fuck," Kaito chortled. "You're crazy. We should've added you to the gc a long time ago."

Kokichi chose this moment to dash up to them proudly, brandishing two plastic bags and the quarter. "You have no idea how easy that was!" the shorter boy hollered, looking incredibly cheerful. "I just said one of my bags broke while shopping and they gave me a replacement! Shuichi, you're a damn genius." He leaned up to press a kiss to Shuichi's cheek, said boy smiling at the contact. The three boys carefully set to work shoving balloons into the giant bags, Kokichi's purple backpack falling to the floor with a suspiciously plastic-sounding thud.

* * *

"Ah, it has been a long time since I'd been at this mall!" Angie exclaimed brightly, dragging Miu around by the arm. "The scenery is still opportune per usual. Atua appreciates this. Do you as well, Miu?" 

They passed by a set of benches, a pretzel stand, and 8 clothing outlets. Miu longingly looked into them, hoping she'd glance something to her fancy through the windows. The prophet kept dragging her along, looking for the perfect place to start their mayhem, continuing to talk on despite Miu's silence. 

"I suppose, yeah. The mall looks nice," she responded shyly. "I'm kinda hungry tho..."

"We can get food later, Miu. We have a divine task at hand now," Angie reprimanded.

"No fair..."

Miu sighed and slumped forwards. They headed on, Miu shuffling aimlessly, Angie trotting along with a sense of purpose.

"There!" the artist finally chirped.

Ahead was a pavilion. To the right were escalators galore, and the floor in front of them branched off into four different directions, one clearly going in the direction they just came. Up the escalators was a second floor, which branched off into two directions as a skybridge to lead to more shops. In the center of the pavilion was a fountain, surrounded by indoor plants and trees.

"This mall is fucking huge, isn't it," Miu whined. "I'm going to go sit down-"

"Miu Iruma, Angie Yonaga."

A hand on her arm cut her speaking off. Miu yelled and turned around. There was Kamukura again, sneaking up them silently per usual. The young adult looked confused, two hair ties laying on their palm. Their hair looked in a state of dishevelment. 

"Please help me put my hair up into a ponytail," they implored quietly. "I tried and it got in this state."

Angie looked at them incredulously. "You braid your hair all of the time. Certainly, this shouldn't be an issue for you?" she questioned, disbelief apparent in her tone. "You were the SHSL Talented Student back in school. That must have included the SHSL Hairdresser, no? Atua calls bullshit."

They were silent.

"What about it, ya long-haired twink? Nothing?"

They swallowed. "...I forgot my brush at home."

"Oh my fucking god!"

The three of them made to sit on the fountain's ledge. Miu sighed and settled herself behind Kamukura, running her hands through their long, now unkempt hair. They winced quietly as she undid each snag with her nails, Angie pouring over how soft the stuff actually was.

"What fucking conditioner do you use?" she asked Izuru reluctantly.

"Something bargain-brand. I think it was Suave. I can't remember it off of the top of my head," they replied lazily. They offered Miu one of the hair ties, and she took it. Bundling their thick hair into her hand, she struggled to slip the hair tie onto the mass. With a grunt, she pulled their hair through the tie and let it snap over the newly formed ponytail.

Miu looked at Izuru with an inscrutable expression. "You're probably going to have to cut that rubber band off with a scissors," she informed them gravely.

"Noted," Izuru replied, just as neutrally.

Angie looked over all of them, excited. "Excellent. We are ready for the first act. Summon the boys."

* * *

**$n00p d0g** _added_ **God** _to the chat._

 **$n00p d0g** _changed_ **God** _'s name to_ **longth haire boye**

 **longth haire boye:** get your asses down here. we are at the square next to the escalators. i do hope you have found some way to get those balloons over here, as kokichi ouma's backpack was full, correct? you have five minutes.

 **All Women Are Queens:** can someone explain to me why kamukura was added to the chat again?

 **blocked and reported:** oh, yeah, kaito, you did mention them coming along. izuru, are you enjoying yourself, or are you just bored

 **longth haire boye:** i am sufficiently entertained.

 **longth haire boye:** also

 **longth haire boye** _changed their name to_ **longth haire individual**

 **longth haire individual:** this is more suitable.

 **$n00p d0g:** i am very sorry for my error. atua did not guide me on that one. he was taking his divine nap.

 **biggest gay:** good news! my beloved shuu-chan is smarter than everyone here and he came up with an idea on how to carry the balloons! so you'll be good. we'll be there in two minutes

 **longth haire individual:** g  o  o  d.

 **smoogi:** oh my fuc ki ng g od what the FUCK are you doin ng i'm really co nfused and concern ed WHAT THE FUCK

* * *

Kaito, Shuichi and Kokichi dashed into the pavilion, dragging the bags of balloons behind them. There, waiting for them, were the two girls and Kamukura, sitting there on the edge of the fountain as if it was a throne. Kamukura looked down on them, gaze neutral, their hair trailing behind them in a ponytail. The girls sat on either side of them, casually leaning over their shoulders to gawk at the boys mockingly. The boys dropped the bags onto the ground gently.

"So?" Izuru asked. "Are you ready to begin?"

Shuichi nodded.

It was quiet for a minute.

Then, all hell broke loose.

The first thing anyone registered was Izuru flying from the fountain faster than humanly possible and grabbing three water balloons straight out from underneath them. Before Shuichi could do anything to stop them, there was a water balloon bursting in his face, drenching his hair. Then, Kokichi grabbed another two balloons and smacked him and Kaito again, and then grabbed more to fight back. Then, Kaito socked him with another, and tossed a few to Miu and Angie, who were already there. Shuichi swore and the girls dumped another four onto him before running into the fray. Disoriented, he fell on his butt, right next to the bag, covered in sink water.

Shuichi grabbed two balloons. They were heavy in his hands as he watched his friends destroy each other with their stock. He held onto them absentmindedly as he watched them laugh and yell, narrowly missing passerby and breaking them over tables, chairs, the fountain ledge and flowerpots. Izuru zipped back and forth, pelting people and avoiding every shot thrown at them; the other four were doing well, despite being utterly soaked. They all seemed to be aiming at Izuru, only hitting someone else when they found it funny at the moment. Soon, the first bag of balloons was empty.

Shuichi clung to the second bag, waiting. He had a plan.

Finally, his opportunity arose when Izuru loomed over him, looking at him with casual interest. "Shuichi Saihara. Can I have some water balloons?" the talented older teen asked. "I've run out of ammo."

Shuichi blinked and stared at them.

"Shuichi. Can I please have a balloon?"

Shuichi was quiet.

Now the others were coming over to watch, also blissfully free of balloons. Izuru got closer to him, and crouched down to look at him from ground level. They looked exasperated. They tried their best to keep an amicable, neutral expression, but this was grating their nerves. If Shuichi didn't give them a balloon-! 

_It would get boring._

"Shuichi Saihara," they ground out. "Can. I. Please. Have. A. Balloon."

There was a pause.

Shuichi laughed. "No," he chortled, and lobbed an especially full balloon straight at Izuru's face.

The balloon burst. Rivulets of water ran down Izuru's sharp cheekbones, off of their chin, and through their neat white dress shirt. They looked shocked, an expression nobody had seen on them yet. Their eyes were like saucers, staring at Shuichi with an undisguised awe.

"You..." they whispered.

It was quiet again.

Then, they started to laugh. It was good-natured, hearty and full of mirth. Tears of happiness ran down their cheeks as they chortled at the absurdity of it all. Izuru leaned down and picked up Shuichi like he was a rag doll, wiping tears of laughter from their cheeks.

"Are you ok?" Shuichi asked, concerned.

"You beat me!" Izuru cried. "Somebody actually beat me at something!" They spun Shuichi around in a circle, looking thrilled. "Kokichi Ouma said you were smart, but I assumed that he was just playing you up so I would acknowledge you. I was wrong! Somebody actually defeated me, even if it was something as trivial as this. I am interested to see what other things you'll do."

"So... you're not bored?" Shuichi responded blearily.

Izuru set him down, noticing his dizziness. "No, I am not. I am dreadfully excited. You are interesting, Shuichi Saihara."

The others finally converged on him, congratulating him and giving him high-fives, Kokichi hugging Shuichi around his waist, purring his compliments. They laughed as Shuichi flushed with embarrassment and scratched at the back of his neck. It was all fine and good until a security guard told them they had to put the balloons away.

Izuru glared at the guard as he left. Their eyes narrowed with excitement. "You know what that means?" they asked sharply.

"I'm afraid to find out," Shuichi replied.

Kokichi smiled. "It's time for phase two."

* * *

Kokichi placed his purple backpack on the ground. They were standing on the skybridge with the escalators, the teens surrounding the backpack intrigued.

"So, what's even in there?" Shuichi asked, kneeling next to his boyfriend, a hand on his shoulder.

Kokichi gave him a devilish smirk. "Well, do you remember what I said on the day I flipped my bike outside of the whole foods market?"

Shuichi scrambled his brain.

> _"so I threw **bottle caps** at him until he left... that was my whole supply."_

"Oh, right!" Shuichi started excitedly. "You said you threw  _bottle caps_ at that guy! But I'd always wondered if you kept the bottles. Your backpack better not be filled with empty Panta bottles."

Kokichi unzipped the backpack. The plastic bottle noses poked through the gap. "Sorry. It's juuuuuuuuust panta bottles."

He turned the backpack upside down. The clear bottles scattered across the mall floor. There was about 15 of them, all personal size except for the two large ones out of the five they had at Hoshi's. The sheer amount that Kokichi brought said a whole lot about his eating habits. "So, what are we going to do with these?" Shuichi asked, dumbfounded.

Miu brought over her own purse. She dumped out the contents next to it. There were batteries, coding pieces, gears, wires, circuit boxes, and movement mechanisms all over the floor. Shuichi swore there was even some sort of jetpack. 

"Well, it's simple, darling," Kokichi offered. "We're making a mechanica. This is phase two."

"Let us start. Atua can see the final design," Angie offered. "Use the two larger bottles as a midsection. The remaining ones can be the head, arms and legs. If you program it correctly, the head could possibly swivel. We could attach a camera."

"Got it." Miu and Izuru rushed the stack of bottles and started connecting wires, feeding bottle necks into each other, gluing things and building in a whirl of arms and bottles and hair and mechanical parts. Shuichi watched in awe, Kokichi laughing as the mechanica was built from the bottom up. In minutes it was done, sitting there proudly, Miu holding a remote control.

"Ready, boys?" she offered, flipping her blonde hair over her shoulder.

"Ready as we'll ever be!" Kaito shot back. "Let's see this thing reach the stars!"

She flipped on a switch. The Panta Bottle Automaton  _vrrrrr_ ed to life, humming contentedly. The jetpacks on its back lit quietly, and it hovered at about eye level. She moved a joystick, and the right arm raised. 

"It  _works. Oh my god,_ " Kokichi breathed, walking over to it. "My beautiful brainchild works.  _Yesssssss._ " He bounced around it, marveling it, a happy skip in his step. Shuichi fondly watched his boyfriend bounce around the thing with glee. "Gimme the remote, gimme the remote!"

Miu tossed the remote over her shoulder, Kokichi fumbling. He managed to catch it, though, and with a shout of joy, he sent he Panta Bottle Automaton rocketing forwards, spinning in the air with about as much energy as the boy controlling it. Angie, Miu and Izuru smiled and scooped the remaining parts into Miu's backpack. With a shout, Kokichi chased after the automaton, laughing and yelling.

"Hey, hey! We should fill up the cannon with something!" the purple-haired boy yelled back at them.

"What about Panta?" Shuichi suggested.

"Yes, ABSOLUTELY!"

Kaito ran over to the nearest vending machine, and with a sigh, stuck a dollar in to get a bottle of the cursed grape soda. He ran back with it, and Kokichi landed the automaton. On the backside there was a bottle with a tube leading to the water cannon implanted in one of the arms. They unscrewed the cap and poured the contents of the panta bottle into the empty one. 

Kokichi laughed and stood a distance away, then pressed another button. A perfect arc of grape Panta soared through the air and into his waiting mouth. Grape soda poured out of his mouth and down his face, but he didn't care. He only stopped the automaton when it was threatening to get onto his sweater.

"Me next, me next!" Angie yelled. Kokichi aimed the bot at Angie. It missed, and hit the top of her head, dying her white hair temporarily lavender. She shrieked and shoved him, getting him stuck under the spray. Kokichi laughed.

Panta was dripping over the railing and onto the people below.

The security guard returned, looking very cross. "Fuckin' kids..." he grumbled. "Put the robot away."

Kokichi stuck his tongue out at him, and the robot sprayed him in the face with grape soda.

The man fumed, soda dripping off of his pallid, flushed face. A vein stuck out in his forehead. "This is your last chance," he warned, and stormed off, probably looking for a wipe to clean off his face.

"Bye bye now!" Kokichi chanted, landing the automaton.

Izuru's eyes narrowed with excitement again. "It's time for our final phase," they announced. "Bring forth the sleds."

* * *

Shuichi was sitting in a sled, Kokichi in his lap. His heart was racing in his chest. He was about to take his "rite of passage" and break like 10 rules.

The sled was perched on the top of the escalator. Behind him, in another sled, was Angie and Miu, laughing their asses off. Kaito stood on the railing, holding his phone as a camera. Izuru casually stood behind them, waiting for the security guard.

Shuichi's voice shook. "It's me, Shuichi, the meme man," he stammered. "You know what th-they say. Eat ass, smoke grass and sled fast."

Kokichi was wailing with laughter in his arms. His heart fluttered at his boyfriend's mirth. He loved that laugh.

The security guard finally showed up. "If you sled down that escalator, I'll call the police," he warned. Shuichi's heart thudded in his chest.

"Sucks to suck!" Kokichi yelled, and used his weight to send the sled flying down the escalator. Angie and Miu followed, the two sleds and four kids flying down the stairs. Izuru slid down the railing, and Kaito grabbed the Panta Bottle Automaton, using the flying robot to fly over the railing and gracefully hit the ground. 

"Sled gang!" Kokichi yelled back at them, him and Shuichi leading the pack.

"SLED GANG!" Kaito called back.

"Sled gang," Izuru added, mirth lacing their tone. 

Shuichi laughed and whooped as the six teenagers ran from the mall. They probably wouldn't ever be allowed back in, but he couldn't give less of a shit. Kokichi's sparkling eyes kept him going with resolve, his feet hitting the linoleum floor faster than they'd ever had in his entire life. He was absolutely exhilarated.

* * *

**biggest gay:** hey mom i found something outside

 **anybody want some stew:** it better not be a frog

 **biggest gay:** ;]

 **asstronutt:** bigfuckingfrog.jpeg

 **asstronutt:** name him. name your son.

**velveeta GANG:**

**stronk woman:** bongwater

 **$n00p d0g:** and so he has been baptized before the lord

 **$n00p d0g:** _BongWater_

 **velveeta GANG:**  but no seriously what have you guys been doing all day and why the hell did Shuichi send me a pic of Kokichi soaked in water and grape soda

 **just gettin' bi:** we got kicked out of the mall!

 **biggest gay:** sled gang

 **asstronutt:** sled gang!

 **if she breathe she a thot:** SLED GANG

 **asstronutt:** SLED GANG

 **$n00p d0g:** SLED GANG

 **longth haire individual:** SLED GANG

 **just gettin' bi:** SLED GANG

 **velveeta GANG:** omg! holy shit. i get it.  s  t o p.

 **longth haire individual:** in all seriousness, i was considerably entertained. thank you for your time again.

 **biggest gay:** no problemo, zuzu!

 **just gettin' bi:** thank you so much for letting me come along

 **longth haire indivudal:** i will send you more of the memetic humor in the side chat.

 **longth haire individual** _left._

 **$n00p d0g:**  god left- wait i forgot their name isn't god anymore

 **$n00p d0g:** pity

**smoogi:**

**smoogi:** ｗｈｙ   ｄｉｄ   ｊｕｎｋｏ   ｊｕｓｔ    ｔｅｌｌ   ｍｅ   ｈｅｒ   ｃｏｗｏｒｋｅｒ   ｇｏｔ  ａｓｓａｕｌｔｅｄ   ｂｙ   ａ   ｐａｎｔａ   ｒｏｂｏｔ

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Current chat names:
> 
> avacado spirit: amami  
> if she breathe she a thot: miu  
> biggest gay: kokichi  
> asstronutt: kaito  
> just gettin' bi: shuichi  
> stronk woman: tenko  
> Abraca DAB ra: himiko  
> smoogi: tsumugi  
> kork: kiyo  
> $n00p d0g: angie  
> anybody want some stew: kirumi  
> velveeta GANG: kaede  
> blocked and reported: maki  
> All Women Are Queens: kiibo  
> Wii Sports Tennis: hoshi  
> protective tol: gonta
> 
> Oh my god I'm pretty sure this was my longest chapter yet. maybe i just like writing. lolololol. it sure is enjoyable though, i could ramble on for hours about shit tbh
> 
> I haven't decided on a city for them to be in! Or a name for it, anyways. The scenery described is all imaginary, though, so if you have any ideas for a name for an American college campus town, please feel free to drop it in the comments. (You know those cities where there's a college and it takes up half the city space? I feel like Hope's Peak Academy would be like that on a decently smaller scale. Because there's a campus, you know?)
> 
> About Izuru being part of their group. I know it sounds heckin convoluted and forced but if you read chapter 8 again VERY carefully you'll notice that when Kokichi lists off the group of kids in his head he never gave Kamukura an honorific. All of the upperclassmen were given either -senpai or -san, with Junko and Komaeda getting -chan and -kun. Kamukura never had an honorific because they were already on decent terms. that also explains why he just casually pms him during the deletion of alter ego gonta because they already were chatting beforehand. mostly just kokichi asking kamukura for homework answers and kamukura swearing that if he ever stops sending them memes they'll never pm him again


	18. Into The Jungle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The beginning of an adventure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HHEY GANG I'M BACK save for a username change lolololol  
> yeah so i conveniently forgot about this fic in favor of starting one of those chat kgs on insta and yea h h h. i haven't updated this fic in over two weeks. i'm sof uckinglazy  
> oh yeah and while I was Not Writing I got my first hate comment e v e r. lo v e ly. pplease ddon't do th a t again this fic is like my child i ddon 'nt appre ciate  
> i appreciaten't  
> (there's a difference between pure hate and constructive criticism? if any one of you felt the need to give me tips on how i could improve, or weak points in my writing, i'd be thrilled ok? i love love love feedback. i reply to every comment i get. if you gave me "this is good, but i feel like your characterization is off in some places and here's how you could improve it" I'd be hella excited. now on the other hand, i got "you call this pile of words a real fanfic?" and nothing else. sucks. it was just insults. pl e a s e don't go looking for the comment my reply was kinda overkill haha)  
> but yeah other than that hopefully this is satisfactory  
> also i missed korey's birthday. happy birthday stick dad.  
> ALSO! the 16th of August was MY birthday. happy birthday meeeeeeee  
> I've been writing this since august 12th i'm a trash child. t r a s h.  
> -  
> -  
> -  
> BIG SHOUTOUT TO TICCITOBYHATES.YOU ON INSTAGRAM FOR MESSAGING ME ABOUT THE FIC!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I'M LOVE

Korekiyo was always annoyed by people who clapped when the plane lands.

It was so stereotypical. It had no tradition, no reason, no sentimentality. It was so _baselessly,_ dare he say it,  _American_ that it made him want to retch.  _A people without culture._ He shook his head. They'd see culture soon enough.

However, Rantarou smiled gently at the passengers, trying hard not to laugh, his eyes glowing with mirth, and Korekiyo decided he'd keep his mouth shut about it for now.

* * *

You could see the palm trees from where they landed. Their plane had descended in Rio de Janeiro, where their first few stops would be. They were staying in the city for a few days, seeing just basic tourist spots, before they were to head to Venezuela to see Angel Falls. Rantarou, with money given from his admittedly wealthy family, had booked them a nice hotel room in the more urban part of the city. Kiyo, despite hoping for something more traditional, was grateful to the idea of clean sheets and air conditioning.

They walked down the ramp to the boarding lobby, Kiyo peering out the small windows. Birds flocked outside, flitting past each window. Kiyo couldn't tell if they were swallows or parrots, but he didn't care. He was more interested in the unique architecture he could see from their vantage point inside the ramp. The modern buildings of the inner city was beautifully contrasted by the small traditional houses he could see on the hilltop. The Rochina Favela and Santa Teresa districts, if he could remember correctly. Hopefully, they would have time to peruse the area by foot later on.

Something warm graced the back of Kiyo's hand. He looked down. Another hand was curling around his own, and he looked up to see that it was Rantarou's. The other boy was smiling, offering it to him, albeit shyly. Kiyo took it, and they headed down the ramp. A warmth blossomed in Kiyo's chest, one he didn't recognize, but he could hardly care.

In the airport, restaurant outlets and souvenir shops beckoned them. Kiyo ignored them as the two boys walked through the airport. People of all different shapes, sizes and colors swarmed around them; individuals, couples and families, all scrambling to their boarding lobbies, brandishing suitcases and tickets. Kiyo smiled. They all had so many different life stories, so many different cultures, and yet here they were, all together. Airports were truly the worlds' melting pots, filled with broad, travel-minded people. Truly beautiful. Kiyo fought the urge to run up to the nearest passerby and question them about their life.

Rantarou, sensing Kiyo's excitement, smiled gently. "Come on, we'll be able to talk to people later," he offered. "Let's go get our bags." 

The baggage carousel was similarly crowded, pouring with people in search of their belongings. The boys kept their eyes peeled for Rantarou's green plaid bag and Kiyo's brown one. Korekiyo's suitcase was already on the carousel, making lazy circles around the pulley. The bag's owner only let go of Rantarou to retrieve it, and in a moment he had returned, clutching it with his free hand. In a few more silent seconds save for the ambient chatter of the other patrons in the retrieval area, Rantarou's suitcase also arrived, falling gently onto the pulley. He grabbed it, and they left the airport.

Their hotel was about a ten to fifteen minute walk from the airport. They could've gotten a cab, but neither of them preferred riding in a car to this; a nice, scenic walk through Rio as the sun set and the birds chirped and chattered overhead. They definitely sounded like parrots now. Rantarou laughed at something Kiyo said, a gentle admonishment about forgetting sunscreen, and a parrot chattered with him, its call music-like; whimsical. Kiyo could see its blue wings overhead, dipping and twirling in the limelight. Why would anyone ever ride a car when you could experience a walk like this, hand-in-hand with someone you cared about?

There was a fountain in the hotel parking lot, with some of those commercialized spotlights. It almost made the fountain water look like a diamond tide. Kiyo wanted a painting, of the water flowing in the sunset. He supposed there were some out there, of course, but he'd rather have one of a moment like this, with people like Rantarou smiling and laughing as the wind blew through his hair. He forced himself away to focus on the actual hotel itself. The building was tall, and modern, scraping the skyline like a long finger. The light inside the windows looked warm and homely. 

The automatic doors slid open, brushing a draft of air-conditioning over them, and Kiyo suddenly realized how warm it was outside. He put more haste into his step as he and Rantarou headed inside, Rantarou leading the two of them towards the reception desk. Kiyo hastily grabbed reservation printouts out of his bag and handed them to his green-haired companion, who took them with a smile.

"Hello, welcome to our hotel!" the greeter offered. "Names?"

"Amami, Shinguuji," Rantarou responded evenly, handing him the papers. "Reservation for July 31st- August 4th?"

The receptionist scanned the paper receipts and the printer printed out their keycards. "Room 412, fourth floor. The keycard also works for the pool and hot tub. Pay in mind you must be 21 or over to purchase alcoholic beverages. There is also a spa and bar and grill available for useage, and an arcade on the lower floors."

"Noted. Don't you worry, we won't be drinking tonight or any time soon," Rantarou assured him, his calming voice washing over Kiyo like a hot bath. "Shall we get going, Kiyo?"

He snapped out of his reverie at the sound of his own name. "Oh! Yeah, let's." 

"You spacing out there, Kiyo?" Rantarou joked?

Kiyo smiled. "I just may be, at the sight of your eyes."

His heart sung when Rantarou went red and hid his grin behind the palm of his hand. "Oh you, we don't have time for that. C'mon, let's go bring our stuff upstairs, yeah?"

Kiyo nodded, fighting back a grin.

* * *

The room was pleasantly spacious, with a view out the window towards the rest of Rio. Rantarou placed his bag on the floor and immediately went to the balcony to take a photo. Kiyo placed his own bag at the base of their bed, shrugged his jacket onto the floor, and went outside to meet him, white button up fluttering in the breeze. He hugged Rantarou's waist, letting his head rest on the boy's shoulder, and Rantarou absentmindedly reached a hand up to run through Kiyo's bangs. 

"I never said it earlier, but happy birthday," Rantarou offered.

"Thank you, truly," Kiyo replied with a smile. "Birthdays are steeped in tradition, but we never had much of a celebration of mine when I was young. I suppose this one is more exciting, as I can now get a driver's license, but it means little to me either way. However, I am touched."

Rantarou laughed.

"Of course you'd forget your own birthday. You've always been so busy."

They sat there, the warm summer wind blowing over them.

"I know what I said about drinking earlier, but this scene really feels like it needs some sort of drink to cap it off," Rantarou laughed.

"Then why don't we go get some lemonades from the bar?"

"Fair enough."

* * *

A few moments later, they were back on the balcony, each nursing a blend of raspberry lemonade and sparkling water, poured in sugared martini glasses. It seemed so fancy for such a sober drink. Kiyo looked out into the city skyline, absentmindedly sipping his drink. The crass raspberry made a sweet offering on his tastebuds, beckoning him to taste more.

Rantarou had pulled out his phone, finally sending that reply to the chat. However, when the boy saw the day's messages, he'd spluttered out a disbelieving chuckle. The laugh invited Kiyo to peer at the screen from over his shoulder in curiosity.

"What have they done in our absence?" Kiyo asked, mirth lacing his tone.

Rantarou scrolled through another wave of backlog texts. "By the looks of it, allowed Kokichi to drag them into trouble."

Kiyo read a line of texts as Rantarou stopped scrolling.

_" **velveeta GANG:**  but no seriously what have you guys been doing all day and why the hell did Shuichi send me a pic of Kokichi soaked in water and grape soda_

_**just gettin' bi:** we got kicked out of the mall!_

_**biggest gay:** sled gang_

_**asstronutt:** sled gang!_

_**if she breathe she a thot:** SLED GANG"_

Rantarou sighed. "I liked that mall. Now I can't fucking go there with Kokichi in my car. Pity."

"But they were with Kamukura, correct?" Kiyo noted. "Maybe they were not caught. There is a high possibility that Kamukura had disabled the cameras before the event."

"True. You have a point." Rantarou scratched his chin, and took another sip of his lemonade. "Ah, it's too much to think about right now. Let's let them have their fun. I'll send them the balcony pics."

 **avacado spirit:** balconyrio.jpeg

 **avacado spirit:** we made it

 **avacado spirit:** it's warm in rio, you're missing out lmaooooo

 **biggest gay:** aww, you actually survived the plane trip! that's a pi t   y

 **just gettin' bi:** kokichi  n o

 **Wii Sports Tennis:** lmao mood i wanna die on a plane crash

 **kork:** ah yes. hoshi, what is your wisdom

 **Wii Sports Tennis:** the last time my doctor put on gloves, he said he had to stick his finger up my butt. but what i didn't realize is that he had two hands on my shoulders. dang it he got another one on me again. i gotta quit going to the dentist.

 **velveeta GANG:** h o s h i    n o

 **anybody want some stew:** hoshi are you alright

 **anybody want some stew:** wait nevermind i already asked this question

 **abraca DAB ra:** i am scared

 **Wii Sports Tennis:** ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 **avacado spirit:** w h y. well anyways we're in rio until the fourth, then we hike through the amazon to get to angel falls

 **just gettin' bi:** sounds fun but w h y   w o u l d  a n y o n e   w i l l i n g ly    h i k e   th r o u g h    t h e   ju n g le 

 **avacado spirit:** to see the world, you fucking shut-in

**just gettin' bi:**

**just gettin' bi:** i was about to get kokichi to bully you for that but then i realized that you're a absol utely ccorrect i aam a dirty sh ut in ;-;

Rantarou drew his eyes away from the screen with a dry chuckle. "Guess they're up to their usual mischief again." He hid a yawn behind the back of his hand.

Kiyo himself also felt sleepy. "Come to bed," he offered, his hands moving up to Rantarou's waist, then to his shoulders. "It's getting to be a late hour, and we will have quite the walking distance to cover tomorrow. Rest would do us both good." He reveled in the way the other boy shivered faintly at his delicate movements.

Rantarou looked over his shoulder to give Kiyo a wry smile. "Maybe I might just take you up on that offer."

He grabbed the two lemonade glasses from the railing, and the boys headed inside. Rantarou set the glasses on the counter as Kiyo slid the screen door shut. When Rantarou returned, Kiyo was waiting for him, already undoing his button-up in favor of sleeping shirtless. Rantarou pulled the covers back and crawled in, admiring the way the moonlight shone on Kiyo's pale back. His shoulder-blades, ever so prominent, jutted out with the curve of his spine.

 _Scapula,_ he remembered.  _Scapula are what's left of our wings._

Kiyo looked back at him, with the faintest of smiles, his hair draping over his shoulders. Rantarou could see his golden eyes glinting through his bangs. "What ever are you looking at?" he questioned gently, mirth lacing his tone.

"Hmm. Maybe an ancient creature, straight out of one of your mythology books."

Kiyo gave the faintest of chuckles. "Really?"

"Yeah." Rantarou smiled lazily. "Definitely beautiful enough."

A cricket chirped.

"Hopefully it doesn't steal my heart away."

* * *

Another bird made a noise outside their window.

The sun streamed in. It was about 7am, and the two high-schoolers were drinking coffee and eating pastries. The tropical birds called as they flew by.

"You really get the view here," Rantarou commented. "I think if I squint I might see the coastline."

"Indeed? Maybe we ought to take a stop down there sometime this week," Kiyo offered in return.

"So today we're visiting the Christ the Redeemer Statue and Sugarloaf Mountain," Rantarou reminded him. "Then on Thursday we're touring the village by foot, and hopefully we'll stop at the Escadaria Selarón, a scenic staircase in the city. Friday we'll visit a beach. We can stop at Red Beach, the volcanic one, and then maybe a party beach later on. I'm still deciding between Arpoador and Copacabana."

"Copacabana sounds as if it would be livelier, considering its location in the city," Kiyo replied evenly. "Let us go there. I would like to observe."

"Why do you always phrase it like that? Just admit that you want to party on the beach until midnight."

Kiyo chuckled. "You got me."

The chair scraped against the carpet as Kiyo stood up and slung his bag over his shoulder. "Are we ready to go?"

Rantarou grabbed a few bottles of water and stuck them in his own bag. "Yeah. Tell me more about the statue?"

They headed out of their room, locking the door behind them. "The statue's history is actually quite recent," Kiyo began. "In the mid-nineteenth century, the Vincentian priest Pedro Maria Boss pressed the idea of constructing a monument of Christian religion on the large mountain Mount Corcovado, which the city of Rio surrounds." 

The elevator opened with a ding, and the teens stepped out into the lobby. "Go on," Rantarou offered.

"The statue was to be built in honor of the Princess Isabel of Brazil, daughter of Emperor Pedro II. However, the initial idea of the project was never approved formally." The hotel sliding doors closed behind them, making a  _vrring_ sound. Undeterred, Kiyo continued to tell the story as they walked down the street. Rantarou hastily glanced at his map as they walked. "However, in 1921, the Roman Catholic archdiocese, or district in which the archbishop is responsible, of Rio de Janeiro proposed plans to build a massive statue of Jesus Christ on top of the mountain. The mountain was picked because if the statue was placed at its summit it would be visible from anywhere in Rio due to its height. The citizens agreed with the plan, and petitioned President Epitácio Pessoa to permit construction."

As they got closer to the mountain, the staircase became more visible. To access the mountain, they would have a long climb up to the summit. Rantarou remembered reading that the hike would take 2 to 3 hours, and that there was a possibility of being robbed on the trail. As they approached the base, Rantarou reached out to grab Kiyo's hand, squeezing it in reassurance.

Kiyo continued filling Rantarou in. "They received permission, and the foundation stone of the base was formally laid on April 4, 1922, marking the centennial of Brazil's independence from overseas Portugal. At the time, there wasn't a final design selected. They had a competition, and the final design was selected and later amended upon. Construction began in 1926, funded privately by the church. Construction lasted for five years."

The trail crunched under their boots. Rantarou marveled at the calls of the wildlife on the trail. "Workers and materials were transported to the summit via railway. The exterior was made of a mosaic of triangular soapstone, glued on by women volunteers. The women glued them to strips of cloth, writing messages, wishes and even the names of their beloveds on the back of each tile. If you were to peel off every tile of the Redeemer, you'd find someone's life story on the back of each one."

"Kiyo," Rantarou interrupted. "What would you write on a tile?"

"Hmm." The anthropologist thought for a minute. "I'd wish I'd done things differently."

You could see a lifetime's worth of regret pooled in his amber eyes. Rantarou was suddenly reminded of a girl who looked scarily like the boy next to him, wearing platform heels and strong crimson lipstick, sneering at Rantarou from beneath his fist.

Despite the warm wind around him, he shivered.

* * *

_The statue was dedicated on October 12, 1931. It has gone through regular repairs and cleaning since then, and escalators were added in 2002. Before then, after the summit was reached, tourists had to climb an additional 200 steps to reach the statue base itself. In 2006, a chapel at the base was consecrated to Our Lady of Aparecida, the patron saint of Brazil._

* * *

"Do you... want... to take... the train back down?" Rantarou wheezed between breaths. He sat on a bench at the summit, near a restaurant.

Kiyo leaned on a street-post next to him. He was in a similar state of disarray. His long hair was damp with sweat. "We'll... see. Hiking is... considerably less expensive. For now, let's visit the statue, and talk about it later."

"Alright."

The summit was pouring with people of all ages, genders and ethnicities. There were restaurants and gift shops, and at the very end, was the statue itself, towering over Kiyo and Rantarou impassively, arms spread wide. Around its base was a pavilion for viewing, people pouring around it, taking photos, laughing and talking.

"Hey, hey," Rantarou joked. "Is it me, or is the statue t-posing?"

Kiyo chortled. "Got 'em," he replied amicably.

Rantarou pulled another water bottle from his bag and took a swig. "Should we get going?" he offered.

"Yeah. I am excited to see the statue up close."

They made their way over. The daunting 200 step climb loomed ahead of them, stairs made of stone jutting out from the mountainside. After their three-hour hike, they were fairly exhausted already. Rantarou's limbs sagged at the thought of more climbing. However, they had a statue to see, so the boys set to work on the monstrous staircase. They made small talk as they ascended; what they wanted for lunch, what their friends might be doing back home, how the 77th class might be doing, et cetera. Soon, they made level with the statue; talking with each other had made a tedious climb into an enjoyable excursion. 

Rantarou pushed past a lollygagging couple and came level with the statue's base. Both boys looked up at Christ the Redeemer in awe. The thing was  _massive,_ and standing beneath it put it into severe perspective. Seeing it from Rio was nothing compared to  _this._ They didn't even need to have any faith in the religion itself to feel awe from this; if anything, it displayed  _humanity's_  sheer might over any deity they might come up with. God or no god,  _human beings_ built this.

Korekiyo? He absolutely loved it.

* * *

Rantarou stood next to the stone railing, looking down into Rio. Other tourists were crammed along the ledge, too; getting the best picture shots to send home with them. Rantarou figured he'd join them later and snap a shot, but he had already taken a picture of the statue itself, and he found city views rather boring. He imagined Koizumi scolding him for that sentiment. Her pictures were always beautiful, as expected of the SHSL Photographer. Rantarou imagined her traveling the world as well, taking her beautiful photos as well. They'd certainly miss the 77th class.

He felt a hand on his shoulder. Smiling, he turned around to look at Kiyo, his dark hair in a messy bun again. "Whatever are you looking at?" the slender boy asked inquisitively. 

He looked back down where he was looking. To his chagrin, there wasn't really anything interesting besides the view of the city itself. "Is nothing a good enough answer for you?" he joked. "I dunno, I think I was zoning out for a bit."

Kiyo was silent for a minute. Then, something came to mind, and he jumped in excitement. "We should take a picture together," he offered. "To commemorate the start of our vacation." He held up his phone, waving it slightly in the air.

"Y-you mean you wanna take a selfie?" Rantarou chuckled. "You, taking selfies? That's almost unheard of, Kiyo."

Kiyo huffed. "For memorial purposes only," he insisted.

"Alright," Rantarou replied warmly.

Kiyo lifted up the phone and leaned into Rantarou's side. Rantarou smiled and shut his eyes as the wind blew through their hair. He snaked an arm around Kiyo's waist as the other boy lined up the camera.

"Three... two... one!"

_Snap_

Kiyo lowered the phone. "Oh, this is a lovely photo!"

Rantarou looked at it with a smile.

_They'd never looked so peaceful before._

* * *

"So, Sugarloaf Mountain next?" Rantarou had offered after they'd descended from the statue. They had chosen a really quick and cheap option for lunch, just opting to get snacks from a gas station.

"Yes, that is what was on your plan, correct?" Kiyo responded, biting into a gas station sandwich. "I heard the views at night are stunning."

"I'm sure they are. There's also a cable car that we can take, and a bus to the summit."

Kiyo chuckled. "I'd say I'd pass, but I've grown tired of walking."

Rantarou wiped his mouth on his napkin. "Then bus it is."

* * *

The bus bumped on the road again, and Rantarou smacked his head on the luggage rack.

"Oh for fuck's sake we should've walked."

"Language, young man!" an older women squawked.

"Oh, I'm sorry," Kiyo responded. "Motor vehicles aren't courteous to taller individuals."

Rantarou huffed and looked out the window.

* * *

The line for the railcars was decent, and by decent, it was decently long. Kiyo sighed in impatience, leaning around the line in an attempt to see how long it'd take yet. They weren't that far from the check-in, but they'd been waiting for a good half an hour and it was starting to grate on his nerves. Grumbling to himself, he returned to his spot in the line.

Rantarou noticed his discontentment. "Don't worry about it, Kiyo," he reassured him. "It'll only be about fifteen more minutes, and then it'll be our turn on the railcar. It won't be much time at all."

Kiyo huffed. "I am still impatient," he insisted.

Rantarou thought. Then, he slipped his bag off of his shoulders and pulled out a pack of cards. "There's a game I used to play with my sisters when I was younger," he offered. "It's called trash."

"Trash?" Kiyo spluttered. "Why would someone name a card game trash? Doesn't it make it less appealing to play?"

"Nah, the name is pretty suitable. So each player gets 10 cards, laid facedown," the other teen explained, pulling out a notebook from his bag and shuffling the cards easily. "There is a pile of the remaining cards in the center, and a discard pile. The first player pulls a card, and replaces the correct numerical spot out of 10. The first person to get all 10 cards wins the round."

"Hmm. Interesting. So it's entirely luck-based?" Kiyo asked inquisitively.

"Correct." Rantarou laid out each card on his side, demonstrating to Kiyo how it is done. He had arranged his 10 cards in two rows of 5. "If you pull a double, a jack or a queen, it's discarded immediately. Kings are wild. When you win a round, a card is removed, and the highest number card becomes discarded as well, i.e. trash. First person to get to 0 wins."

"That would take a long time, correct?" Kiyo questioned.

"Yes, and exactly the reason why I chose it as a time-waster. Your turn."

Kiyo smiled and drew a card. "Oh, I got a king," he exclaimed.

* * *

Ten minutes later, Kiyo and Rantarou were both tied at 8 cards. It was Kiyo's turn, and they figured this would be the last round before they boarded.

"Your draw," Rantarou offered cheekily.

Kiyo smirked and grabbed the topmost card. It was a king. He decided to replace the 6th card.

 _Ok, I got an ace._ He replaced the first card.  _A three._ He replaced the third card.  _A four._ He replaced the fourth.  _A two, a five, a seven, a six...??!?_

In one fell swoop, he'd gotten all eight of his cards.

Kiyo and Rantarou stared at the cards, dumbfounded.

It was silent for a minute.

"..."

"...Rantarou? Are you alright? Your face went ghost white."

". . ."

"...Rantarou?"

".   .   ."

"YooooOOOOOOO WHAT THE SHIT DUDE?? WE GOT A WOMBO COMBO UP IN HERE! WHAT THE FUUUCK!!" Rantarou yelled in disbelief, flipping the binder the cards were situated on. The cards went flying over the pavement, and Rantarou, realizing what he'd done, ran to gather the cards, apologizing profusely. Kiyo helplessly broke into peals of disbelieving laughter, his entire frame heaving with mirth with each chuckle he let out. The people in line in front of and behind them chuckled into the back of their hands as Rantarou scrambled acrost the pavement on all fours, haphazardly grabbing playing cards. Chest heaving with each breath, Rantarou grabbed the final card and shoved them carelessly back into the box.

"Next group, loading!" the operator called. Rantarou and Kiyo jumped as the line moved, leaving them right in front of the railcar. Apologizing again, Rantarou stuffed the cards and binder back into his backpack. They scrambled into the railcar, Kiyo still laughing. They chose a spot near the back, right next to a window. They could see the gorge beneath them. Kiyo's stomach lurched, but in the good way.

"FINAL BOARDING CALL!" the operator called. The doors slid shut with a hiss, the railcar freeing itself from its harness. They began their trek acrost the veranda, breathtaking views surely ahead.

It was getting late now, the sun starting to dip under the horizon. The twilight cast shadows down the mountain, and the boys inhaled as they saw the view. The city lights were starting to come on, twinkling stars on the ground, matching the newly visible stars in the sky. The hills of Rio made the ground curve gently, a soft, pillow-like formation, fit for a giant king to sleep on. The clouds above were dusty grey, almost invisible with the setting sun, the darkness of night slowly swallowing the sky in its inky black.

Kiyo pressed his palms against the window, watching everything go by. Rantarou had already whipped out his phone, taking picture after picture. Kiyo laughed at Rantarou's obsessive photo-taking, snapping shots at every angle.

"You sure do like your photos, do you not?" Kiyo offered. "That's a curious trait."

Rantarou laughed. "Well, the group did ask for souvenirs." He sat back down on the bench, looking at Kiyo warmly. "Not that we won't get something for them tomorrow, but I've been told that photos are infinitely more valuable."

"That's reasonable. Did you get any ones you are satisfied with?" 

"Ah, I did, actually." Rantarou went through his photo stack and pulled one up of the window, showing it to Kiyo. "I like this one, it focused well."

The railcar trundled on, the ambient rocking bringing them both a great sense of calm.

* * *

Later, back in the hotel room, Kiyo would watch Rantarou swearing, deleting extra photos. "I can't believe I accidentally took a burst photo," he growled. "Now there's 35 copies of this one individual shot. I can't believe it. I fucked up."

"Just delete the whole burst," Kiyo advised.

"NO," Rantarou hissed. "It'll delete the original shot."

Kiyo went wide-eyed, affronted by Rantarou's tone. "I was just trying to help."

"I-" Rantarou stopped at the hurt in Kiyo's tone. He blinked, looking alarmed. "Oh, no, no, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to snap at you," he stammered quickly. "I'm just a bit frustrated, is all."

Kiyo sighed, and grinned uneasily. "I know you didn't mean to."

Rantarou wasn't convinced. He set his phone down and approached Kiyo slowly. When he didn't move, he sat down next to him. "Hey," he asked. "Is there something up?"

Kiyo shook his head.

"Hey, you can trust me, you know. I'm not a bad guy."

Kiyo let his eyes flutter gently shut as he exhaled deeply. "I don't deserve this," he whispered. "I don't deserve being here with you."

Rantarou's stomach flipped over. Kiyo's eyelashes were wet with withheld tears, his grin threatening to turn into a frown, the smile full of melancholy. He scrambled over closer to Kiyo, putting a hand on his shoulder. "Why do you think that?" he queried gently, trying not to press him too much.

"Just- you're incredibly patient, and kind to me, despite my... quirks. Your sense of humor is powerfully persuasive, your entire countenance is warm. Your talent for finding vacation spots is unrivaled. I've had such a good time," he let out quietly. His voice shook on each syllable. "And I... well, my sister was always right. I'm nothing but a burden and a creep. I leech off of people like you, with nothing to give in return. I'm not worth your time." To Rantarou's mounting horror, tears slipped past Kiyo's eyes and down his cheeks, painting a line of smeared eyeliner with them.

Rantarou took Kiyo's hands in his own. "Hey, look at me," he offered gently.

Kiyo forced his eyes open to look at the other boy. His golden eyes were dulled, unfocused. He looked absolutely miserable.

Rantarou smiled at the sight of his eyes anyways. "Do you think I'd still be around if you weren't worth my time?"

Kiyo inhaled, shocked at the bluntness of it. "That's fair, but..."

"No buts." Rantarou put a finger to his lips, shushing him. "You're worth it. You're not a leech, or a parasite, or whatever you want to say. If you really, truly weren't worth it, I'd be long gone by now."

Kiyo broke. He grabbed Rantarou's hand tight with both hands, sobbing brokenly, tears streaming down his face and onto his lap. Rantarou snaked his free arm around Kiyo's waist, pulling him closer to him, feeling his body shake with each sob.

"Don't let go of me," Kiyo whispered. "Don't let go."

* * *

The next day, they explored the city on foot.

The pavement age and quality varied the farther in they went into the residential district. The stuff near the front was new and finely trimmed; when you ran into the district, it became old cobblestone street, the stones clearly hand-laid and very, very old. Kiyo was agog at the architecture and the trimming of each house, clearly classical and native to the country. It had an old town vibe, and Kiyo loved it. The white brick siding and the old tin rooftops made Kiyo's eye for old things sing with delight.

Everywhere they walked, they could hear some sort of drum beat. Being a large city, you could find independent performers on the streets every few blocks; some playing drums, keyboards, marimbas, or even instruments like clarinets, here in Rio. It put a spring in both boys' steps. In the city, with the drums playing, Rantarou felt alive, his veins thrumming underneath his skin, his sense of adventure tingling. He wanted nothing more but to dance in the city, watching Kiyo's long hair frame his face like a halo, limbs twisting and moving in time with the drums.

There were shops down every street; some of them, sandwich shops or restaurants; others, roadside stalls filled with candies and little trinkets. Rantarou and Kiyo went over to the most elaborate street shop they could find, eyes peeled for souvenirs for each of their unique friends. A few of them were easy. For Himiko, Kiyo had found a voodoo doll. It was a bit of a reach but both boys thought she'd enjoy it; it was fashioned to look like a little witch. For Ryoma, they'd found a little wooden cat sculpture, elaborately painted with distinct facial features. For Tenko, a beautiful new hair ribbon, made with indigenous fabric designs. It was crimson, like her girlfriend's hair. For Gonta, they'd gotten a carved beetle, inlaid with little crystals and gems on the shell. Kaede's gift was next, a little tiny piano made from wire and wood, also hand-painted. For Angie, another shell necklace, made from shells found on Rio's beaches. For Maki, they'd found a little knife carved from ivory, and for Kaito, they had found a model solar system that could be hung from his ceiling.

Gifts for the remaining students weren't as easy to find. For Tsumugi, they'd decided on some foreign candy. Tsumugi had always liked Pocky and other Japanese candy, so they figured she'd enjoy this. Rantarou was uneasy about their choice, but they figured their friend would enjoy anything they got her. For Miu, they got her a wooden-carved pocketknife, filled with tools like screws and nail removers. Kiyo had jokingly suggested something more lewd, but Rantarou wouldn't have it, and chose something practical rather than something... adult. For Kirumi, they found an ornate embroidered handkerchief. There was a rose stitched into the bottom left corner in crimson embroiderie thread. For Kiibo, they'd found a little hand-toy; it wasn't really tailored to him, but it was very human, and both boys figured Kiibo would want something that made him feel more real; a toy he'd lacked as a "child".

They were about to find a little die for Kokichi when the clerk came from the back. She was an old, wizened woman, her face wrinkled and aging. Despite looking aging and witch-like, a kind air hovered around her, one that made them want to instinctively trust her. "Do you young boys need any help?" she asked, her voice thick with an accent. "I have trinkets for couples such as yourself."

"We're... not a... couple..." Rantarou trailed off. Suddenly, he had an idea. They might not have been a couple, but  _Kokichi and Shuichi were._

"Nevermind me," Rantarou cut in jovially. "Show me the couples' stuff."

"Excellent! If you'll follow me," the lady chirped. Rantarou and Kiyo followed her to the back.

Kiyo leaned over Rantarou's shoulder. "Why'd you say we're a couple?" he whispered. "You know full well we aren't-"

"It's for Kokichi and Shuichi," he whispered back. "Just trust me."

The lady fumbled around the back and pulled out two bracelets, woven with red yarn. "Here," she offered. "They say soulmates are connected with a red string of fate. Those who wear these will be destined to love each other forever."

Rantarou looked closely at the bracelets. They were a simple red cord, but when he squinted, he could see silver, star-shaped beads interwoven in the cord. They were actually very well-braided, and Rantarou could imagine the delight on the couple's faces when they saw their gift.

"These are perfect. We'll take them."

Kiyo placed the rest of their gifts onto the counter. "Do not forget the rest of these," he offered.

The lady gaped at the amount of stuff. She carefully entered each price into the register. "That will be R$144."

"Shit!" Rantarou exclaimed. "That's like $35 bucks!"

With a dry chuckle, he fished out his wallet.

* * *

Their next stop that day was a staircase in the city called Escadaria Selarón. The whole structure was covered top, bottom and sides with tile after tile. The staircase ran through parts of the Lapa and Santa Teresa districts, and within a few minutes, the teens found them. The stairs were pretty close to where they were walking, and were pretty easy to find.

"I have a story for these, too," Kiyo explained, as they neared the staircase. "This one is much more sad than the story of the Redeemer. It is the story of a lonely artist who loved his city."

"I'm willing to listen," Rantarou replied. "I'm always willing to listen."

"Well," Kiyo began, "the story begins with an artist named Jorge Selarón. Selarón traveled the world selling his paintings until 1983, when he settled in Rio de Janeiro. In 1990, the artist decided to renovate the old stone steps in front of his house by layering tile in the colors of the flag of Brazil on the fronts of each stair. It originally started as a simple side project for the artist, but it eventually became an obsession. There were over 200 stairs, and Selarón deemed the project as 'never complete' and that 'this crazy and unique dream will only end on the day I die.' At first, Selarón funded the purchase of each tile himself, even scrounging from the trash if he had to, but as the project grew, people all over the world would send in tile for him to work with. He eventually added red to the sides of the stairs, believing the color was vibrant and that it gave the stairs more life. Selarón worked on the stairs until he was found dead laying on them in 2013. Everything he did was for the city. Even the mosaics on the stair walls read 'Brazil, I love you.'"

"It's almost like a selfless love..." Rantarou trailed off. They'd arrived at the stairs, and they were _impressive._ Rantarou couldn't have anticipated the sheer amount of tile covering the stairs and the surrounding walls. It was a whole  _street,_ just  _covered_ in the stuff, little notes on the mosaic and letters on the steps spelling out  _Rio de Janeiro._ Each step alternated from gold to blue to green, the surrounding walls a bright, powerful red, mosaics on the side and near benches lining the stairs. People flocked on the steps, sitting and watching the birds, taking photos. Rantarou's jaw dropped.

"Absolutely beautiful," Kiyo remarked warmly, and headed up the stairs, bags of souvenirs in tow. Rantarou yelped in surprise and made to follow him, not willing to be left behind. Kiyo marveled at each mosaic on the walls and on the steps, drowning in the sight of beautiful, old artwork with an interesting past. Rantarou scrambled for his phone and made sure he could at least get one shot, not caring about the quality at the moment. Kiyo was almost running up the stairs, at the rate he was moving, eager to see everything.

Rantarou finally caught up with him when he paused to look at a mosaic. "Kiyo, please, slow down," he huffed, out of breath. "I know it's pretty, but you're killing me."

Kiyo looked at Rantarou in surprise. The boy was ruffled, but he still looked casually handsome, a heart-stopping grin on his face, thin lips pulled into an almost-smirk. His well-kept eyebrows were raised in challenge, his eyebrow piercing glinting in the sunlight, along with his green-gold eyes. Kiyo wanted him to sweep him away to who-knows-where.

"You are right," he blurted out. "I have found a better view right here."

Kiyo swore Rantarou's ears went pink with blush.

* * *

The sun was lower in the sky now. They were walking back through the city, the drumbeats making a chorus again. At nightfall, the city was even more active than it was in the day. It almost seemed like a contradiction, but the night life called to party people everywhere.

Kiyo particularly liked nighttime, as it seemed to awaken something in people. Where one might be a respectable suit-and-tie daily man when the sun was up, they became a depraved party animal as soon as the sun set, loosing their inhibitions and morals in favor of booze and dancing, swearing like a sailor and grinding up on someone's leg. Night transformed you into your best and worst self.

Rantarou seemed to be swinging with the drums, body barely contained. Kiyo could only follow as Rantarou followed the music, chasing after a wanderlust high that Kiyo could feel the aftershocks of. People walked around them; some going the same way, others walking against their tide, carrying booze, souvenirs and food. He turned the corner to find an open street plaza, drummers and guitar players performing in the street, a decent crowd surrounding them. Rantarou slipped a few Brazilian currency into their guitar cases, and with everyone watching, he began to dance.

It was enthralling. Rantarou's lithe, adventure-toned body twisted and turned with the beat, his sneakered feet hitting pavement with a light  _smack smack smack_ in time with the  _thrum thrum thrum_ of the drums. His toes traced intricate patterns on the ground, his footwork so impeccable, so  _natural._ His arms were raised, then lowered, then traced along his form as the night carried on without him, the performers playing, the people clapping along, cheering, grabbing their lovers and joining in, dancing with the night and the later birds overhead, the fireflies in corners you wouldn't see them, and the moths flittering around the streetlamps, uncaring of the danger. Before Kiyo knew it, Rantarou had taken his hand and pulled them in, and they were dancing together, Rantarou's hand on his waist, guiding him, pulling him undone and keeping him grounded. The playing got faster and so did their dance, wild, crazy and entirely theirs. They felt like the only two people alive, laughing as Kiyo stumbled, whooping with each dip, trying not to let a breathless  _I love you_ slip into the night air, the last of their dignity kept in their secret of their affection.

They'd slipped into the madness of Rio, and Kiyo couldn't care less.

* * *

They got back to their room very late that night, laughing like drunks. Kiyo had let himself fall onto the bed with a hearty chuckle, nearly missing the nightstand when he set his lemonade down. Rantarou had plopped down next to him, laying face up, hand up as if he were tracing shapes on the ceiling.

"You're an absolutely priceless treasure, you know that?" Rantarou had laughed airily. 

Kiyo blushed. "I would not flatter myself that much."

The olive-haired boy turned to face Kiyo. That arm hovering in the air lowered itself to trace Kiyo's cheek with his fingers. "You are," Rantarou insisted. "Look at that smile. I can't believe you hid this smile for years underneath that mask. You've got the cutest fucking dimples. Your eyes kinda get squinty, too, and I'm down for that. Look at you. I can't believe how perfect you are."

"Rantarou... I..." Kiyo breathed.

"..."

Realizing what he'd done, Rantarou went furiously red. "Ignore me! We should get some sleep."

Kiyo turned away, disappointed, wanting more. "Yeah... Let's."

* * *

On their final day in Rio, they went to the beach.

The sand was moist under Kiyo's feet. They'd gone to the more populous beach of Copacabana for their excursion, and it was  _pouring_ with people. Young people, old people, children, adults, it was  _packed._ Kiyo's people-watching senses thrummed, but he wasn't here for that. He was here to have a good time.

Kiyo was just in his plain black swim trunks, his long hair in a messy bun. He cringed at the thought of seawater in his hair, but the discomfort would be worth it for the swim. The water was crystal clear, and he anticipated feeling the coolness on his skin. His long nails gripped at his slender arms in anxiety, but he figured it'd be worth it, despite his unseeming looks.

He had set down the beach towel when Rantarou arrived from the bathrooms. He was wearing sleek swim trunks that hugged his thighs, and his well-built frame was very evident, leaving nothing to be imagined. Rantarou looked like one of those professional surfers in that suit, something akin to a model. His well-tanned skin looked at home on the beach, freckles dotting his face and shoulders like constellations. When he saw Kiyo, he gave him a lazy smile, and Kiyo's heart skipped three beats and he felt like he was going to faint.

_Damn, he's hot. And I'm thirsty. Kiyo, what are you doing...?_

"You look really good in that suit!" Rantarou called. "Thanks for setting everything up. You wanna go for a dip?"

Kiyo smiled. 

"Absolutely."

They raced each other down the shore. When they hit the water, it splashed all over Kiyo's face, and he relished in the feeling of the water running down his face in rivulets. Rantarou playfully threw some water at Kiyo, and Kiyo shrieked, voice cracking with the yell. Rantarou cackled at the sound, and Kiyo huffed and splashed him back in return, which immediately put an end to Rantarou's laughter. Kiyo laughed at the soaked Rantarou, who was grinning at him.

"Oh, this means war," Rantarou challenged.

Kiyo yelped as Rantarou flicked more water at him. He tried to swim off, but to no avail- Rantarou was faster and stronger, and he grabbed Kiyo by the waist and lifted the thin boy into the air, squinting as his long locks dripped water into his eye. He spun him in a circle as Kiyo squirmed, laughing in his grip.

"Let go of me, fiend!" Kiyo chuckled, mock-struggling and splashing Rantarou again.

"Never," Rantarou replied with a grin. "I've caught a mermaid and I am not letting him go."

"Oh, you flirt!" Kiyo attempted to splash him again, and accidentally hit him in the face.

* * *

That night, they sat in the hotel hot tub, sipping lemonades again. The following morning, they were to take a Greyhound bus to Venezuela, and from there, they'd make their hike to Angel Falls, in the middle of the Amazon Jungle. For tonight, they were smooth sipping.

The warm water rushed around Kiyo's legs, relaxing him. "Are you ready for tomorrow?" he asked Rantarou quietly.

"Yeah." The answer was gentle. "I'm more excited for this than for anything else. Maybe it's my adventure sense, but I'm hoping we'll find more in the jungle than just the waterfall. Maybe a pretty rock. Maybe a cave." The wind blew Rantarou's hair around again. "That's what I love about travelling the most- really getting out there and getting covered in dirt and sweat because I make the effort to stray from the beaten path. Finding anything, even if it's just yourself."

"An interesting philosophy." Even Rantarou's speech enthralled him. Just how hard had Kiyo fallen-? 

_I truly do care about him, do I not? What a phenomenon._

Kiyo sighed, and smiled.

_At least it was someone worth it._

Rantarou raised his eyebrows in curiosity. "What's got you so content all of the sudden?"

Kiyo looked at him gently. 

"I do not know. I think I am just happy for once."

He paused.

"Being here with you has definitely been one of the most pleasant experiences I've ever had."

Rantarou smiled. It was so genuine, and full of warmth, that Kiyo felt as if he'd been blinded.

It was a good kind of blind.

"Yeah, definitely."

The hot tub bubbled around them without a care.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FINALLY IT'S FFUCKINGJ DONE AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HOLY SHIT IT'S BEEN TWO WEEKS.  
> also the next chapter is a surprise but i will tell you it literally has nothing to do with amami and kiyo in south america lololololol. also this took two weeks to write because of 1) recurrent writer's block, 2) birthday stuff, 3) my instagram killing game account and 4) the amount of research i did just to write this accurately. Google thinks I am planning a vacation to Brazil now. I have no regrets. As long as my ads don't change to plane tickets. I don't have that kind of money. Being a broke teenager does that to you.  
> chat names:  
> avacado spirit: amami  
> if she breathe she a thot: miu  
> biggest gay: kokichi  
> asstronutt: kaito  
> just gettin' bi: shuichi  
> stronk woman: tenko  
> Abraca DAB ra: himiko  
> smoogi: tsumugi  
> kork: kiyo  
> $n00p d0g: angie  
> anybody want some stew: kirumi  
> velveeta GANG: kaede  
> blocked and reported: maki  
> All Women Are Queens: kiibo  
> Wii Sports Tennis: hoshi  
> protective tol: gonta


	19. Meanwhile...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While Kiyo and Rantarou have fun abroad, someone else has a smaller vacation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 9-19-18: oskdjlbjioenckjglkens my phone broke.  
> phone machine b r o k e. so i got my head out of my ass and decided to write because i l i t e r a l l y have nothing better to do. my homework workload is quite small and i'm not getting a job until after marching season because we have comp this year and i don't exactly have the time to be running off to work willy-nilly. i am dedicated to my practice and my only redeeming quality is my playing smhh. so yeah! i'm gonna friggin get these chapters done or so sue me.  
> it'll be summer themed until ch21 and i'm so sorry about this because if i hadn't procrastinated i would've had these done before school started. but i didn't. and i'm behind. and this sucks ass. if i don't get done through chapter 21 by the end of october i am going to miss my halloween chapter and my homecoming chapter and that makes me very, very afraid.  
> suddenly aware that my planning list is on my phone that doesn't work and i feel large amounts of frustration. ops! izuru you idiot, you should've transferred that doc to your computer. now look at where you are. sad and frustrated.  
> but yeah! two more updates on this list of mine.  
> 1) yes, my instagram IS izuru.png. i wasn't lying about that one. shoutout to veru_pengu for leaving me tons of love on their page (i hope i spelled your user correctly, can't exactly go find it right now), wish you would've tagged me instead of having yoted tag me every time, but it can't be helped. i appreciate everything you do for this fic holy fuck. you're a blessing. anyone else, if you're interested in finding me on social media, izuru.png is the best place to find me. after i get my new phone, which should be friday (9-21), i'll be open to answer any questions you might have about the fic or my writing process. i love talking to you guys. i even have a discord server, but fair warning that the crowd on there is quite eccentric (ily guys i'm fucking lying).  
> 2)... i got heartbroken recently. part of my inspiration to write these fluffy love scenes were because of the person that i loved; and now that i no longer love him, these'll be harder to write. so my fluff writing might seem shoddier. the short story is is that the dude made a transphobic comment about my trans brother and further digging revealed the fact that he is homophobic and so are the people he hangs around with and, being a nonbinary person, that scares the hell out of me. like the dude really cared and was conscientious and everything but his beliefs are warped and leave him predisposed to hate me once he realizes my gender identity. i do not go through hellish dysphoria just for the one person i care about to hate me for being me. i cared about him, but my well-being comes FIRST. so in blunt fashion i questioned him in person and he admitted it. so i'm. doing. well. i think. i mean i took a boxcutter and sliced the hell out of a cardboard box just to slice something and then laughed my ass off afterwards but i'm doing ok.  
> but yeah! i hope you enjoy this small break from amaguuji for some sdr2 kids. just a specific group of sdr2 kids. just two. it's a ship. i think you know what this chapter is about by now.  
> also happy birthday succi boy!  
> thanks,  
> -izuru  
> 9-20-18: day 2 without a phone. i am starting to realize that i never needed one anyways. i have transcended reality and i now know that i could live just fine with no phone and a working laptop. fuck handheld devices. i can live just fine. fffucikgins illuminati can't hook me with their cellular phones. i am my own man.  
> i think i'm going nuts and i drew a picture of a pikachu with a human head instead of a pikachu head. it's nightmare fuel and now everyone wants me to draw one of my band director. i don't want to because it's highly realistic and it scares me.  
> oof. despacito.  
> 9-26-18: So I finally got my new phone, and on the following evening, my wig came in the mail :>. so i got busy busy busy and forgot to write the rest of this like a c h u m p .  
> i'm trash but h man. putting on that wig? there wasn't a feeling like that anywhere else in the world.  
> also i got my driver's license :D

_8.3.18, 07:00_

**Tired Seniors**

**bepis:** heyyyyyyyyyy guys

_07:15_

**bepis:** omg don't f  u c king leave me on read.

_07:20_

**bepis:** don't.

_07:25_

**bepis:** seriously guys? not cool. i know y'all have read this, the read receipts are at the bottom of the screen.

 **bepis:** i mean i know making fun of izuru for coming back soaked in water that one time wasn't cool but this is overkill.

 **hatsune MIKU-CHAN:** SODA-KUN THAT WAS A  W E  E K A GO

 **hatsune MIKU-CHAN:** *souda

 **sharp ahoog:** soda

 **i hope i die:** soda

 **yung master:** soda

 **thicc dicc hanamura:** soda

 **chikkin w i n g:** soda

 **xXDark__L0rdXx:** i will partake in this mockery.

 **xXDark__L0rdXx:** soda

 **chakki nameme the game gorl:** HEY NO STOP

 **chakki nameme the game gorl:** ibuki i svery valid leave her alone

 **sharp ahoog:** _wait shit we were making fun of ibuki? i thought we were mocking soda_

 **funny you'd assume i'm not gay:**  

 **funny you'd assume i'm not gay:** hinata hajime you dumb ingrate. can you even read

 **sharp ahoog:** h e y   t h a t 's    re a l l y me an  i zur u

 **bepis:** but!! i called you here because uhhhh one aren't we going out to lunch and two i wanted to do t h i s.

 **bepis** _changed the chat name from_ **Tired Seniors** _to_ **we're legal adults i swear**

 **camgirl:** oh my god sometimes i forget that we're adults and then somebody does shit like THIS

 **camgirl:** a n d    i    r e m e m b e r   i n     v i v i d    d e t a i l

 **buenos dias mandy:** kazuichi. dearest. love. 

 **buenos dias mandy:** did you really need to remind us all that we're now financially independent? we're going to have a midlife crisis at this rate.

 **bepis:** nno sonia we're gonna be fine the three of us got an apartment we're gonna share rent

 **xXDark__L0rdXx:** but love, we still have the accursed debt of the student loan to fend off, that is more than enough to send us into a crisis!

**bepis:**

**bepis:**   o  h.  r i gh t. tha  t.

 **bepis:** congratulations we are going to be indebited forever-

 **TINY DEVIL:** literally SONIA'S A FUCKING PRINCESS SHE CAN PAY YOUR GODDAMN STUDENT DEBT

 **buenos dias mandy:** sometimes i forget about that detail.

 **TINY DEVIL:** i can't BELIEVE YOU YOU DUMB BITCH YOU FORGOT ABOUT YOUR ROYALTY STATUS??? FOR G O T ???? BULLSHIT

 **camgirl:** hiyoko. please. calm down. we're all stressed.

 **TINY DEVIL:** NNO SHHIT SMAIHIRU

 **camgirl:** hiyoko, if you're upset, you know you can come find me.

**TINY DEVIL:**

**TINY DEVIL:** yyeah. i will. 

 **camgirl:** that's better.

 **drug misuse:** ook i knoww thatt hiyyoko normmally bulliies me butt tha at's add or able.

 **chakki nameme the game gorl:** we stan a cute lesbian couple. we need more lesbians.

 **yung master:** yeah but hiyoko's still a little shit and we all hate her

 **TINY DEVIL:** MEAN

 **sharp ahoog:** by hate he means grudgingly love, don't take him seriously

 **TINY DEVIL:** STILL MEAN

 **bepis:** but like, are we still going for lunch? that one 90's themed diner at noon??

 **chikkin  w i n g:** yeah, i'm down. we totes gotta meet up before college starts because we aren't all goin to the same school

 **chakki nameme the game gorl:** omg yes we gotta. i mean i gotta stream later because i said i would but y'know friends are friends

 **xXDark__L0rdXx:** the winds are in our favor today! i will attend the outing, of course. i would not miss it, as sonia and i are accompanying you, per usual.

 **the last jedi:** the young master and i will attend as well. we may be a couple minutes late.

 **camgirl:** we'll be there after hiyoko is calmer.

 **gibbe my drawing stylus:** oh i dunno... i might be... busy... 

 **is this our fUCKING DAD?:** busy drawing?

 **gibbe my drawing stylus:** yes... busy...

 **is this our fUCKING DAD?:** you're coming with or i'm dragging you there myself.

 **gibbe my drawing stylus:** NO I'M BUSY

 **is this our fUCKING DAD?:** you'll be busy having fun this afternoon with your friends, ryota. we're coming with.

 **bepis:**???????noted???

 **thicc dicc hanamura:** i'll be there, of course ;))))

 **TINY DEVIL:** omG STOP SENDINT THAT TEXT FACE

 **TINY DEVIL:** it's creepy

 **thicc dicc hanamura:** ;))))))

 **TINY DEVIL:** nO

 **thicc dicc hanamura:** ;))))))))))))))))

 **TINY DEVIL:** S T O P

 **thicc dicc hanamura** _is typing...._

 **camgirl**   _kicked_ **thicc dicc hanamura**   _from the chat._

 **yung master:**  you did us a noble service, koizumi. i will now protect you with my life.

 **camgirl:** should i be worried

 **yung master:**... maybe.

 **SHIT:** I'M DOWN FOR LUNCH TOO. I'LL GO WITH AKANE. IT'LL BE LOTS OF FUN

 **yung master:** bro why are you in caps

 **SHIT:** I ACCIDENTALLY TURNED CAPS LOCK ON AND I DON'T KNOW HOW TO TURN IT OFF.

 **SHIT:** HELP.

* * *

_09:48 am_

**sharp ahoog:** wait did anyone notice the fact that chiaki said she's streaming? streaming what? livestreaming? chiaki are you livestreaming as your bff since like first grade and mlm to your wlw solidarity i need you to tell me. do you or do you not have a gaming channel

 **chakki nameme the game gorl:** i just fucking might hinata

 **sharp ahoog:** rlly?? om gomg omg i need the fuckin guser name chiaki

 **chakki nameme the game gorl:** ok hinata. my channel name is Ultimate Gamegirl.

**sharp ahoog:**

**sharp ahoog:** _wait you're ultimate gamegirl_

 **sharp ahoog:**  c h i a k i

 **sharp ahoog:** your channel has like 10m subs. CHIAKI.

 **sharp ahoog:** how the hell did this  h a p p e n

 **sharp ahoog:** you're a fucking youtuber what

 **sharp ahoog:** chiaki

 **chakki nameme the game gorl:** and this i swhy i didn't tell you outright :V

 **sharp ahoog:** CHIAKI YOU'RE MY BFF WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME BEFORE THIS

**chakki nameme the game gorl:**

**chakki nameme the game gorl:** because literally everyone else knew and i thought you'd find it by yourself hinata. i literally go to cons like pax east and shit. i've been off from school because of those. c'mon hinata. i said i was going to a video con. i have a pile of mail-ins in my dorm. hinata. c'mon. you're not seriously this dumb. c'mon.

 **sharp ahoog:** :-:

 **i hope i die:** it's ok hajime, i found out literally by accident and chiaki was laughing at me the whole time

 **sharp ahoog:** h

 **sharp ahoog:** hhow did you find out please i'm begging

 **i hope i die:** we went to a gas station and a fan recognized her

 **chakki nameme the game gorl:** slkdlgnkdls THEY LEFT AND HE GOES "WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU HAVE FANS" slkmlkdmlkbmlkdlsjlkdjls

 **sharp ahoog:** nagito that's   r u  d e

 **i hope i die:** i hope i die

 **sharp ahoog:** n a g i t o

 **sharp ahoog:** we've been over this. no dying.

**i hope i die:**

**i hope i die:** lmao if my therapist knew i was talking like this she'd have my fucking head

* * *

_11:54 am_

**bepis:** yo. hinata. komaeda. kamukura.

 **bepis:** it is 5 minutes to 12 where the hell are you

 **funny you'd assume i'm not gay:** oh, don't worry.

 **funny you'd assume i'm not gay:** we're simply just not showing up.

**bepis:**

**bepis:** _wait what_

 **xXDark__L0rdXx:** how   d a r e  you scorn us and our feast. how dare you! we will eat without you heathens. we will remember this offense.

 **xXDark__L0rdXx:** w e   w  i l l    r e m e m b e r

 **funny you'd assume i'm not gay:** oh r e a l l y? 

 **funny you'd assume i'm not gay:** the last time i skipped your outings, you forgot within the week.

 **funny you'd assume i'm not gay:** there is a high chance you will not remember this.

 **xXDark__L0rdXx:** b u t-

 **funny you'd assume i'm not gay:** also, i need the time to pack for DC. i am going to reside there while i study in Harvard, after all. i will use as much time as i need to prepare for my departure.

 **bepis:** that's fair. izuru wins.

 **sharp ahoog:** can you believe they got into harvard look at this dude lmao

 **bepis:** it was bound to happen, hinata-

 **bepis:** WAIT WHERE ARE YOU AND NAGITO

**sharp ahoog:**

**sharp ahoog:** _we're on our way_

* * *

_12:30 pm_

**bepis:**  you lied to us, hinata.

 **SHIT:** WHAT ARE YOU TWO EVEN DOING? I'M INTRIGUED. HOPEFULLY IT IS SOMETHING BENEFICIAL TO YOUR HEALTH.

 **sharp ahoog:** at beach, text back later.

 **TINY DEVIL:** what do you MEAN you're at the beach big bro hinata?? whAT DO YOU MEAN-

 **i hope i die:** he means we're at the beach, in a literal sense lol

**TINY DEVIL:**

**TINY DEVIL:** oh i see how it is. you're at the beach TOGETHER.

 **funny you'd assume i'm not gay:** i never said i wasn't there with them.

 **bepis:** izuru

 **bepis:** you

 **bepis:** IZURU

 **thicc dicc hanamura** _added himself to the chat._

 **thicc dicc hanamura:** mmm... izuru shirtless... what a sight ;)))

 **chikkin w i n g:** holy SHIT teruteru how thehelld id youget back into the chat

 **bepis:** WHAT THE FUCK

 **SHIT:** OH NO. OH SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT

 **xXDark__L0rdXx:** teach  me your WAYS, dark incubus. p l e a s e.

 **camgirl:** i see nidai is living up to his namesake again.

 **funny you'd assume i'm not gay:** and with that, we take our leave. thank you for the distraction, teruteru.

 **thicc dicc hanamura:** anytime ;))))

 **bepis:** IZURU HAJIME NAGITO I SWEAR TO GOD

* * *

"It's a little crowded, isn't it?" Nagito commented airily, his snow white hair bouncing in the breeze. Nagito, Hajime and Izuru were heading down to the surf, all wearing t-shirts and swim trunks, each carrying their own bag of supplies, food and towels. Hajime had a pair of sunglasses nestled in his short brown hair. "Maybe we should've found a quieter beach...?"

"It will clear out in due time," Izuru responded curtly. The long-haired individual was scanning the beach with their sharp gaze, looking for an empty spot to set down their supplies. "It does not matter to me, as I am simply here for a swim. The beachgoers do not bother me. As well as this, a smaller beach may have been messier, and I detest stepping on sea plants."

"They're right, you know," Hajime offered. "Smaller beaches do have seaweed everywhere. That shit is nasty." Hajime and Nagito trailed behind Izuru, who had just found a nice spot underneath a tree. Izuru dumped their bags onto the sand with a huff, flinging their long dark hair over their shoulder.

Izuru gestured to the water. "You put your stuff here, and do as you wish," they instructed. "I came here for a purpose: to swim. I will proceed to do so now. I may not be back for a few hours, so you two take care of yourselves. If I return to find you two having sex on the beach, I will be most disappointed in you."

With that, Izuru ran into the water, their long hair trailing behind them. In seconds, they'd disappeared into the waves. Hajime swore he saw Izuru's head bob in the water, a good twenty feet out, before disappearing again.

Hajime's phone vibrated angrily. He and Nagito looked at it in alarm before sighing when they saw what was happening. Souda had personally called them over Facetime. Hajime sighed and answered.

The mechanic's sharp teeth and vivid shock of pink hair came into view. "Where the hell are you guys?? Dude, this was supposed to be a group thing, you know? Our last big lunch before we all went off to college? C'mon, Mahiru and Hiyoko are going all the way out to Florida and they won't be able to visit often." Kazuichi's eyes scanned the pair of them through the phone screen. "And why the hell are you two shirtless anyways?"

Hajime laughed nervously, and Nagito clung to his arm, squeezing it reassuringly. "Well, you see, Kaz... we kinda had this date planned for months..."

"BUT WHAT ABOUT THIS??? COULDN'T YOU HAVE TOLD US TO RESCHEDULE???" Souda yelled in disbelief. Hajime winced and held the phone away from his face.

Peko's cool voice cut into the speakers. "Souda, please do keep your voice down. Yelling at Hajime isn't necessary."

Souda sighed and muttered a "sorry" to Peko. "But still, couldn't you guys have done this on a different day?" he whined. 

"Souda?" Nagito started.

"Yeah?"

"You literally planned this yesterday. We're not rescheduling for such a short notice. Sorry!"

"Why you-" The screen suddenly changed views, and Chiaki's face appeared, looking over the camera. A couple of "nice catch, Chiaki"s were heard in the background; apparently, Souda had thrown his phone. Said mechanic dashed back in front of the phone and gently took it from Chiaki's hands, glaring at the two in disbelief. He sighed and pinched his brow.

"Where is Izuru, anyways? I haven't seen h- sorry, them anywhere."

"They're swimming," Nagito replied cheerfully. 

Hajime chuckled dryly. "And by swimming, we mean that they're trying to drown themself in the lake."

"Wait, really?" Chiaki asked, concerned. "Should we get Aoi to come and pull them out-"

"Here's the real question," Hajime replied evenly, cutting her off before she actually went through with ringing up Aoi. "Do you really think Izuru would enjoy dying by drowning?"

Everyone on the other end of the call let out a sharp inhale, expressions turning stormy. It almost looked as if they were all facing a truth they didn't want to realize. If you looked closely enough, you could see Fuyuhiko sitting in the other diner booth next to Peko, his fists clenching up. 

"Why... did you need to bring that up...?" Mahiru whispered, stricken.

"It's a fair point," Hajime replied, bitterly recalling the memory. "Izuru isn't going to die out there. I didn't want to incite panic."

"Haha, let's not get too upset," Nagito cut in. "We're all supposed to be having a good time! This is our last summer vacation! It'd be a shame if you bright, shining beacons of hope were to-" 

Hajime put a hand over Nagito's mouth, and turned to him. "Nagito, love," he interrupted, "stop talking like that."

Nagito responded by licking Hajime's hand.

Hajime yelled, and threw the phone, the rest of the 77th shouting with laughter. Nagito, in a burst of luck, managed to catch it, the phone balancing precariously on his hand. Hajime cringed and shook Nagito's saliva off of his hand, to the rest of the class's amusement.

"Why? Are you LIKE THIS?" Hajime chortled, running up to Nagito and grabbing his face in his hands. "Look at him," he insisted to the phone camera, gesturing to his boyfriend. "This is who I fell in love with. And he licks." Hajime leaned in and pressed two messy kisses to Nagito's cheeks. Nagito responded by laughing quietly and extending his tongue "threateningly".

"Holy shit, you win, you're both disgusting," Kazuichi joked. "Nevermind my earlier shit, you're both horrifyingly in love and if you'd shown up we'd all have to witness this in person. You're free. Enjoy your beach date, and don't let Izuru die on us."

Everyone winced again.

"That wasn't a necessary comment, was it."

"OF COURSE IT WASN'T, YOU INSENSITIVE PINK-LEMONADE LOOKIN' ASS!"

* * *

_11.14.17, 14:40_

_"Kamukura, you've gotta come out of the bathroom. I don't know what's going on, but the school day is almost over and I feel like if we leave you here you won't come out by yourself."_

_"...go away, Koizumi-san."_

_"Don't test me. The whole class is here. We will ALL come in the boy's bathroom together and we will ALL drag you out with us."_

_Hajime remembered the noise that came next almost perfectly. A strangled, sob-like inhale. Hajime's eyes had widened as he heard it. He hadn't expected Kamukura to be capable of even making such a noise, but here they were, listening to the stoic boy(?) break down._

_"goawaygoawaygoawaygoawaygoawaygoawaygoaway"_

_"C'mon, big brother Kamukura, those kids won't make those comments again. Big sis Akane and big bro Nidai kicked their asses. Right?"_

_"We sure did! Nekomaru and I smacked them good!"  A pause. "The shit they said was really fucked up... you good?"_

_"It was certainly disgraceful. In my home country, people who act that indecently in public are boiled alive."_

_"Kamukura may be a beauty~... but even I wouldn't say something of that nature. It's just not delicious at all."_

_At Teruteru's words, another strangled sob could be heard._

_"pleasedon'tpleasedon'tpleasedon'tidon'twantthemtosaythosethingsagainiamscaredi'mscaredi'mscared"_

_"Oh, oh no, I didn't mean to upset him more..."_

_"Teruteru, just lay off for a bit. You're not helping at all."_

_"Shit, dude, I'm sorry."_

_"All of you, shut up!" Hajime yelled._

_The whole room went silent, the rest of the 77th staring at him with owl eyes.  "The lot of you getting upset over this isn't helping. Izuru is scared, and the more people that get involved, the more scared he'll be. Quiet down."_

_"Fine, Hajime..."_

_"Sorry, Hajime..."_

_"Totally uncool..."_

_"Alright, here's what I want you guys to do," he instructed firmly. "Akane, Nidai, Impostor, Peko, I want you four at the bathroom door. There's a chance Izuru will bolt once we confront him, and you four are really packing the muscle. Gundham, Souda, Sonia, Ibuki, I want you four at the end of the hall to stop the freshman, sophomores and seniors from going down this hall. The farther you keep them from the bathroom, the better. If you have to, lie straight to their faces. Fuyuhiko, you go down to the other end of the hall and do the same thing. You're scary enough alone, so I think you can do the trick by yourself. Hiyoko, Ryota, Nagito, Teruteru, you go down to Mikan's lab and get blankets, towels, a puke bucket and rope. When you get back, give me everything but the rope. Give the rope to Impostor. Then, wait in the hall. Mahiru, Chiaki, Mikan, you're with me. Any questions?"_

_"What do we do if he runs?" Impostor asked darkly._

_"Catch him," Hajime replied evenly. "Then everyone better get their asses over here and help me tie him down or he'll break all of the bones in your arms and do something rash. This isn't Nagito. Izuru doesn't have any impulse control at all. If Izuru decides to, I dunno, run off the roof to see if he can stick the landing, you aren't stopping him without some form of physical restraint."_

_A collective shiver ran down the backs of the 77th._

_"Alright," Hajime warned. "We're going in. Those on supply run and hall guard, now's your chance to get moving."_

_Those assigned to those spots nodded, and ran down the hall. Hajime sighed, and pushed open the bathroom door._

_It was hard to find him at first. It was only until Hajime had looked towards the floor when he'd found the long-haired boy(?). Izuru had hidden himself under the well of the sink, his long hair trailing all over the bathroom tile. The boy(?) had his head in his hands, rocking where he sat. His breathing was labored, ragged and clearly more accelerated than what was healthy. Izuru was letting out a stream of panicked mutterings that were utter horror to listen to, varying from "please stop" to "kill me". From what Hajime could tell, he was in the thick of a panic attack._

_"Izuru," Hajime began, stepping towards him cautiously, raising his hands in surrender. "Look at me."_

_Izuru complied. His red eyes were bloodshot, dark circles lining the undersides, peering out from his mat of dark hair. His foundation (he wore foundation? wait, what?) was smeared, revealing the skin on his nose to be flushed from crying, and his eyeliner had ran. His once-beautiful locks of black hair were greasy and tangled. Hadn't he washed it recently? His mouth was open, panting out each labored breath, each breath sounding painful._

_Hajime realized something._

_"Izuru, how long have they been harassing you?" he asked gently._

_"I-" Izuru breathed, "How did you-"_

_"How long, Kamukura? How long have the senior boys in your English class been harassing you?"_

_Izuru shuddered. "A m-month," he replied shakily. "A whole month a whole month a month a month a month a month a month of saying horrible awful things and I do not understand-"_

_"Kamukura, it's ok," Mahiru cut in. "You are not what they called you. You're not a toy, or a whore, or a slut, or anything because of your hair or the way that you act. Frankly, how dare they. You're beautiful and strong, and you don't deserve that shit. It's not your fault." The photographer stepped towards the panicking boy, extending her arms. "Can I hug you?"_

_If you didn't look carefully, you would've missed his nod. "Please," he whispered. "All three of you, please, I am begging you."_

_With a gentle smile, Hajime approached, Chiaki following behind him. The three Ultimates slowly embraced Izuru, and Izuru reciprocated, his shaky arms winding themselves around the three of them, clinging to them like a lifeline. Chiaki slowly stroked her fingers through his hair, Mahiru rubbed his back, and Hajime squeezed his hands._

_"...have you panicked like this before?" Chiaki whispered to him._

_"...yes. I have." Izuru shook, and hugged them tighter, if that was at all possible. "Every time, I would take care of it on my own, w-without fail. Today was an exception, I sup-ppose... haha..."_

_"...you don't deserve this..." she whispered. "You're so strong, Izuru. You're talented, beautiful, confident, and you don't let shit get to you. You stand up for yourself. You're a person, not an object. No matter what they say." She ran her thin, strong fingers through his hair, and he sighed._

_There was a thud against the bathroom door, and it creaked open. Hajime and Izuru both looked up in alarm to see the rest of the 77th away from their stations, watching the whole scene go down. When Nagito saw Hajime looking at him, he sheepishly waved._

No!  _Hajime mouthed, gesturing for them to leave._ You're going to overwhelm Izuru, fuck off!

_Nidai picked this moment to be his overzealous, overbearing self. He pushed past everyone else and barged into the bathroom. "YEAH! You listen to Chiaki!" he barked. "YOU'RE GREAT!" He attempted to stride over to Izuru, and the rest of the class followed his lead._

_"No! NIDAI, EVERYONE, GET BACK OUT THERE, YOU HAVE NO TACT-"_

_Izuru let out an ear-piercing scream, one that easily rivaled Ibuki's, and got to his feet, attempting to get to the door and run. The students around them winced and faltered, giving him an opening. He dashed to the door, but before he could open it, the Impostor wrapped their strong arms around his waist. Izuru yelled and fought, eyes dilated and racing, legs kicking at Impostor's skin, but to no avail._

_"Hajime, Nagito," Impostor grunted, "get the rope, quick, he's gonna attempt to free himself-"_

_Hajime and Nagito looked at each other, then sprung to action. Both boys grabbed the rope, slipping it around Izuru's arms, which were currently working to push Impostor's arms apart, Impostor's expression screwed up in pain from the force. Together, they pulled the rope, forcing Izuru's arms taut, and tied it around the long-haired boy's torso, tying it tight. Izuru thrashed and fought, weakening the ropes- Impostor, Nidai, Akane and Peko surrounded him, holding him down. After more fruitless struggling, he went slack, his chest heaving._

_Impostor kept a tight grip on Izuru as they lowered him to the ground, Nidai, Akane and Peko sitting next to them. The rest of the class stood over them in an informal semicircle, watching the restrained boy warily. His red eyes were fixated on all of them in an expression of pure terror, his chest heaving._

_"Alright," Hajime cut through the silence, "It's ok, you're going to be-"_

_Izuru let out a harsh bark of laughter, thrashing in the ropes again. The teens sitting next to him yelled in alarm and pinned him down again, fighting against his flailing limbs and sobbing hysterics. Izuru cackled in their grip, the rest of the class shielding their eyes from Izuru's breakdown, not ready to face this again._

_After a good two minutes, he went limp in their grip again, wheezing painfully, still hyperventilating. He fixed his blurry, unfocused gaze on Hajime._

_"You're all boring," he rasped. "You're all so boring. And yet, no matter how many times I say this, you still insist that you love me, that you care. Why do you lie to me like this? Why would you do this? I am trying to provoke you. I am aiming to trick you in an attempt to get you to end my life. And still you refuse. Why?"_

_Hajime flinched at the desperation in his voice. He watched Izuru take another shuddering breath, giving them all a once-over before continuing. It was like watching a car crash._

_"If I die," he whispered, voice full of spite, "I want to be shot. I want to die by the hand of another. I will not end my own life. I refuse to die a statistic. If nobody kills me, I just will not die. I will not! I will live for a thousand years if I must."_

_And with that declaration, Izuru passed out, leaving the 17 remaining students in an eerily silent bathroom to stew in their own guilt._

* * *

Hajime smiled as he felt Nagito slipping his robotic hand into his own, the two boys walking down the boardwalk. One of the lifeguards had informed them after they were done vidcalling that there was a snack bar farther down the beach, and that they sold some delicious popsicles, so they decided to go get some for themselves. Their sandals made light thunks against the wooden boardwalk as they made their way towards the food stand, and the sun shone onto their skin, lightly tanning them. Hajime was entranced by the way his boyfriend's hair moved in the breeze, and he had to resist the urge to reach up and fluff it.

The light shone off of Nagito's eyes as they continued. "Whatever are you thinking about, hmmm?" he asked cheerfully when Hajime didn't speak right away.

"You," Hajime responded honestly.

Nagito gasped and put his red face into his hand, hiding his smile.

There, down the boardwalk, was the snack bar. It was wood, painted blue with white trim; on the roof was a neat little sign, evenly painted and decorated. A couple of teenagers taking summer jobs were running the stand, and it smelled of pretzels. Hajime led Nagito by the hand as he approached the stand. On the side wall of the food stand was the menu. They boasted four flavors of popsicle, and they were $1 a piece. 

"Hi, how can I help you two?" the kid running the stand asked lazily.

"Yeah, can I get an orange creamsicle and a raspberry creamsicle?" Hajime asked.

"Sure thing. Gimme a minute," the kid responded. He went back to the freezer, grabbed two popsicles, and slid them acrost the counter. "Two bucks."

With a dry chuckle, Hajime fished a couple $1s out of his pocket. He handed them to the kid with a wry smile, and grabbed the popsicles, handing the raspberry one to Nagito. Hajime unwrapped his orange creamsicle and threw the wrapper into the trash absentmindedly, and after Nagito did the same, the two walked off, hand in hand. 

The sun was only just starting to lower in the afternoon sky. Hajime took a lick of his popsicle, and sighed at the tangy taste. Nagito chuckled lightly at his reaction. Hajime's heart sung at the musical sound.

"You do know you're fucking beautiful, right?" Hajime told him.

Nagito flushed at the praise. "Ah, I'm not really-"

"No, you really are," Hajime insisted, grabbing him by the chin and staring him in the eyes. "Look at you. You're absolutely fucking gorgeous and I don't want to hear you say otherwise, because you know I'm right."

"But-"

"I'm  _right._ "

Laughing, they continued down the boardwalk.

* * *

 The crystalline, blue waves beckoned to them as they approached, running through the sand. Hajime laughed over his shoulder as the two boys ran, reveling in the joy of youth. The water was cold on Hajime's toes, but he didn't care.

When he felt it was deep enough, Hajime dove into the water, headfirst, Nagito following suit. The cool water engulfed and encased Hajime, but he didn't mind in the slightest. With a powerful kick, he sent himself further into the depths, enjoying the serenity of the water. He could feel the ripples his boyfriend was making behind him. He reached out behind him for Nagito's hand, and Nagito gave it to him. Hands linked, they swam fartherinto the waves.

Eventually, they had to come up for air. They shot up to the surface, using each others' buoyancy to float there. Rivulets of water dripped down their faces, Hajime laughing in the freedom of it all, Nagito smiling serenely at Hajime's joy like he always did. Nagito's grey eyes sparkled with every chuckle Hajime made, until Hajime wrapped his arms around Nagito's torso and bowled them both over into the water. Splashing, they laughed as water flew into the air around them.

They settled down after a while. "Why the fuck are we like this?" Hajime chortled.

"Dunno. Maybe we're drunk on happiness," Nagito responded.  _Yeah. We're happy-_

_I'm happy!_

Nagito gasped at the revelation.  _I'm happy, I'm happy, I'm happy! I'm so happy._ Before he knew it, fat tears were running down his face, mixing in with the water, but he wasn't sad. A bright, natural smile was spread acrost his face as he looked Hajime in the eyes. His face was stretched from underuse, but he couldn't care less- no matter how much he tried to fight it, the smile wouldn't go away.

Hajime looked at him in concern. "Are you ok? You're crying." He held on tighter to Nagito by impulse. "We can go if you're upset."

"No. I'm fine." He wiped his eyes, still laughing a little bit. "I'm just... really happy."

A smile found itself on Hajime's face, too. He closed his eyes and sighed, the coastal wind drifting over him, cooling him, relaxing him. He leaned in, meeting Nagito's lips in a soft, chaste kiss. They broke apart, and Nagito rested his head on Hajime's shoulder as they sat there, drifting in the waves.

"So am I, Nagito," Hajime whispered. "So am I."

* * *

Hajime yawned and shifted as the evening sun shone down on his tan back. He and Nagito had decided to take a nap for a while, simply sunbathing and enjoying the other's company while the beach cleared out. Hajime had made sure to slather his pale boyfriend in sunscreen beforehand. The summer sun was a harsh killer, and would've sunburned him otherwise. Nagito certainly did burn easily.

Nagito was laying face-down on his towel, Hajime's arm over his back.  His back curved ever so slightly, his face buried into the sand, his bottom ever so slightly lifted. His pale thighs and legs lay straight out behind him, skin pale and clear, his wet swim trunks hugging his legs. Each finger and toe was so very slender, and Hajime couldn't help but admire them. His hair, soft white and curly, the auburn roots sticking out more prominently, curled around the nape of his neck and his ears. The muscles in his back shifted with each breath he took. He was intoxicating to Hajime.

Nagito, noticing his staring, looked up from the ground to grin at him. "Like what you see?" he joked.

Hajime swallowed, face flushing. "Kinda, yeah," he admitted. 

"Oh, you," Nagito laughed. "C'mere." He flipped onto his back and motioned for Hajime to come closer. Hajime did, climbing over him and leaning down to meet him in a kiss. He could feel Nagito smiling into it as their lips fought each other, the atmosphere quickly becoming hot and heavy. Hajime slipped a hand underneath Nagito's neck, tracing the nape as he supported his boyfriend's head. His other hand traced the patterns on Nagito's metallic prosthetic before slipping under his back to cradle his spine. Nagito let out soft noises as the kiss became sloppy and open-mouthed.

Hajime found a hand trailing farther down Nagito's abdomen towards the elastic waistband of his swim trunks. He traced a finger around his bellybutton, eliciting soft sighs from his partner. 

Nagito looked down at him, a hand over his mouth, his eyes hooded with desire. "Hajime," he whispered, "please."

Hajime glanced around, making sure the beach was empty. When he was assured that it was, he reached downwards towards Nagito's groin when-

_If I return to find you two having sex on the beach, I will be most disappointed in you._

"Oh shit," Hajime breathed. "We forgot about Izuru."

"They can take care of themself, correct?" Nagito whined. "C'mon, Hajimeeee, we can't stop now, I'm already worked up..."

Hajime stumbled over himself. " _I know, and so am I,_ but I fucking forgot what they said when they left. Izuru's got a RADAR for this stuff, I swear."

Nagito's face went pale too, remembering. "'If I return to find you two having sex on the beach, I will be most disappointed in you.' Fuck. Fuck they're gonna kill us," he recited.

The waves started to ripple. Hajime and Nagito yelped, clinging to each other in fright. As if they'd been summoned, Izuru  stepped out of the water from apparently nowhere, their dark hair soaked and tangled, waterlogged bangs hanging over their face,. They looked out of breath, and they were missing their swim trunks. They strode over to the couple on shaking legs and stood in front of them, uncomfortably close, their red eyes piercing into their souls.

"I was going to reprimand you for this," they murmured, "but it should've been expected, I suppose." Izuru let themself fall onto their knees gently, their dark hair spreading over the sand. They pulled their maroon towel over to themself, covering their waist with it. Hajime and Nagito stared at them incredulously. They looked tired, not a condition they usually displayed after returning from a swim. They were breathing heavily, their thin form appearing to melt into the sand beneath them, and there was a thin layer of blush across their cheeks. "Also, that would make me a hypocrite."

"Izuru," Hajime cut in, voice thick with disbelief, "what the hell were you doing out there? You look  _whipped._ "

Izuru hid their face into the palm of their hand, going red. "M-must you inquire?"

Nagito chose that moment to snicker into his hand, trying to restrain his laugher. Izuru flushed further, if that was even possible, their red eyes dilating with shock and embarassment. "I-it was nothing!" they stammered. "I just got into a- a _disagreement_ , yes, with the local sea life! And by sea life, I mean a large creature resembling a giant nautilus or squid. With tentacles. That I very much enjoyed. Shit, I mean-"

Nagito lost it. He started wailing with laughter, his entire body convulsing with mirth. Hajime held onto his shoulders in alarm, trying to calm him down so he didn't hyperventilate and pass out. With a shout of laughter, he pointed at Izuru, trying to say something, but failing before he burst into hysterics again. Tears of mirth ran down Nagito's flushed cheeks as he laughed and laughed at Izuru's admission.

Hajime snickered as well. "Y-you're saying you took a swim just so you could fuck a tentacle monster?" he cried in disbelief. 

Izuru flushed again, hiding their face in their hands. "N-no,  I just-"

Izuru's swim trunks chose that exact moment to wash up onto the beach. Hajime gave up trying to hold Nagito in favor of cracking up.

* * *

Hajime smiled as he felt Nagito lean on his shoulder, making sure to keep his eyes on the road as he drove. He wanted to lean over and press a kiss to his boyfriend's forehead, but he'd endanger everyone in the car and all of the traffic around him.

Just after they'd packed up their belongings in Izuru's jeep, it had rained. Izuru had given him the keys reluctantly, still red in the face, and had told him to drive back. They had then sat in the backseat and had determinedly stared out the window. When Hajime had checked his blindspot to change lanes, he could still see Izuru staring out the window, determinedly not looking at anyone. When they saw Hajime looking, they huffed, crossed their arms and looked the other way, their long hair fluttering slightly with the exhale.

They dropped Izuru off at their apartment, got back into Hajime's car, which was parked there, and had gone home. It had gotten surprisingly chilly for an August evening, so they'd made a fire in the fireplace, both boys sitting next to the window, watching the rain. Nagito had laughed and put his head on Hajime's shoulder again, and this time, Hajime could lean over and kiss him as much as he'd wanted.

"Today was fun," Nagito murmured sleepily. "Let's do this again sometime."

"Yeah. We should go see a movie next time," Hajime suggested.

"And then go to the park. We could watch the river run," Nagito added.

Hajime laughed. "Maybe in the spring, when the trees flower. Crabapple trees get really pretty."

"Didn't Izuru have a crabapple tree in their yard when they were younger?" Nagito questioned.

"Yeah, they did," Hajime recalled. "When I was over there when I was younger in the spring we'd collect the blossoms and make 'food' out of them with mud and grass. It was a simpler time."

Nagito smiled, and sighed contentedly. "Yeah, it was, but that doesn't mean today isn't as sweet."

They sat there for a while, drinking in those words.

"I love you, Nagito," Hajime finally whispered.

Nagito smiled.

"I love you too."

* * *

_8.3.18, 16:23_

**we're legal adults i swear**

**hatsune MIKU-CHAN:** HOW'D IT GO HOW'D IT GO SPILL THE DEETS

 **i hope i die:** lslkgmlkamldkmlkgnklsdnlkajs;lgknklcnlskjdlkj sg

 **sharp ahoog:** pfft

 **funny you'd assume i'm not gay:** we had a   n i c e ,   l o v e l y   o u t i n g,  isn't that right, hinata, komaeda? :)

 **xXDark__L0rdXx:** the chaotic energy here is strong. the dark-haired one is displeased by something.

 **xXDark__L0rdXx:** I would not test them

 **bepis:** no offense but the ":)" emoji scares the shit out of me

 **gibbe my drawing stylus:** it has the tenseness of a climatic anime scene

 **gibbe my drawing stylus:** but it also seems like izuru's embarrassed by something

 **TINY DEVIL:** OOH GOSSIP PLS SPILL

 **sharp ahoog:** e

 **sharp ahoog:** nagito if they kill me i love you a lot and we should get married

 **i hope i die:** oh

 **i hope i die:** OH

 **sharp ahoog:** alleyoop

 **sharp ahoog** _changed_ **funny you'd assume i'm not gay** _'s chat name to_ **tentacle kink**

**tentacle kink:**

**yung master:** OHSMDLKGLSMKDMLAKG

 **camgirl:** h o l y   s h i t

 **thicc dicc hanamura:** that

 **thicc dicc hanamura:** delicious

 **thicc dicc hanamura:** I'M

 **TINY DEVIL:** kamukura likes tentacles KAMUKURA LIKES TENTACLES KAMUKURA LIKES TENTACLES

**tentacle kink:**

**tentacle kink:**...

 **tentacle kink:** i will systematically destroy everything you love

 **chikkin  w i n g:** holy SHIT

 **chakki nameme the game gorl:** lmao it was obvious

 **chakki nameme the game gorl:** izuru has a rope kink too smhh

 **tentacle kink:** so what? i enjoy being restrained. and? an d ?? everyone has stuff they like why am i an exception

 **bepis:** bro you don't get it

 **tentacle kink:** get what

 **bepis:** literally half of us are convinced you've taken some sort of vow of celibacy this is scary and also hilarious how the fuck were we supposed to know you actually were able to pop a stiffy over anything man

 **tentacle kink:**    w h y    a m   i  a  c r y p t i d

 **buenos dias mandy:** but

 **buenos dias mandy:** other than that, did you enjoy your trip?

 **sharp ahoog:** oh, yeah!

 **i hope i die:** so izuru went for a swim, we got popsicles, played in the water for a while, played some volleyball, went back in the water, sunbathed, and then izuru fucked a tentacle monster

 **i hope i die:** it was gucci

 **tentacle kink:** :) why must you make a mockery of me

 **tentacle kink:** i want some fucking dignity

* * *

 Nagito looked at Hajime, blushing. "What do you mean we should get married? You really want to marry me?"

Hajime grinned. "Yeah, I really do want to get married. Eventually, yeah. We're adults, we can if we want to, yeah? I'm ready for that commitment."

"Hajimeeee," Nagito whined, burying his face into his boyfriend's chest. "You're going to kill me at this rate. I'm going to have a heart attack and die."

"Please don't die." Hajime rubbed Nagito's back. "I wouldn't like that at all."

Nagito groaned. "You're still going to drive me nuts."

Hajime chuckled. "We're both a bit crazy already, so it's cool."

They sat there for a bit, Nagito still clinging to him. The raindrops pattered against the roof, and both boys could hear it, calming them both down. Nagito sighed and tightened his grip, Hajime burying his face in Nagito's curls.

It was serene and quiet for a bit.

After a pause, Nagito spoke up again. "...yeah, I'll marry you."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I will."

Hajime found himself smiling. "That's what I was hoping you'd say."

Nagito smiled and looked up at him. "Why would I ever say no?"

With that, Nagito leaned up to meet Hajime in a kiss.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~~it was just komahina going to the beach. i'm a dirty rat.~~  
>  Afternote: During the Izuru flashback, Izuru is referred to using he/him because it was from Hajime's perspective and Izuru hadn't come out as nonbinary yet. They were deliberate.  
> After-afternote: The he/hims were so deliberate I had to correct myself when I typed they in the "run off the roof to see if he can stick the landing" sentence  
> chat names:  
> No CisHets Allowed  
> avacado spirit: amami  
> if she breathe she a thot: miu  
> biggest gay: kokichi  
> asstronutt: kaito  
> just gettin' bi: shuichi  
> stronk woman: tenko  
> Abraca DAB ra: himiko  
> smoogi: tsumugi  
> kork: kiyo  
> $n00p d0g: angie  
> anybody want some stew: kirumi  
> velveeta GANG: kaede  
> blocked and reported: maki  
> All Women Are Queens: kiibo  
> Wii Sports Tennis: hoshi  
> protective tol: gonta
> 
> we're legal adults i swear:  
> bepis: souda  
> hatsune MIKU-CHAN: ibuki  
> sharp ahoog: hinata  
> i hope i die: komaeda  
> xXDark__L0rdXx: Gundham  
> buenos dias mandy: sonia  
> chakki nameme the game gorl: chiaki  
> chikkin w i n g: akane  
> SHIT: nidai  
> camgirl: mahiru  
> thicc dicc hanamura: teruteru  
> is this our fUCKING DAD?: impostor  
> TINY DEVIL: hiyoko  
> drug misuse: mikan  
> the last jedi: peko  
> yung master: fuyuhiko  
> gibbe my drawing stylus: ryota  
> funny you'd assume i'm not gay: izuru  
>  ~~another aside. i am planning the end of this fic, because it will end eventually. i just never thought about it. IT WON'T END UNTIL MARCH AT L E A S T, so there's no need to get worried right away, but the ending WILL DESTROY YOU. my warning to you about the projected end of my fic is that you shouldn't get attached to any of these characters, because they still have mortality and i can still kill them at any given moment.~~  
>  the TRUE end of No CisHets Allowed is when someone finally changes the name of the chat from No CisHets Allowed to something else. but i'm not telling you the circumstances of why. I actually have the last few lines written out already in a google doc and they're waiting.  
> but that won't be until spring 2019 at least, maybe even longer if i keep procrastinating.  
> i've also got another fun vacation story planned for winter break. not telling you who or where tho  
> why'd I add the Izuru flashback? well, it's a surprise tool that will help us later  
>  ~~hi my name is izuru kamukura and i have a tentacle kink~~


	20. Salto Ángel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i love you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 10-3-18  
> it's time for ya boi izuru to crunch down on these fucking chapters because hoco is in two days and if i don't get two chapters written in a week i'll miss it. might just skip the hoco chapter because i'm very far behind. also one of my commenters reminded me of the current political state of venezuela right now and i feel like a dumbass and i forgot it. so they're going to be staying in a hotel on the border in a brazilian town called BOA VISTA. thank you for reminding me that venezuela is in a state of political dissent i was kinda preoccupied by the fact that our president is banning lgbtq+ foreigners from getting work visas, sending us spam text messages and sticking latinx immigrant children in concentration camps in the desert. i love organized government. it's real fun.  
> that's sarcasm and i'm considering becoming an anarchist because organized government is tearing us as a species apart. i'm blasting crown the empire music into my earbuds rn and the last time i listened to crown the empire was when i was 13. kinda regret not listening again sooner. it's a whole mood.  
> also i regret telling my gc that i have a tentacle kink because now they're all roasting the shit out o fme. but i'm not going to deny it. tentacle kink kamukura is canon now. i'm the worst izuru kin to ever exist but e  
> wednesday evening mood is sitting in my binder writing fanfic because the amount of homework i get is minimal. also feeling valid because on tuesday i pulled off a 1950s greaser look and i looked more masculine than the people born as a dude and everyone was scared and confused the whole day. ehe :>  
> keep it jazzy,  
> izuru  
> also hap birth ratnaro  
> 10-7-18  
> i am no longer feeling jazzy  
>  ~~he got a girlfriend. he showed up to homecoming with his girlfriend.~~  
>  ~~i smacked my head against a stone column over and over and over until he couldn't take it anymore and he left~~  
>  it's fine.  
> i'm fine.  
> i'm skipping the homecoming chapter.  
> -izuru

A bird chirped outside the window.

Rantarou nudged Kiyo gently. "Kiyo, get up," he whispered. It was 5:30 am, and they were about to take a greyhound bus down to a city near the Brazilian-Venezuelan border named Boa Vista. After checking into the hotel there, they were set to make the trek through the Amazon Jungle to Angel Falls in Venezuela. Right now the two boys were just waking up, the sunlight streaming through their blinds.

"I don't want to..." Kiyo grumbled, and shoved his head into his pillow. His long hair was tangled and messy from rolling around in his sleep. Rantarou laughed and ran a hair through his locks, catching on a snarl and eliciting a yelp from Kiyo. Kiyo sat up in a huff, looking miffed.

"Why must you do this?" Kiyo joked. "You know my hair snarls easily. You cause me great pain and betrayal, Amami Rantarou."

"Good morning, sleeping beauty," Rantarou shot back. "We gotta go. I had to get you up somehow."

Rantarou stepped out of bed, Kiyo following close behind. He quickly set to work throwing loose clothes in his bag, making sure he left nothing of his on the hotel floor. Kiyo sighed and did the same. Working together in a comfortable silence, they made sure to check under every nook and cranny for loose objects, until finally, the room was as empty as it was when they first came.

"You excited?" Rantarou asked, zipping up his suitcase.

"As excited as I'll ever be," Kiyo replied amicably, brushing the tangles out of his hair. 

The anthropologist worked at his hair for a little while longer before stringing it up with a rubber band. "Does it look good?" he asked his green-haired companion, turning around so Rantarou could see the other side of his head.

"Yeah, it looks great, Kiyo," Rantarou assured him with an easy laugh. "Let's go."

Kiyo smiled at Rantarou as they turned to the hotel door. He couldn't help but look back. There was the room that they shared for a week, pristine white sheets disorganized and messy, light streaming in through the blinds, and the patio door slightly ajar, leading to that balcony that they loved standing on. It filled Kiyo with happy, bittersweet memories of their trip. Of Rantarou dancing in the streets, of taking pictures of the views of Christ the Redeemer and the city from Sugarloaf, of the teensy souvenir shop in the residential district, of Escadaria Selarón, of the beach, of everything that they saw together, just the two of them.

Another ghost of a smile, and they shut the door behind them, never to return again.

* * *

The bus made its way acrost the countryside. Every once and a while, it'd hit a bump, and Kiyo would be knocked into Rantarou's side. The road varied in quality: in some places, it was smooth riding; others, it was not. But that didn't matter much to them, as the gorgeous Brazilian countryside more than made up for it, with rolling hills of green, bluffs and mountains everywhere they looked. Sometimes, they'd be in a small town, with tiny little houses; other times, they were in the country, with small farms and rocky formations. It was peaceful and serene, with breathtaking views.

About halfway through the ride, Rantarou fell asleep on Kiyo's shoulder. It was entirely unexpected, considering the other boy seemed to be so full of energy when he woke up Kiyo, but here he was, fast asleep. Rantarou's green hair was fanned underneath his head, his small exhales only slightly disturbing his bangs. The late summer sun brushed acrost his face, highlighting his cheekbones and his freckles. Kiyo was afraid of moving him. It seemed as if his peace was a glass egg, and Kiyo didn't want to break it. So he resigned himself to staying as still as possible, and eventually, he too fell asleep.

When the bus came to a screeching halt at their stop, they finally woke up, blushing profusely and stuttering out apologies. Laughing, they grabbed their bags, thanked the bus driver and burst out onto the streets of Boa Vista. The town had lots of greenspace, trees planted between buildings and grass in the sidewalks. The streets met in the center of town like a sun, each road connecting to the circular road in the center of town. In the center of this impromptu roundabout was a park-esque greenspace and a government building where Kiyo and Rantarou stood. At the edge of the town was a great river, and a bridge that lead over it.

~~(It kinda reminded them of Vancouver, which scared them because they've never been to Vancouver before. Maybe in a past life. Izuru's been to Vancouver.)~~

The hotel that they got a reservation for was nice, clean and modern, but less extravagant than the one they got in Rio. The sliding doors had a simple arched canopy over it, made of white stone. Inside, the lobby had a bubbling fountain, plush chairs and a wooden floor. The lights were modern, wineglass shaped lampshades made of stained glass, shining an orangey-brown glow due to the lightbulbs within. Every few minutes the elevator would ding and another tourist would enter or exit the lobby. Rantarou and Kiyo headed for the elevator, ready to drop their stuff off in their room.

The room was simple, with white walls, dark wood furniture and white sheets. They didn't have a balcony this time, but it was still nice. Rantarou and Kiyo dropped their bags on the bed and started searching their stuff for their hiking supplies. Rantarou found the pack bag, and they filled it with snacks, water bottles, extra shoes and first aid. Double-checking everything, Rantarou nodded to Kiyo. They had everything and were ready to go. All they had to do now was hike. 

They decided to get a rental car from the hotel for the first half of the journey. Despite their hatred of vehicles, they did have a fair amount of driving to do to get across the Venezuelan border and near the jungle. Starting from Boa Vista, Brazil, they had to drive along the highway into Venezuela, and then to Canaima National Park ( _Parque Nacional Canaima_ ), where their hike to the falls would begin. Their trip would end at the base of the falls. 

The rental car that they rented was a modest Chevy, with a bright orange color. It was a four-seater, and had just enough room in the trunk for their bag. Rantarou, having more driving experience, would be the one to drive the car. Kiyo was in charge of making sure Rantarou made the right turns, and had his map up on his phone while Rantarou drove. It was a peaceful coexistence that helped them work together as a team.

Their drive started out of Boa Vista onto Brazil BR-174. With the gentle hum of the radio in the background, the  _vrrrr_ of the AC, and Kiyo's gentle instructions, Rantarou steadily took their rental up the highway towards Venezuela. Every once and a while they'd play car games, like the alphabet. Rantarou'd whisper a word on a sign that started with an "A", like "Amajari," and the cycle would restart, each boy whispering a new word until it cycled back to Z. Other times, they'd hum along to the radio, playing a song with words they didn't understand. Their rental car kept trundling forwards to the pressure of Rantarou's foot on the gas.

At the Venezuelan border, BR-174 turned into Venezuelan Troncal 10. There they had to stop by the border to show their passports. The border guard was personable and friendly, and after stamping their passports, wished them safe travels. With a smile and a wave, Rantarou drove off.

"He was friendly," he remarked with a smile.

Kiyo nodded in assent.

The farther along they went on Troncal10, the more wooded the road became. Kiyo glanced at his map, forehead wrinkled as he tried to decipher it. "They said the road that we must turn on is simply named "Unnamed Road," he noted, voice layered with confusion. "Then it leads into the park, and we hike from there." 

"It's fine if it's unnamed," Rantarou replied easily. "Just tell me where to turn and it'll be good."

"Alright. It's a left farther down Troncal10."

They continued in an easy silence. The trees thickened further. Kiyo continued to stare erroneously at his map, watching the little geographic marker that was their car move farther along the GPS map. In a few seconds, a turn- that was exactly the road Kiyo had mentioned- appeared ahead, and Kiyo started hollering and gesturing to it. Rantarou smiled, and turned onto it.

"Unnamed Road" was a long road that led into the jungles of Venezuela. To both of their surprise, there appeared to be a small foods stand farther down the road. The sign over the booth read,  _Campamento Toron-Kan,_ and the patrons there could buy roasted beetles if they so preferred to. Kiyo nearly smushed his face against the window in an effort to look at it closer. He was fascinated by the foodstuffs. "Maybe we'll get some later, Kiyo," Rantarou offered, laughing at his friend's quirky view on native cuisine. Reluctantly, Kiyo turned away from the foodstand and focused on the road ahead.

Farther in was the park, a nice campground next to a lagoon. At the front of the park, where the road led, was a neat, sizeable parking lot with an information center. The lagoon was the center of the park, with waterfalls of various sizes emptying into it. The trees around it were willows, weeping into the lagoon. It probably would've been beautiful at night, and the boys were certain that they'd see it later, when the sun had set and the fireflies had a chance to come out and dance across the water, the moonlight shining over the surface. To the northwest was the trail that led to Angel Falls. Overall, the park was rather lovely to see, a soother on the eyes.

However, Rantarou's adventurer senses were tingling, drawing him into the jungle.

"C'mon, Kiyo!" he yelled with excitement, grabbing said boy's hand. "Let's go find the falls!"

* * *

Watching Rantarou traverse through the jungle was like watching a child run around a candy shop: he was entranced by EVERYTHING. Kiyo admired the way that his friend took awe from everything he saw, committing each sight to memory, snapping pictures of rock formations and trees and birds and every tiny little part of what he was exploring. Rantarou was absolutely in his element, and Kiyo loved it.

The trail was winding and well-beaten into the earth, so much so that it wasn't hard to follow it. A tour group had left before them, and Kiyo and Rantarou had to push through them, muttering apologies to the wayward tourists. Tropical birds made  _ca-cawws_ as they walked, the waning sunlight shining through the trees, illuminating the path. The scene was so refreshing that Kiyo had to fight the urge to skip down the path, singing hiking songs. Walking through the jungle was invigorating.

After about a half-hour of walking, Rantarou suddenly broke off the path. 

"Rantarou," Kiyo questioned, on his heels, "where are you going?"

"I dunno. Intuition's calling," he responded, still facing forwards, striding quickly into the greens. Both boys continued off the trail, following Rantarou's adventure sense. After some time, Rantarou halted in front of a tall bluff, staring at it inquisitively, Kiyo standing behind him.

"...so what is this again?" Kiyo asked, trying not to sound judgmental.

Rantarou scrutinized the rock for a second, before walking around to the other side. "Here," he called, motioning for Kiyo to come over to the other side.

On the other side of the rock was a massive fossil.

Kiyo jumped. It appeared to be the fossil of a pterasaur, a large bird-like dinosaur that existed within the late Jurassic to Cretaceous periods of the Mesozoic Era. It was apparently squished into the rock, its arms out in panic, its skull upturned, beak open, crying out for help. Half of the bones, near its lower half, seemed to just be gone, entirely missing. It wasn't a full fossil, but it was a fossil nonetheless.

"Wow," Kiyo breathed. "Your adventure sense found  _that_ ?"

"Yeah," Rantarou responded, "and it's a beauty."

Kiyo chuckled at Rantarou's admission. It'd been a long time since Kiyo had been able to see his friend's talent in action. He remembered the last time he'd seen it. They were just little kids.

"You ready to go back onto the trail?" Rantarou asked, breaking him out of his reverie. 

Kiyo smiled, and took his hand again. "Yeah."

* * *

_07.03.2014. 11:34 am._

_"We shouldn't be out here," Kiyo whispered conspiratorially to his friend. The two boys, one 11, soon to be 12, the other already 12, trampled through the woods, entirely by themselves, no parents to be found. "My sister is gonna be mad, we should go home."_

_"Nah, it'll be fine. They won't catch us," Rantarou responded. "I dunno why but I feel like I need to be out here. I'm looking for something, Kiyo." His green hair bounced with each step he took, two pairs of muddy rainboots stampeding against the dirt. "It's an adventure."_

An adventure,  _Kiyo reminded himself. He sighed. "Fiiine, but if we get in trouble, I'm blaming you," he replied. What a grand adventure it'd be._

_Rantarou kept his fast stride, dragging Kiyo by the wrist. "Slow down!" Kiyo yelped in protest. "I'm going to trip!"_

_"Fine," Rantarou huffed. "Hey, look, there's a river up ahead. I'm gonna follow it!"_

_The rainboots splashed into the shallow stream as Rantarou walked straight into the water, walking on it like a gravel path. The boys walked farther and farther into the woods, no end in sight, as the stream twisted and turned. Once it got too rocky to walk in, Rantarou returned to the riverbank, following it religiously, an exhausted and beleaguered Kiyo trailing behind half-heartedly._

_Rantarou could see tall rocks ahead. He broke into a sprint._

_Suddenly, the earth dipped downwards. Rantarou yelled and tripped down the hill, Kiyo running after him, alarmed. He slipped into the mouth of a cave neither realized existed, the darkness swallowing both boys up. After a while, Rantarou landed with a soft thud._

_"What is this, a bear's nest?" Rantarou whispered nervously._

_"I don't think so," Kiyo replied. "Look, the walls are glittering."_

_"Glittering...?"_

_Rantarou turned the flashlight on his phone on, and both boys gasped._

_It was a crystal cave. The walls and floors had growths of magenta-purple crystal jutting out of them, glittering in the light of his phone. The tunnel seemed to go on forever, winding into the darkness, still sprouting those beautiful crystals, the light shining through them, their insides almost clear, as if a little light was hiding inside each one. The ceiling of the cave extended high like the ceiling of a church, glittering like stained-glass windows._

_Kiyo looked at Rantarou. Rantarou was smiling with a satisfaction that Kiyo had never seen on him in his life._

_"This," he breathed, "was exactly what I was looking for. I found it."_

_He pulled out his phone and snapped a couple of candid shots of the interior. He turned around to Kiyo. "This is brilliant! Did you even know we had a crystal cave this close to home?"_

_"No, I didn't," Kiyo realized. "Nobody did. This was... entirely undiscovered. It's as if you had a talent for this stuff."_

_"A talent... huh...?"_

* * *

_08-04-2018, 18:30_

The water rushed, making a soft white noise that echoed around the canyon. Tourists flocked the edge, snapping photos or just watching the water run. The lake at the base's water gently swayed as the water tumbled over the sharp cliff edge and into the depths below.

They'd made it to Angel Falls, the highest waterfall in the world.

It was MAGNIFICENT. Kiyo could barely comprehend the sheer  _height_ of the falls, the towering cliff that it came from looming above them all menacingly. When the water dashed across the rocks, steam hissed off of the rock face, making makeshift clouds just hundreds of feet above them. If you got close enough, you could feel the spray. The rock faces themselves were beautifully cut, almost geometric in their shape, perfect shelves and rectangles eroded into the face from thousands of years of water spray, earthquakes and natural weather. The landforms showed more of the earth's history than any man-made artifact. In retrospect, in the history of the earth, humans were just the period at the end of the essay.

And yet, there was so much history and culture compacted into that tiny dot of ink.

A coldness in his hand alerted Kiyo that Rantarou had wandered ahead. He was perched at the edge of the lake, camera in his hand, taking shots of the waterfall. His green hair and loose clothing swayed in the chilly breeze, an expression of contentment etched on his handsome face. After a few seconds, he set down his camera next to him and closed his eyes with a sigh, relaxing to the sound of the water, a small smile starting to form. Kiyo couldn't help but hang back and admire him. 

When Rantarou noticed him staring, he motioned for Kiyo to come sit by him. Kiyo obliged, shyly stepping next to him and sitting, his legs to his side, almost as if a lady would sit wearing a short skirt. Rantarou smiled at him, taking his hand.

"We made it," Rantarou noted quietly, staring out into the water. "We did this together."

"It was fun. Shame it's our last day out here," Kiyo added, nodding.

Rantarou sighed, and looked at him again. "I just... I want to thank you for coming out all this way with me," he whispered, a tinge of pink on his cheeks. "You didn't have to, but you did, and that's really special to me. I don't just invite anyone out on my exploration trips with me."

"Oh, it wasn't any trouble for me," Kiyo reassured him. "I had the time of my life out here with you."

"I-" Rantarou stammered. "I have something I want to tell you. A-and I was waiting until today, right here specifically to tell you because I thought it felt right."

"What is it, Rantarou?"

The afternoon sun, sinking lower into the sky, sent a golden-orangey glow across the water surface in front of them, and into the irises of Kiyo's eyes. Rantarou flushed bright red, and took both of Korekiyo's hands in his own, standing up, Kiyo following him. Kiyo's long hair swayed in the breeze as he stood up, his mouth, mask-less and exposed, in a soft smile. 

"I-" Rantarou whispered. "I hope you don't judge me for this, but..."

Kiyo looked at him expectantly.

"Well... You see..."

"Yes?"

"Ihavefeelingsforyou."

"Sorry?"

Rantarou laughed. "Ah, I'm sorry about that. I'm really nervous about this. Let me say it slower." He took a deep breath.

"I have feelings for you."

Kiyo went bright red. "Oh, y-you do? Really? Is that so? And this isn't a joke?"

"Why would it be a joke?"

"I'm not sure, haha..." Kiyo hid his grin into his sleeve. 

Rantarou gently pulled Kiyo's arm away from his face. "I'm not a bad guy. I wouldn't do that to you," he assured him. "Listen. Just let me explain."

Kiyo looked down, away from Rantarou's face, still grinning quietly.

"Holy shit," Rantarou breathed. "The way you talk? Absolutely mesmerizing. It's like you're reading Shakespeare, or lyrical poetry, but instead of you reciting anything it's just you. I've known you since forever and I've watched you learn that way of speaking and those mannerisms with every book you've read and it's enthralling as fuck, Kiyo, you have no clue. Your hair?? Holy shit your hair. I want to brush it and braid it and put it into buns every fucking morning and I didn't know how to tell you without seeming creepy so I just waited until you'd let me of your own volition. Your personality? You're so polite and kind with everyone. That's hot, by the way. Being polite is a goddamn kink. Never stop being polite. Your eyes? They're so pretty, Kiyo, you have  n o   c l u e."

Rantarou trailed off, Kiyo grinning stupidly at this point. The green-haired boy heaved, catching his breath after that long rant, putting the hand that he'd used to move Kiyo's hand on his shoulder to balance himself. 

He looked up again determinedly. "And now you're insinuating that you like me back, and I'm so fucking happy. There's no way that this'd be a joke."

Kiyo smiled. "Hey, Rantarou?" he asked quietly, putting a hand on his cheek.

"Yeah?"

"May I steal a kiss from you?"

"Absolutely."

And with that, Rantarou leaned up to meet Kiyo in their first kiss.

It wasn't magical, like first kiss stories always describe it. It was clumsy, and awkward, and Rantarou swore he missed, and had to readjust, and they didn't know where to put their hands, so Kiyo sorta just left his hand on Rantarou's cheek, and it lasted too short. But it was giggly, and romantic, and so full of tender love that they couldn't have ever asked for more. 

It wasn't magical, but it was perfect.

"Hey Kiyo?" Rantarou asked after they broke apart.

"Yeah?"

* * *

_"I love you."_

* * *

_08-05-2018, 11:45 am_

**No CisHets Allowed**

**avacado spirit:** guess who's back

 **if she breathe she a thot:** backstreet?

 **biggest gay:** BACK STREET' S B A CK ALRIGH T  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **blocked and reported:** you're illiterate, kokichi. stop.

 **if she breathe she a thot:** god maki's hot when she shuts kokichi up~

 **asstronutt:** he y  tha t' SMY GIRLFIRNE D YOU THOT

 **blocked and reported:** kaito, you're also illiterate.

 **asstronutt:** D:

 **avacado spirit:** but yeah we back. also we got y'all souvenirs so stop by or whatevs. whenever. sometime.

 **kork:** dw about it, rantarou. we can give them to them on the first day of school as well.

 **avacado spirit:** that's fair. thank you, kiyo. 

 **kork:** you're welcome. <3

 **protective tol:** are friends dating now? gonta has been noticing that friends are close. 

 **kork:** e

 **avacado spirit:** h

 **avacado spirit:** damnit he's perceptive

 **biggest gay:** w h a t

 **biggest gay:** YOU ASKED HIM OUT FINALLY??? I THOUGHT YOU'D NEVER

 **biggest gay:** OMG AMAMI-CHAN

 **avacado spirit:** yes, yes i did. korekiyo and i are dating now

 **avacado spirit:** i love my boyfriend <3

 **kork:** i love you too <3

 **velveeta GANG:** AAAAAAAAAH CONGRATS CONGRATS!!

 **$n00p d0g:** atua blesses this! Atua forsees your relationships to be strong and healthy!

 **$n00p d0g:** except for you stinky hettys you better fear for your lives

 **blocked and reported:** excuse me what

 **$n00p d0g:** nothing! nothing

 **$n00p d0g:** j u d g e m e n t   d a y   g r o w s  n e a r

 **All Women Are Queens:** I fear for my goddamn life, and I'm an immortal robot.

 **Wii Sports Tennis:** holy shit i forget that fact

 **Wii Sports Tennis:** he's gonna outlive us all

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also i'm writing drafts for three chapters starting with the school christmas party one. that one will most likely be dropped in december. so e :)  
>  ~~that's when everything starts to go downhill~~  
>  hopefully you guys will enjoy it!  
>  ~~enjoy is a funny word~~ :)  
>  chat names:  
> avacado spirit: amami  
> if she breathe she a thot: miu  
> biggest gay: kokichi  
> asstronutt: kaito  
> just gettin' bi: shuichi  
> stronk woman: tenko  
> Abraca DAB ra: himiko  
> smoogi: tsumugi  
> kork: kiyo  
> $n00p d0g: angie  
> anybody want some stew: kirumi  
> velveeta GANG: kaede  
> blocked and reported: maki  
> All Women Are Queens: kiibo  
> Wii Sports Tennis: hoshi  
> protective tol: gonta


	21. Return of Class 79-A

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> School again, _really?_ What a bore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi so this was overdue. I wrote a chapter I will not be able to publish until April, I got into a situation with my instagram (which is now @inevitablyhope), someone called the police on me for ventposting, Deltarune dropped, I got my wisdom teeth removed, and yeah. I have been very busy. But I finally completed chapter 21!
> 
> I'm skipping my Halloween chapter, so ch22 will be before christmas break, so i'll be ahead on chapters and i'll have time to write everything. I'm so sorry I haven't posted anything in so long. Again, very busy.
> 
> Thanks,  
> -Kamukura Izuru
> 
> (Ending scene inspired by @itsyoted.)  
> (All of the DICE members' names were created by me. They are either direct translations of english words or spliced off of direct translations of english words.)

_no09-05-2018, 06:24am_

**No CisHets Allowed**

**biggest gay:** hey shisters

 **biggest gay:** guess what fu c KIN G  DAY IT IS

 **velveeta GANG:** school eeeeeeeeee

 **stronk woman:** school

 **abraca DAB ra:** schoool

 **protective tol:** SCHOOL!

 **asstronutt:** why r y’all excited for school ugh gross

 **velveeta GANG:** because

 **$n00p d0g:** school

 **smoogi:** is

 **anybody want some stew:** fun,

 **blocked and reported:** kaito

 **asstronutt:** AAAAAAAA

 **asstronutt:** THAT’S REALLY SYNCHRONIZED WHAT IS THIS

 **$n00p d0g:** a cult :)

 **stronk woman:** :)

 **smoogi:** :)

 **asstronutt:** FUCKIJDS

 **$n00p d0g** _changed their name to_ **:)**

 **:):** :)

 **:)** _changed_ **asstronutt** _’s name to_ **ass**

 **ass:** f u c kibdhsg

 **just gettin’ bi:** MERCY

 **kork:** pardon my language but _jesus fucking christ_

 **ass:** e

 **ass** _is offline._

 **:):** we have defeated the evil!!

 **smoogi:** YEET

 **abraca DAB ra:** yyayyyyyy

 **stronk woman:** fuck yeah!

 **if she breathe she a thot:** got em

 **just gettin’ bi:** wait

 **just gettin’ bi:** this is just all of the girls lmao. it’s not a cult, it’s wlw solidarity

 **stronk woman:** fuck we’ve been found out

 **:):** girls go!

 **:)** _and 7 others are offline._

 **avacado spirit:** well d a m n

* * *

Shuichi glanced at his schedule, grimacing, Kokichi at his side. “They gave 79-A a new room this year,” he informed his boyfriend tersely. “And a new teacher. Mrs. Yukizome?”

Kokichi grinned. “Really??? I’ve heard of Mrs. Yukizome, she taught 77-B before they graduated. Izuru told me she was really nice.”

“The exact same Yukizome, apparently,” Saihara laughed. “C’mon, it’s up ahead, let’s go.”

“Allllrighty!”

They headed down the hallway, Kokichi laughing at Shuichi’s side. Up on a plaque next to their new classroom was a sign that said 79-A in bold white lettering. Students were mingling in the halls nearby, standing next to their respective rooms— across the hall was 79-B, farther down being the rooms for 79-C and 79-D. The boys ignored them and turned into their room.

This classroom was modest, with green walls. There were about 20 desks lined up in the room, despite Shuichi knowing only 16 would get filled. At the front, like their old room, was a podium and a blackboard, obviously for the teacher. On the opposing side of the room from the door was a set of wide windows. The grounds were visible from the glass panes. Scattered throughout the class were most of their classmates, and sitting in her desk was their new teacher.

She was a redhead with a kind face. She wore a blue blouse, black slacks and black dress shoes. Shuichi noted with a twist of a smile that they were actually men’s dress shoes. He didn’t mind, it was a good look for her. Her hair was done in a ponytail, tied back with a white ribbon. Her expression was soft, but her gaze was shrewd, like she’d seen a lot. This, Shuichi assumed, was Yukizome. Shuichi gave her a quiet nod, and sat in a desk, Kokichi taking the one next to him. She smiled amicably.

After a few minutes, Kaede and Tsumugi followed them in, Kaede waving to Shuichi happily, and then Maki and Kaito, making their group 16. After doing a quiet headcount, Yukizome clapped her hands, drawing all of their attention to her. She walked up to the front of the room, her eyes studying each of them in turn before standing behind the podium. She grabbed a stray piece of chalk, writing her name in a loose, curly script on the board, turning back around to reveal a dusty white _Chisa Yukizome_ on the board.

The class looked at her apprehensively, not knowing what to expect.

“Hi class!” Yukizome began. “I don’t know if you’ve heard much about me from your older peers?”

A rumbling of assent and examples went around the class.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought,” she muttered to herself. “Well, for those of you who don’t know, I taught 77-B the last couple years before they graduated! I’m Chisa Yukizome, or _Ms._ Yukizome to you all, and when _I_ was studying at Hope’s Peak, I was the SHSL Housekeeper. Not exactly teaching, but I’ll make do!”

“Housekeeping?” Miu scoffed. “How’s that gonna help you teach?”

Chisa’s entire demeanor changed, switching from pleasant to scary in about three seconds. She was in front of Miu in a second, a grimace on her face. “I _might_ not get any help from my talent,” she insisted, her tone dry, “but I _did_ have the pleasure of teaching the absolute _nightmare_ that was the 77-B class. You remember kids like, _Nagito Komaeda, Hiyoko Saonji, Teruteru Hanamura_ or _Izuru Kamukura?_ Yeah, _them?_ I _taught_ them. For _four years, no less._ I think I can handle this.”

And with a pleasant smile, Yukizome returned to the podium like nothing had happened. The class was silent for a minute before giving their new teacher a polite round of applause, Kokichi wolf-whistling for affect.

“Hey, hey, Yukizome! Tell us some stories about the 77th!” Tenko called.

“Maybe later,” Yukizome replied amicably. “For now, I need to give the start of the year announcements.”

The whole room groaned.

“Now, now, no need to get angry with me!” she crowed. “First of all, I’d like to remind you that attendance in this specific room is only mandatory on the first and third Mondays of the month. If you don’t show up those days I will personally hunt you down across campus and drag you back here myself. The rest of the days can either be spent here or in your respective lab honing your talent for midterms. Please remember that there is a practical exam of your talents at each midterm. Skipping class is only of detriment to you. Speaking of skipping, none of you did! That already makes you guys have a better attendance rate than the 77th did on their first day, so kudos to you.”

“Oh, right, I forgot, we’re juniors, we have more independent work!” Kaede exclaimed. “Good, I wanted to practice the piano more.”

“And I wanted to sleep,” Kokichi joked.

Yukizome shot him a disapproving glare. He shrunk in his chair guiltily.

“Second, on request, over the course of the year, I will be handing out practice assignments for anyone who desires them. They are not mandatory and do not count for your grade. As well as this, during not required days, if there are enough people present, I will teach coursework not related to your talent, like Mathematics, English, History, Science and Manners. I will also take groups down to the gym and the pool on those days as well, as well as to the tech lab. Lunch for the A block is always at 11:00. I’ll spend the morning hours teaching subjects, then release you for lunch and then in the afternoon we’ll have various activities. Reminder that attendance is not necessary if you’d prefer to study your talent independently.”

“Dude, really?”

“Can we play board games?”

“Can we have snack days?”

“Can we play video games?”

“Dude, that sounds lit as hell.”

“New favorite teacher.”

“Yes, yes, yes, yes, I hope it does and thank you,” Yukizome laughed. “Two more announcements. Third, if any of you have a problem, feel free to come to me, I’m always here to help. Fourth-”

A knock on the door cut Yukizome off. “Yes?” she called. “Who is it?”

“Student council,” a quiet voice replied. The door swung open to reveal the mousy-haired Makoto Naegi.

“Neggi, my man!” Kokichi yelled. “Did you bring my detention slip yet?”

“You don’t have any detentions,” Makoto replied with confidence. “Anyways, I stopped by to tell you all that-”

Togami shoved past him, carrying papers. He stepped into the threshold with a smirk. “Good morning, poors,” he sneered. “The student council has decided to spice up your tasteless lives by declaring the rest of this week to be a dress up week. Wednesday is pyjama day. Thursday is pool party, because for some reason you ingrates enjoy this sort of thing. Friday is meme day. That is all!”

And with that, he left, scooping up Makoto as if he was a rag doll, bridal style. Makoto waved sheepishly as his boyfriend carried him out of the classroom. Yukizome didn’t even bat an eye as the class blinked, shell-shocked.

A moment of silence.

“Well, that was the fourth announcement,” Yukizome admitted sheepishly. “But anyways-”

Kokichi burst out into laughter. “He said ‘good morning, poors’”, he quoted, voice filled with mirth.

* * *

**No CisHets Allowed**

_11:23 am_

**Versachi Leather** _added himself to the chat._

 **Versachi Leather:** good morning poors. Here’s a reminder of the theme list.

 **Versachi Leather:** Wed- pjs

Thurs- pool party

Fri- meme

 **Versachi Leather** _pinned the message to the chat._

 **Versachi Leather:** say thank you, togami.

 **biggest gay:** togami?? taking over my chat? I think not

 **biggest gay** _changed_ **Versachi Leather** _’s name to_ **fruit loops**

 **fruit loops:** w h a t

 **biggest gay:** say thank you, kokichi

 **stronk woman:** thank you, kokichi

 **ass:** thank you, kokichi

 **blocked and reported:** thank you, kokichi

 **protective tol:** thank you, gay clown!

 **velveeta GANG:** W hat

 **velveeta GANG:** nO. WHO TAUGHT GONTA THIS

 **if she breathe she a thot:** i did lol

**velveeta GANG:**

**velveeta GANG:** then perish, miu

* * *

“Ugh, cafeteria food,” Kokichi whined. “The bane of my existence.” He absentmindedly flung a lump of mashed potatoes in the air, yelling an apology when it hit Mondo Oowada right on his pompadour. Mondo grumbled, but with a whisper from Ishimaru, he calmed down and left them alone. Kokichi giggled and leaned into Shuichi’s side.

“You literally asked to eat here, Kokichi,” Shuichi reminded him. “Something about tradition. If you want, we can just go get lunch somewhere else. We still have a fair bit of time before the lunch hour ends.”

Kokichi laughed at that. “You caught me! Hmm.. how much time is left for lunch?” he asked, grabbing his old, battery-drained phone from his bag. He turned the screen on, looking at the obstinate _11:25 am_ , swiping up to unlock it.

The phone didn’t respond.

Kokichi flinched. He grumbled and shoved his phone back into his pocket, the charging pack attached swinging treacherously. Swearing colourfully, he smacked his head against the table in exasperation.

“Kokichi? What’s wrong?” Shuichi asked, unaware.

Kokichi grimaced. “Nothing,” he lied. “Just my phone acting up is all.” He smiled at his boyfriend, eyes tired.

“Ok, let’s finish our lunch then?” Shuichi offered.

A frown.

“Ok.”

Kokichi bit into his sandwich, the thing tasting of nothing but sandpaper.

* * *

 

_09-06-2018, 07:46am_

**No CisHets Allowed- 15 online**

**stronk woman:** YOOOOOO DID YOU SEE HIMIKO’S PJS

 **stronk woman:** lookatmygf.jpeg

 **velveeta GANG:** ohhdjdbxhshs look at her

 **velveeta GANG:** himiko you’re a friggin cutie

 **abraca DAB ra:** :0 !!!!!! no u kaede

 **smoogi:** efzhxhchsjdv kaede’s right holy shit look at you in that bear onesie aaaaaaaaa

 **abraca DAB ra:** mmmmmmnfjxjdhshd guyssss

 **stronk woman:** himiko ilysm

 **abraca DAB ra:** no me

 **stronk woman:** no m e

 **abraca DAB ra:** n  o    m e

 **stronk woman:** n̷̫̼͙͍̐͋̌̍̎̔̽͝͝ ̸̡̟̞̗͈̯̖͇̱͙̣̰̍̆̏̌̐̈́͂ͅͅō̸̺̬̹̠̠͓̻̞̭̺̹̥̐͐̃̈́̒̓̋̚͘ ̷̨͈̳̣̝̠̰̲̀̊̍̽̿̊̕ͅ ̶̢̛̜̯̻̮͎̠̠̻̥̦̌͒͌̐̓̈̋̾͐̒̓̋̾͘ ̴̨̛̛̼̗̻̭͖͒̊̋̚͜ͅ ̶̮̳̥̦̠̝̏̏̈́͘m̵̢̺̞͖̺̞͉͇̫͎̣̒ ̸̢̛̫̰̦̟̠͍͉̒͋̀̊̾͗̿̈́͒͘̚͝e̷̘͐̈̌̏

 **abraca DAB ra:** ṇ̶̡͓̹̣̂̍̆̈͝ ̸̞̖̻̠̙͕̝͇̠̱̙̝͎̖͙̙͉̬̙̻̖̐͛̾͑̌̏̆́͛̐̔̍̋͑̊̾̎͐̀̚͘ ̷̡̢̲̰̲̯̜̲͕̤͇̲̬̙̹̥̪͈͉̱͎̣̭̟̋̿͊̄͜͜͝͝ ̴̐͆ͅǫ̴̢̢̛̘̮͇̤̖̲̩͚͕͔̭̳͕̪͚͙͚͓̙̼̻͈̤̈͌͌͊̃̓͛̊̓̑̓̍̈́̕͘͜ ̷̬̜͚̳̣̲͕̪̮̘̑̽̈̄͝͝͠ ̷̨̨̨̢̛͕̣̮̞̻͓̜͙̤͕͖̟̟̪͈̳̺͚̞̺͍͔̮̼̊͂̄̔̈́̓͒͂͌̒̀̈́̋͋̇̉̆̊͆͂͌͆͌̃̓͂̂̽̆͠͠ ̵̡̪͉͈̙̣̯̦̻̖̤̞̪̟̼͙̭͍̙̣͖̻͓̤̮͛͛͒̈́̎̀̌̓̈́͒̏̚̕͜͝͝ͅ ̷̛͕̣̮̖̦̩̮̫̮̄̔̐͒̇̔̓͊̌̂̌͐̀͒͋̓̍̾̒̇͒̐͋̉̓̀͛̀͋̕͠͝ ̶̢̡̧̡̙̪̗̯̭̭͕̰̮̦̦͈͔̣̥͙̤̖̾̇̉̐͆̐͑͆̽̋̉̋ ̴̡̨̡̢͔̲͓̲̖̞͕͍͉̥͇͇̗͈̹̭̠̮̗̟̓͌̈́̅̌̒̃̌͛̏͌̏̉̇̉̏̐̋́̃̅̈́̂̚͠͠ ̶̨̛̘̳̳̗̹͙̠̯͉̯͚̦̃͆̎͂̓̍̈́̇̋̀͒̃̏͆͋͊̇̐̓̈̌̉͊̉͆̊̕͜ṁ̷͕͎̻̻̖̺̫̬̻̱͔͊̅̽̍̈́̿͊͌́̏̔́̇̌̈̏̀̋͛̈́͌̈́͌̿̓̃̕͝͝͝͝ͅ ̸̨̨̨̨͎̘̳̭̺̺͙̠̼̫͔̹͖̻͈̠̺̺͙̬͙͓̲͎͆̑̋͆̅̎͐͒̃͐̎̋̅̈́͜ ̴̡̨̧̤͈̘̦͕͖̭͕͕͚̮̥̝̤̼̘͌̍͐͑̒̂̒̈̔̾͆̽̂̇͐̑̈̌̓̾̓͆̾̈́̕ ̴̧̧͖͚͚͕̺̖̰̾̌͒͋̈͌͌̈́̓̑̉̾̽͘͝ẻ̶̢̡̡̨̦̳̮͔̩̘͈̤̭͈̳̞̞̲͖̳͙̭̝̤̖͙̙̈̀̌̋̃̎̚̚͝ͅͅ

**stronk woman: n̴̢̢̧̢̢̢̡̡̨̧̧̡̛͍͇̖̩̪͖̫̰͈̰̩͇̪͖͚̯͈̦̘̼̣̫̫͚̲̱̞̫̲͚̺̭̠̩͖̟̹̯͓̳̬̜̳͙̳̩̙͕̪̟̦̥̙͉͓̹̬̞͕͍̮̖̟̣̫͚̜̠̩̥͉̗͎̞̠͉̥̭̲͙͎͍͐̓̃̔̐̈͋̓̉̐͗͑̇̅̍̉̑̃̓͗̾̏̈̂͋̅͐̾̆͐̾͗̆͋̐̈́̇̑̾̈̓͐͊͋̅̒̈́̃̌̌̈́̑̔͆͌͐͌͌̒̽͂̿̂̐̈̔̎̊̋̏̊̔̃̇̒̑͌̌̌̽͆͆̀̊̈̐̍͐̊͗̓̑̽̈́́̽̐̈́͊͛̍̋̃́̉̐̌̎̌̔̈́̐̍̇̄̐͑̄̚̚̚͘̕̕̕̕͘̚̕̕͜͝͠͝͝͠͠͠͝͠͝ͅͅ ̸̧̡̧̢̧̨̨̨̨̨̨̝͍̞̬͖͔̣͚̱̦̣͎͕̹̺̦̭̖̹̳̰̠̪͓͈̤͍̟͙͍̺̱̭̼̰̘͔͙͖͎͎̘͓͈̞͚̘̱̳͕͇̻̙̹͉̟̟͍̩͉͔͇̞͕͇̪̘̻͈̦͙̠̟̖̺̞̦͔̼͙̖̰͕͔̖̮͙̝̞̮͈̱͕̱̝̣̱̻̙̹͙̬̯͕̟̳̣̗̤̦̯̺̦̠͕̳̭͎̟͇̮̘̘̗̬̱̬̻̠̭̣̲̹̥͙̗̥̒̍͛͌͂͐͊̍͒̓͜͜ͅͅͅͅ ̷̧̧̧̨̢̧̢̢̛̛̛̛̛̛͕̗̜̦͙̣̬̣͍̳͙̝̭͕̺̳̳̤͇͙̙̳̲̠̺̳̮̙͚͈̣̣̰̖͖͔̰̭̦̗̺͈̼͇̳̞̯͖͖̙̼̲̯̬̹̟̮̰̆͆̏̃̈͆̂̐̀̋̾͑̔̋̔̌̆̈́͐͛̃͋̔̾͒͌̿̊͐̉̈͑͋̄̉̑̾̋̇̏͊͆̾͆̽̍̿̃͆͗̔̆̄́̉̓̾̓͌̇͊͊̿͛̔̂̉́̎͊̍̆̔̍̎̍̔͆͌̈̏̒͗̐͗̆͆̽͂̉̒͛̈́̃͐̈́̀̔͌̓̍̋̆̆̎̔͛͐̒͋̆̊̽͒̽́̽̋̏͑̿̾̒̋͋͒̏̌̌̈́̈́̐̑́̈́̃̃̐͊̽̍̾̚͘̚͘͘̕͘͜͝͝͠͠͝͠͠͝͠ͅ ̷̨̡̢̧̨̨̢̣̝͎̪̦̞͔̘͖̰̳̖͚̗̩̩̲̭̟̟̰̪̫̹̙̤̟̫͉̠͓̭̻̭̖̰͉̦̲̖̲̱͍̣͙̬̞̈́̄̄̇̎̐͒̊̽͑̎̓̔̔͂̍̀̎̌̀̄̿̉́̆̈́̋̿͒̑̈̌͐̅̅͊͊̀̓̉́̽͋̆̇̈́̅͘̚͜͜͝͠ͅͅͅ ̴̨̡̧̧̨̡̧̨̡̨̢̛̛͉̞̻̯̭̳̱̹̩̹̬͔̲̺̙͙̬͔̟̻͍̠̰̲̗̞̙͈͖̣̳̬̜̙̭̥̬͈̱͓̟̼̝̣̳͓͖͕͖̟̫̜͓̤̣͈̭͇͔̙̲̬̝͔̦̻̫͉͎̯̝͚̼͍͖̻̠͇̣̞̓́̈́͗͗̓̈́̂̀̎͒́͑̈́̐͛̓̄̊̋̔͑̒̍͂̽̈́̊̎̈́̏͑͗̋̆͑̓̑́̋̍̐͑̎̌́̆̑̓́̓͋̑̿̿̉̒̓͊̃̉̋̋́̽̂͋̌̔̆̏̐̋͋̾̃̎̒̿̓̇̂́̊̎̌̽͌͊̒̏̉̔̐̂̅͛̿̎̂͆̅͒͒͌̄̽͋̄͌̈̆̍͆̊̑̿͛͋̈̄̿̏̂̊̍̆͌̔̈́͑́̔͂̎͐̋́̿̂͋͐̾̉͋̔̆̎́̉͋̃̈̀̕͘̚̕͘͘̚̕̚̚͜͜͜͜͝͠͝͝͝͝͝͝͝͝͝͝ͅͅͅͅ ̸̡̡̛̛̥̼̱̲͍̼̲͔͚͎̼̠̗̠̙̝̜͇̝̱̦͉̫̬͎̦͎͔̣̮̤̞̰͉̺͙̦͉̻̳͖͙͔͖̯̱͇̗̩͈̘͉͇̦̯͇̙̺̼̰̳̲̺̪͉̮͚̭̬͓̜̺̭͛̔͐̎͆̎̈́̊͋̉̈́͂̎̓̂́͋̄̈́͋͒̓͂̓͗̑̌͛̉̔̋͋̈́́̀̀͆̍́̍̓̓̿͂̽̕̕̚̚͘̚̕͜͜͜͜͜͝͝͠ͅͅͅ ̷̨̧̨̨̨̢̡̢̢̛̛̛͙̦͓̫͔̞̟̹̝̯̫̭̤̲̳̲̬͕̱͔̞͙͓̜̟͓̖̥̭̭̮͉̼̪̬̝͖̦̯̼̞̼͈̟͓͈̖̹͕̲̝̰̳͉̙̠̦̹̫̘͓̦̞̙͋̂̌͐̓̌͊͒͌̎͗́̀̒͛̏̓̌͂̎̏̽͆̄̏̉̽̂̋̋͆͑͑̒̅̑́̾͌̋̾̂̉̎̒̀̉̈́̐͂̓̀͛̐̅͊̈́̍͆̋̍̏̓͗̅̿̍̅̑͒̃͌͐͋͗̓͌̀́̈͋̓̒̍̋̇̈́́̒̆̕̕͘̚̚̕͜͜͝͝͝͠͝͠͝͝͝͠͠ͅ ̴̡̧̧̛̛̛̛̳̻̪̟̺̟͚͉͈̲͚͖̞̞̜̱̹̹̞̩̳̪͇͔͈͓̱̲͙̗͈̩̹̲͎̯͙̗̮̲̞̝̥͖͔̪͙̱͓̖̹̱͇̞̮̦̳̬̣͇̗̹̞̤̫̮͉̞̺͉̭̞̠̳̱͇̥̰̗͈͖̱̲̪̗̞̗̯͎̜̯͉̩̘͉̱̥͈͖̜͖͓̯̮̟̻̭̙̯̗̗̰̳̼̝̮̼̫̜̼̤͔̲̙̺̣͚͉̲͎̳͚̮͎̓̇́̐̅̆̐̎̆̎̿̆̓͗͂͆̊̈́̓̍̇̈́̏̋̽̐̈͂͌̍̈̃̓̆̄̏̌̑͗̓͊̑̌̀̂̇͊̇̐͛̄̏̃͒̂̎͋͐̊̈̒̈́͑̉̎̓̂̓̊̃̍̑͑͛̋̐̓͒̈́͊̄̀́̉́͒͐̓͋̓̓̂͋̓͒̾̍̊̇̌͐̌͛̌̐͛̀̊͛̇̓̈́͑͋͗̆͗̀͊͊̉̾̃̅̋͋̈́̅͊͋̌̎̍̃̓͆̇̉̄̋͐̏̈́̚̕͘̚̚̕͘̚̚̕̚͘͘̚͜͜͜͜͜͝͝͝͝͝͝͝͠͝͝͝͝͝ ̴̨̧̨̨̡̡̧̡̧̧̧̛̛̛͓͕̞̙͎̦̻̰̝̺͖͉̙͓̖̟̞̖̯̲̘̦͕̻̳͓͇̮̖̭̩̱̪͈͎̝̖͕̤̠̬̞̺̱͈̤̜͔̩̣͕̰̳̮̬͓̩̼̱̥͎͈̹͉̤͕͍̥̠̬͕̫̠͈͎̩͈͇͎̰͉̙̰̯̹̗̯̯͓̳͍̳͖͇̙̎̓͗̅͂͂̈́̋̊̀̐̈̄͂̇̍͋̒͐̾̇͒̾̈́̒͂͂̈́͋͂͌̍̄̄̏̓̉͒̊͐̎̿̈́̃̿͐̿͐͆̂̎͐̍͐̐͐̂̒̐̽͆̔̏̓͌͗͛̈́͆͂͒̾̋͂̾̂͛̍̾̀̔͐͆̉̿̐͆̂̓̀͗͗̒̐̈͋͗̓̀̈́̏͒̌̾̋̆̄̃̈́͆͐̈̒̈́̍̇̔̔͒̄̆́̓̈́̅̇̈́̅̄̈́̾̊̎̈̓̓͗͌͛̈́̀̂̈́͐̽͆͛̍̏̍̅͌̔̾͌͋̌̕͘̚̚̚͘̚͜͜͜͝͠͝͠͝͝͝͠͠͝͝͠͝͠͝͝͠͝͝ͅ ̴̡̧̡̢̢̢̧̢̨̨̧̧̧̨̨̡̡̢̢̥̘̩͔̥͖͖̦̙̣͚̫͔̖̭̮͙̞̱̦̹̰̘̣͈̥͉͓̠̭̦̞̯̠̰̭̘̬̻͓̰̝̘͕͈̺̹̟̯̲͇͎̫̙̠̱̜̠͓̟͔̻͓̖̫̩͚̗͔͔̙̠̗̙̟͔̥̻̰̹̦̹͍̤̗͚̤̦͙͍̙̝͎̰̙̺̺̜̥̤̯̪̻͈̙̥̰͍̠̩͚̹͖̳̟̝̬͍̬̝͍̤͎̥̮̺̣̘̹̻̟̟̹̤̮̖̪̾̋̾̓̾̋̽̓́̍̾̃̽͜ͅͅͅ ̶̧̡̧̨̨̧̨̡̨̢̨̧̢̧̨̨̡̨̢̢̨̧̛̛̼̜̼͚̫͓̳̠̤̦̻̫̙̝̖̖̝̤͔͚͕̥̤̙͕̖̰͕̖̭̹̳̬͍͓̖̖͕͔͔̱͇̥͈͚͎̹͈̝̠̬͕͉̲̫͎͉̳̝̲̠̖͉̣̩͓̺̹̣̗͍̲̜͈̻͓̙̖̗͍͇̙̼̟͎̻̯̘̻͈̗͉̗͙̰̱͖͍̣̝̖̥̞̘͔͕̺̗͙̝̝̜̫͚͚͓͎͓̣͔̳̣͚̜͍̣̮̗̞̻̮̼͓͕̮͉̙̲̮̰̩̱̝̼̟͎̰̩͇̙̟͎̖̩͎̙̺̹̫͍̣̻̦͓͙̹̱̦̲͋̊̾̐̈́̏̍̏͒͐͆̽̓̈́̿̾̂̈̃̄̇̃̈́̅͒̒̈͋̾̐͒͗̈́̔̾̄͊̇̀͑̈̅̈́̆̽̏͛̇̈̃̄̌͂̊̊͗̅͂̈́̋̂̽͗̈̄̓͊͋͌͆̉̍̓̓͒̆̾̄̌̇͘͘̚͘͘̕͘͘͜͜͜͜͜͜͠͝͠͠͝͝͝͠͝͝͠ͅͅͅͅͅͅͅͅ ̶̧̧̨̨̡̡̡̢̢̧̤̩͈̥͓̙̗̜̩͓̠̹̺͙̱͖̼͍̠̦͓̫̝̳̫̼̩̪̙̩̜̟͔̤̪̺͚̭͎̟̦͎͓̫̟̱͔͚̖̥̹̟̭̻̼̠̺̥̥̰̮̯̠̠͚̠̺̲̫̠̗̤͉͇̪̞͔̱͍͎̹̟̙̲̺́̅̐̈́̎̇̏̉̓̕͘͜͜͝͝͠͝͠ͅͅ ̶̢̧̢̧̢̡̢̧̡̡̧̧̡̨̧̡̡͎͈̪̤̳̺͎̙̳̬̱͙̫͔͓̬̯̼̫̼̦̭̤͇̱̭̙͉̩̟͇̫̻̮̭̬̲̜̜̖̜̗̬͉̪͉͚̹͔̥͓̮̻̼̝̤̙̹̗̬̺̦̞̞̦̟̗̩̫̮̲̼̞̮̭̬̯̠̟͍̥̣̞͕̼̯̫̰̖͈͕̱͚͚̯͔̯̗̞̟̦͇̟̮̞̝̱͈̞͚̤̺̦͎͓͎̬̮̺̩͔̞͕͔̤̩̖̰̞̟̪̳̘͔̟̻͇̣͓̤͍͖͍̞̹̙̩͎̟̹̻͖̥̲͕͍̳̰̩̰̳̠̞̱̩̼̳̼̟͇̱͎̓̍͊̒͗͑̆̌͑̽̾̂͑̍̓̑̊̉̀͑͗͒̏̽̌̉̏̓̾̈̿́̏̂̅̇̈́͐̐̍͗̓̾̋͌́̽̌͆̋̽̾̋̈́̑̀̈́̉̄́̽̐͋̒̂̽̕͘͘͘̕͜͜͝͠͠ǫ̴̢̧̡̧̡̧̡̧̡̢̨̧̛̛̛͈͚̹̳̪̼̹͎̩͔̩̬̱͓̫̖̪̬̺̳̹̺͍̯̥͉͚̦͖͖̪͓̣̭̤̳̖̭̙̹̻̖͖͉̟̜̬͙̬̱̩͔͎͙̜͔̭̦̘͙̲̟͕̤͉͎͍̻͇̞̰̠̹̠̩͎͍̦̻͖̬͉̙̻͂̊̈́͋̓͒̎̍̈́̏̔̐́̋̎̑͊͆̄̎̆̏̈́̇̋̋̽̓̈͛̉̇̊́̔̒̽́̒̈́̾̋̑̉̐̂̐͌̄̈́͑̉̉̈̏́͒͗̃̔̓̈́͌͐͛̿͋͑̌͑̔̈͂͑͒͋̾̇̏̾̄͒̏̈́̋͗͊͆̽̄̒̆̄̈́̓́͂̀̂̽̄̔̌͑̈́̎̓͊̅̈̉̇́̆͐̇̿̏̎͆̍̍͊͌̇̈͋̇͗͑̌͆͌̂̾͗̏̏̌̈̑̄͗̎̿̄͒͘̕̕̚͘̕͘͘̚͜͜͜͜͜͝͝͝͝͠͝ͅͅͅ**

**just gettin’ bi:** STOP _STOP_

 **just gettin’ bi:** THIS IS MADNESS. UTTER MADNESS

 **just gettin’ bi:** nomally i’d never say this but

 **just gettin’ bi:** CONTAIN YOUR GAY

 **just gettin’ bi:** IT IS OUT OF CONTROL

 **stronk woman:** but

 **just gettin’ bi:** STOP

 **abraca DAB ra:** where’s kokichi to enforce this?

**just gettin’ bi:**

**just gettin’ bi:** no clue

 **just gettin’ bi:** he’s watching me type but he won’t use his phone. kokichi what

 **:):** hey shuichi is his phone working?

 **just gettin’ bi:** ya, he just turned it on to show me

 **:):** funny.

 **:):** atua says it’s broken.

 **just gettin’ bi:** What?? no, the screen lights up???

 **:):** hmm. maybe atua is wrong today. atua is also telling me i should hit on maki but maki has a boyfriend.

 **ass:** YEAH MAKI DOES FUCK OFF ATUA

 **blocked and reported:** kaito don’t be so fucking r u d e

 **ass:** MAKI’S MY GF AND I’M FUCKING PROUD OF IT

 **blocked and reported:** e

* * *

“Oh my god,” Kaede exclaimed, gripping Kokichi’s shoulders. “Why didn’t you send a picture of your onesie? It’s ADORABLE.”

Kokichi grimaced. “Surprise,” he insisted curtly, a pout on his sharp-featured face. The SHSL Supreme Leader was wearing a white rabbit onesie, the ears and pawpads checkered like the scarf he wore underneath. The floppy rabbit feet were melded into slippers, and made a satisfying _tap tap tap_ as Kokichi walked. Its fur had a velvety softness that made Kokichi want to snuggle into the fabric, and the amethyst eyes were small little dots, lovingly embroidered in a thread that shimmered in the overhead lights.

Shuichi slid up next to his boyfriend then, draping an arm protectively over his shoulder. “ _He’s_ adorable,” the detective stressed, “and he’s _mine._ Get off of him, you’re stressing him out.” He gave Kaede a pointed gaze; not unfriendly, but still stern.

Kaede apologized profusely, hands flailing. “Ah, I’m sorry, Kokichi, I forget you’re kinda touch-aversive.”

“It’s fine, Kaede,” the short boy replied quietly. He inched closer to Shuichi on reflex.

The pianist narrowed her eyes. “Still,” she mused. “That is an adorable onesie. I need one. Where did you even get it?” Her eyes traced Kokichi’s form, looking for a tag or a brand indicator.

Kokichi chuckled. “It’s a secret!” he laughed, tugging at Shuichi’s arm. “C’mon, let’s go.”

Shuichi sighed and waved goodbye to a dumbstruck Kaede as he was dragged away. “Guess he won’t tell you!” he called back to the pianist. “Sorry!”

And with that, Shuichi and Kokichi were gone, almost as if they’d vanished into thin air.

“What.” she blurted out to the empty hallway.

There was no response.

Kaede chuckled. “Oh, boo, I could just ask Tsumugi to make me one.”

* * *

“Why didn’t you tell her DICE gave you that onesie?” Shuichi asked curiously.

Kokichi sighed solemnly. “She just isn’t ready for that information,” he replied with a dramatic frown.

In his pocket, Kokichi’s phone ticked ambiently before dying, despite the display reading 66% battery.

* * *

_“Hey, hey, boss, when were we gonna have that sleepover anyways? Pirouette has been planning it for weeks. We even got our pjs and stuff ready, and Lolita bought 30 bucks worth of snack food,” one of the DICE members, code name Afro, a taller boy with curly red hair like a clown, asked Kokichi. Pirouette was referring to a girl with twisty, wavy ponytails; Lolita, a short girl with long, chestnut colored hair that shone as it tumbled down her back. Kokichi knew all of their names of course, but he preferred their “codenames” instead (but Kokichi really knew they were just shitty nicknames he came up for them, and everyone used them like the gospel.)_

_There were 10 members of DICE, if you included Kokichi himself. Along with him, there was Pirouette, Joy (a blonde boy whose mask and face underneath were always in a smile), Lolita, Jumbo (A large, balding boy who Kokichi loved to hug), Hand-sock (A boy with strawberry blonde hair who had a lurching, bendy gait, whose sleeves always seemed to be too long for him despite his height), Afro, Violet (A girl with violet hair and a promiscuous personality. she reminded him of Miu), Goody-two (A meek boy with a bowl-cut) and Onion (a boy with crazy blonde hair that stuck up behind him like a plant). They rarely fought each other, a peaceful group who revelled in each others’ company as they ran the streets of their tiny town, spray-painting shops and helping stray cats find a home. Of course, they had their occasional guests, friends of the members who stopped by from time to time, but most of the time, it was just the 10 of them. They often planned hangouts like this, but Kokichi often declined, saying he was “busy”._

_He wasn’t busy. He just couldn’t provide anything to help, and he didn’t want to feel like he was just taking their resources. He could never buy food or lend a house for their parties, and he felt like a leech. However, he always gave the yes on all of their ideas. He was the leader, after all._

_“Fine,” Kokichi replied dismissively. “I’m busy again, so don’t expect me to show up.” He got up off of the lawn chair he was using as a makeshift throne that day, aiming to leave, but Afro’s strong hand found itself on his shoulder._

_“Kokichi, why do you keep avoiding these hangouts?” Afro asked him sternly._

_“What do you mean, avoiding?” Kokichi snarled. “I’m busy.” He tried to shake Afro’s hand off of his shoulder, failing due to the other boy’s superior strength._

_“We all want you here. You used to love these, especially when we were younger. Remember the bowling alley? And movie night? And cookie night? Come on.” Kokichi could see Afro’s stern gaze through the slits in his mask._

_“Afro-”_

_“Come on. Give me an actual reason for you not going.”_

_Kokichi howled with anger, bucking under Afro’s grip. “Shinku,” Kokichi snapped, gaze dark. “I don’t want to go. I literally cannot contribute shit. Just have your party by yourselves.”_

_Afro didn’t budge, even after Kokichi used his actual name. If anything, it strengthened his resolve. “Is this about the fact that your dad won’t help you pay for the parties anymore?”_

_“Shinku. Enough.” Kokichi looked away, betraying his own intent._

_“Kokichi,” Afro insisted._ _  
_ _“What?”_

_And, to Kokichi’s surprise, Afro pulled him into a hug._

_“It doesn’t matter if you can’t bring stuff. You know we’d do anything to help you,” the taller boy said quietly. “You’re our leader. You brought all of us together. You help sort out our issues. You’ve done more than enough to deserve the things we give you.”_

_Kokichi reluctantly returned the hug, arms shaking. “It doesn’t matter. I don’t even have proper pjs. You guys will have cool stuff and meanwhile my dumb dad won’t give me much else than sweatpants and white tank tops for pjs because it’s cheaper.”_

_Afro frowned in concentration. “Hmm.. that is a problem. But…”_

_“But?”_

_Then, Afro looked up, remembering. “I THINK I HAVE AN IDEA. Show up to the party anyways. I’ll make it worth your while.”_

\---------

_Holding his overnight bag, Kokichi gently knocked on the door. They decided to have the party at Lolita’s house, as her place was always nice and clean, the living room spacious and well-heated. In Kokichi’s bag was a fun-size bag of potato chips, a white t-shirt and grey sweatpants, usual pajamas for him. He also had two combs and his favorite (only) blanket. Hopefully, it would be enough._

_In about 30 seconds, Violet answered the door, grinning. Her mask was off, and she wore a heady plum-colored lipstick tonight, her eyes twinkling. She wore a flirty, silky purple robe, probably concealing lingerie, if Kokichi knew her well enough to guess (which he did). “If it isn’t the little shit himself, finally showing up!” She whirled behind him, putting her hands on his shoulders. “Just kidding. We love you a lot.”_

_“H-hey, Violet,” Kokichi replied, voice shaky. “Nice to see you too.”_

_Without warning, she slipped her hands over his eyes, walking him into the house. “So a little bird told me you’re in need of sleepover-worthy pjs, so all of us pitched in to get you something. Wellllllllllll, actually,” she admitted, “Jumbo sewed this up for you. We just paid for the fabric and all that jazz. But it’s from all of us, since you’re so freakin miserable.” Her voice was smooth and silky, like a purr of the low notes on a pan flute._

_“Jumbo sewed me something, huh?” Kokichi chuckled, trying to peer around Violet’s long nails. He felt a loose slipper under his foot, nearly tripping onto the floor. “Careful!” he yelped._

_“Sorry,” Violet replied, not sounding sorry in the slightest. She steered him into a chair that sounded like it was in the kitchen, judging by the sounds and smells of one of Lolita’s moms cooking tacos, and an older woman’s chuckle._

_“Hey, Kokichi,” the woman said with a smile. “Looks like you’re in quite the predicament, seeing around Suzume’s nails. Haru and the rest of your friends should be down in a bit. They were discussing something about a gift.”_

_“So I’ve heard,” Kokichi shot back gleefully. “They got me a gift! Unbelievable. Slanderous, even.” He could hear Violet’s laugh next to him._

_Lolita’s mom laughed. “Haru’s been talking about it all week. Those kids really care for you a lot.”_

_“Don’t expose us, Mrs Chonotsu! We’ve been trying to not let the praise get to his head!” Violet joked. “Really! He’s got quite the ego!”_

_A pause. “Nah, she’s right. We love you to bits, shithead.”_

_“Language!” Lolita’s mom cut in._

_The growing sound of talking and laughter alerted Kokichi to the rest of DICE’s presence. “Can I look now?” he asked, squirming in Violet’s grip. “I’ve already been insulted by Violet just by sitting here.”_

_“You DIDN’T!” Lolita gasped in her high-pitched voice. “Violet, say sorry.”_

_“Sorry,” the other girl drawled, sticking her tongue out at Lolita to blow her a raspberry._

_“Hmph! I never!” Kokichi heard her footsteps as she walked around to stand next to her mom. Mrs. Chonotsu apparently ruffled her hair, judging by her indignated squeak. Gentle laughter from another older woman told Kokichi Mrs. Chonotsu’s wife had also entered the kitchen._

_“Well, yeah,” a voice, presumably belonging to Onion, started, “Afro was givin’ us shit about you not havin’ any pjs-”_

_“SO WE MADE YOU SOME, STUPID!” Pirouette yelled, cutting him off. “OPEN UP!”_

_Violet removed her hands from Kokichi’s eyes. He gasped out of reflex._

_The whole gang was crowded around Jumbo, who was holding something in his meaty arms, a small smile on his large face. The softest, cuddliest member of DICE unfurled the fabric he was carrying and held it up, revealing it to be a Kokichi-sized rabbit onesie. The fabric was a white, soft velvet, the entire thing clearly made with care._

_“Oh my god,” Kokichi murmured, “it even has a fluffy little tail. You guys-!”_

_He ran over to Jumbo and jumped onto him, giving him a big hug, the rest of DICE joining into their little pile. Jumbo laughed in his soft voice and fell onto the ground, everyone toppling onto him, hugging Kokichi and each other, the self-proclaimed leader snuggling into the fabric of his new onesie._

_After a while they all rolled off of Jumbo and onto the floor, on their backs, laughing. Kokichi smiled at the rest of his group of wonderful friends, compassion pouring out of him._

_“I love you guys so much,” he whispered._

_From the corner of his eye, he could see Afro let out the breath he was holding. Kokichi grinned._

 

_“I swear I’ll never leave for anything.”_

* * *

_09-06-18, 15:48 pm_

**No CisHets Allowed**

**velveeta GANG:** _KOKICHI WHERE DID YOU GET THAT ONESIE_

 **velveeta GANG:**  w  h e r e

 **just gettin’ bi:** now he won’t tell you

 **just gettin’ bi:** he looked at his phone and threw it. i’m disappointed in you kaede.

 **protective tol:** gonta met some new kids today! they were very small!

 **protective tol:** except for a couple! there was a tall one! he was round too! gonta enjoyed hugging him! he sews!

 **avacado spirit:** oh my god me and kiyo saw them too. they’re midgets ig were we really that small

 **Wii Sports Tennis:** Can You Please Not Use That Word Like That.

**avacado spirit:**

**avacado spirit:** oh my fucking god i am so sorry

 **Wii Sports Tennis:** it’s ok man we all do it sometime

 **avacado spirit:** yeab!!l it’s pumpkin spice latte season and me n kiyo are basic bitches so we’re outta here. y eet i guess.

 **kork:** we’re out man

 **kork** _and_ **avacado spirit** _went offline._

 **if she breathe she a thot** _changed_ **Wii Sports Tennis** _’s name to_ **will stab a bitch ig**

 **will stab a bitch ig:** fitting. very fitting.

 **will stab a bitch ig:** for once i finally get a name change. thank you, miu

 **if she breathe she a thot:** happy to be of service ;)

 **smoogi:** are you telling me one of the freshies snatched my social niche

 **smoogi:** wasn’t I SUPPOSED TO BE THE SEAMSTRESS

 **smoogi:** A TINY PUNK IS GONNA CATCH HANDS?

 **anybody want some stew:** tsumugi. i sew, you sew, kamukura izuru sewed, and i’m pretty sure class 80 has a shsl embroiderer, class 76 had a shsl fashion designer and class 78 has a shsl threadmaker. sewing itself isn’t particularly uncommon.

**smoogi:**

**smoogi:** bUT I WAS THE SEWING FRIEND I

 **protective tol:** tsumugi should not make tanoshi “catch hands”! he is not tiny! he is very strong! gonta has seen him pick up other students for hugs!

**smoogi:**

**smoogi:** _terrifying._

 **just gettin’ bi:** tanoshi? I swear i’ve heard that name before

 **protective tol:** tanoshi joyas! yes!

 **Abraca DAB ra:** omg he won a really big arts and crafts comp a few years back. everyone that showed up to support him were wearing clown masks

 **Abraca DAB ra:** i thought he was in a cult or smth

 **Abraca DAB ra:** they had an empty chair the whole time tho. whole school waz whispering about it

 **just gettin’ bi:** huh. thought i knew that name from somewhere else.

* * *

_09-07-18, 02:46am_

**biggest gay:** you saw tanoshi? Here?

 **biggest gay:** i-

 **biggest gay:** FUCKING PHONE-

* * *

_07:32 am_

**just gettin’ bi:** _lookatthisgay.jpeg_

 **stronk woman:** oh my fucking god. horse floatie. HORSE FLOATIE

 **All Women Are Queens:** thanks! i hate it. please uninstall.

 **ass:** you know what they say

 **ass:** become  h o r     s e

 **blocked and reported:** no? that’s not what they say?

 **ass:** yeaassss.

 **blocked and reported:** _in the entire HISTORY of the english language, WHEN have they said become horse. when, Kaito. you fucking tell me when they said becom ehorse. when the fuck, Kaito. what the hell._

**ass:**

**ass:** become hor

 **ass** _went offline._

 **:):** bullseye.

 **blocked and reported:** angie? that is an impressive amount of sunscreen.

 **stronk woman:** wait maki and kaito are in the same room? why don’t they just talk out lo

 **stronk woman** _went offline_

**:):**

**:):** _bullseye._

* * *

“TANOSHI?” Kokichi called, walking up the freshman hallway. “Tanoshi, are you there? It’s Kokichi! You know, the boss? Tanoshi?”

The horse floatie bounced on his hips as he walked. It was cumbersome, limiting his movements as he went, squeaking and chafing against his legs. Kokichi considered ripping it off of himself as he continued, passing by the boys’ bathroom.

“Tanoshi?” he called again.

Nothing.

“I miss you,” Kokichi cried out. “I miss all of DICE.”

A moment of silence, the only sound Kokichi hearing being his own heartbeat.

“Bullshit.”

A whistle, and a popping sound, and the horse floatie around him deflated. Kokichi jumped with alarm as he noticed a sewing needle sticking out of the side of his favorite floatie. The SHSL Supreme Leader quickly slipped out of the burdening elastic floatie and whirled around, only to be face to face with a ghost he thought he had abandoned.

It was Jumbo.

Jumbo had only gotten taller in the two years that Kokichi hadn’t seen him, and a lot of his rotundness had transformed into muscle. He was still rather spherical, but not as much so, his face far more defined than it used to be. His clothing was immaculate, as expected of the Super High School Level Sewmaster. It was all handmade, his jacket a comfortable tan color that was easy on the eyes, golden buttons sticking out on the front. He wore dark dress pants that were perfectly ironed, the crease apparent. The part that really tore into Kokichi, however, was Jumbo’s hat. It was covering his shiny bald head, a chocolate-colored derby hat, needles sticking out of it as if the hat was a pincushion. The hat’s visor was covered in Jumbo’s old DICE scarf, cut into the perfect shape to sew over it. Kokichi felt a raw sob building in his throat at the sight of the checkered material.

“Kokichi doesn’t look so regal with a floatie around his waist. I did you a favor,” the heavyset boy whispered.

“Haha, Jumbo,” Kokichi stammered, “I didn’t know you swore now.”

“I don’t,” the boy replied impassively, his soft voice just barely cutting into the silence, almost inaudible. “But this is a special occasion.” His stance was guarded, like a stranger, his dark eyes cutting into Kokichi like knives.

“Don’t look at me like that,” Kokichi pleaded. “Please don’t look at me like that, Jumbo. You know I had to go. You know I had to leave.”

“We’re not friends, Ouma,” Jumbo said sternly. “Don’t use that nickname.” Despite his angry words, he still lowered his gaze, if only for Kokichi’s sake.

“Sorry, J-joyas. It feels weird not calling you Jumbo or Tanoshi.” Kokichi looked away. “Can I at least act like we’re still friends?”

Tanoshi frowned. “Kokichi wants to act like we’re friends? After everything you did?”

“I-”

“After you left us? After you left Shinku like that?”

“I had to-”

“Sh.” Tanoshi made a quiet noise, lifting his finger to his mouth. “You never had to go. You said you would never leave. But you did. And you hurt them.”

“Joyas,” Kokichi yelled, “I said I was sorry-”

“What was it that you said? That you swore you’d never leave for anything?”

* * *

_“Boss! BOSS! Hey, put that back! You are coming back, why are you taking this?” Afro called, alarmed, as Kokichi stormed through their base, grabbing his things, stuffing them in his bag. “Why are you doing this?”_

_“Don’t get fucking involved, Shinku,” Kokichi snarled. “They called me. I have to go. No more shit.” His hand landed on an old photo of the ten of them, smiling for the camera. The glass cracked in his grip as he shoved it carelessly into his things._

_“You’ve got no fair reason,” Pirouette giggled mirthlessly, hands trailing over his arm. “You’re just doing this to spite us. Isn’t that right? Ko-ki-chi?”_

_“Get off of me, Haname,” Kokichi growled._

_“Why should I?” the pony-tailed girl laughed. “You made Haru-chan cry. I can’t forgive you.”_

_She was right in her assertion. Haru “Lolita” Chonotsu was crying on the floor, Onion and Violet rubbing her back._

_“Big bro Gorudo, big sis Suzume, Kokichi’s gonna be back, right? Right?” she cried, looking up at them. “That kid isn’t gonna take him away, right?”_

_Kokichi winced at her words, not even bothering to see how Onion and Violet responded. He shook Pirouette off of his forearm and stormed towards the door. He could feel Jumbo and Goody-Two’s eyes on him, judging, Joy waiting at the door, eyes downcast for the first time in months, Hand-Socks standing by him silently._

_Kokichi made for the door, but Hand-Socks spoke then, his voice sharp as a dagger. “This is for that Shuichi boy, isn’t it?”_

_Kokichi reeled, angered. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see the absolute_ hurt _in Afro’s eyes. He forced himself not to jump at Hand-Socks. “Don’t you DARE involve Shuichi in this, Ningyo. Don’t you even fucking think about it.”_

_“But he’s a detective. Maybe you’re running away because you don’t want him to cover up your shit, Kokichi,” Hand-Socks barked tonelessly. “Because you don’t want him to have to hide the fact that you’re Kokichi fucking Ouma, leader of a gang with a fucking criminal record because apparently making people clean up graffiti is a fucking problem. Best be a good boy for your boyfriend.”_

_Kokichi shook with rage. “Ningyo?” he asked humorlessly._

_“Yes, Kokichi?” Hand-Socks replied._

_“If I see you in person after this,” the leader promised, “I’ll personally expunge your soul from your body.”_

_“I await the day with great anticipation,” Hand-Socks shot back, a smirk on his face. “At least Shinku knows who you’re fucking leaving him for.”_

_Afro’s hand on his shoulder felt heavy. Kokichi looked back at him. The redhead looked devastated, regret and pain blazing in his eyes, hurt clearly evident. Kokichi sighed, unable to meet his gaze._

_“Kokichi, I’m not mad-” he started._

_“Sorry, Shinku,” Kokichi whispered. “There are better people than me, and you know it. You’ll always be my best friend.”_

_Afro backed away as though burned._

_Kokichi looked back at the friends he’d known since he was a child, all hurting and in pain because of_ him, _because of_ his _decision to leave them for Hope’s Peak. He gave them a weak and broken smile, looking over them one more time._

_“Sorry, guys,” he laughed tiredly. “Guess I’m some shitty leader. You’ll be glad to get rid of me anyways.”_

_He turned away._

_“Kokichi, wait-” Afro cried._

_It didn’t matter. Kokichi ignored his pleas._

* * *

“I get it, Joyas,” Kokichi muttered. “I was a piece of shit. I left because I was afraid of what Shuichi might think, because I was so damn insecure that I didn’t think that he’d care for the real me. So I left.”

Tanoshi watched him patiently, waiting for the right words.

“But it didn’t matter! Shuichi accepted me anyways. But for some reason, I still cannot bring myself to face this. I cannot go see them again. My entire body is shaking,” Kokichi rambled, hands trembling at his sides. “I left Shinku in pain and everyone else alone and seeing you just- just… just just just just just just-”

_I did this. This was my fault. I can’t fix this-_

“Kokichi?” Tanoshi asked warily, extending a hand.

“Don’t touch me,” Kokichi yelled, “Don’t touch don’t touch i can handle this alone i can i can i can _i can’t-”_

Kokichi’s vision spun as he grew dizzy, fighting for breath. He couldn’t register what Tanoshi was saying anymore. He felt a large hand on his shoulder and looked up, his vision blurry, to see Tanoshi at his side, expression screwed up in concern. Kokichi yelled and ran, barely registering Tanoshi attempting to follow him. He flew into the boys’ bathroom, boarding up the stall, barely able to hear his friend’s concern over the blood rushing in his own ears.

* * *

“Hey, guys?” Shuichi asked, sitting at his desk, glancing at his classmates. “Have any of you heard from Kokichi since this morning?”

“No,” Miu drawled, bored. “The shota asked to use the bathroom and never came back.”

Rantarou frowned. “I saw him. He was whispering the word, ‘Jumbo’ with a lot of conviction, heading towards the other end of the school.”

“Jumbo?” Shuichi asked. “Like DICE Jumbo?”

Rantarou looked at him. “Shuichi, you’re the only person here who formally met DICE before Kokichi left. I can’t answer that-”

However, at this point, Shuichi had ignored him. “IT WAS DICE JUMBO!” he yelled, alarmed. “THAT’S WHERE THE NAME TANOSHI CAME FROM! JUMBO WAS-” He nearly threw his phone, fumbling over it in an attempt to unlock it. “Let me text him to see if he’s alright-”

A pause, and Shuichi’s brow scrunched in worry. Rantarou looked over his shoulder.

“You good?” the green-haired boy asked, concern lacing his tone.

Another bout of silence.

“He’s not responding,” Shuichi whispered, worried.

“Let me try.”

Rantarou grabbed his own phone and sent a quick message to Kokichi, with the same amount of success. “You sure his phone isn’t broken?”

Shuichi cried out in fear and sent another message to his boyfriend, and when that went unread, another, and another, and another. Wildly, like a cornered animal, he yelled, memories of the _rooftop incident_ running straight through his mind like a runaway train. He stood up, ready to bolt. “EVERYONE,” he yelled, snapping everyone out of their reverie, “HAS ANYONE SEEN KOKICHI?”

He was met with a dumbfounded silence.

“Nah…”

“I dunno, man.”

“Dude, he has been gone a pretty long time…”

“Sorry, Shuichi, I have no idea!”

Shuichi whimpered and put his head back down on his desk, Rantarou and Korekiyo glancing at each other in concern. Shuichi let out a broken sob when a dry cough cut through the classroom. He looked up, eyes watery and bloodshot, to see a concerned-looking Yukizome.

“We’re missing Kokichi? And he’s not responding to your texts?” she asked, brows knitted with worry.

Shuichi nodded vigorously.

“Then why the fuck aren’t we doing anything?” she asked indignantly.

“Wha…?” Miu whined. “It’s not my fuckin’ problem…”

“No it’s not,” Yukizome crowed, “it’s ALL of your problems! Get up, we’re going to either find Kokichi Ouma or die trying! Everyone! You too, Ryoma!”

Shuichi practically bounded out of his seat, running up to Yukizome. Clasping her hands in his own, he whispered, “Thank you so much.”

Yukizome looked at him with a knowing smile. “Don’t you worry,” she replied with a half-smile. “Sometimes it takes a teacher to get things done around here.”

* * *

Tanoshi hurried down the halls, his slow gait slowing him down, desperately searching for Kokichi’s classmates. He knew he was in 79-something, but he was not sure which room it was. His dark eyes scoured the halls for any sign of life- but to his dismay, nothing. Determined, the SHSL Sewmaster kept on.

“Hey!” A voice called from ahead. There stood a woman with long auburn hair, wearing a blue sweater and tan pants. “Have you seen a boy named Kokichi Ouma by any chance?”

Tanoshi halted. Behind her scurried about four 16-year-olds, one of them vaguely familiar to Tanoshi, his hair short and black, tears running down his soft face. Tanoshi smiled. There was the person Kokichi needed.

“I have,” he replied, his soft voice still far too quiet. “He is in the boys’ bathroom in the freshman hallway. Follow me.”

Yukizome nodded. “Alright gang! Let’s go rescue Kokichi!”

And with that, the ragtag group followed after Tanoshi.

* * *

A knock on the stall cut into Kokichi’s fervor.

“Kokichi,” a soft voice asked, shaky and hesitant, “are you in there?”

He stood up, nearly tearing open the lock in his fight to break free of his self-imposed confine. Without even bothering to look, he let himself sink into the warmth of his boyfriend’s torso. “Shuichi,” he breathed, breath hitching. “Shuichi, Shuichi, Shuichi…”

“Kokichi,” Shuichi replied, arms winding around the smaller boy, a teary sob tearing out of his throat.

For a while, they sat like that, crying into each others’ shirts. Shuichi brought a hand to Kokichi’s chin and gently guided his gaze upwards, and pressed a soft kiss to the other’s lips.

“I tried to text you,” Shuichi murmured, giving his boyfriend another kiss, as if to punctuate his sentence, “but you wouldn’t reply. I was so scared, Kokichi.”

Kokichi looked downwards guiltily. “I couldn’t reply even if I wanted to.”

“What do you mean-”

He pulled out that phone of his, and pressed the wake button, lighting up the display. “Try sliding up the passcode lock,” he offered mirthlessly.

Shuichi swiped.

Nothing.

He tried again.

Still nothing.

“Wait,” Shuichi gasped, “so it’s been like this all week?”

Kokichi chuckled. “Yeah, pretty much. Stupid fucking bargain brand phone.”

Shuichi mimed slapping him. “And you didn’t tell me. Bad Kokichi.”

They both giggled lightheadedly, falling onto the floor in a bundle of laughs, mildly disgusted by the bathroom floor. Shuichi wound an arm around Kokichi’s midriff as they lied faceup on the dirty tile.

Kokichi wiped a tear from his eye. “So how’d you find me anyways?” he asked.

“Yukizome, mainly,” Shuichi admitted, “and also Jumbo.”

“Jumbo helped… me…?” Kokichi breathed. He held up his hand in disbelief, as if he was studying it in a new light. “But he was so… _angry._ ”

Shuichi gave him a deadpan stare. “You’ve known Jumbo and DICE since you were what, six? Why the fuck would he stay mad at you?”

Kokichi blinked.

_Yeah, these are my best friends. Why am I so…_

 

_Yeah, there’s nothing to be afraid of._

“Fair,” Kokichi admitted.

Shuichi smiled at him then, linking their hands together. “You ready to get back to class?” he asked gently.

Kokichi breathed. He was fine. He could handle this.

“Yeah.”

Shuichi pulled him up, standing up, Kokichi wobbling from the sudden force. “Well,” Shuichi offered, “I suppose I need to get you a new phone. You were right. Your dad did get you a shitty phone. This would’ve been so much less of a hassle-”

“No!” Kokichi protested. “You do NOT need to spend 600 bucks on me-”

“I will, and you can’t stop me,” Shuichi reminded him. “I think your safety is worth a lot more than 600 bucks.” The two boys stepped out of the bathroom. “Oh, and there’s Jumbo.”

Jumbo was waiting outside there, gaze soft. “You ok, boss?”

Kokichi paused.

And then, he tackled Jumbo into a hug, just like the good old days.

In his grip, Kokichi realized.

Jumbo might’ve been a bit thinner, and a bit taller, but Jumbo hugs were always Jumbo hugs. It still had the same warmth that he’d known even as a child, and he’d never trade it for anything.

* * *

_09-08-18, 18:45 pm_

The bleachers were packed for the year’s first football game. Shuichi was still mind-boggled by the fact that HPA even HAD a football team, but when Shuichi realized that there was only going to ever be one SHSL Football Star in each class, and that every other player was a volunteer like any other school, it seemed a little bit more fair. And, on that point, HPA had a bit of a losing streak in years past. For this game, the Hope’s Peak Guardians were versing the River High Catfish, from a school a couple towns over. The student section was packed with kids eager to watch the game, Maki forcibly in the front, cheering on Kaito, who was playing in the game below. Shuichi could spot him easily; he’d replaced his football helmet with a space helmet and was shooting his girlfriend the thumbs-up.

Shuichi was packed next to Kokichi on a bench, who laughed and leaned into him. Their fingers were laced together, watching the game. Shuichi leaned over to kiss him, contented-

“Ewww, you GUYS!” Haname _(Pirouette)_ joked. “Don’t do that shit in public, disgusting! Nasty PDA! You’ll corrupt Haru-chan over here!”

Haru _(Lolita)_ laughed. “Like you haven’t corrupted me already, _Ha-na-me-chan!_ ” she mocked, imitating her girlfriend’s tone with her still whimsically high-pitched voice, long hair fluttering as she leaned her head on her shoulder. “You want to lecture big bro Kokichi about PDA with the stuff we’ve done?”

“Yeah, Haru’s got a fair point, Haname dearest,” Suzume _(Violet)_ drawled. “I used to be the dirty one of the group, but I saw you _lick_ her once in public. I think you’ve stolen my title. No hypocrisy.”

“Hypocrisy, h-hypocrisy,” Ataka _(Goody-Two)_ chided in his stammering tone. “That doesn’t matter. L-look at how happy the boss is. Why disturb it?”

“You already did, shit-lips!” Kokichi yelled back, laughing. In rebellion, he pressed a messy, sloppy kiss to Shuichi’s cheek, who in turn, went as red as a tomato.

“Oh my god,” Ningyo _(Hand-Socks)_ laughed. “Sans Undertale fucked my mom.”

“I FUCKED YOUR MOM, SHIT-LIPS!” Kinou _(Joy)_ cheered, voice filled with mirth.

Gorudo _(Onion)_ let out a wheezy chuckle. “Don’t be silly, Sans Undertale doesn’t exist.”

Out of spite, Ningyo and Haname responded by beginning to sing the opening chorus of Fingers in His Asgore. Gorudo and Kokichi winced and shoved their fingers in their ears as the two teenagers raucously cried, “ _Fingers in his ass, fingers in his ass, Kanye West he likes-”_

Shinku _(Afro)_ put a hand over Gorudo’s mouth with a dry chuckle. “We get it. Keep that up and we’ll get kicked out, though, so keep the memes to a minimum, ok? Let’s just cool it-”

But it was too late. The entire student section was now singing it. Yukizome shot Kokichi the stink eye, who shrugged nonchalantly.

“It’s too late!” Shinku cried. “You’ve started a rebellion. Now this plague will spread across Hope’s Peak like a virus. Look at what you’ve done.”

“No regrets,” Haname shot back.

Tanoshi _(Jumbo)_ leaned over, head settled in between Kokichi and Shuichi. He gestured to a security guard with dark hair, their eyes scanning over the group of students, barely concealing a laugh behind their hand. “I dare you,” they suggested quietly, “to walk up to that security guard and say, ‘Taze me Papi.’”

“W-what? Nah, psssh, they would actually taze me,” Kokichi laughed.

“For the VINE!” Haru, Kinou, Shinku, Gorudo, Ningyo, Suzume and Haname cheered.  
“M-maybe you shouldn’t-” Ataka stammered, but was drowned out over the rest of DICE’s cheers.

Kokichi puffed out his chest. “As the leader, I gotta do everything, huh?” he laughed. “Fine. Wish me luck, Shumai!” he grinned, kissing his boyfriend before bounding down the stands’ staircase. Hesitantly, he walked up to the guard. They seemed familiar, but Kokichi couldn’t place why. Their dark hair was tucked under a hat, and they wore a set of glasses over their red (what?) eyes.

“Is there anything you need, young man?” they asked in an icy tone.

Kokichi snicked, looking back up at his friends. They cheered him on, Shuichi smiling bemusedly at him.

“T-taze me papi~” Kokichi drawled.

“Alright,” the secuirty guard replied, and tazed him.

Kokichi yelled, running back up the stands, the student section in mid-chorus of Fingers in His Asgore. Miu was conducting them now, belting out the lyrics as if she’d memorized (and if you’d asked her, she probably did), standing in front of the student section as they chanted the lyrics back to her. Kokichi ran back up to DICE and Shuichi, sharing high-fives with his friends, laughing, enjoying his newly regained companionship with friends that he’d known all his life.

The security guard muffled a laugh behind their palm. Maybe tonight wasn’t so boring after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey did you notice that security guard  
> chat names:  
> avacado spirit: amami  
> if she breathe she a thot: miu  
> biggest gay: kokichi  
> ass: kaito  
> just gettin' bi: shuichi  
> stronk woman: tenko  
> Abraca DAB ra: himiko  
> smoogi: tsumugi  
> kork: kiyo  
> :): angie  
> anybody want some stew: kirumi  
> velveeta GANG: kaede  
> blocked and reported: maki  
> All Women Are Queens: kiibo  
> will stab a bitch ig: hoshi  
> protective tol: gonta


	22. The 79th Class's Great Christmas Extravaganza

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A christmas party held before break in the classroom of one Chisa Yukizome, by the students of Chisa Yukizome, for Chisa Yukizome (and her students. Mostly for her students.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i apologise for how TERRIBLY OVERDUE THIS IS.  
> am i gay? yeah. was i unmotivated? yes, very. is this done now? yes, finally.  
> there is one more chapter due for the end of december and i have three days to write, then stuff for jan, feb, march, april, and god i am swamped. somebody end my suffering. i did this to myself. i apologise. bad izuru. bad.  
> i promise i will write more i am a bad person  
> anyways if you want to yell at me i rebranded my instagram and i am now @i.kmkr. part of my lack of motivation was an influx of rather triggering /mems/. you know the feel when your dumbass mind supplies you with an intrusive thought so triggering and so detailed that you spend a good week and a half panicking over it, then does that another 16 times? yea. it's been great. ya yeet.  
> thank you all for bearing with my bull. i promise i will have ch23 done by new year's.  
> -i. kamukura

**ass:** yo who else is absolutely fucking PSYCHED for tmrw

 **if she breathe she a thot:** fuckin WORD ME TOO BITCH

 **if she breathe she a thot:** _let’s get festive in this bitch_

 **velveeta GANG:** does everyone have their supply lists?

 **biggest gay:** ya kayayday don’t u worry

 **velveeta GANG:** ok then kokichi. what did i ask you to bring

**biggest gay:**

**biggest gay:**           

 **velveeta GANG:** that’s what i thought, bitch

 **velveeta GANG:** so supply lists r as follows

 **velveeta GANG:** i’m gonna copy-paste this

 **just gettin' bi:** god   p l e a s e    d o n ‘ t it’s a long list

 **velveeta GANG:** shut

 **velveeta GANG:** shuichi- garland

kokichi- candy canes

kaito- cookies

maki- hot coco

miu- lights/christmas tree star

kirumi- ornaments

hoshi- wrapping paper

rantarou- christmas crackers

kiyo- candles

tenko- taco mix and ground beef

himiko- stereo

tsumugi- santa hats

kiibo- camera/ camera film

angie- christmas carols

gonta- fireflies

also everyone needs to bring a secret santa gift, warm clothes and extra cash so we can get miss yukizome a gift because she’s the best

 **if she breathe she a thot:** STOP IT’S TOO LONG OF A LIST

 **kork:** can we repent for our sins? no. no we cannot.

 **kork:** i blame kokichi. dearest, can you please ground him

 **avacado spirit:** yes i can kiyo <3

 **avacado spirit:**  k ok i c h i   y o u ‘ r e g r o u n d e d

 **biggest gay:** _WHAT_

 **biggest gay:** i

 **biggest gay:** that’s fair

 **velveeta GANG:** so ya it’d be nice if you had all of that stuff for tomorrow h. love love! :)

 **abraca DAB ra:** that’s so ominous i’m scare

* * *

_12.23.18. 06:53 am_

**velveeta GANG:** _i’m not going to ask you all again do you  h a v e everything_

 **biggest gay:** yes

 **avacado spirit:** yes

 **ass:** no

**velveeta GANG:**

**velveeta GANG:**  k a i t o    t h e c o o k i e s

 **anybody want some stew:** i knew this would happen and i prepared in advance

 **anybody want some stew:** i have made a supply of 80 cookies i hope you all are satiated. please pay in mind that that is only five cookies per person

 **stronk woman:** E I G H T Y    C O O K I E S

 **stronk woman:** mom we love you

 **stronk woman:** also kaito’s a degenerate pass it on

 **velveeta GANG:** guys we shouldn’t be mocking anyone

 **biggest gay:** KAITO’S A DEGENERATE PASS IT ON

 **if she breathe she a thot:** kito’s a degenerate

 **ass:** kito??!????

 **blocked and reported** _changed **ass**_   _’s chat name to_ **kito**

 **kito:** _fuck_

 **velveeta GANG:** but ya here’s our schedule

 **velveeta GANG:** so first we’re gonna bring in food and have a great ol party and shit plus uhhh fun party games like truth or dare

 **velveeta GANG:** then during lunch we’re going to get yukizome a present

 **velveeta GANG:** pls send suggestions

 **All Women Are Queens:** flowers?

 **if she breathe she a thot:** a flower print cardigan?

 **avacado spirit:** a cardigan?

 **biggest gay:** an itchy cardigan that looks lumpy on her and reminds everyone of an old lady’s sweater?

 **just gettin' bi:** kokichi

 **biggest gay:** f u c k    a u t h o r i t y

 **blocked and reported:** kokichi you’re the ultimate supreme leader you literally are authority

**biggest gay:**

**biggest gay:** FUCK AUTHORITY

 **just gettin' bi:** oh i will

 **biggest gay:** e

 **velveeta GANG:** so we’re getting her flowers and a sweater

 **abraca DAB ra:** awwwwwwww i wanted to get her an enchanted cookpot that cooked for her

 **protective tol:** but himiko, pot cannot cook by itself

 **abraca DAB ra** _is offline_

 **protective tol:** oh

 **will stab a bitch ig:** gonta you destroyed her self esteem

 **protective tol:** gonta sorry!!

 **will stab a bitch ig:** gonta

 **will stab a bitch ig:** you pure man

 **will stab a bitch ig:** marry me

* * *

_Private Message- Izuru and Shuichi_

_07:20 am_

**kamukura izuru:** Saihara Shuichi.

 **saihara shuichi:** oh hi izuru what’s up

 **kamukura izuru:** i have an offer, if you’ll take me up on it

 **saihara shuichi:** ok.

 **kamukura izuru:** i’d like to invite you to my place in DC over christmas break. i still remember your cunning during the water balloon fight at the mall. i find you interesting, and i want to spend more time together. i’ll send a private jet to come pick you up, and i’ll make up an excuse for you to tell your uncle.

 **saihara shuichi:**!!!! omg yes?? but what abt kokichi

 **kamukura izuru:** he has already been informed of my offer, and he has made plans to stay with amami rantarou and shinguuji korekiyo while you are absent.

 **saihara shuichi:** ok

 **saihara shuichi:** bt wait

 **saihara shuichi:** how did you get the money for this??? aren’t you going to harvard and have thousands of dollars of student debt

 **kamukura izuru:** that you do not need to know. rest assured i have my finances taken care of.

 **saihara shuichi:** ok…

 **saihara shuichi:** see you then?

 **kamukura izuru:** i am looking forwards to it.

* * *

A piece of garland brushed over Shuichi’s head as he walked through the door. Kokichi had gotten there before him, taking all of the garland Shuichi had bought with him. Kokichi was waiting just inside, snickering. When he tried to step past, Kokichi blocked his way, eyeing the ceiling.

“Hey Kokichi,” Shuichi laughed, kissing his cheek. “Can I get into the classroom?”

“No you may not,” he replied. “Christmas tradition.”

“What do you mean Christmas tradition?”

“The ceiling, Shuu-chan. Look.”

Shuichi looked up. Sure enough, there was a mistletoe hanging there, as well as one above every window. The green plant hung above them tauntingly, as if daring Shuichi to back out.

Shuichi laughed, and gave his boyfriend a kiss. “You didn’t need to trick me into giving you affection, you know,” he chuckled. “You could have just asked.”

“I know,” Kokichi replied cheerfully, “but two things. One, DICE asked me to. Two, _now everyone else is forced to participate.”_

Shuichi glanced around and let out a shout of laughter when Gonta and Hoshi accidentally found themselves under a mistletoe. Hoshi flushed bright red and dashed away, leaving a confused, innocent-looking Gonta behind. The tall boy thought for a minute before looking up and jumping in alarm.

Kokichi gestured the pair, a _see? look!_ in his eyes.

“My point exactly. Everyone gets to participate.”

They stepped into the classroom. The desks had been shoved into the center of the room to form a makeshift banquet table, and all of the food that had been requested was sitting on top of it, including the batch of cookies Kirumi had made. The classroom was covered in holiday decorations, lights, ornaments— in the corner sat a small tree, covered in decorations, in baubles. In the corner sat Himiko’s little old stereo, chugging out ancient Christmas carols Angie had procured from fuck knows where. Various classmates were lounging around, looking cozy; Yukizome was sitting in her desk, covered in ornaments, looking exasperated, yet happy. The whole scene had a warm, familial air; Shuichi relished in it.

They sat down in a couple of chairs by the window, Miu and Kiibo waving at them. “Man, this is nice,” Shuichi noted, stress flowing out of his body as he sat down, Kokichi regarding him with a warm gaze. “Reminds me of Christmases I used to have.”

“With your uncle, or…?” Kokichi inquired hesitantly, unwilling to pry yet curious nonetheless.

Shuichi laughed dryly. “My parents,” he replied with a half-laugh. “Before they died they were almost manic-obsessive over decorations. They would turn up the furnace to 75 or make a fire, and it would be warm and cozy every evening. There would always be hot cocoa.”

His boyfriend sighed, almost imagining it. “Sounds nice.”

“It was,” Shuichi whispered, trailing off. “It still is.”

There was an awkward silence between them.

“Hey, what are your Christmases like, anyways?” he asked Kokichi. “I never hear about them from you.”

Kokichi blanched. “I-“

Kaede chose this moment to burst in, Tsumugi hanging off of her arm. “HEY GANG!” she yelled, getting everyone’s attention. “It’s time to play Truth or Dare!”

Kokichi scampered after her, avoiding the question. Shuichi sighed and followed him, eyes full of concern. He wondered, consequently, what Kokichi was hiding- maybe he just did not have a Christmas to speak of at all.

* * *

 **blocked and reported:** alright who put up all the fuckin mistletoe

 **biggest gay:** mistle FOE

 **blocked and reported:** aight you know what? 

 **blocked and reported:** literally never mind

 **blocked and reported:** i regret speaking

 **All Women Are Queens:** chat names:  
avacado spirit: amami  
if she breathe she a thot: miu  
biggest gay: kokichi  
ass: kaito  
just gettin' bi: shuichi  
stronk woman: tenko  
Abraca DAB ra: himiko  
smoogi: tsumugi  
kork: kiyo  
:): angie  
anybody want some stew: kirumi  
velveeta GANG: kaede  
blocked and reported: maki  
All Women Are Queens: kiibo  
will stab a bitch ig: hoshi  
protective tol: gonta

 **stronk woman:** Kiibo Are You Ok

* * *

 The kids all sat in a circle on the floor, the desk-table hastily shoved against the wall, careful not to spill any food on the floor, Kirumi glaring if the cookie plate so much as wiggled. Yukizome sat at the head of the circle, reluctantly agreeing to play (though looking very amicable for someone who was pushed into playing), and the students sat around her.

“I’d advise you to keep this PG,” Yukizome laughed, “but I know full well how well that suggestion will turn out. Just keep it safe for work and we’re fine.”

Miu pouted. “But-”

Yukizome turned to look at her, mocking her pout. “But that breaks school policy.”

Miu groaned and turned away.

Smiling, Yukizome turned to the rest of the class. “So! Who goes first?”

A pause.

“Shit. Damn.” Kaede scratched the back of her head. “I didn’t think this through. Who even goes first anyways? God.”

“Not me,” Maki supplied unhelpfully.

“Thanks, Maki,” Kaede shot back sarcastically. “Yukizome goes first, I guess. Yukizome, truth or dare?”

Yukizome smiled. “Truth.”

“Ok. Who was yo-”

“ARE YOU IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH KYOSUKE MUNAKATA?” Tsumugi yelled suddenly, cutting her girlfriend off. Kokichi and Angie nodded in excitement, encouraging her- Kaede glared, but said nothing.

Yukizome paused. “O-oh!” she exclaimed. “Uhh… I probably shouldn’t gossip about my coworkers…”

“No, no, do!” Angie crowed. “Atua will tell me if you don’t.”

“Alarming, but fair,” the teacher sighed in reply. “Fine… but don’t tell them I told you. Munakata is actually dating Sakakura.”

“CALLED IT,” Kokichi yelled.

“Of course you fucking did,” Shuichi laughed.

“No, no, deal,” Kokichi whispered conspiratorially. “I saw them kissing outside of the teacher’s lounge.”

“You what.” Yukizome deadpanned.

“I did, I did!”

“Enough,” Kirumi cut in. “Yukizome, you have to ask someone truth or dare.”

“Ok, uhhh, Gonta, truth or dare?” the teacher asked.

“Gonta pick truth!”

Yukizome smiled. “How much does Gonta love his classmates?’

Gonta also smiled. His innocent smile felled the whole room. “Gonta loves his classmates a whole lot!”

“Laaaaame,” Himiko yawned. “Have your stag beetles killed each other before?”

“Uhh, Gonta no watch when bugs fight, it is very alarming-”

“Have they?”

He looked downwards, gaze stony. “Yes,” he whispered. “It is very sad.”

Kokichi glared at Himiko. “Look what you did,” he growled. “Gonta is sad. Himiko, truth or dare.”

“Dare,” she yawned.

“Ok,” he sneered. “I dare you to walk out of the room and not come back until lunch break.”

“Why you fucking degenerate scum-” Tenko started.

“No, no, that’s valid,” Himiko yawned. “Truth, please.”

Kokichi laughed sardonically. “Do you secretly want to leave to go take a nap and avoid this?” he asked, almost disbelievingly.

“Yeah.”

“Argh!” Kaede yelled. “After everything I did to set this up!”

“No, Kaede, it’s fine, you did well-”

“Nevermind me! Next person, _please_ ,” she stressed, burying her face into Tsumugi’s shirt with a huff. Said cosplayer sheepishly rubbed the top of her head comfortingly.

“Uhhh, ok,” Himiko murmured. “Kaito, truth or dare.”

“Dare,” the astronaut replied cheerfully, mistletoe sticking out of his goatee. “I’m not a pussy.”

“Ok, throw the cookie you’re holding into anyone’s hair.”

Kaito laughed, and threw it at Angie. “This is for that one time you said Atua told you to kiss Maki,” he crowed.

Angie glared at him, eyes as sharp as daggers, teeth bared. “Oohhhh, I’ll get you for this, spaceman,” she hissed. “Atua’s wrath, though, will be far more vicious.”

“Haha, you say that,” Kaito laughed. “Hoshi, truth or dare.”

The short boy scowled. “Pass,” he affirmed, his deep voice gruff.

“C’mon, man!” Kaito pleaded. “For the game!”

“ _Pass,_ ” Hoshi repeated, voice grim.

“Fine. Rantarou, truth or dare,” Kaito sulked.

“Dare,” Rantarou shot back, casually leaning into Korekiyo, who was smiling, his golden eyes narrowed in challenge. “Let me see what you got, _spaceman_.”

The air of the room seemed filled with challenge. It unnerved Shuichi; it _scared_ him. This was not going to end well, and he knew it; a conflict rumbled underneath the class’s conversation. He glanced once at Kokichi- his boyfriend seemed at unease as well, purple eyes fixed on Maki. Shuichi glanced at Maki and flinched- the girl seemed to be _radiating_ anger and fear, her gaze absolutely stormy. Feeling useless, Shuichi sighed and focused on the game going on around him.

“Alright,” Kaito grinned. “I dare you to get some sloppy tongue action in with your boy-toy there.”

“Kaito,” Yukizome chided, “keep the dares safe for work-”

“They’re not getting nude!” he protested.

Yukizome sighed, and averted her eyes as Rantarou grinned and climbed into his boyfriend’s lap. Kiyo grinned and allowed Rantarou to kiss him, sighing as his green-haired, heavily pierced boyfriend slipped his tongue into his mouth, exhaling through his nose deeply. Rantarou continued until he accidentally undid a button at Kiyo’s collar and Yukizome squawked like a parrot.

“Alright, enough, enough,” Kaito laughed. “You passed the dare.”

“Ok, ok” Rantarou shot back easily, getting off of his boyfriend. “Angie, truth or dare.”

Angie brightened. “Thank you, Rantarou, for enabling me! Truth.”

“Alright, what’s your favorite paint to use?”

“Oil paints,” she shot back, almost as if the answer was recited. “Makiiii!”

Maki glared at her. “What do you want.”

“Truth or dare??” she called, almost excitedly.

“Really?” she scowled. “Truth, then.”

Angie giggled into the back of her hand. Shuichi’s blood ran cold at the absolutely chilling sound. “Hmmm….” she mused. “I have to ask, Atua won’t tell me. So… how long has it been since Kaito has even told you that he loves you?”

The room went dead silent. Even Miu’s happy countenance drudged to a halt, a stricken expression on her face. Maki’s gaze broke, eyes focusing and unfocusing, gaze pointed to the floor. Kaito’s eyes, full of rage and disbelief, flicked to Angie, who was rocking in her seat, humming cheerfully.

“You-” Kaito spluttered. “You-”

“Three months, wasn’t it? Atua knows all,” Angie replied happily, a finger over her lips. “There was probably a reason why he told me to kiss Maki. Maybe this was it.”

“How dare you-”

“ENOUGH,” Shuichi cut in, standing up. “Kaede, can we do the Secret Santa now? This truth or dare game is literally going to tear friendships apart at this rate.”

Kaede nodded, stricken. “We’re done with this.”

* * *

“Ok, now that _that_ fiasco is over with,” Kaede sighed, “and everyone has brought their gifts over, we can do the Secret Santa. I’ll grab a gift from the center and give it to the recipient, and then they’ll open it. They can either guess or concede, and the giver will be revealed. Sound good?”

The group nodded, each student’s gaze fixated on the gift pile, Yukizome watching them warily from her desk.

Kaede sighed and grabbed the first gift, a horribly lazily wrapped gift stuck inside a crimson gift bag. “So this is for Rantarou,” she exclaimed, holding it up. “Please wrap your gifts better next year.”

Rantarou took the gift with a smile, and unwrapped it. Inside was a soft brown beanie, which Rantarou put on his head with a smile. “Thanks, Himiko,” he offered with a smile.

“Wait, there’s more,” she yawned. “Check the bottom. No peeking.”

Rantarou humored her, closing his eyes and fishing his hand into the bottom of the bag. His fingers met fabric, and he pulled the shirt out of the bag. When the rest of the class started chuckling, he opened his eyes and shouted.

“Holy fucking shit,” he yelled. “It’s a t-shirt with an aVOCADO ON IT-”

“She remembered!” Kiyo exclaimed. “Brilliant!”

“Alright, alright, next,” Kaede chuckled. She picked up a gift wrapped neatly in gold paper. “This one is for… me? Alright…” She tore into the paper, revealing a couple folders of sheet music. “Tsusu, love, did you get me these?”

“Nope,” Tsumugi replied with a laugh. “I wish I did.”

“It was me,” Shuichi spoke up. “I got that arrangement of Skater’s Waltz commissioned.”

“Aww, nice! The best friend got to get my gift!” Kaede ran over and hugged him. “Thanks, Succi.”

“You’re welcome, Kayayday,” he replied, snark lacing his voice. “Enjoy being a piano nerd.”

Kaede quickly sat down and grabbed the next gift, a box wrapped in what appeared to be printer paper. “The next gift is for Maki,” she informed everyone, setting the box down in front of Maki. “Kiibo, I hate to expose you, but you should probably use wrapping paper to wrap gifts, not printer paper.”

“Wh-where do you even _get_ wrapping paper?” Kiibo asked in distress. “Wrapping paper? _What is wrapping paper?”_

“You could have asked me for some, Kiibs,” Miu offered.

“ _What the fuck is wrapping paper?_ ”

Maki laughed under her breath, and unwrapped it. The gift was a beautiful black brush, with flowers on the backside. “Thank you, Kiibo,” she stated quietly, her soft voice almost unnoticeable. Shyly, she ran it through her long ponytails.

The next gift was a long, thin box done in some of the most ornate wrapping anyone in the room had ever seen. “This one is for Tsu-tsu!” Kaede informed everyone, handing the box to her girlfriend. “Open it, open it, I’m genuinely curious to see what you got.”

Tsumugi nodded, and, careful not to rip the paper, unfolded the wrappings and lifted the lid off of the box. Inside sat an ornate, old folding fan. She opened it; upon the canvas were beautiful paintings and designs of peacocks and flora, the blue-green designs spanning acrost the entire surface of the fan. The students oohed and ahed as Tsumugi spun the fan around, revealing the entire design.

“I know who gave me this,” she laughed. “Thanks, Kiyo, you basically ratted yourself out with that wrapping paper.”

“Obliged,” the anthropologist replied. “It was sitting in my house, collecting dust. I figured you would enjoy it.”

“Omg, omg, a hint as to what might lie inside Kork’s house!” Kokichi exclaimed. “What _other_ goodies lie inside the depths of Kork’s house, hmmm???”

Kiyo ignored him.

“Aha, enough, Kokichi, don’t be rude,” Kaede started. “The next gift is for Kiibo, the silver bag on the far right.”

Kiibo picked up the bag and removed its contents. It was a fluffy teddy bear, and Kiibo wordlessly held the bear to his chest, silenced by the thoughtfulness of the gift.

It was quiet for a few minutes.

“Kiibo, aren’t you gonna guess who gave that to you?” Miu asked, poking him.

“No,” he responded, nuzzling his robotic cheek into the fluffy plush.

“Ok, fair enough,” Miu responded, hugging him.

Kaede chuckled nervously. “That was from, uhh, Rantarou. Angie next,” she offered, handing the prophet a thin gift. “Merry Christmas.”

Angie happily unwrapped it to reveal a set of paintbrushes. “Thank you, Kaede!” she chirped.

“Damn, I was that obvious?” she blurted out, alarmed at how quickly Angie guessed her.

“Nope, Atua told me.” She pulled out a brush and stroked the soft end down one of her cheeks.

“Ok then… whatever you say.” She grabbed another flat gift, this one wrapped in a ruby paper, and handed it to Kirumi. “Mom, your turn.”

Kirumi smiled and unwrapped it. Her gift was an eyeshadow palette, and she admired the blue and purple shades, desperately trying to ignore Angie as she stuck another one of the brushes in her ear. “This is nice. Did Miu get me this?”

“Nope,” she called, still hugging Kiibo, who was still hugging the bear. “I definitely would’ve given you a slutty maid outfit.”

“I didn’t need to hear that,” Kirumi replied.

“It was Tsu-tsu!” Kaede called.

“You’re welcome,” Tsumugi offered.

Kirumi smiled at the cosplayer. “Thank you, Tsumugi. Really.”

Kaede grabbed the next gift. “This is really neatly wrapped,” Kaede observed, holding up the gift, “and it’s addressed to Himiko.” She slid the tiny gift across the floor, and Himiko swiped it, almost like a cat pawing at something on the ground. Himiko unwrapped it to reveal a white hair ribbon, with gold glitter on the end.

“Nyeh, this is super cute,” she murmured, tying it on her hat. “Tenko, babe, did you get me this?”

“No,” Tenko replied, pouting. “It’s cute. I missed out.”

Gonta smiled. “Gonta got that for Himiko, but Gonta expected Himiko to put ribbon in her hair, not on her hat.”

“Too bad,” she replied. “It goes on the hat. Thanks, Gonta.”

“Next gift is for Shuichi,” Kaede offered. She picked up the wrapped gift. It was heavy, and she set it down in front of him with a grunt. “What do you have in there, a stack of books?”

“Probably, judging by the shape,” Shuichi replied. He undid the wrapping paper to reveal exactly that. There was a novel, probably a mystery, and a hefty criminal law textbook. Shuichi lifted up the mystery novel, admiring the fresh new covers on both books. “Thanks. Did… Hoshi get me these?”

Hoshi chuckled. “You really are a detective. Yeah, it was me.”

“Thought so. A textbook is a very formal gift.” Shuichi set the book back down. “Thank you.”

Kaede smiled, and grabbed the next gift. It was very loosely wrapped. She could feel what it was, and grimaced. “Sadly,” she informed the group, “this is addressed to Kiyo. Miu, I hate you.”

Miu blew her a raspberry.

Kiyo grimaced, and unwrapped it. Next to him, Rantarou let out a shout of laughter. Inside the wrappings lay a skein of bondage rope, bright red and thick, the cord sitting neatly wrapped. Kiyo held it up and raised an eyebrow at Miu.

“Really?” he asked. “Really.”

“You’re weeeeelcome, Kork,” she laughed. “Now go get some dick or whatever, you pathetic virgin. Merry Christmas.”

“Unmerry Christmas to you too, Miu,” he replied coldly.

“I think you’re about to get your comeuppance, Miu,” Kaede giggled. “This one’s yours, and it’s also a hefty one.”

Miu took the package nervously. It exuded an ominous, forbidding aura. Miu undid the wrapping paper to reveal a fresh copy of the Holy Bible.

A ripple of laughter tore through the room. Miu shot the stink-eye at Angie, who sat there giggling, two paintbrushes in her hair, one in her ear and one in her nose. When questioned, she simply whispered, “Atua is always watching,” and began to try to fit a fifth paintbrush between her toes.

“Ok, hilarious, Angie, please get the paintbrushes out of your orifices,” Kaede chided. “Next is to Tenko.”

The package was long and thin, and almost seemed like it could fit a cellphone. Tenko lifted the lid of the box to reveal an ornate paring knife.

“No weapons on school- oh, who am I kidding,” Yukizome sighed.

“Thanks?? Maki??” Tenko uttered disbelievingly. “I cannot believe you got me a whole knife.”

“What, was I supposed to get you nail polish instead?” the assassin asked, still running the flowered brush through her long, silky hair, her scrunchies tossed onto the floor, abandoned.

“She’s got a point,” Kokichi laughed.

Tenko blinked. “Fair. I’ll enjoy the knife. Use it to cut… bread. Or the dicks off of the males.”

Maki smiled. “Now you’re talking.”

Kaede chuckled nervously, and grabbed the next gift, a parcel wrapped in paper. “Haha, I’m concerned. Next gift is for Hoshi.”

Hoshi graciously took the gift and unwrapped it. His eyes widened in shock. Inside was a hat, hand-knitted, with cat ears. He smiled and looked at Kirumi warmly. “Thanks, Toujou.”

“No problem, Ryoma,” Kirumi returned. “Make sure you go to sleep at a decent time tonight.”

“I’ll try,” he shot back, slipping off his other hat in favor of this new one.

“I honest to god have no clue how Mom manages to get so many things done in such a short time,” Rantarou commented.

“Witchcraft,” Kirumi joked.

“That’s a fucking cute hat,” Kaede noted. “Next, we have… _this?_ For Kokichi. Looks like jewlery.” She gave the short boy a small, flat package in a rather fancy-looking box.

Kokichi giggled. “Ooh, it is jewlery, isn’t it?” He lifted up the lid, and immediately cringed. “Oh, _god, what the FUCK._ ”

Slowly, Kokichi lifted a gaudy, rainbow-colored fidget spinner from the box. The entire class broke into peals of laughter, their voices singing out like a chorus. Kokichi angrily spun the thing, and turned to look at a certain spaceman.

“Kaito,” he giggled, “this is the worst gift I have ever gotten. What is this, 2016?”

“You’re welcome,” he shot back.

Kokichi threw it at his forehead. Maki caught it in a split second, and threw it back, clocking Kokichi in the eyebrow. He pouted angrily, holding the plastic spinner in his hands.

“The next gift is for Kaito,” Kaede offered. “It’s definitely a pack of sodas.”

Kaito opened the gift in a hurry, then swore. It was a 24-pack of Sprite Cranberry.

If the class could possibly laugh harder, it did.

“A-at least,” Kokichi wheezed between laughs, “at least it was a _recent_ meme.”

Kaito sighed. “I admit defeat. Thanks, Tenko.”

“You’re welcome, degenerate,” she replied, a stark grin painting her face.

Kaede wheezed, wiping a tear of mirth from her face, waiting for everyone to calm down before she finished up. “The last gift is for Gonta,” she chuckled, handing a thin package to him. “Enjoy.”

Everyone waited with bated breath as Gonta gently lifted the lid to the box, then gasped as they saw it. Laying inside was a bejeweled dragonfly hairclip, shining in the overhead lights. Gonta gently lifted it, admiring the bug-shaped pin. He looked around for the gift giver.

“Who gave this to Gonta?” the innocent entomologist asked.

“...I did,” Kokichi whispered. “Merry Christmas.”

Gonta’s face broke into a huge smile. “I knew Kokichi had a soft side to him!” he exclaimed happily. “Gonta is happy Kokichi got him such a nice gift. Gonta thanks Kokichi and wishes him a merry Christmas!”

Kokichi smiled into his sleeve, avoiding the warm gazes of the rest of the class. “You’re welcome.”

“Aww, look at him!” Tsumugi pointed out. “He’s so proud of himself.”

“Yes, he is,” Shuichi cooed, “and he’s adorable.”

Kokichi laughed and hugged Shuichi, hiding his face into his boyfriend’s shirt. “Stooop,” he whined, “you’re embarrassing me.”

“Am I? I apologise,” Shuichi replied, flustered.

“No, no, I’m lying,” Kokichi admitted. “I love you.”

Shuichi smiled, and wordlessly held him, not needing to say anything else.

* * *

The winter air was brisk this afternoon, biting into the students’ ears as they walked down the Main Street, looking for a shop that sold good sweaters. Each student had brought $10 apiece- not much if it was one person alone, but among the sixteen of them they had gathered as much as a hundred and sixty dollars. More than enough to buy Yukizome a nice sweater for Christmas.

They had already gotten flowers, and Gonta, with his warm hands, held them; a bouquet of fresh poinsettias, perfect for the holiday season. The red plant looked cheerful and festive in the arms of Gonta’s long brown winter coat. The lady who ran the shop was surprised by their large group, but was happy to help the teens find the flowers they needed, and without much hassle, had gotten the flowers wrapped and ready to give to their teacher. Reminding them to stay warm, she bid them farewell warmly as they stepped back into the cold.

“So… what color sweater do we even want to get her?” Tenko offered. “We have no idea what kind of sweater we even want to get her.

“Fair point,” Kaede noted. “Everyone, take a seat, or stand, we need to plan this out.”

Kokichi responded by literally taking a seat in the middle of the street.

“Not in the road, Kokichi,” Kirumi chastised him.

Kokichi pouted and stood back up. A passing car honked at him in protest.

The class carefully got back onto the sidewalk and congregated in a circle on the pavement, everyone looking to Kaede to lead them. “Uh,” said pianist started awkwardly, “so we’re getting her a sweater.”

“No shit,” Miu snarked. “What _kind_ of sweater, genius?”

“It better not clash with her hair,” Kiibo noted. “Try staying away from bright reds or oranges, and maybe no bright purples either. Lavender is fine.”

“She already has a blue one,” Shuichi grumbled. “Maybe yellow, or pink?”

“Midnight blue would be pretty on her,” Kokichi offered. “Her blue sweater is sky blue.”

“Pink would clash,” Maki informed them. “Midnight blue sounds perfect.”

“So midnight blue,” Kaede noted. “Any specific style?”

“Turtlenecks?” Tenko suggested.

“Maybe a low collar, too,” Himiko added.

“If it’s got a low collar it should be one of those fancy knit ones,” Kaito offered.

“Fair. That would compliment her.” Rantarou thought. “But it should be a soft material. Not scratchy. Not stiff.”

“Alright, we’ve got it!” Kaede exclaimed. “Dark blue sweater, soft, low collar or turtleneck. Now to find a store…”  
“There’s literally one right in front of us,” Hoshi deadpanned.

Kaede looked up. Sure enough, there was a department store right behind their informal group-up, lights shining warmly from within. She smiled at it apprehensively.

“Alright,” she began, “meet up in a half an hour?”

* * *

“Oh my god,” Kaede exclaimed, clutching the sweater, beat, “that was such a mistake.”

They had actually managed to find a sweater, after thirty minutes of haggling with the salesperson, yelling, fighting, not finding the sweater, searching the clearance section, haggling with the salesperson some more, accidentally finding Shuichi’s uncle, losing Kiibo somehow, having Miu try on the sweater because she was fairly close to Yukizome’s size, listening to Miu complain over the size of her tits, haggling with the salesperson again, somehow finding Kiibo in the recycling bins outside of the store, losing thirty bucks and then finally buying the sweater. Everyone’s hair and clothing was in various states of disorder; Gonta was crying and there was a tear in Kokichi’s scarf. However, they got their sweater, and it was _gorgeous._

The sweater itself was a striking midnight blue, with a low collar, the collar itself beautifully knit into loops and whirls. There were bits of silvery thread interlaced in the knit material, glittering like stars, and the sweater was incredibly soft to the touch, Kaede wished the collar was a bit higher, but she figured Yukizome would appreciate the sweater nonetheless. Overall, they scored.

“Holy shit, agreed,” Kokichi said, coughing into his arm. “God, I feel like five years were taken off of my lifespan and the devil is dancing on the ground that will someday be my grave. Christ.”

Kiibo turned to look at them, then, eyes like lamps. “They recycled me,” he whispered. “A patron actually recycled me.”

Miu pouted. “My tits don’t fit in the sweater.”

Kokichi glared at Miu for that comment. “For the love of Christ, let me say it again,” he scowled, “nobody wants to hear about how big your tits are, whore!”

“S-say that again,” she moaned in a falsetto.

“Nobody wants to hear- you know what, I’m done feeding your desires,” Kokichi affirmed angrily. “Have Keeboy call you a whore instead.”

“Kiibo-”

“Nope!” Kiibo yelped. “Not gonna!”

“Jesus christ,” Rantarou sighed, “let’s just get back to school…”

Everyone else nodded vigorously to that suggestion. Laughing and hollering, the class headed back down the street towards the school.

* * *

Yukizome had fresh hot chocolate when they returned, to their great relief and gratitude. Himiko, overcome by emotion at the thought of warm food, simply walked up to her and hugged her at the mere sight of her face. The rest of the class flooded back into the classroom, surrounding the cups and downing them in seconds, desperate to warm up their frozen ears and fingers.

“So, did you have a nice outing?” Yukizome asked them kindly.

Kokichi looked at her, his dead-eyed stare digging into her soul. “Fuck no. But it was necessary,” he informed her between gulps of hot coco.

Kaede laughed. “What he meant to say was we got you a gift,” she informed the teacher. “Gonta, you still have the poinsettias, right?”

“Yes!” the tall boy replied, pulling the plants from inside his coat. “Here they are!”

“Thank you for keeping them safe,” the pianist thanked him, and took them from his arms. She pulled the beautiful midnight-blue sweater from inside her jacket, and handed both gifts to Yukizome. “Here. From the whole class. Merry Christmas, Yukizome. You’re the best.”

Yukizome took them with a smile, her grin growing as she looked over the sweater. “The sweater is a little big, but it’s absolutely lovely, and I will enjoy wearing it. Wherever did you find this?”

Tenko chuckled dryly. “Trust me, you do _not_ want to know how hard we had to look for that,” she informed her grimly. “I’m going to have war flashbacks for the next couple of months.”

“Really, Tenko? Atua says you’ll see _far_ worse in the coming months. Atua advises not to get too hung up over this,” Angie chimed in.

“Holy shit, Angie, we do _not_ need your ominous predictions of doom right now,” Kaito grumbled. “This was stressful, let us acknowledge it.”

“But Atua says-”

“No, seriously, shut up.”

Angie grumbled. “You know I’m right. Bad things are coming.”

“Sure, Angie,” Himiko muttered, “and I can actually do magic and not cheap magic tricks.”

“Enough about that, maybe?” Yukizome cut in sheepishly. “Thank you all, really. I appreciate the gesture.”

“You’re welcome, Yukizome,” Kaede reassured her. “We really love you. You’re the best teacher we’ve had in a while.”

* * *

Tsumugi was watching the students dance to some waltz-y Christmas music, leaning up against the wall, when she felt a tug on her forearm. She was met with the excited face of her girlfriend, bright violet eyes twinkling. Kaede, noticing her looking, leaned up to press a kiss into her girlfriend’s cheek.

Tsumugi laughed at the feather-light contact. “Hey, what was that for all of the sudden? Not like I don’t appreciate it, but this is sudden.”

“Hmmm,” Kaede thought. “I _might_ want to show you something. Hate to bail on a party that I’m hosting, but I want some space. Don’t you?”

“Fair, fair,” Tsumugi asserted. “Lead me away, Kae.”

Kaede smiled and grabbed her wrist, leading Tsumugi out of the classroom. They wandered the halls; it was only around 4:30 pm, but the sun had already set pretty far, leaving a dusky twilight to light the halls. The two girls walked down the crisp, clean halls of the prestigious school, and as Tsumugi watched, it began to snow. Kaede quickened her pace.

Kaede led her up a set of stairs, and the two girls made it to the roof. Somehow, Kaede had gotten her piano up here, and a bench was near it. She motioned Tsumugi to sit down on the bench, and Kaede sat behind her piano, snow falling into her blonde hair.

“I’ve been planning this for a little while!” she called. “I had Gonta move the piano up here a little while ago! I wanted to play some Christmas songs for you, because I didn’t know how often I’d get to see you. So I figured I could do this one romantic thing for you if we don’t get to see each other until we get back.”

Tsumugi smiled recklessly. “I love you so much,” she told Kaede. “You’re so sweet. I didn’t expect this.”

“You should expect better of me,” Kaede chided. “Of course I’d do this for you. You’re my girlfriend, after all, and I’ll always make an effort for you. You deserve it.”

She grinned, and stretched her fingers out in front of her. “You ready for me to dazzle you with my piano playing?”

“Yeah,” Tsumugi replied softly. “I’d love that.”

The pianist’s fingers made contact with the ivory. Notes trickled off into the distance, a soft cantabile against soft, fluffy snowflakes and dusky clouds in the night sky, the white piano and solitary musician a stand-out statue in this figure-ground, Tsumugi only a witness, only an audience, lucky enough to see this shining star make her art while she was still there to be listened to. Tsumugi hummed to the music, each note ringing out clear, like a bell, like a song for the angels to sing to a deity. It was Christmas, and the cosplayer, the self-proclaimed plain girl, leaned back on the bench, melting into the song, living in the moment and the music and the girl that played the melody that she loved so much. The song felt like a whisper, like a prayer, like a disclosed secret, Kaede’s emotion pouring into it.

It felt, and Tsumugi noticed it, startlingly, like a goodbye, but she couldn’t place why.

After all, she’d see her again next week anyways.

It began to die, the tune slowly coming to an end, but the festive, loving feeling remaining. With a laugh, Kaede stood up from the bench, and Tsumugi did too from her own, and got up to meet her.

“Did you like it?” the blonde girl asked, her eyes twinkling again.

Tsumugi smiled softly. “Yeah,” she said, leaning closer. “I loved it. I love you.”

They kissed, like lovers in an airport do, one holding their bags. It felt final, and warm, and perfect, and everything Tsumugi needed in that moment, in that place, in that specific time; just her, and Kaede, and the piano, and the snow, and the twilight dusk. After a while, they broke, and hugged, just staying there despite the cold, the warmth of the other enough to keep them safe and happy, even in the bitter winter night. There they were, lovers on the rooftop, Christmas spirit uniting them in a tender moment, a gift shared through song and touch.

Kaede looked up. “Hey, ‘Mugi?” she asked.

“Yeah?” Tsumugi replied.

She smiled. “I love you.”

Another pause; maybe a snowflake fell on the taller girl’s nose and she paused for that. Maybe she didn’t know what to say.

It didn’t matter. The message was sent anyways. But she still spoke then, because the silence was unfilled.

“I love you too.”

It felt like a farewell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chat names:  
> avacado spirit: amami  
> if she breathe she a thot: miu  
> biggest gay: kokichi  
> ass: kaito  
> just gettin' bi: shuichi  
> stronk woman: tenko  
> Abraca DAB ra: himiko  
> smoogi: tsumugi  
> kork: kiyo  
> :): angie  
> anybody want some stew: kirumi  
> velveeta GANG: kaede  
> blocked and reported: maki  
> All Women Are Queens: kiibo  
> will stab a bitch ig: hoshi  
> protective tol: gonta
> 
> per tradition, it is time for me to allude to future chapters in the end notes without spoiling jack shit.
> 
> izuru and shuichi's convo? yeah, that is chapter 23. shuichi goes to DC ft. something i may have been hinting for quite a while now. things go downhill starting HERE. have fun.  
> also please note every tiny behavior angie does. she is woke. really woke. only angie knows.


	23. Izuru Kamukura

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Private Message- Izuru and Shuichi_  
>  07:20 am  
> kamukura izuru: Saihara Shuichi.  
> saihara shuichi: oh hi izuru what’s up  
> kamukura izuru: i have an offer, if you’ll take me up on it  
> saihara shuichi: ok.  
> kamukura izuru: i’d like to invite you to my place in DC over christmas break. i still remember your cunning during the water balloon fight at the mall. i find you interesting, and i want to spend more time together. i’ll send a private jet to come pick you up, and i’ll make up an excuse for you to tell your uncle.  
> saihara shuichi: !!!! omg yes?? but what abt kokichi  
> kamukura izuru: he has already been informed of my offer, and he has made plans to stay with amami rantarou and shinguuji korekiyo while you are absent.  
> saihara shuichi: ok  
> saihara shuichi: bt wait  
> saihara shuichi: how did you get the money for this??? aren’t you going to harvard and have thousands of dollars of student debt  
> kamukura izuru: that you do not need to know. rest assured i have my finances taken care of.  
> saihara shuichi: ok…  
> saihara shuichi: see you then?  
> kamukura izuru: i am looking forwards to it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _“I said so many times that from here it would go downhill. Here is where it truly does.”_  
>  -me, countless times, to friends, while writing this chapter.
> 
>  
> 
> _I am so sorry this was this late. Enjoy._

_for my brother Alex, who loved the botanical gardens and even though I know he does not want nor care to read this, would probably get a laugh out of it anyways, (and his ramen is disgusting, thank you so much for the inspo)_

 

_for the barely functional Crab Gang, which despite being in ruins and tatters, will still be the best friends i ever had,_

 

_and for Kiyo, who, despite knowing how this ends, will still read anyways._

* * *

_Friday, December 28th, 2018_

_05:45 am_

_Private Message - Kokichi Ouma, Shuichi Saihara, Rantarou Amami, Korekiyo Shinguuji_

**s.s.:** so the plane just took off, am on my way to D.C. thanks for letting me stay over for christmas, you guys, it was great

 **r.a.:** no problem, shuichi. it was nothin. thanks for letting us have you.

 **k.s.:** yes, it was quite enjoyable, we would definitely repeat the experience again for you.

 **k.o.:** what’s with these fancy fancy chat names??? blehh. anyways shuu-chan ily and i hope u have lots of fun with izzy-chan in D.C. send pics i’m a little jealous

 **r.a.:** what’s wrong with the chat names??

 **k.o.:** if izuru was here they’d say it is BOR ing. blehhhhh . terrible.

 **s.s.:** you say that but literally izuru hasn’t changed our chat names at all it literally still reads kamukura izuru and saihara shuichi i think they’re just too lazy to do anything about it

**k.o.:**

**k.o.:** that’s valid

 **k.s.:** well, we shouldn’t be keeping you. do have fun this week, will you?

 **s.s.:** of course, will do, will do

 **s.s.:** see you guys in a few days :V

* * *

_Private Message - Izuru and Shuichi_

_06:00 am_

**saihara shuichi:** the plane just took off, it’s super nice, thank you for sending a private jet. I should be there in a couple hours. I still question how the hell you paid for this, though

 **kamukura izuru:** excellent. before you arrive, i have a few guidelines i must give to you. it is impertinent that you listen to them.

 **saihara shuichi:** alright, lay it on me.

 **kamukura izuru:** ok. one, everything in my apartment is fair to use except for my office. that should not be entered at all. believe me, i will know full well if you are to enter it. i am only in the possession of one bed, so if you need, i can sleep on the couch.

 **saihara shuichi:** nah, I can take the couch

 **kamukura izuru:** absolutely not. if you need i can simply buy another bunk myself. second, i have to study during the days, so we will go out and do things during the afternoons. during the day you may do whatever you please. i promise you the entirety of new years’ eve will be available to you to spend with me, and i apologise for any ensuing boredom. you are permitted to go anywhere in the city or in my living space that you so desire (sans my office), but make sure you do not get into any trouble. i trust you will be mature enough to handle yourself. you seem like the type. during the afternoons, you may call the shots- plans wise, i tend to ad-lib, so if i recall something in the city to be interesting, i may insist that you see it. other than that, the week is yours.

 **saihara shuichi:** Got it.

 **kamukura izuru:** third, i must request that you do not attempt to inquire of the nature of my studies.

 **saihara shuichi:** ok… I’m still curious, but I’ll let it go… promise it isn’t anything illegal?

 **kamukura izuru:** of course not. i am involved in studying to do legal work, if you could consider it that. i plan to work with law enforcement of some sort.

 **saihara shuichi:** that’s… actually really cool, kamukura. don’t steal my brand tho lol

 **kamukura izuru:** oh, do not worry yourself, you are a top notch detective. i was envisioning something more hands-on. and, of course, finally, your fourth prerequisite is that you must enjoy yourself over the course of the week or i will be very disappointed in myself.

 **saihara shuichi:** understood. Not planning on breaking any rules or anything, but what exactly would happen if I were to break any of your house rules? just wary of the consequences.

 **kamukura izuru:** oh my god, i never thought of that one myself. i suppose i would sternly reprimand you and exude a sense of disappointment, and if it kept up, i would ask you to take a flight home, but i doubt i would have any real sense of consequence. just understand it to be a kindness unto me by following them.

 **saihara shuichi:** fair, you are giving me space in your apartment for the week. I guess I should behave.

 **kamukura izuru:** a smart assumption! well, i do not know what you kids do on planes, maybe sleep, so i should not be keeping you. fly safe, yes?

 **saihara shuichi:** yep! thank you, see you there.

* * *

After a two-hour smooth ride with minimal complications, the private jet Izuru had sent over landed in DC, carrying its precious human passenger with it. After a short, fairly pleasant unboarding, Shuichi stood in the linoleum halls of the airport, looking for his benefactor, clutching his rolling suitcase to his side nervously.

After a couple minutes of walking, he found them; there, standing in the front of the building, was a very haggard-looking Kamukura Izuru, their long hair forced into a messy bun which strained at the hairband it was contained in. The former Ultimate Talented Student was wearing a baggy hoodie and black slacks, slippers on their feet. They looked as if they had only just recently woken up, bags under their eyes pronounced and heavy. However, despite their apparent exhaustion, as soon as their eyes landed on Shuichi, their mouth turned upwards into a small smile.

“Saihara Shuichi,” they mused, looking contented. “It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance again.” They extended a hand in offering, intending for the boy to shake it.

“Same,” Shuichi said with a laugh, taking it. Their handshake was firm and brisk, but Shuichi noted how ice-cold Izuru’s hands were. “And there’s no need for the formal shtick, I’m going to live in your house for a week. Shuichi is fine.”

“Hmmm. Shuichi, then?” Izuru asked. “Then I suppose you have the right to address me as Izuru.”

“I already was planning on it…” Shuichi mumbled sheepishly. “Was I not supposed to? I apologise…”

“No, it is fine,” Izuru chastised him. Almost nervously, the long-haired individual put a hand on his shoulder. “Shall we go, then? I am excited to show you my apartment.”

Shuichi spared Izuru a glance. The young adult seemed anxious, somewhat.

“Izuru,” Shuichi cut in, “are you alright? You appear to be shaking.”

Izuru whipped their head around to look at him, their dark hair flying around as it was distressed. “Me? No, no, I am perfectly fine-”

Shuichi put a hand on their shoulder, and looked them in the eyes. Izuru was trembling, their eyes racing erratically. If Shuichi knew Izuru any better, he would say they were almost nervous to mess this up. He sighed, and smiled at the person who invited him into their home.

“Kamukura,” Shuichi assured them. “It is perfectly alright to be anxious over social interaction. I promise you, you will not mess this week up, ok? There is no way you could. I am incredibly grateful just to be able to spend this time with you anyways.”

Izuru let out a dry chuckle at that, and looked away. “Ah, I forget you empathy-feeling people can do that. You know, the figuring out the general gist of what is wrong without having to ask too many questions.” They stared off into the distance, somewhat. “The one thing I cannot do,” they mumbled, almost to themself.

They paused, and shook themself out, turning back to smile at Shuichi. “Yeah, you are right, I suppose. Everything will be fine! Come, I have my Jeep waiting outside for us.”

And with that, Izuru turned towards the sliding glass doors. Shuichi, only feeling just the tiniest bit of relief, still feeling that Izuru was upset, quickly made to follow them.

* * *

“This,” Izuru began with a smile, spreading their arms out wide in gusto, “is my apartment. Or, at least, the foyer apparent.”

The first thing Shuichi noticed is that it was apparently cleaned in a rush. It seemed almost too perfect for a space that Izuru frequented every single day of their life, and if he looked closely enough, there was a duster that they forgot to put away sitting on their piano bench. There was a piano there, at that topic brought up, a grand piano that sat on an elevated portion of flooring. Perpendicular to the left base of the elevation was the glass sliding door that led to Izuru’s balcony- it was of white wood, and a basket swing sat there, made of a dark steel weaving, with white cushions inside. There was an Izuru-sized indent in the cushion. Izuru loved to sit there, judging by the depression inside the swing, and Shuichi could imagine them curling up with a book, or their laptop, or a cup of tea. Back inside, the rest of the living room, which sported white walls and cream-white carpet, only consisted of a plush dark couch, a glass coffee table and a tv, its remote collecting dust. Adjacent and open, the tiled floor of tan marble, was the kitchen- Izuru’s counters were very clear of clutter, but their cabinets were apparently stocked full, judging as one of the doors did not shut all of the way. From what Shuichi could see, the cabinet’s contents were an extremely wide selection of noodles, black tea and mint coffee. Shuichi was slightly concerned for Izuru’s health.

He snuck a glance back at Izuru. They looked thin.

The rest of the rooms of the apartment were behind shut doors. Shuichi could not see any much else, but there was a hall. Overall, the apartment was fairly spacious, and Shuichi was impressed that Izuru had somehow managed to afford rent while still in college. Maybe they got aid from Komaeda-san; was he not ludicrously rich? However, Shuichi doubted that Izuru would want to ask for help from anyone.

“So,” the host asked him, “what do you think?”

“Spacious,” Shuichi replied. “And very clean. I’m impressed.”

Izuru smiled, almost seeming relieved. “That is good. I made sure to clean before you arrived. Believe me, it was far more messy. I had papers everywhere, and clutter, and instant noodle cups… god forbid the instant noodle cups be left out. Ah, and dishes, and a fair bit of laundry.”

Shuichi chuckled at that. “I figured you had cleaned up. You forgot to put away the duster.”

They started at that in shock. “Oh, goodness, where?”

“On the piano bench.”

Red eyes darted around, locating the bench. “I suppose it is on the bench, isn’t it,” they sighed, walking over in four long strides and scooping it up. They opened the door to a closet behind them that Shuichi hadn’t noticed (almost fearfully, the contents in there seemed to be balanced quite precariously) and simply dropped it onto the floor, then quickly and quietly shut the door behind it. “I apologise for that. I was in such a hurry that I did not even remember that I had left the duster out.”

“It’s not a problem,” Shuichi assured them. “I would’ve been perfectly happy helping you clean up. You literally paid for an entire plane ticket just to get me here.”

“But-”

“But nothing. You’re trying really hard already to make sure this is pleasurable for me. Leaving out one duster is not a problem,” he pressed.

Izuru smiled weakly again. “Ah, I see,” they mused. “Well! I suppose I should show you where the bedroom and bathrooms are, and where my office is, and maybe spare you a glance to sate your impossible teenage curiosities.” Spring in their step somewhat renewed, they headed off towards the hall. “If you will come this way.”

Shuichi followed them. The back hallway was narrow, and had four doors; Izuru walked towards the leftmost door and opened it. “Here is the bathroom,” they enthused, flipping on the lightswitch. The bathroom also had white walls, with a black and white checkered tile floor. It was modest, with a shower, a bath and a sink, with a couple of cabinets for stuff. Overall, it was pleasant, though barren of personal articles that would betray any hint of Izuru’s personality, past or character in the slightest.

“Don’t you have any, I dunno, little objects and decorations, like, at all?” Shuichi asked as they exited the bathroom.

Izuru gave him a strange look as they opened the next door, revealing it to be the laundry room. “No?” they replied, an inscrutable emotion lacing their tone. “Not in the slightest, why? I do have houseplants in the summer… are you suggesting I should get some? I apologise if I have made you uncomfortable…”

They walked to the next door. Shuichi shrugged it off, still feeling perplexed.

Izuru opened the door up, and flipped on the light. “This is my office,” they explained. “You will not be going in here.”

Shuichi peered inside. There was a small desk, burdened with the weight of papers, and a laptop, which was closed, a sticker of Izuru themself on it. The sticker looked handmade, and extremely polished. The cute little drawing sent a warm feeling through Shuichi’s chest. On the floor was a mad mess of papers, and there was a tagboard with more papers on it. Shuichi couldn’t see the wall the desk was facing, as the door was also in said wall. Shuichi swore he could see light coming from the wall, but he couldn’t discern it. He elected to ignore it.

Izuru saw him peering. “Enough,” they sighed, and pulled him away.

The final door was most obviously the bedroom, and Izuru knew Shuichi had figured it, so they pled the fifth and kept their silence. The bedroom was fairly spacious- Izuru’s full size mattress bed was pressed up inside the corner, rather sheltered- there was another bed there, looking fresh and new, a twin size bed with new sheets, clearly for Shuichi, as he had protested Izuru sleeping on the couch.

Izuru had nary else in that room, but there was a walk-in closet, and Shuichi imagined it was in just as bad of shape as was the closet in the front hall. Other than this, there was a small end table and a few shelves, and books sat on them, along with a figurine of the Washington Monument, a broken water balloon, a Hope’s Peak Academy pin and a few crystals, of all things. Izuru’s bed, surprisingly, held a veritable mountain of bedding- Shuichi counted 6 blankets, and three pillows. That appeared to be the only personal possessions Izuru even bothered to keep on their person, let alone in their house.

“It’s cosy,” Shuichi noted. “Also, you really didn’t have to go out and buy a second bed.”

“No, no, I truly had to,” Izuru sighed. “I was not going to have my esteemed guest sleep on the couch if there was any better alternative.”

“If you say so,” Shuichi sighed haggardly, offering Izuru a gentle smile. “You’re doing just fine. Don’t worry about it.”

Izuru smiled at that, shoulders sagging, looking relieved, somewhat. “Well, enough of that,” they offered, walking back out to the foyer. “Would you like something to eat? It is fairly late in the afternoon now.”

Shuichi grinned, anticipating the taste of Izuru’s legendary cooking. “Yeah. I’d like that.”

* * *

After maybe a good 30 minutes of cooking, Izuru had made a simple stir-fry, their long, willowy arms and legs moving rapidly around the kitchen, grabbing ingredients and bottles of sauce and packets of seasoning, carefully monitoring the food as it cooked so it would not burn, and enjoying the process itself, almost in their own world. Shuichi, fascinated, sat at the counter and watched as the just barely adult cooked with gusto. In almost no time at all, it seemed, Izuru was carefully portioning out the meal onto two ceramic white plates, which they pulled from one of the cabinets whose doors still stayed shut.

Izuru turned to him as they filled up Shuichi’s plate, eyes full of hesitance. “Tell me when you think I have served you a large enough portion,” they invited.

They piled on another spoonful. It looked absolutely delicious, and a part of Shuichi wanted to say nothing, just to see how much they would feed him. Izuru had made a simple lo mein stir fry, only featuring vegetables, but still incredibly delicious-looking nonetheless. In the base of the pan was a hearty, savory sauce, which smelled amazing and enticed Shuichi. The vegetables- carrots, peas, bamboo shoots and baby corn- were fried lightly, looking almost golden browned in the pan. It smelled and looked absolutely mouth-watering, and Shuichi wanted to stuff his face with the food Izuru had made.

However, he had limits. “Yeah, that’s enough,” he called, and Izuru finished up their distribution with a soft huff. Shuichi headed over to the small dinner table that Izuru had, and Izuru joined him with the two plates, looking proud of their handiwork. Izuru set one down in front of Shuichi, one down for themself, and sat in their chair, waiting for Shuichi to eat first.

Shuichi took a forkful, and bit into the soft noodles. Immediately, their senses were assaulted by the rich taste of the lo mein sauce, and Shuichi hummed in satisfaction, their tongue exploring the tastes and textures of Izuru’s fine home cooking. Along with the heady, almost nutty lo mein sauce, there was a hint of pepper and soy in the food itself. The tastes blended together like an exotic dance, and Shuichi couldn’t believe this was just made in a college student’s apartment kitchen- it felt as if it deserved to be in a five-star restaurant instead. Izuru, noticing Shuichi’s satisfaction, appeared to be relieved again. Shuichi hadn’t even noticed their stress in the first place. Exactly how anxious _was_ Izuru over making sure this went perfectly?

“This,” Shuichi cut in, after swallowing, “has got to be the best lo mein I have ever tasted. I mean, you are in theory the Ultimate Chef, but this is really fucking good.”

“Ah, it was not trouble,” they remarked airily. “Anyways, since I have off for the rest of this day currently, I was wondering if you have yet seen the Holocaust Museum.”

“No??” Shuichi gasped, excited. “I would love to?? Holy shit??”

Izuru let out the smallest of satisfied sighs at the boy’s enthusiasm. “Then it is decided. When you are ready, we can depart for the museum. Hopefully, it will be to your taste. Fair warning that the museum is a rather grim reminder of a past most gruesome.”

“Alright,” Shuichi replied with a smile. “Let’s finish lunch, and let me get dressed into better walking clothes, and we can go.”

* * *

_Day 1 - 28 December. Mood: Apprehensive, yet excited._

It was a bit chilly out, and Izuru and Shuichi had bundled up accordingly for the task of taking a bus down to the National Mall. Izuru’s apartment was on the opposite bank of the Potomac River, closer to the Pentagon, so walking all that way would take a long time, so that was immediately out of the picture. Shuichi had grabbed a blue sleek windbreaker from his travel bags, and Izuru had their usual dark red trench coat and scarf. Izuru had led Shuichi to the bus stop; when it arrived, Izuru paid for fare, and together, the odd pair got onto the bus.

Izuru had immediately found a spot near the front of the bus, and sat down; curtly, they motioned for Shuichi to sit next to or near them. Shuichi opted to sit next to them, and they smiled slightly and scooted down to give him room.

People filed into the bus, adding to the few people who were already inside. Shuichi looked at Izuru in question.

“Ah, yeah, let me explain,” Izuru offered. “So this bus has bus stops where people can get picked up on its route, and a stop button inside you may press if you wish to get off. A bit of a longer ride, but the passengers here are colorful, and excellent for people-watching. We can use my motorbike or jeep the next time we go somewhere, but I wanted you to experience this at least once. Also, public transportation is extremely beneficial towards the environment.”

“Fair.” Shuichi watched as an elderly couple, two women, sat on the bench across the aisle, smiling and waving at them as they sat.

“Ah, if it isn’t young Izuru,” one of the elderly people remarked with a smile. She was a short, stout, catty-looking woman with a poof of white hair, done in that curly style that was seemingly trademark of the elderly female population. She wore a paisley pink sweater and had on a light-colored knit hat, probably done herself. “You seem to be doing well. Who’s the young friend next to you? A brother?”

The woman next to her was more hawkish, but with a kind smile. She had longer, darker hair, which curled and fell just about to her shoulders. It was probably dyed. She had a silky scarf, lots of hanging jewelry and long nails. “He’s a real handsome young man, isn’t he? Cute brother you got there, Izuru,” she added, cozying next to her wife for the bus ride.

Izuru shook their head, their dark hair tumbling over their shoulder. “No, no, not my brother. Just a houseguest. This is Saihara Shuichi, he is 17, if I remember correctly. Your birthday was in September, right?”

“Oh, yeah, September 7th,” Shuichi affirmed with a smile. “Nice to meet you two.”

The more stout woman took that opportunity to lean over and pinch his cheek. Shuichi winced, but smiled through it to humor her. “You do look like an upstart young man, don’t you. You’ll do well with your life. I can just see it.”

Shuichi chuckled. “Well, thank you for saying that, I guess. That is real nice of you.”

It was quiet for a good thirty seconds. Shuichi was surprised. They seemed talkative, so-

“So what grade are you in in school?” the thinner one asked.

Shuichi nearly swore.

* * *

After bidding the old women goodbye with a fond smile on their face, Izuru guided Shuichi out of his seat as the bus glided to a gentle halt. It had taken them to the Washington DC National Mall, a place in DC that was definitely not a mall. Rather, it was home to a large amount of monuments and museums, all condensed in one area of the city. Rather convenient for tourists. The bus had dropped them off fairly close to the museum they were looking for, and Shuichi could see it- a large, white marble building imposingly standing on the street corner. Izuru saw it as well, and headed towards it- not willing to be left behind, Shuichi followed behind at a brisk pace. Together, they almost ran towards it, desperate to escape the cold.

They burst through the doors. Inside, the lobby had a generally open feel- there was a large overhead window that spanned over the distance of the entire roof, basking the lobby in a cold, wintery glow. There was a massive, sprawling staircase; however, that led backwards towards the end of the museum, not to the start of it. The walls that spanned the lower floor and the gift shop were a dark brown.

Izuru went to the front to buy their entry tickets, and Shuichi waited behind them apprehensively. After a couple of minutes of Izuru discussing with the clerk, the long-haired individual had their tickets in hand, and handed one to Shuichi. Shuichi looked at it. It appeared to be a brochure, with many pages. Strange. On the front had a name he didn’t recognize.

“Each ticket has the name of a person who was stuck inside a concentration camp during World War II,” Izuru explained, noticing Shuichi’s confusion. “During each floor of the Museum, you may look inside the packet. The goal is to put yourself in the shoes of that person as you journey through the duration of the museum. I couldn’t really get much into it myself, but if you do, it probably will add to your experience. The tours leave in groups, and then from there you are free to go at your own pace. Would you like to stay with me, or go on ahead by yourself?”

“I would like to stay with you, if that is ok,” Shuichi asserted.

Izuru sighed, almost, but contained it. “Alright. I will try to keep myself entertained as you dilly dally at the displays.”

They headed towards a small elevator, where a small group of people were already waiting. A tour guide sat in front of the group, monitoring sendoffs. Izuru got at the end of the line, Shuichi following them. For a bit, they sat in silence.

“Wait, do you read those paragraphs of text in exhibits? They bore me to no end and I sincerely hope-”

“No, no, I don’t, don’t worry about it,” Shuichi laughed. “Were you worried that I would sit there for ten minutes attempting to read them?”

Izuru flushed, hiding their grin. “Maybe.”

* * *

The first time Izuru got seriously excited about the museum was the second floor.

The first floor of the museum was mainly describing the beginning of the Holocaust, and Hitler’s rise to power. It was mainly the thing Izuru detested- paragraphs and pictures. Shuichi spent a fair minute reading them, for the experience- Izuru hung back, watching, already having read them before, and already knowing the history, looking nothing short of disenchanted. Every once and awhile, Izuru would disappear and return, clearly too bored to hang around.

However, the second floor began to get more intense. In the second floor wasn’t just paragraphs- there were _things. Physical things_ that Izuru was far too enchanted by to be normal.

Boxcars. Gates. Torture devices. Bed frames. All from the camps themselves. Relics of a grisly past that seemed almost surreal when taught about in class, but now that they were inches away from Shuichi’s fingers, it was a bit too real.

“God,” Shuichi muttered, “they talk about this stuff in class and it feels like a fairy tale.”

“But here it is,” Izuru finished for him. “In a solid, physical form, undeniable and impossible to ignore, right?”

“Yeah, _exactly,_ ” Shuichi enthused, fingers inches away from a boxcar wheel on display. “This is nuts.”

Izuru almost smiled at that. “Well, if this gets you, surely the rest of the museum will also speak to you emotionally. People say that the museum changes you; it did not really speak to me that much at all, but this physical stuff fascinates me.”

“Maybe we’ll find something that affects you this time around, then,” Shuichi proposed enthusiastically. “You’re not soulless, Izuru. Maybe you just didn’t find the right thing.”

Izuru turned away at that. “Maybe so,” they whispered.

* * *

If the second floor was exciting, the last floor was far more so. There were two rooms that really stood out to Shuichi.

The first was the hall filled to the brim with the shoes they had collected from the people stuck in concentration camps.

It was half-lit. The first thing you notice about the room is the smell. It smells musty, dank, damp, dead. This is the smell of shoes that sat in the confines of the camp for years, stolen from people who were slated to die- almost like the shoes people leave at the tops of buildings when they jump, except not given the same respect. Then you see them- in huge, massive glass cases, so very long and almost endless, barely lit in the half-light, were the shoes, all leather, leather shoes, giving off that musty odor, almost seeming dirty and beaten.

It wasn’t quiet. There were middle schoolers there, whispering, faces pressed up against the glass, going “hey, look at this” to friends and adult chaperones. It almost ruined it, but the shock was slightly contagious.

Shuichi was fascinated, and horrified, and everything in between, and he knew _this_ was what spoke to him- the physicality of this horrible, horrible tragedy spilled out in front of him.

The second room was the room named The Tower of Faces. The sprawling tower sat near the very end, the faces of victims lined on the walls, ascending into the sky, ending at an impossibly high height, the black walls seemingly raising into the nothing. It was sheltered, enclosed, and unavoidable, another blatant reminder in a building full of reminders of the tragedy, tragedy, tragedy.

Shuichi was moved.

* * *

Izuru was not. Izuru had seen it all before.

They mused, as they walked with Shuichi, heading towards the end of the museum. They could see the staircase up ahead. _Funny. I’ve been through this entire museum twice now, and yet I don’t even care in the slightest._

They got closer to the staircase, not even looking at Shuichi at this point. _It’s just the same old history._ They flipped their hair over their shoulder. _It’s a story I wasn’t a part of, and I don’t particularly care about, for that matter. I don’t have an opinion on it._

“Hey, Izuru?” Shuichi asked, breaking them out of their reverie. “There’s another room over there.”

“What other room-”

There was a plaque on the wall that they hadn’t noticed during their last visit to the museum. It read, “Hall of Remembrance”. There was a narrow doorway, almost like a well-kept secret.

“I’ve never seen that room in my life,” Izuru noted, almost in confusion. “So? Do you wish to see it?”

“Yeah,” Shuichi joked, “duh, of course?”

“Alright.”

Carefully, Izuru stepped inside, and after a moment, their jaw dropped in silent awe.

It was a small room, in a hexagon shape. The walls were white, the floor of dark stone, with platforms of stone rising out of each edge of the hexagon, with stairs to reach the top of them. Ontop of each elevation was an eternal flame, lit. There were windows in each corner, and a skylight, giving the room tons and tons of natural light.

However, the most noticeable thing about the room was its silence. It was entirely, utterly silent, not a peep heard, despite the small gathering of people inside. It had this peaceful, powerful aura that made Izuru want to sit on the floor and let the energy of the room flow into them; everyone’s wishes, grief and desires for a better future seemed to be lying here, in the marble floor beneath their feet.

“Izuru?” Shuichi started. “Are you ok?”

Izuru looked back at Shuichi, looking absolutely peaceful.

“Never better.”

“Ok-”

Shuichi was cut off by his phone buzzing. He whipped it out and looked. Slowly, his slightly contented expression melted into annoyance.

“Shuichi, are you alright?” Izuru asked gently.

“Uh, yeah, I think so?” he responded. “Just let me text her back.”

_Private Message - Angie Yonaga and Shuichi Saihara_

_01:19 pm_

**Angie Yonaga:** saihara i need to warn you it is literally the msot important thing i will ever tell you saihara i seriously need to talk to you

 **Angie Yonaga:** *most

 **Angie Yonaga:** i am in a hurry i might make a lot of typos i am very sorry but atua begged and i respond

 **Shuichi Saihara:** angie what is it? i am in the middle of the holocaust museum with izuru i do not have time for this

 **Shuichi Saihara:** i’m glad you wanted to talk to me?? I don’t think we’ve ever dmed before. but now is not the time

 **Angie Yonaga:** good, good, you’re with them, you may spare them from their fate, please

 **Shuichi Saihara:** if you’re so worried about izuru, couldn’t you have messaged them yourself?? you’re in that gc with them and kokichi and kaito and miu, right?? you’re in contact with them, why bug me?

 **Angie Yonaga:** because they don’t CARE about their own well-being they know already and they don’t give a shit they’d rather DIE

 **Shuichi Saihara:** angie. what

 **Angie Yonaga:** please please saihara atua says they are in trouble just listen to me

 **Shuichi Saihara:** angie can you please explain? i am really concerned

 **Angie Yonaga:** don’t. let. izuru. fall. ill. olease i am begging you ataua says if they get sick tthat means it is going itob ethe end of all of this. ok

 **Shuichi Saihara:** alright. alright. i won’t let them get sick

 **Angie Yonaga:** thak you merry new years atua blesses you

“So who was it?” Izuru asked, perplexed.

Shuichi looked at them, expression grim. “Nobody.”

And with that, Shuichi turned onto his heel and left the hall, leaving a bemused, concerned Izuru behind him.

* * *

It was about maybe 8pm when they returned- they had decided to get food in the National Mall before returning home. The food they had gotten was Italian cuisine- Izuru probably could have cooked it better, but it was still delicious nonetheless.

They had then promptly returned home. The ride was quiet, Shuichi sparing glances at Izuru the whole way. They seemed incredibly peaceful, but Shuichi couldn’t get Angie’s words out of his head.

_“They don’t give a shit they’d rather DIE”_

_“it is going to be the end of all of this”_

It chilled Shuichi to the bone. Maybe it was just one of Angie’s unfounded predictions of death, but it seemed so specific. And for some reason, it felt very, very real.

* * *

_Day 2 - December 29. Mood: Tired._

When Shuichi had woken up, bearily, the sunlight cascading through the window, Izuru had already left for classes. There was a note placed very gently in Shuichi’s hand, the paper smooth against his fingers; Shuichi almost wanted to chuckle at Izuru’s quirky method of leaving reminders. He lazily brought his hand towards them, looking at the paper: it was a piece of rose-patterned, crimson stationary, Izuru’s message written in gold pen, the scrawl EXTREMELY messy. Shuichi squinted, sitting up, his messy hair falling over his eyes as he attempted to read it.

 _Good morning, Saihara,_ the note read. _I am going to class, and will not be home until four. Please make yourself at home in my apartment until I return. All food in the cabinet is fair game, as well as the tv. I have a Nintendo Switch and a 3DS in my closet if you wish to play games as well. Do call me if something goes awry._

_Yours,_

_Kamukura Izuru_

Shuichi put the note in his overnight bag with a smile. Lazily, he got himself out of bed and stumbled to his feet, his blankets falling to the floor and pooling around his toes. He, with some effort, managed to drag himself to the bathroom.

He gave almost a disbelieving chuckle when he saw himself. His hair was a mess, and it almost poofed up. Apparently, he slept well. He grabbed his comb from the counter and groaned when it got stuck.

After fighting with his hair for a good five minutes, Shuichi went to the kitchen to get some breakfast. The wall clock read 11:23pm, and Shuichi could barely believe he slept in so late. Normally, Ouma was the late sleeper, so this was new to him. He wandered over to one of the cupboards, pulling it open, expecting a variety of cereal choices.

He let out a shout of laughter. Izuru had bought eight boxes of Lucky Charms.

He grabbed one from the cabinet, and a bowl, and poured himself breakfast, then headed to the living room and turned on the news. It was just junk about the Christmas season concluding now that it was past 10, so he turned it off with a sigh. No news was good news.

According to the clock, it would be some three and a half hours before Izuru returned home. So, Shuichi decided to take Izuru up on their offer and retrieved their Switch from the closet. Both Joycons were a very vibrant yellow. The game card currently in the device was Smash Ultimate; Shuichi decided he’d play that.

The graphics were flawless, as expected. Shuichi noticed with a twist of a grin that Izuru had barely any fighters at all. Guess Izuru was actually bad at something, or, more likely, they just didn’t have the time to learn how to play.

* * *

Shuichi was about halfway through World of Light, maining Marth, when a key rattled in the lock and Izuru stepped inside, looking harried and irritated. When they saw Shuichi, however, their face returned to its usual mildly contented expression.

“So you did decide to take me up on my offer to play the Switch?” they questioned, sitting next to him on the couch, their heavy coat still on, peering at the screen with mild amusement. “I haven’t gotten much a chance to play myself. Also, you have fed yourself, yes? I would be distraught if you were malnourished.”

“Yeah, I got brunch,” Shuichi reassured them. “Do you want to play?”

“Mayhaps,” they replied. “I haven’t gotten much time to play, though, so fair warning that I might just be terrible at this. The other option is that somehow I manage to beat you anyways and we both end up confused and terrified.”

“The controls are just like the DS version,” Shuichi reminded them.

Izuru sat up then, looking interested. “You don’t say? I played the old DS version myself, back in the day. Sparingly, but I did.”

“Then you’ll do just fine,” Shuichi reassured them. “Here, I know you were planning on doing something tonight with me, so I’ll set it to one stock.”

“Sounds fine.” Izuru took a pair of joycons into their hands. “Do you have Dark Pit? I mained him in the older game.”

“Yeah,” Shuichi replied. “I got him by accident while playing against CPUs when I first started playing this morning. Let me guess, you played against Hajime, Nagito and Chiaki, and Hajime was regular Pit?”

“Yes, how did you know?” they affirmed, looking at him in curiosity.

Shuichi hid his face into his sleeve to muffle his laughter.

“What???” Izuru exclaimed. “What is so funny??”

He looked back up at them, grin hidden by his sleeve. “Izuru,” Shuichi giggled, “Hajime as Pit and you as Dark Pit. Think about it.”

A pause.

“Oh my god.”

“I told you!”

“Let’s just play the damn game.”

* * *

Izuru lost horribly.

“I. What. What the hell,” Izuru whispered, a hand over their mouth. “I suck at this. How do you keep doing this? This is the second time you have outsmarted me.”

Shuichi put a hand on their shoulder. “You haven’t played the game in years, according to your testimony, and you’re not used to the controls. It’s fine, Izuru, nobody is perfect at everything they do, you know?”

Izuru looked distraught. “But- I- I’m supposed to be-”

“Look at me,” Shuichi insisted. “You’re a human being. You aren’t perfect. But that doesn’t matter. You don’t have to be. What matters is that you are you, and that you enjoy being you, alright?”

Izuru sighed. “Yes, I suppose…”

Shuichi smiled. “You better suppose. Come on, weren’t we going to go somewhere tonight?”

“Ah, yes!” They perked up at that. “We are going to visit the Smithsonian Museum of Natural History, and then afterwards the Botanical Gardens, if that is ok with you? It’s a sprawling museum, but it is worth the visit.”

“That sounds excellent,” Shuichi replied easily.

A pause.

“ _Please_ tell me we aren’t taking the bus again.”

Izuru let out a hearty chuckle. “No, of course not,” they laughed. “We will be going by motorbike instead. You can ride behind me, it seats two. I also have an extra helmet to spare, if you need it.”

Shuichi smiled. “I swear,” he muttered, following Izuru out to the apartment garage, “I cannot understand how you get the money for this.”

“My secret,” they replied. Carefully, they undid their garage lock, revealing an old black jeep with a simple sun design painted onto the hood in gold car paint and a far newer motorcycle. Hanging on the wall precariously were several helmets, all jet black with patterns, or just plain. One of them even had cat ears on it. Shuichi spared Izuru a mystified glance. _Cat ears? What?_

“This jeep,” Izuru noted, “was my old one from high-school. We’ll probably end up using it later this week. You’ll have to excuse the various unidentifiable stains in the interior, Hajime and Nagito loved that jeep.”

Shuichi suddenly had a wildly inappropriate intrusive thought pertaining to Izuru’s definition of _loved._ He suddenly had an ascertained desire to never find out what the stains were.

Izuru noted his expression, and spared him a pitying glance. “Thankfully, there is just the two of us for today, so motorbike it is. Take your pick on helmets. The cat eared one is mine.” True to their affirmation, Izuru grabbed the cat-eared helmet and slipped it over their head, walking over to the bike. They straddled it, sliding on; waiting, Izuru gazed at Shuichi through the helmet, inviting him to come towards them. Shuichi grabbed a plain black helmet and approached warily.

Izuru noted his fear. “If you hold on as tight as you can manage, you will not fall off,” they reassured him. “Sit on the raised part directly behind me,” they instructed. “When you get on, wrap your arms around my waist. Never let go, and there will never be a problem.”

Shuichi nodded, and got on, sitting on the bike. Unlike what he had suspected, the bike did not wobble; feeling just that much more safe, he gave in and wrapped his arms around Izuru from behind, holding on tight. His arms weaved around them, their hair cascading around him; Izuru was _frail_ , their ribs apparent, their waist painfully thin- but their back was strong and warm, and Shuichi had an intense desire to rest his head against it, cheek falling into their dark hair.

Izuru opened the garage door, and the motorbike rumbled to life. It wasn’t too terribly loud, like a Harley-Davidson, and Shuichi was suddenly grateful for the bike being less noisy. The garage door eventually creaked open, and Izuru pressed the gas.

The bike took off. Shuichi, frightened, clutched to Izuru tighter, if that was even possible. He waited for his companion to react, then smiled when he heard it.

 

Overjoyed, Izuru was whooping into the dark evening sky.

* * *

The Smithsonian Museum of Natural History was, needless to say, impressive.

Approaching the building, you could already figure that it was massive. It towered above the street, even higher than the Holocaust Museum, and it was done in a fashion that made it look old and important, with a staircase and marble facets on the outside, double-doors spanning the outside. The walk up was imposing, and put a sense of awe into both young adults, though Izuru less impressed, as they had seen it before. Izuru led the way as Shuichi trailed behind them, overwhelmed by sights.

The immediate feeling Shuichi got from seeing the inside for the first time was grandeur. The inside was circular, with balconies alluding to the fact that there were higher floors, people peeking out over to see people coming inside. In the center was a giant sculpture of an elephant, the massive creature reared, its trunk up, clearly the picture of a triumphant cry-out, plants at its feet. There were banners on each floor, from what Shuichi could tell, alluding to its contents; sea-life, prehistoric life, rocks, land-life and more. Shuichi could not wait to stuff his head with facts.

Izuru turned back to him, holding two admission tickets. They handed one to Shuichi. “Here you go. Do you want to stay with me, or-”

Shuichi grabbed the ticket and dashed off with excitement. “Thanks!” he yelled, not even sparing his companion a glance before running off into the depths of the museum. In no more than ten seconds, he was gone.

Izuru laughed, watching him go. “He’s gonna have the time of his life,” they remarked. Casually, they headed towards the elevators. Maybe they would go check out the dinosaur exhibit again. They always loved dinosaurs as a kid. Or maybe the crystal exhibit. Who knows. They had all of the time in the world.

* * *

**No CisHets Allowed**

_12.29.2019, 17:52pm_

**just gettin’ bi:** HEY GUYS SO I’M AT THE SMITHSONIAN

 **kito:** wack

 **just gettin’ bi:** don’t give me shit, kaito

 **just gettin’ bi:** and guess what i found

 **velveeta GANG:** ooh, what, shuichi? i’m actually interested, unlike kaito. Bastard

 **kito:** _why is bullying me a trend_

 **blocked and reported** : because you’re an idiot

 **smoogi:** i diagnose you with dumb bitch disease, kaito

 **kito:** god

 **kito:** d a m n i t

 **biggest gay:** aww, why are you so mad?

 **biggest gay:** you know it’s the truth

 **kito** _went offline._

 **just gettin’ bi:** ohfmy god shut up

 **just gettin’ bi:** hopediamond.jpeg

 **just gettin’ bi:** if hinata doesn’t propose to nagito with this i doubt he’ll accept the proposal

 **abraca DAB ra:** OWKEMLKSJDKLGJLKSD

 **abraca DAB ra:** why is that totally correct though

 **avacado spirit:** why should hinata propose to him with it when nagito could probably buy it himself

 **stronk woman:** TRUE THO

 **just gettin’ bi:** so the diamond is blue because it has boron in it, it was on the titanic, and apparently it’s cursed. woke

 **avacado spirit:** y’know what nevermind nagito doesn’t need more curses on him

 **stronk woman:** true

 **smoogi:** it was worth a try

 **just gettin’ bi:** anyways bye i think izuru is looking for me

 **biggest gay:** have fun, love, ily

 **just gettin’ bi:** LOVE YOU TOO KOKICHI <3

From behind him, there was a gentle chuckle. “You interested in the Hope Diamond?” Izuru asked Shuichi.

Shuichi yelled. “Oh my god,” he breathed, “I did not hear you coming.”

“A specialty of mine,” they shot back. “If you are texting your class, _please_ make at least one Nagito joke.”

“Did that,” Shuichi laughed. “Then we remembered it’s cursed. Idea shot down.”

Izuru snickered. “I forget that detail,” they mused, almost appreciative. “Well, is there anything else you wish to see?”

“Ooh.” Shuichi thought to himself, retracing his steps. “No, I think that was everything.”

“Good,” Izuru smiled. “I bought souvenirs. You ready to go?”

“Yeah,” Shuichi replied.

“Alright.” Carefully, the pair headed towards the exit. “We can either eat now and then go to the botanic gardens or go to the gardens first. Which would you like to do first?”

“Ah, I’m starving, eating sounds fine.”

“Good.” Izuru headed towards the stairs to the main floor. “I’ve got my eye settled on a Latin-American place that makes some excellent tacos. They also have flautas and enchiladas, if you are interested in any of that.” They crossed the main floor. “Does that sound alright with you?”

“Oh, yeah, that’s fine, I’m open to try anything,” Shuichi reassured them. “I’m sure I’ll enjoy it.”

“Good.” They pushed open the doors, walking back down the stairs towards where they parked the bike. They slipped their helmet back onto their head, and got on, Shuichi following. Izuru only relaxed when Shuichi was secured around their waist again. “Shall we?” they offered.

“Yeah.”

The bike took off into the night again.

* * *

After a hearty meal of tacos and enchiladas, the strange duo headed towards the botanic gardens. The building itself was a greenhouse with a huge glass dome-like roofing system. Inside, of course, visible through the windows in the evening light, were plants of various shapes and sizes. Izuru helped Shuichi off of the motorcycle after they parked in front of the building. Together, they approached.

Entry was fairly easy, as it was later, and the two teenagers got in with ease. The first thing noticeable about the gardens was the coolness of the air. It was damp, but cold, and felt relaxing on their skin; a gentle updraft from a nearby fan chilled Shuichi. The light inside was also fairly natural, most of it coming from windows.

The next thing to notice was the plants.

Holy shit, there were so many plants. Even from the room the pair were in, Shuichi could get a scope of the sheer amount of plants in the garden, and there were _several rooms._ The plants, grown wild and rampant, tropical ferns and flowers and trees, grew up, up towards the ceiling, unencumbered by anything except the glass panels above. Overall, the sight was majestic, especially for such a contained space. It looked like a condensed jungle, of all things.

Shuichi spared another glance towards Izuru. They seemed calmed, almost in a daze, taking deep breaths of fresh air. When they realized they were being watched, they smiled at him. “Oh, you go on ahead,” they offered. “I might take a bit.”

“Alright, if you say so,” Shuichi replied, mystified again. He reluctantly left his taller companion where they stood, opting to delve deeper into the green.

As he wandered, the leaves thickened. He could hear a brook bubbling; looking down, there in the sod was a man-made stream, water trickling down over rocks deliberately placed. The evening sun glistened against the rocks and leaves, pouring in from the ceiling. Flitting about was the occasional butterfly, darting from flora to flora.

The door to the next section was ahead, leading to a drier plant climate. Shuichi spared Izuru one last perplexed glance before stepping through. This room was far more arid, with desert plants; cacti and tumbleweeds sat on the basin of the floor, only taking in the smallest amount of water to gain the nourishment they needed to grow plump and green, spines sticking out dangerously. There was a gravel pathway leading around this garden; Shuichi followed it. He could hear a cicada in the room. Other than that, it was silent.

The final room was a typical flower garden, boasting variants and species of all sorts, a bursting gathering of colors and textures, petals strewn on the floor. This one Shuichi liked the most, so he pulled his phone out to take a couple of snapshots of it. Carefully, he got a picture of a rose and sent it to Kokichi. Hopefully his boyfriend would like that.

He headed back out towards the front. Where was Izuru, anyways? There was no sign of them; maybe they were still in the first garden. So Shuichi went back into the jungle area—

“Izuru,” he exclaimed, with a shout of laughter, “What are you _doing?_ ”

Izuru stared back at him, beleaguered. They were lying on the floor, butterflies tangled in their hair, the insects seemingly perfectly content to just sit there. Izuru’s hands were clasped in a mudra, the meaning of the hand position unclear to Shuichi, the young adult humming to themself. They appeared to be meditating on the floor of the botanical garden.

“Becoming one with the flora and fauna,” they replied, deadpanned. They sat up, a couple of butterflies flying away in protest. “Have you seen everything?”

“Oh, yeah.” Shuichi offered a hand to Izuru, and they took it, allowing him to pull them up onto their feet. “That’s such a beautiful garden. No wonder you zoned out.”

Izuru regarded him with a smile. “Places like those, filled with infinite beauty? Those,” they admitted, “are my favorites.”

In that moment, for just that second, Izuru was transparent. Shuichi felt like he’d seen too much and not enough of their personality at the same time. There were so many dimensions to them. Shuichi wondered how much he had yet to find.

* * *

_Day 3 - December 30th. Mood: conflicted._

_09:34 am_

_Saihara Shuichi,_

_I am at classes today again, this time until 3. Today, Hinata Hajime and Komaeda Nagito will be visiting for dinner. The usual activities are provided for you today. Hinata and Komaeda will be here at around half past three. Please feel free to contact me if anything goes awry, per usual._

_Yours,_

_Kamukura Izuru_

 

**No CisHets Allowed**

_10:20 am_

**biggest gay:** sooo, babe… have y’all found any dark secrets in kamukura’s house yet?

 **just gettin’ bi:** actually, no? they’re highkey a pretty normal dude. from what i’ve gathered they like beautiful sights, enjoy cooking noodles, and are pretty into meditation and spirituality. they also like video games but never have the time to play them.

 **biggest gay:** yawwwwn, a snoozefest.

 **biggest gay:** w a i t   k a m u k u r a  m e d i t a t e s

 **just gettin’ bi:** ya, i had to drag them out of the fucking botanic gardens because they took a nap covered in butterflies

 **biggest gay:** w0ke

 **anybody want some stew:** anything off in their house

 **velveeta GANG:** mom, i can’t believe you’re condoning shuichi searching izuru motherfucking kamukura’s apartment for suspicious shit

 **just gettin’ bi:** no? it’s a cute apartment. they won’t let me in their office though

**biggest gay:**

**avacado spirit:**

**kork:**

**:):**

**smoogi:**

**velveeta GANG:**

**just gettin’ bi:** absolutely not

 **anybody want some stew:** you do know that is very suspicious, yes

 **just gettin’ bi:** i’m  A RESPECTFUL HOUSEGUEST

 **anybody want some stew:** there’s probably illicit things in there

 **just gettin’ bi:** i

 **smoogi:** do it

 **biggest gay:** EXPOSE HIM, LOVE

**just gettin’ bi:**

**just gettin’ bi:** FINE. FINE I’LL DO IT

 **just gettin’ bi:** if i get sent home i’ll kick y’alls asses.

 **:):** bitchin’!

 **biggest gay:** i looove youuuuu

 **just gettin’ bi:** sig h

 **just gettin’ bi:**  i love you too, koko

* * *

_10:35 am_

He was really doing this, huh.

He approached Kamukura’s office warily, peering in. The door was already ajar, so Shuichi didn’t expect much of surveillance; however, he still checked anyways, eyes skating through the doorway, checking the walls for possible cameras. To Shuichi’s relief, and surprise, there was nothing, so he crept in.

From the first glance, the office was innocuous. The room itself had a tan carpeting and coffee brown walls. In the dead center of the room was the small desk Shuichi saw on his first day. It was made of wood, and stained black, and despite its small size, it seemed exceedingly sturdy. The base had strong legs and drawers that kept the entire contraption standing. Sitting on top of it was Izuru’s laptop, with the sticker on top of the cover, eyes glaring asinine at Shuichi. He shivered, and walked towards it.

There were papers strewn across the desk. Shuichi grabbed one, and squinted at it. The lettering was so small and official-looking that Shuichi felt exhausted and bored just by looking at it. He swore, and put it back onto the desk. Maybe he would read it later.

Behind him was that tagboard, various things pinned to it. Shuichi drew closer to it. Pinned to the tan corkboard with simple clear white pins were id papers, case files and photos of _people_. They were mug-shots, and each one was placed near its appropriate file. Shuichi looked at them, bewildered. There was nothing that could discern why they were up there save for a bold red [SUSPECT] stamped onto each one. Suspect for what? Maybe for Izuru’s criminal law class? Did they normally do field work in a criminal law course? Shuichi squinted harder. There was a VERY official-looking government seal on each one. Field work...

Next to the tagboard was a filing cabinet that Shuichi had not noticed on his first visit. It was also chock-full of papers, and on top of the cabinet sat a porcelain doll. The doll looked _exactly like Izuru,_ save for the fact that instead of wearing Izuru’s normal semi-formal attire, the doll was wearing a blue hospital robe. The doll looked to be in duress, splayed onto the cabinet in a lazy sprawl-sit. Shuichi had the intense desire to give it some dignity, but he knew that if he moved the doll, Izuru would know that he was in the office.

Also sitting on the crammed, overful filing cabinet was a notebook. Shuichi picked it up. It was a small, leather-bound notebook, and holding it sent a nauseous feeling down Shuichi’s spine. Carefully, he opened it.

He laughed out loud and put it back on the desk. On the first page were the words, “Sicko Mo-Bamba” written in a fine gold marker.

There didn’t appear to be anything else out of the ordinary there, save for the stuffed filing cabinet itself. Shuichi turned around to tackle the rest of the office.

Left in the office was a wall closet and what appeared to be _another_ cabinet, with a screen (?) above it, placed at a spot that was perfect for Izuru to watch while they worked. Shuichi decided to investigate the cabinet first. He carefully walked over to it, sneaking around despite the apparent emptiness of the apartment itself.

The second cabinet was the same dark wood as the desk, and was maybe a good four feet high. On top of the cabinet sat a few more crystals, and some yellow sticky notes. Shuichi looked at the notes. They were _reminders,_ though some being normal reminders and others being quite _odd_ for an eighteen year-old attending to college.

Shuichi picked up the first one. _Get a cot for Saihara,_ it read. It was dated on the 28th of December, shortly after Shuichi had texted them.

 _Talk to squadron captain about off on the 31st,_ the next one read. _Squadron? Squadron of what?_

_Henry Bixby has been ruled out as innocent. Remove file from tagboard._

_Restock on noodles. Hinata and Komaeda want ramen for dinner._

_Maybe I should get a dog,_ the next one read. Shuichi’s eyelid twitched. That wasn’t even a reminder!

_Restock on eyeliner._

_Become one with the pile._ This one had a cartoon crab drawn next to it.

Shuichi sighed. This was almost ridiculous. There seemed to be _no_ rhyme or reason to Izuru’s notes, and Shuichi didn’t even know which ones were real and which ones were just some of Izuru’s ridiculous inspirations.

He moved downwards and opened some of the drawers. The cabinet had three large ones, and Shuichi couldn’t even fathom what Izuru may have hidden in there. Carefully, Shuichi slid open the lowest one. Inside the drawer were hair tools, wigs, makeup, hats, color contacts and a pair of scissors. There were also an odd assortment of prescription-less glasses of all shapes, sizes and frames. Shuichi gave a perplexed glance, and continued.

The second drawer had materials to temporarily modify one’s body, including chest and lower body modifications, extra padding, shoe inserts, ear extenders and an eclectic collection of odd clothing. One thing that stood out to Shuichi was a varyingly familiar security guard hat. Where had he seen that before? Where the _fuck_ had he seen that? He’d seen it before, but from where was beyond his memory at the time. And more importantly, why the hell would Izuru need any of this?

The final drawer arguably was the most questionable. Inside the drawer was another notebook, a passport, a walkie talkie, a second cell phone, a paring knife, a swiss army knife with little screwdriver extensions and a handgun with bullets strewn across the drawer floor. The bullets were handmade silver bullets, with roses engraved on the siding, and red steel tips. Shuichi flinched at the weapons display and grabbed the notebook, expecting more incriminating content-

_Local Man Just Cannot Get Sick; They Would Like To Try It Some Time_

“What the hell, Izuru,” Shuichi chuckled.

 _“Please, for the love of god,”_ the notebook read, _“someone give me Ebola or something because I have forgotten my own mortality and am convinced that I cannot die.”_

Scrawled underneath that sentiment was a messily-drawn chibi of a distressed Izuru pulling at their own hair. Shuichi let out a shout of laughter and threw the book back into the drawer, sliding it shut gently.

Last but not least was the closet, set into the wall. All Shuichi found in there was a SWAT uniform, complete with bulletproof vest. All of that made Shuichi scratch his head. He knew Izuru had a multitude of talents, but there was _no way_ an eighteen year old could get hired as a police officer this young… right?

* * *

_4:13 pm_

Shuichi was watching old cartoon reruns on Izuru’s dust-covered flatscreen when the usual sound of the key jiggled in the lock, mirth-filled voices singing a soprano behind the door. The door creaked open, and Shuichi was met with the jovial faces of Hajime Hinata and Nagito Komaeda, and a beleaguered, ill-looking Izuru behind them, holding a tissue to their nose. When Hajime saw Shuichi, he smiled and walked over to him, Nagito on his trail.

“Hey, Shuichi, long time no see, man!” he laughed, reaching over for a high-five.

Shuichi returned it cheerfully, happy to see his somewhat-friend after all that time. “Nice to see you too, dude,” he offered in reply. “Ahoge gang rise up.”

“Oh yeah, how _is_ Makoto these days? He still with Byakuya and Kirigiri?” While Hajime said that, Nagito took off his trench coat and sat next to Hajime, wearing a green knit sweater, looping his prosthetic arm around his boyfriend.

Shuichi laughed. “He’s as optimistic as ever,” he replied. He spared his attention from Hajime to look at Izuru. “How was your classes today, Izuru?”

“Huh?”

“I said,” Shuichi repeated, raising his voice, “How was your classes?”

Izuru sniffed in response. “S good,” they slurred, pulling pots out from the cabinets. “‘M kinda sick.”

“Oh, that suc-”

 

_don’t. let. izuru. fall. ill olease i’m begging you_

 

Shuichi’s blood froze. “You got SICK?” he exclaimed, alarmed. He burst from the chair to Hajime and Nagito’s confusion, immediately finding himself at their side, hand on their shoulder. “Are you ok? You need to rest. Should I get a blanket or a coat? You-”

Izuru swatted him off. Shuichi immediately noted the heat radiating from Izuru’s body. “I am _fine,_ ” they insisted harshly. “Please do not touch me right now. You could get ill. ‘M pretty warm, too, don’t like it.”

Shuichi backed off at their request, but still gave them a concerned gaze. “Alright…”

Izuru gave him a reassuring half-smile as he sat down next to Hajime and Nagito. “So, today, Hajime requested ramen,” they began, pulling some noodle packets out of the cabinet. “I’M making the ramen.”

“But you said you’d let me help!” Hajime protested.

Izuru stared at him, eyes full of ridicule. “Hajime,” they reminded him, “you cannot cook ramen.”

“What’s wrong with my ramen? Nagito likes it.”

“Yeah,” Nagito piped up, “it’s good—“

“No, it is _not,_ ” Izuru stressed, “it is soggy and overcooked and quite frankly, _disgusting—_ “

“Is it because I use that microwave tray?” he asked.

Shuichi spluttered. “Microwave tray??” he asked in disbelief. “What do you mean _microwave tray?_ ”

Hajime’s expression brightened. “Oh yeah, the microwave ramen tray! Oh, let me tell you—“

Izuru strode over then and put a hand over his mouth. “You do _not_ need to hear about this _heathenous_ cooking device. Just learn how to boil water yourself.”

“But-“

“Izuru Is Disappointed By The Microwave Ramen Tray; However, Hajime Continues To Use It Anyways,” they seethed. Behind them, Nagito was dying with laughter on the couch, looking like if he’d go into cardiac arrest if they weren’t careful.

“My ramen is _great_ ,” Hajime pouted.

“Every time I have to witness you using that _thing,_ five _years_ are removed from my lifespan,” Izuru retorted, voice barely disguising their mirth. “It is soppy and overcooked and mushy. If you had only put it in for less time, it would be fine, but of _course_ you would _ruin_ it.”

Shuichi was roaring with laughter at this point, opting to join Nagito on the couch. Hajime flushed with embarrassment.

Izuru continued. “I ask, ‘why can you not just cook it on the stove? It is not hard. It tastes far better.’ All I get in response is, ‘Don’t wanna.’ Hajime slurps up his mush. I am crying.”

“pffttthaHA _HA_! M-maybe Izuru should cook,” Nagito cackled, sitting up and wiping a tear from his eye.

“Not you toooo,” Hajime pouted.

Izuru smiled at the pair benignly, though there was something wistful in their eye. “Well, anyways, I have ramen to make before we head off to the monuments. I am sure you two must be starving. Shuichi, do you want to help?”

“Oh, sure!” he replied, getting up off of the couch. He headed towards Izuru, nearing the sink, ready to wash his hands.

“Oh come on!” Hajime yelled. “Why does _he_ get to help you?”

“Because he’s not a complete disaster,” Izuru shot back.

Shuichi let out a great shout of laughter at that, splashing water everywhere. Izuru shied away, but grinned to themself anyways. Together, they started to work on the ramen, Hajime and Nagito chatting with them the whole time.

* * *

Dinner was excellent. The ramen had only taken maybe two minutes to cook, but it was just right, cooked just enough so it was loose, but firm. It was then covered with a sauce and served with vegetables. Even Hajime grudgingly admitted that it was better than his ramen. After dinner was over, the four of them worked together to clean up the kitchen.

They took Izuru’s fabled old jeep to go to the monument park. Despite Izuru’s insistence, the van itself was rather clean, save for what appeared to be a kool-aid stain underneath the passenger seat. The jeep ran fairly smoothly, and Izuru’s smooth driving only added ease to the journey. Shuichi sat in the passenger seat, and Nagito and Hajime sat in the back, cuddling. Shuichi noticed fondly that they continued to do so until the jeep finally halted to a stop at their destination.

DC’s great monuments were scattered across a large stretch of land, sidewalks leading to each one. In the great swath of land were a multitude of old stone monuments; the Washington Monument, the Lincoln Memorial, the Vietnam Memorial and many others. Even though it was later, people still congregated around the monuments, taking photos for families. On the sidewalks were street lamps, orb-shaped, glowing pleasantly, casting a bluish white light into the jeep. Izuru made a huff, and unlocked the doors, inviting everyone to get out and follow them. They did, Hajime and Nagito taking their sweet time, untangling themselves from each other almost reluctantly, only satisfied when they had each others’ hands in their own. Izuru almost scoffed at them.

“Is it me, or are they more clingy than usual?” Shuichi asked Izuru as they began to walk down the path.

“Oh, no, this is how they always are,” they responded. Their tone seemed exceedingly bitter, head turned over their shoulder to watch the pair with an inscrutable expression. “You just never got the privilege of seeing them in private.”

Shuichi looked at them. Their brows were furrowed, gaze dark and stormy and painfully longing. “Izuru,” he asked, realizing. “Are you jealous of them?”

There was a brief pause.

Then, Izuru laughed. It was painful, and if Shuichi didn’t know better, he would’ve confused it for a sob. “No,” they responded. “Not of them.”

“Then of who?”

A gust of wind came through, taking Izuru’s hair up, blowing it around, obscuring their face. “Of everyone,” they responded, “who is lucky enough to be loved.”

“Oh.”

They sneezed violently then, rubbing at their nose with their sleeve in disgust. “Come on,” they slurred angrily. “No more prying. Look, there is the Washington Monument.”

Hajime and Nagito caught up then, Hajime looking concerned. “You should really get a tissue,” he advised. “Here.” Hajime held up a kleenex, offering it to them.

They reluctantly took it. “Thanks,” they murmured, blowing their nose in an odd, stuttering fashion, as if they were not even used to the action of blowing their nose itself. Looking highly distraught at their physical well-being, they strode towards the monument, the three guys behind them looking extremely confused and concerned.

“When’s the last time you even saw Izuru sick?” Shuichi asked Hajime and Nagito as they approached the massive obelisk. Made of white marble, it towered above them in the twilight imposingly, lights at the base lighting up the panels dramatically.

Nagito and Hajime looked at each other, confused. “It wasn’t last year, was it?” Nagito asked Hajime.

“Nah, they haven’t missed school since… like, third? Grade?” Hajime replied. “Wasn’t that for like a family thing, or…”

“Yeah, and then there was that thing with the academy that we had to sort through,” Nagito recalled. “They weren’t sick, though.”

“Huh. I almost forgot about that,” Hajime exclaimed. “I can’t remember.”

“So, to answer your question?” Nagito finished for him. “Never.”

Shuichi gaped. _Never?_ “I’m sorry, but are you trying to tell me that Izuru Kamukura has not once and not ever gotten sick in a public place?”

Hajime laughed. “Not in front of us, no. There’s a fair possibility that they’ve just been sick on weekends and then simply recovered before they returned to school.”

“No wonder they’d do that, if it hits them this bad,” Nagito added, looking sympathetic. “Poor Izuru. They look like death itself.”

Shuichi took a closer look at Izuru, who was pacing around the base of the monument at this point, just looking at it. They looked absolutely drained, sniffing miserably, their skin paler than usual. They didn’t seem to be aware of any people around them, and they looked about thirty seconds from fainting dead away. Shuichi suddenly understood why Angie was so preoccupied with Izuru’s physical health. They were hit _hard_ by physical illness.

Shuichi spared Izuru one final glance before following Hajime and Nagito to the monument’s base. He’d put that worry aside for now to enjoy the company of friends.

* * *

It had gotten dark fairly quickly. The group had just left the FDR Memorial, a great, hulking, maze-like set of statues and sculptures, which Shuichi enjoyed a lot. He had even managed to get a couple of pictures with Hajime and Nagito, posing with the sculptures of the bread line, a set of four figures made of metal standing in a line, begging for soup. The three of them had gotten in line behind them, and Izuru took photos. There was also the statue of FDR himself in the back, with his dog; the final area was incredibly peaceful, with flowing fountains around the effigy of the late president. Overall, the memorial was beautiful, and Shuichi loved it.

The ragtag group were heading across the lawn towards the WW2 Memorial when Shuichi noticed a change in the air. It seemed almost quiet, but romantic tonight, the lights from the WW2 Memorial fountain adding something, and the occasional firefly, a winter straggler, staying around due to the warmer climate of DC, floating into the air from the grass, flickering and going out. Behind Izuru and Shuichi, Hajime and Nagito had gotten clingier, laughing in the night, hanging off of each other.

They arrived by the fountain, the exhausted Izuru sitting on the ledge of the pool to catch their breath, Shuichi joining them as their dark locks tumbled onto the rocks. Hajime and Nagito stood a ways away, admiring the monument with wide, young eyes, watching the water and the lights with a refreshed joy. Hajime leaned into Nagito’s side, looking up at the taller boy, who seemed to be enthralled.

“This,” Nagito whispered, almost to himself, “is so beautiful. Just like humanity to build this beautiful, great monument to honor the hope that comes with peace-”

Hajime shoved him. “Shut up with that hope stuff, you know it’s not healthy for you,” he chided. “I wanna dance with you.”

“Dance?” Nagito breathed. “Here?”

Hajime laughed at him. “There’s nobody left but us, it’s late.” He stepped forwards, putting his phone on the fountain’s edge, putting on a lazy sort of song. Then, he returned to his lover, taking his hands. “Come on, dance with me.”

So they did, slow-dancing in the moonlight, their dancing so personal, so private, that Shuichi felt like he was intruding as he watched. Their feet cantered across the pavillion, the marble and stone, their forms twisting and turning, interlocked, a perfect jigsaw as they moved to the music and each other.

There was a noise that sounded like a sob from next to Shuichi, and it took him a bit to realize that it was Izuru. Izuru was looking at them, too, silently, crystal glass tears pouring from their red eyes, which were filled with love, jealousy, and longing. The person who wanted to be loved the most was forced to watch people they were so close to be in love, and in love without them, and they revelled in it, and were happy for them, and sad for themself. Their mouth was twisted into a smile that felt so painful, so forced that Shuichi wanted to ask them to frown instead. Their hands at their sides trembled and their legs trembled more. Shuichi wanted to ask them to dance-

But Hajime and Nagito noticed, first, and came to them, looking concerned and hesitant but resigned and ready. And they took their hands, one hand in Hajime’s, one hand in Nagito’s, and the two boys pulled the sadder person up to their feet, and looked at them.

“Dance with us?” Hajime offered, a shy smile on his face, alluding to more and to less than Shuichi could know or even imagine. And Nagito was there, too, a reassuring hand on Izuru’s back, holding them, telling them it would be ok.

It was silent, save for the music, and the rippling fountain, and Izuru nodded, their dark hair rippling over their face, tangled and tousled and curly, and said _ok_ , with a throaty, desperate voice, a plea for love and for care that Shuichi could not have imagined in their voice, the voice of a person who desperately tried to tell the world that they could do this thing all on their own, but more than anything just wanted to understand what it was like to be loved, to be cared for, to feel their sadness and joy as they felt theirs. So Hajime and Nagito wiped their tears away, and they smiled, and the two boys pulled their beloved friend onto the pavillion, too, and danced with them, carefully and slowly, and the puzzle felt even more complete than it did not even two minutes ago.

And Shuichi smiled for them, and thought of a lover he had back home, and maybe thought of dancing with him, too, someday, because he knew that he would love that more than anything.

It was nighttime, and it had fallen cold and chilly, and the fireflies had gone to sleep. So they stopped dancing after a while, and held each other, three lonely souls in a winter chill, two already knowing the love they felt, one watching on the outside, but not anymore. They came back to the fountain where Shuichi sat, laughing and giddy, hanging off of each other, desperate to keep touching each other, to feel their warmth and their heartbeat steady under their skin.

“I don’t want to go yet, but I don’t want you all to freeze,” Izuru said, finally, the magic slowly dying but still there. “I don’t want to go yet.”

“We don’t want to go either,” Hajime replied, smile warm and genuine, “but we gotta go home eventually.”

“Yeah,” Nagito added. “But believe me when we say we will miss you.”

Izuru looked at the ground, wordless. Their gaze was a little too quiet. But they looked back up at them with a smile, a genuine, real smile that quelled any of their worries.

“I will miss you too,” they whispered, and outstretched their arms. The three adults embraced in the cold night, giving that necessary goodbye that felt perfect there. It was a goodbye you’d give someone who was going on a long trip, and Shuichi supposed that Hajime and Nagito _were_ going on a trip, if only a trip back home.

However, it felt more than anything like they were bidding Izuru goodbye instead.

* * *

_Day 4 - December 31st. Mood:_

_“Just hold still and it’ll be over. Just hold still-”_

**_No, no, no, NO-_ **

_“I SAID HOLD STILL-”_

**_NO, NO, NO, NOOOOO! NONONONONO-_ **

_“Someone’s in the hall-”_

_“State your name and business- gah! What the hell-”_

_“The monitors fucking shorted out!”_

**_Let me go, let me go, no no no no… noh… nh…_ **

_“Hey- shit!”_

_“...”_

**_No… go… get out… nhhhh…_ **

_thud_

_“Izuru?”_

 

_“Izuru? Hey, Izuru, wake up, say something.”_

 

_“Izuru! IZURU!_

 

“IZURU!” Shuichi yelled, shaking the young adult. “Izuru, wake up!”

Izuru opened one eye blearily. Their entire head ached, and they had the intense desire to blow their nose. They felt warm, sweaty, and incredibly uncomfortable.

“Wh… what time is it?” they asked, finally forcing their eyes open. Shuichi was hovering above them, looking horribly alarmed, his hair in distress and their eyes racing. He was sitting on the edge of Izuru’s bed, in his day clothes, his phone at his side.

“It is,” Shuichi breathed, “3 in the afternoon. I tried calling your name to wake you up, but you would not respond. So I came in here. You were practically unconscious. I was shaking you for five minutes. I was going to call 911.”

Izuru grimaced. “I am sorry for that,” they responded. “I sleep like the dead.”

Shuichi put a hand on their forehead then. “You’re running a temperature!” he scolded. “Forget going to the Washington Monument this evening, you need _rest._ ”

“N-no,” they pouted. “We’re going to the monument for fireworks, it’s my goddamn _birthday_ tomorrow.”

“But-”

“We’re _going_ to the monument even if it _kills me_ ,” they protested.

Shuichi sighed. “Fine, but we’re _only_ going to the monument. We’re spending the _rest_ of the day inside, bundled up, watching shit on Netflix. I’m making you soup and you’re going to _rest._ ”

“F-fine,” Izuru whined. “Netflix it _is,_ then. Please tell me you have something interesting to watch.”

“Have you seen Voltron Legendary Defender yet?” Shuichi offered.

“Oh, VLD? I’ve heard of it, but I haven’t the time to watch it…”

“Well then we’re watching it,” Shuichi insisted. He got up out of bed and and motioned towards the door. “Come on, up you get, we’re going to the living room and I’m making you soup.”

Izuru sighed and got themself to a sitting position. Carefully, they got out of bed, looking very dizzy. They took three steps and let themself fall to their knees, swearing.

Shuichi ran over in alarm. “Are you ok? Christ!” He put a hand on their back, balancing the taller person precariously.

They lifted their head up, groaning. “‘M fine, just head rush,” they responded. “I will be back standing in a few minutes.” They laid themself out on the floor, grumbling and coughing.

Shuichi frowned. “I’m going to carry you to the kitchen,” he reprimanded.

“Wait, wait, don’t-”

But Shuichi ignored their protests and scooped them up like a ragdoll, Izuru yelping and clinging to him for dear life. Shuichi noticed how _light_ they were, almost like a feather, and frowned even harder in concern. Haphazardly Shuichi carried Izuru into the living room, unceremoniously dropping them onto the couch, then returning to their bedroom to grab blankets and pillows for them. When he returned, Izuru was lying there with the tv remote in their hand, feverish; Shuichi decorated the couch in pillows, and propped them up on them. Then, with their permission, he picked them up gently again and wrapped blanket after blanket around them, Izuru snuggling into the soft fabric like a cat into its pillow. When Izuru was laid back down onto the couch, they seemed to sink into the plush around them.

“You can set up Netflix, if you want,” Shuichi offered. “I’m going to make you some soup. Any preferences?”

“Ramen is fine,” Izuru slurred, muffled through the pillows. They stuck one arm through the blankets if only to help the remote signal to the TV better. Shuichi smiled at that and went to the mini kitchen to heat up some ramen.

After a few minutes, Shuichi had gotten two bowls of ramen, one with broth for Izuru. He came back to the couch, offering the bowl to them; they sighed and took it, lifting the bowl to their mouth, slurping up broth carefully, as to not spill. As they ate, the first episode began to play its familiar theme.

“So what’s this show about?” Izuru inquired. “I haven’t heard much about it besides its name and seen a few of its animation clips.”

Shuichi laughed. “It’s a favorite of Kaito’s,” he explained. “It’s a show about five teenagers in space who fly these robot lions that turn into a voltron mechanica.”

“Interesting,” Izuru commented lazily. “I maybe might enjoy it.”

* * *

Five hours later, Izuru was sobbing over the show.

“The plot is so _shitty,_ ” they sobbed, “but I’m so attached to these _kids_ that I can’t stop watching.”

“I know, right?” Shuichi cried. “It’s trash but I fuckin love the characters to bits and that’s what keeps us watching.”

“They’re,” Izuru sobbed, blowing their nose, “so good.”

There was a pause while Voltron tore another ship to bits.

“And what’s with Keith and Lance?” they asked. “They’re _clearly_ into each other but _nothing happens._ ”

Shuichi looked at the screen darkly. “Don’t get attached, literally nothing _does_ happen,” he grumbled. “Fuckin Voltron, man.”

Izuru glanced at the clock. “Oh my god, it is eight pm,” they noted with alarm. “That felt so short. We need to get going soon.”

Shuichi sighed. “You’re still very sick,” he noted. “Do you really want to go? We could watch Voltron until midnight…”

Izuru sat up then, fixating Shuichi with a strong gaze.

“We have to,” they said. “I’m not letting this week end terribly because I am burdening you. I want you to see these fireworks.”

Shuichi shrugged. “Alright man, whatever you say.”

Izuru grinned. “That being said, we’re taking the Jeep just in case you need to drive back.”

“Fair.”

* * *

It was maybe quarter to eleven by the time they had managed to fight through the gathering of people to get close to the Lincoln Memorial. The steps were full of people, and so was the rest of the National Mall, people flocking on the stretch between the Lincoln Memorial and the WW2 Memorial fountain. Izuru and Shuichi climbed the steps and entered the memorial itself, Izuru eager to show the interior to Shuichi before the fireworks happened and the crowd thickened.

The interior was quiet, hushed. It felt like the atmosphere of a hospital or a library, a forced social quiet instilled on this place, as like a graveyard or church. This was a quiet place, and sound made here died. A gentle half-light filled the room, and the floor, a stone, shone; at the very end of the room stood a massive, imposing statue of Abraham Lincoln, sitting on his chair, watching everyone with an even, steady gaze. The statue made Shuichi feel incredibly small. He’d seen pictures of the statue before online; he had not expected it to be this _big_ in person.

Izuru walked closer, and Shuichi followed. “This statue,” Izuru noted, “always seemed to instill humility in me, even though I have seen it many times. It was something that shocked me, and still does; that I could not get bored over something. Maybe if I came here every day and observed it, maybe someday I would grow used to it, but I think the atmosphere here disallows it. It is just that well done.”

“Well, maybe that’s a good thing,” Shuichi offered, coming up to their side. He looked up at Lincoln, and Lincoln looked back, his kind gaze made of stone, yet still understanding. He wondered what it would have been like to talk to the man. He seemed like a good conversation. “Maybe this is what will teach you that you can still appreciate things, to be human, as you put it. Think about it. Everyone else is just as awestruck.”

He was right, of course; the remaining tourists in the monument, late night stragglers or those waiting for the fireworks, were also similarly hushed, quiet, awed. Izuru looked around, and saw Shuichi’s truth, too: the monument was beautiful to everyone, and Izuru was simply participating in the human condition.

“It’s very human of you, Izuru,” Shuichi reassured them. “You’re very human.”

Izuru looked back at him. They weren’t smiling, but there was still a palpable happiness gleaming in their eyes, a shocked, disbelieving joy that did not need a smile. “You… really think that, huh,” they murmured, almost to themself. “I have not heard that from anyone… ever.”

“Well, it’s the truth,” Shuichi reaffirmed.

Izuru hid their face in their hand. They seemed to be grinning, but apparently the smile was too wide for their comfort. They turned back towards the front of the monument, walking. “Come now,” they called, dark hair flowing behind them as they strode out. “We’re going to miss the fireworks.

Shuichi followed them, the pair walking down the stairs at a leisurely pace. “How much time do we have left?” he asked quietly.

Izuru checked their phone, then looked back at him. “Half an hour,” they responded. They thought for a minute, then looked back at him. “Tomorrow you leave to go back home to Illinois, correct?”

“Yeah.” Shuichi stared over the water, thinking. “Yeah, I leave tomorrow.”

They both sat there quietly, reminiscing. It was almost awkward. Neither could think of what to say.

Then, finally, Izuru spoke up. “You know?” they murmured. “This week has been one of the happiest I have had in a while.”

“You really think that?” Shuichi smiled at them. “I didn’t think I was that good of a houseguest.”

Izuru scoffed. “Of course you were. Let me think. You accompanied me wherever I asked, you did not break any house rules, you took care of me today while I was ill, you were courteous to my friends and you were overall extremely interesting to talk to and hang around. I highly doubt you were a terrible houseguest.”

Shuichi remembered sneaking into their office and felt extremely guilty. He kept quiet about it, though. “Ah, if you say so…”

“I do say so.” As they watched, the crowd began to migrate closer, so Izuru got up and turned back towards the memorial. “We have fifteen minutes left or so, just so you know.”

They walked a fair bit back up the stairs then. Shuichi swore he could see something on top of the memorial, but when he looked, it was gone, covered up by the night. It was a leisurely walk, the two of them more interested in the night than the destination. Crickets chirped, and people talked. The pair kept going, in the midnight and the cold, drinking in the scenery.

The clock ticked closer, and people kept streaming in, gathering, waiting for the year to turn over, and unbeknownst to most of them, for Izuru to turn 19. As he watched, people with sparklers and drinks readied their things, and behind the memorial, those in charge of fireworks readied their flares.

Izuru looked at him then, grabbing his shoulder, a warm, sad smile on their face. “You know,” they asserted, “this really was a great week. Even though I got sick. I am glad I invited you.”

Shuichi smiled back at them. “I’m glad you invited me, too.”

“10! 9! 8! 7! 6!”

Izuru turned to look back up at the monument. “Guess it’s over, then.”

“5! 4! 3!”

“Yeah, guess it is,” Shuichi replied.

“2! 1!”

“You are great company, Shuichi Saihara. I-”

Fireworks shot into the air, brilliant reds and golds and oranges, sparkling into the sky and creating vivid, wonderful pictures and starbursts. They contrasted the night sky like flowers and fires, tracing their paths into the night sky and Shuichi’s retinas. However, their sight did not nearly compare to the sound, like canons in the night, a truly American tradition akin to the Fourth of July, almost ironic in their placement, an American tradition in a very patriotic place.

 

They were so loud that Shuichi almost missed the gunshot.

 

Shuichi flinched. “Did you hear that?” he asked, turning to Izuru. “There was a gunsho…”

On sight of Izuru, however, he trailed off, eyes widening. _Oh, god, no…_

“I am sorry,” Izuru whispered, voice shaky and dull. “I must have not heard it.”

There was a dark spot of blood pooled on the front of their jacket, and to Shuichi’s horror, the more he waited, the more it grew. Izuru looked down at their front almost horribly apathetically, then looked back up with a smile, blood dripping out of their mouth as well. They swayed on their legs, now shaking, and fell to the ground like a marionette with its strings cut, like the doll in their office, spilled onto the surface it sat careless, broken.

“No, no no no no no,” Shuichi whispered, horrified. He sunk to his knees, cradling Izuru, who looked back up at him with dull eyes. The people around him had noticed, now, screaming and making a fuss, people running and calling EMS, the monument devolving into chaos. As Shuichi listened, another gunshot rung out through the dark night, and he howled in fear. “Kamukura, come on, hang in here, you can’t die, you can’t…”

“Shuichi…  Saihara,” they breathed, voice ragged. “I am sorry. I have to go now.”

They went limp in his arms then, hair falling over their face as they exhaled with a huff. Shuichi yelled in distress, holding on to them tighter, begging, pleading for them to get up-

“Get out of the way, MOVE IT, PASSERBY, DO YOU WANT TO GET HURT?” an angry, cold voice called over the fleeing masses. “MOVE IT, WE HAVE TO CHECK IF THEY’RE OK, GO, GET OUT!”

Shuichi looked up in alarm, but as the people shoved through and came into view, he sighed in relief. There, looking furious, was Fuyuhiko Kuzuryuu, sandy-colored hair shaved into an undercut, holding a still-smoking handgun, and Peko Pekoyama, her silver hair braided and pinned up, holding her sword.  “Oh, my god, Kuzuryuu, Pekoyama, help me, help me,” he begged, tears running his face. “You have to help me, I can’t let them die, please-”

The silver-haired Peko, let her expression soften as she came over to his side, rubbing his back. “It’s going to be ok, Saihara” she reassured him. “Look, they’re still breathing. They’re still alive.”

Shuichi looked, reluctant to but still obeying. Izuru’s blood-covered torso was steadily rising and falling, signifying their continued life, steady, like the beat of a drum. He looked back at Peko, terrified. “Will EMS g-get here soon? Will they?”

“Soon,” Fuyuhiko reassured him, voice gruff. “I shot the fucker that shot them. Right in the head. She’s dead.” Carefully, he knelt next to Izuru, undoing their jacket to help attempt to stop the bleeding. He winced as he got through their shirt. “They’ve been shot in the chest. Narrowly missed their heart and their lungs. Fucker. They got lucky.”

Shuichi looked at the pair, eyes filled with intent. “C-can I ask you something?” he queried, voice shaking, tears still running down his face.

Fuyuhiko turned to him. “Yeah, sure, sport, go ahead.” His eyes, stormy, looked into the distance; sirens and lights were coming, ready to help keep Izuru alive for one more day.

“Why? Why did they get shot?”

The pair turned away, eyes stormy. Peko ground her teeth. “Because they lied to you.”

“Lied? What do you-”

“They weren’t a college freshman. They were part of the CIA.”

* * *

_Day 5 - January 1st. Mood: Terrified._

It was raining as they brought Izuru into the ambulance on a gurney, Peko and Fuyuhiko at Shuichi’s side, rubbing his back, telling him it would be fine. The paramedics reassured the three of them that Izuru would be fine, FBI agents at their side, making sure they were ok. Peko and Fuyuhiko went off to talk with a few of them; before they left, they gave the keys to Izuru’s jeep to Shuichi, informing him that he should probably drive the jeep to the hospital. So Shuichi obliged, getting in the jeep as Peko and Fuyuhiko led the FBI agents to where the body of Izuru’s assailant lay. It was raining as he drove away.

The hospital was quiet, and Shuichi sat in the lobby for hours, waiting for any sign, any notice of Izuru’s wellbeing. While he was there, he texted Hajime and Nagito, telling them what had happened in a formal, brusque text; in not more than 45 minutes’ time, the two boys were in the lobby as well, hushing Shuichi, telling him it would be fine, hugging him, holding him. Their grips were warm, grounding; he was still terrified and sad and conflicted, but he would be fine. This was not about him tonight.

Finally, _finally_ , at maybe 5 am, the staff came to get the three of them. They were led through the halls, twisting and turning, past rooms and miserable patients and grieving families. There, in a room, connected to life support and IVs and monitors, was Izuru, wearing a blue hospital robe, loosely fitted, part of it revealing bandages wrapped around their torso. The monitor beeped steadily, reaffirming the fact that they were alive; however, the young adult was unresponsive, mouth slightly ajar, their dark hair fanned across the bed like a pillow. Shuichi’s heart hurt for them as they lay there.

They were alive, the nurses informed them, and they would continue to be alive, but when they would wake up, they weren’t sure. Apparently the bullet _had_ grazed their heart, just barely, and had damaged it partially, clipping off a bit of muscle. They used a lot of medical terminology that Shuichi did not understand, mentions of blood transplants and reconstructive surgery and wait times and a lot of rest that Shuichi knew meant that they would not be back up on their feet any time soon. Hajime and Nagito looked devastated, holding onto each other and squeezing Izuru’s hand, and Shuichi couldn’t bear it.

Eventually, after a lot of condolences from the nurses, questions from the FBI and gratitude from Hajime and Nagito for being there for Izuru, Shuichi was allowed to leave. So he drove Izuru’s jeep back to the apartment, and packed up his things, ready to go home. Before he left, he set the keys back onto Izuru’s counter, leaving them there. He figured that maybe, if Izuru ever returned, they’d want them. They loved that Jeep, after all. They all did.

* * *

_Almost a whisper, a quiet farewell,_

_How long I will sleep, nobody can tell._

 

_And so the slumber begins._

 

_thanks for the memories - i. kamukura_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ....i am so sorry.  
>  i had this planned out for a long while. like. a loooong while. since this summer. promise, i am not _dying_ , but i'm not going to wake up for a rather long while.  
> the next chapter will be back to usual SCHOOL THINGS with the gang. this is not going to be pretty. this is going to hurt. somebody will die. it hurt writing this and it will continue to hurt but it is WORTH it because i am an AUTHOR and you know 
> 
> i love you guys so much  
> rock on you funky kids
> 
> chat names:  
> avacado spirit: amami  
> if she breathe she a thot: miu  
> biggest gay: kokichi  
> kito: kaito  
> just gettin' bi: shuichi  
> stronk woman: tenko  
> Abraca DAB ra: himiko  
> smoogi: tsumugi  
> kork: kiyo  
> :): angie  
> anybody want some stew: kirumi  
> velveeta GANG: kaede  
> blocked and reported: maki  
> All Women Are Queens: kiibo  
> will stab a bitch ig: hoshi  
> protective tol: gonta


	24. hello.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ...

so

 

 

uhm

 

 

uh

 

so i have not been writing at all

and i feel like i should not have left comments on because uh

 

_chapter 23 flopped and now i do not want to write anymore_

 

and those of you who actually judge other people’s writing noticed,,,, and had some choice words for me

(it was several people, not just you, i got a veritable maelstrom of angry comments about how terrible my angst writing is)

and normally i would not have,, posted a notice about this except tonight i was supposed to be happy as i got the best news of my life and uh

not five minutes later i got another one and i cannot get it out of my head so here i am

 

how am i supposed to be happy over ACT scores when i got another  _really well-written literary analysis essay in my comments reminding me of how vastly i failed when trying to execute chapter 23_

 

because oh boy  **i failed**

(these commenters write better than i do i should orphan the work and give them my blessings)

 

i... at least, before i totally hiatus this work, should try to clear up the one thing i CAN protest and it is that  _no cishets allowed stopped being a happy piece the moment the first character became emotionally hurt_

_and i am referencing the ouma incident_

no cishets allowed was not a happy story even when it was mostly fluff humor. and if you have been paying attention, there has been stuff building to chapter 23. in fact, chapter 23 was not going to be the climax of the story. i had... worse stuff planned... and if i ever pick this story up again i will be including those ideas.

the story has not been happy. these kids are suffering. they are and they will be until the end of the story and more importantly they learn to cope with their suffering and learn how to live their lives.  without some sort of struggle there litearlly CANNOT BE A PLOT. sure, this is a sort of brutal chain of unfortunate events they will be going through, and the shooting of a role model is a really harsh toss into the ice, but without struggle there literally is not a story.

people do not write biographies about your chat logs. they write biographies about the death of your mother and your fight against poverty. humor alone will not create a story worth reading. the goal of my attempt at making things sad is to reach a conclusion and, with time, put an end to the writing.

 

 

enough of me trying to defend myself though. i will note the two things i grandly, royally fucked up on and that is two things:

 

the plot is disjointed. the introduction of the events of chapter 23 was too harsh. it was a sudden, unexpected mood change from fairly peaceful to grim.

i intended to do that. and i had been warning about it in end notes. but the tone change was so abrupt that it is uncomfortable to read.

 

aaaaand my characterization of kamukura is terrible

 

i could give you my essay on why kamukura actually feels emotion but nobody wants to hear that

 

but anyways

i might write again in a couple months

but i really do not want to

and i may pass this work on to someone else or just orphan it

i do not know what i am going to do

constructive criticism is... really hard. and you all are very correct with your criticisms and your opinions are fair but i do not have the energy to rewrite that chapter

 

me planning ch23: oh this will be the surprise twist

ch23: is a fuck-up

me: oh dear

 

maybe i will write again this summer

not rn tho

i got homestuck god tier bases to make

(at the mention of homestuck, i get banned)

it is 2:07 am and i am wishing i could shed tears instead of blankly staring at my wall like a frog

 

hasta la vista

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [This Groupchat Was A Mistake, KiiBoy](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15835206) by [StarReads](https://archiveofourown.org/users/StarReads/pseuds/StarReads)
  * [Thottie Protection Squad](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17588162) by [ludenbergs](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ludenbergs/pseuds/ludenbergs)




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